ikuko

ikuko_koi@hotmail.com — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 03:06:46 GMT

ikuko_koi@hotmail.com — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 05:11:32 GMT

ikuko_koi@hotmail.com — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 03:20:17 GMT

ikuko_koi@hotmail.com — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 07:01:34 GMT

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Imperial Majesty Ikuko the Glutinous: of Biggleswade by Biscuit
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

And another one...

ikuko_koi@hotmail.com — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 23:50:24 GMT

- My Lord, I have obtained it!
- What? – asked the Dark Lord, not turning away from his work.
- The Sword of Light! The very same that can kill you.
- Oh, that one… Well, put it over there, on the shelf.
Hatchback dwarf shoved the bungle on the shelf and settle at the feet of his master.
- Day after tomorrow is the night of Great Solstice… - he dropped nonchalantly
- So what? - Indifferently shrugged Dark Lord.
- Sacrifice, My Lord – reminded dwarf – we need to find it yet.
- There is no need to find anything, - said Dark Lord, putting away another peeled potato.
- But the Ritual…
- There will be no ritual! - the Dark Lord frowned sternly. - You should have gotten used to it.
The dwarf sulked.
- My Lord, you live here in the here in the backwoods for year and a half! You keep geese and grow cabbage! When you could have rule this world by the right of power! Where are your Death Legions? Where are crowds of loyal servants? Palaces, dungeons, gallows – where is all that? Great conquests, terrible deeds – everything is lost. Look, Good and Light triumph everywhere, even little children are no longer afraid to be outside at night. How can you stand it, My Lord?
- I already explained you that – replied Dark Lord. Good always wins. Evil always loses. There is no point in starting a hopeless enterprise, waste recourses and strength, if there is no chance of winning. And I, let me tell you, love to win. And that is it!
- But how, My Lord? While you stagnate in obscurity, Light gathers power…
- Precisely! The Dark Lord lifted his finger – Gathers power. And what would it do with its power? How would it apply it?
He took another potato and started unhurriedly peel it.
- What would the Good do, when it will find out that it has nothing to fight against? I sit here, don’t bother anyone, do not get in the way… And the rest – just small fry, any Hero of the Light can manage with his hands tied. So, what we will have? They will run out of monsters, but they will still have teeth. Not one, but all thirty-two. What would they bite then?
The peeled potato plunked in the pot. Dark Lord took and onion and begun dicing it.
- In three-four months, the Good will start climbing the walls from boredom. Knights of the Light will return to their lands and start ruling them. Not everyone can do it well. There will be territorial disputes, and quarrels, and feud, and excessive taxes. Priests will remember their monasteries, and will start gather to disputes, argue till hoarse and till fist-fight, and so until they will separate into schools and sects, as it has happened many times before. I am not even talking about Wizards. Elves, humans and gnomes will recall racial prejudices, tear open old grudges and create many new ones. Warriors, used only to battle, will as one become bandits. Thieves… well, they were always people without shame or conscience. And the fight for the power? Just look what a brawl is going on around the throne! And all of this, notice, without my interference. Strictly due to peculiarities of human nature. Do you remember if I salted the soup already or not?
- Not while I was here.
The Dark Lord salted the brew, tasted and salted again.
- Ability to rule and ability to get to the top – are two very different talents. And they rarely combine in one person. Therefore, most likely sooner or later the power will be usurped by someone sneaky and grasping, someone who will keep others in submission with bribes, blackmail and direct threats. And who will be concerned first and foremost with his own well-being – otherwise he would never get this high. And then…
He fell silent and smiled dreamily at something, while still mixing the soup.
- What then? – asked the dwarf.
- Nothing. Then I will wait another three-four years, until a complete devastation settle in and the people would howl in misery. And then I will take the Sword of Light, saddle our black stallion, if he won’t die before that, and will go through the country, doing heroic deeds left and right. Till victorious end. Because – he permitted himself a short sardonic smile – Good always wins.

Another fairy tale by Bormor

ikuko_koi@hotmail.com — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 20:02:23 GMT

Knight approached the cave and blew his horn. Dragon poked his head out of the cave:
- What’s up?
- It’s about ransom for the maiden
- Oh, did everything go through? What did elders decide?
- Here, - knight pulled a scroll from his saddlebag, unrolled it and began to read:
“Gold – three thousand coins; jewels: rubies - 10, emeralds - 12, large pearls – 70 count…”
- So, my proposal was approved or not?
- Completely, - nodded the knight and extended the scroll to the dragon. Dragon signed without looking and dragged a sack out of the cave.
- Here. It’s yours.
- And here is yours – knight pulled a hefty bundle off the saddle and plopped it in front of the dragon. Dragon undid the ties, looked inside and snorted appreciatively.
- Yep, everything is as agreed. Nice doing business with you.
- You too.
Knight and Dragon bowed each other courteously; knight heaved the sack on the horse and rode away. Dragon untied the bundle and helped the girl out.
- Thank you, - whispered the girl.
- Don’t mention it. Come, I will show you your room. Don’t shiver so; there is nothing to be afraid. I am no inquisition, that’s for sure.

ikuko_koi@hotmail.com — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 23:07:26 GMT

More translations. This time it's from "Unkind Story-teller", http://bormor.livejournal.com/.
Evil Tales.
with permission of bormor,
Translated by yours truly:

In one of Chinese provinces, on the top of the mountain, lived a learned recluse, who devoted his life to healing. Ailing were coming to him from everywhere, and the recluse was curing them the best he could, or, rather, as well as the existing level of contemporary medicine allowed for. In other words, it was a so-so healing. Cure one, butcher another. The Chinese recluse was rather miffed by that. He took his staff, took a small bowl of rice (a man has to eat, you know) and went to seek a secret Chinese monastery, so that resident Chinese monks (further the word “Chinese” will be replaced with “C” for short) would somehow elevate his healing ability.

Strange as it might be, one day he did stumble upon that completely secret C. monastery. The resident head rector, old C. with a grey beard, after listening to the recluse, told him: “Oh, most inquisitive C.! We can not teach you anything in our monastery, because it is a very secret, completely closed monastery. However, if you would serve as a water-boy here for only a short duration of ten years and two months, as a reward for your efforts you will receive a wondrous ability to see the very essence of things. This should assist you in the diagnosis of illnesses.

C. recluse agreed happily, and only in ