Gun o' the Pants

gun @ 2009-10-24T21:06:00

2009-10-23T11:00:42Z

It is SO refreshing to see that there is still Potterwank in the world. After uni finishes FOREVZ next week, I might just treat myself to a few days reading some of the wank.

It's also encouraging to see some old-timer wankers in the mix. I thought HP had almost run out of steam. <3

Oh, Nat Tena.

2009-08-18T06:32:23Z

You're kind of a hero.

But when sultry actress Natalia Tena attended the exclusive Secret Garden music festival at the weekend, she was transformed into a naked bathing nymph.

The 24-year-old thesp left fellow revellers spellbound when she stripped off her clothes and plunged into a lake in the middle of the three-day event.

'Natalia was paddling in the lake completely naked,' says my mole.

'Lots of people were swimming, but most of them had bikinis or shorts on. People were pointing at her because they recognised her from the Harry Potter films, but she didn't seem to care.'

gun @ 2009-08-15T11:58:00

2009-08-15T01:59:02Z

Okay. So. I'm working on my LAST EVER WRITTEN ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!! for my undergrad life, and I am running desperately out of time but am going to hairdressers in two hours to treat myself to a nice colour before prac on Monday.

Any ideas?

gun @ 2009-07-28T16:51:00

2009-07-28T06:53:35Z

Last time we saw Thewlol, he looked unwashed, homeless, and under the influence of... something. Which is why this image makes me so happy that it deserves to be enshrined in... something. I dunno.

Can you believe that he's actually wearing a clean, well-cut suit? And that he doesn't have a neckbeard? And that his skin doesn't look pallid, waxy, sweaty or necrotic?

This may be the only time I ever post a picture of him looking like a respectable member of the community. Someone hold me.

gun @ 2009-05-28T17:32:00

2009-05-27T07:28:24Z

So. Thew. Um.

I imagine your girlfriend is getting more work than you largely because she is CLEAN. I mean that in more ways than one.

gun @ 2009-05-05T15:20:00

2009-05-04T05:16:30Z

So what's the go with the recent spate of potterwank? My birthday isn't until June, yo.

gun @ 2009-02-10T18:29:00

2009-02-09T08:26:52Z

See, this is why Thewlol and Lil' Joanie are my favourite celebrity couple EVER.

At least he doesn't have a neckbeard.

gun @ 2009-01-13T17:50:00

2009-01-12T07:48:57Z

If there's one constant in the universe, it's that Natalia Tena is goddamn pretty:

She's playing Desdemona in the RSC touring show of "Othello". Another constant in the universe is her endearing craziness, which is evident in every single interview she gives. Alas, another six months until more wacky interviews.

once again, THEWLOL >:(

2008-12-03T08:23:31Z

Thewlol, WE NEED TO TALK.

Presumably Lil' Joanie is now out of work, due to the unfortunate canning of "Pushing Daisies". This does not mean that YOU GET TO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE OUT OF WORK TOO >:(. The financial crisis is bad, yes. But while you seemingly have no standards for the projects you take on and are pretty much one step away from ATM porn anyway, you will never be short of work.

I hear they want to make Alone in the Dark 3. This sounds right up your alley. Get thee to a barber and prepare yourself mentally for making out with whoever it is that they hire when a casting director cannot afford Tara Reid.

gun @ 2008-11-06T17:36:00

2008-11-05T07:35:07Z

OBAMALAMADINGDONG!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

America you are fucking awesome.

POALL

2008-10-14T10:26:27Z

Go to Sydney to see Crowded House, Y/N? Airfares are cheap ($120 return! \o/) and I have free accommodation, but I'll probably arrive way too late to actually see them. Or not...

And Plagiaristy McPlagiarist is also Stalky McStalkerson and is getting a stern talking to by the faculty. Lol, the possibility of being expelled from uni in the last four weeks of your final semester in the fifth year of a three year degree IN THE SECOND UNIVERSITY YOU TRY TO GO TO AFTER GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE FIRST FOR STALKING. Lol, fail at LIFE.

gun @ 2008-09-07T12:20:00

2008-09-07T02:20:17Z

Guise I'm so sick today D:

But anyway - this pic liberally stolen from the hbpmoviepics comm - is it me or is Nat Tena wearing stilts?

Just keep in mind that she's teeny tiny IRL and Thewlol is nearly 200cm tall. I call shenanigans.

Say you, flist?

gun @ 2008-08-31T22:45:00

2008-08-31T12:45:23Z

Is this a joke?

I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress)actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created illegally by using stolen biomaterial. Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady.I'll tell you more,those clones(it's not only one)made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones,it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,N. Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town.You can't even imaging the scale of the cloning activity.But warning. H. Kohl clone staff 100% controlling their clones spreading around the world,they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones,be careful get close with clones you will be controlled too.Original family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials,no matter what form it was created,it all needs back to original family control to Cedars-Sinai MedicalCenter in LA.Original Scarlett is not engage,by the way.

I can't tell anymore. I really just can't tell anymore. But it's superb anyway.

gun @ 2008-07-31T19:49:00

2008-07-31T09:50:39Z

I love Thewlol, and I love Paul Bettany. Paul Bettany giving an interview about Thewlol = winner. Really fucking old (dates back to Gangster No 1) but quite lol.

I've got a really good David Thewlis story, actually. David Thewlis is very depressed. He's at a restaurant waiting for this girl and drinks a bottle of red wine. She hasn't turned up, so he drinks another bottle of red wine and he thinks, 'Screw this, fuck it, I'm off.' So he walks out and he's really drunk now. He's standing by the Thames and it is a very breezy night. He thinks, 'I'll just throw myself in.' He says, 'No, if I throw myself in, I'll hit the water and I'll be cold, then I'll have to swim, and I'll be wet, cold, stupid and depressed.' So he sits back down on these steps in front of this house and he throws up. Then this woman comes out of the house and she goes, 'What are you doing?' And he says, 'I'm sorry.' Then she goes, 'It's you!' He goes, 'No, it isn't.' She says, 'Yes, it is in fact. Can I get your autograph?' He's sitting there with this red wine sick all over him and she gives him a pen and paper and he says, 'Who is it to?' She says, 'Maureen.' He signs it 'To Maureen, Love David Thewlis.' And she looks at it and goes, 'Oh, I thought you were Reese McVance.'

gun @ 2008-06-22T16:00:00

2008-06-22T06:01:44Z

Also, ILU, jezebel.com. I love it when people find a way to voice my own opinions more forcefully and concisely than I could do on my own:

The Accused: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Denigrating a woman's looks for not being stereotypically "feminine"
The Evidence: "Can't she get that fixed??? Rumer Willis, aspiring "actress", attended the 2008 Crystal Lucy Women in Film Awards in Los Angeles on Tuesday night. Seriously, isn't there surgery where you can shave down your jaw??? We're sure some trannys have gotten it done to make themselves look more "feminine." Plastic surgery is not always a bad thing. Rumer should look into it! And, while she's there, she might wanna get her nose done too!" What did Rumer Willis ever do to Perez? She is a constant target for him — he takes every possible opportunity to criticize her for no reason. His continued denigration of alternative sexuality (last week: dissing Samantha Ronson, this week, implying Rumer Willis is a "tranny") make his gay-rights advocacy totally suspect. Apparently he only wants respect and rights for himself not for the actual community.
The Punishment: A kick in the nards from Rumer's dad, Bruce. He looks like he does not suffer fools gladly.

Because "fighting for gay rights" = calling Samantha Ronson "SaMANtha". Classy, Perez.

there will be thewlol

2008-06-22T01:21:06Z

Mine is the second-worst* attempt at leaving fandom ever. But that doesn't matter because there are NEW!** pics of Thewlol and Nat Tena as Lupin and Tonks that make me &hearts because the costumes and hair are so delightfully retro in that sort of mish-mash of eras kinda way. He looks like he's caning for a steak and kidney pie covered in HP sauce and a nice cup of tea, and she looks like an actress from a porno knockoff of the first "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" movie. That's fucking hot, yo.

The quality of pics aren't spectacular, but it's not keeping me awake at night because it's not like they've been advertised as high-res. And is it me or has Thewlol lost weight? Because he looked like he was going on an anzac biscuit binge for PoA and then he got lolskinny again for OotP.

*not nnogfto. so gtfo.
**well, new to any given value: I haven't kept up with anything last two weeks.

Thewlol, are you listening?

2008-06-07T00:11:09Z

I think I've stumbled across the pre-production of ~~the greatest movie ever~~ who am I kidding, it'll have Thewlol in it. Of course it's going to be shite. That man is like the Bill Gates of shite.

Based on the comic, the story is a mystery set in 1950's London in which Captain Francis Blake and science professor Philip Mortimer look to identify a shadowy criminal known as The Yellow Mark.

The list of sought after thesps apparently includes Kenneth Branagh as Blake, David Thewlis as Mortimer and John Malkovich as Colonel Orlik.

But the premise of Thewlol and Kenneth Branagh teaming up in the 1950s to catch a shadowy John Malkovich looks so good on a computer screen. THEWLOL YOU BETTER TAKE THIS JOB AND MAKE SURE THAT THE CHILDREN OF JOHN FRANKENHEIMER DON'T CURSE YOU INTO MAKING MOAR CRAP >:(

true fucking fax

2008-05-21T08:00:21Z

1. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS =/= JARGON AND BAD ENGLISH.
2. If I hear you complaining about political correctness, I just assume that
i) you've been raised by bears,
ii) you're pathologically incapable of being polite and courteous, and
iii) you're just annoyed that you can't scream the N word at the top of your lungs without criticism.
3. That was our term for making fun of ourselves. GTFO n00bs.
4. I do think less of people who complain about "political correctness". I do think I'm better than you if I hear you use that term without irony. Of course, I don't mean when people shriek "POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD" for lols, in which case I think you're a bit of all right.
5. No, the boys aren't going to respect you any more if you slag off your own gender. Serena Joy didn't get let outside for selling her own kind out, bitches.
5a. I hereby propose the Serena Joy Internets Law, by which females who say misogynistic shit to get brownie points with the dudes automatically fail at life and need their internet taken off them.

End communication.
***

The lj-deletion was a long-standing consideration of about... six months now. It's just convenient that people I once respected shat me off enough. And JF is hotter anyway.

pps. ILU shaggy &hearts

gun @ 2008-02-01T23:02:00

2008-02-01T13:10:11Z

1. Every time I see Miley Cyrus as blonde Hannah Montana, she reminds me so much of Portia Di Rossi that I find myself superimposing a red singlet with the word "SLUT" on it, just to set my world at ease again. Because HELLO, Mandy and that shirt were made for each other, quite specifically.

2. Speaking of all things slutty and red, I have painted my nails a fierce red that somehow manages to put colour into my pallor - courtesy of it being a blue-red, I guess. I'm a fan.

3. The cons of my weekend job are that my other co-workers (all male) are slightly sexist. The pros are that I'm at least three inches and ten pounds bigger* than all of them (not to mention louder and meaner), it's set inside a gourmet fresh produce place that serves fresh 100% organic raspberry juice (om nom nom x10000000) in addition to all the fresh fruit I can possibly gorge myself on, and - my restaurant being a gourmet french patisserie - I am expected to try everything in the cabinets so I can describe it to diners, including the ability to take home. OMG. Loving it. And when I've finished my training, I can go work at their sister restaurant, which is two streets away from home. YES.

4. New medication is making me fall asleep at the oddest of times - I'll just snap asleep in the blink of an eye while looking for my keys, or turning off the ignition to my car. Not even settling into sleep - I just drop into it. I should get that looked into, that can't be good.

Et vous? Someone said there was race wank (that I wasn't picking, of all things), but there's always race wank somewhere out there.

*and I'm not even that big, objectively. Does hospitality attract the short gents?

gun @ 2008-01-31T19:09:00

2008-01-31T09:13:44Z

1. This is a phenomenon I explained to lizbee ages ago, but basically there must be something about me that's a bigot magnet. WHYYYYYYYYYY. I think it's because I look like the most caucasian person in the universe, and when you combine pastiness + slight overweightness + a childish face + modest and sensible clothing, you just give off an air of come share with me your prejudices, your peccadilloes, your most horrible and asinine innermost thoughts. People should know better than to tell me anything: I will judge you more harshly than the bitchiest bitchface. I might look like a twelve year old mormon, but I'm really a horrible, horrible person.

2. On the topic of appearance, I just got my first haircut in seven months, and it looks BANGING.

3. My boyfriend lost the cat again. Again, WHYYYYYYYYYYY. FFS. She doesn't have a collar on, it's now night-time, and there are plenty of big scary cats in the neighbourhood. That said, it is nearly dinner-time, she knows where home is, and she's got that feral scrapper-mentality about her. I'm sure she'll be back soon.

help a ho out!

2008-01-20T09:44:40Z

1. Does anyone have any running advice for me? I really want to take it up (I have a 1/4 marathon as my fitness goal for this year) but I find running really hard in light of severe genu valgum* and low-grade lymphoedema* that nevertheless makes running extremely painful. (My feet and ankles can swell by more than 2 inches after a two hour walk, making even walking extremely painful and blistery and oh the agony :( :( :( )

So if any of you have lower limb problems, or even if you don't but you just love running, would you have any recommendations for me, aside from compression bandages? (Note to self: must buy. I am such an old lady. :()

2. My hair: I'm thinking like a purply burgundy red, as opposed to the dark brown with bits of grey* poking through now. Would it work on a complexion that can only be described as "corpsely"* and green eyes? Maybe a fringe as well?

*man, I really inherited the ass genes in my family :(

gun @ 2008-01-06T01:18:00

2008-01-05T15:19:40Z

My boyfriend lost the cat outside tonight. Our indoor cat, who wasn't wearing her collar because I was out getting her a new collar that she could actually fit into, and who now has no visible identification.

I've listed her at the RSPCA, sent facebook messages to my neighbours + a midnight doorknock to any neighbour that was actually awake and active, and I've kept the door open so she can come back in.

I love my boyfriend, I really do, but right about now, I want to drown him in a bucket.

ETA: seven hours after her last sighting, I hear a pitiful sound - I say sound, because she actually cannot make normal cat sounds* - coming from the roof of our termite-infested carport, and there she was, crying because she didn't know how to get down. What a fuckwit.

She's inside and Mr Gun is crying and cuddling her. IT'S 4AM >:( Cuddle me, I was the one who found the wee fucker :(

*amongst other things, yes, my cat has parts of her throat missing, much to the amazement of my vet.

gun @ 2007-10-20T12:50:00

2007-10-20T02:38:26Z

JKR IS THE GREATEST HUMAN BEING OF ALL TIME AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A COMMIE FASCIST CAPITALIST PIG!!!!!

PIE TIME!

2007-10-04T23:50:12Z

Once again, to give back to people something I have stolen from so many. This is possibly the most rewarding recipe I can give you - it literally takes three minutes to put together.

CHOCOLATE PECAN PIE

1 sheet short-crust pastry
2/3 cup corn syrup/glucose syrup (I used glucose, and it seemed to work fine)
200g pecans, chopped in half
180g dark cooking chocolate, chopped up or in buds - you get what you pay for, so buy quality
3 eggs
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla essence
1 tablespoon cooking cocoa

1. Let the short-crust pastry thaw on the counter-top, according to manufacturer's instructions. Preheat oven to 180 celcius.

2. When crust has thawed, line a pie-dish with it, crimping the edges if you like. Put the bits of chocolate and nut into the dish.

3. Whisk together the syrup, brown sugar, eggs, vanilla essence and cocoa together for about 3 minutes, then pour over the chocolate and nuts. Put in the oven and cook for 45 minutes.

If you make it, let me know how it goes. I'm trying it out on my n00bs today so hopefully they'll like it.

gun @ 2007-08-29T17:33:00

2007-08-29T07:24:56Z

So what happened with the meme?

Also, while I'm sneaking a fandom-half hour in, does anyone have that Regina Spektor cover of Real Love? Because a) I love it, even though I'm not into Regina Spektor, and b), I'd like to use it in a uni performance.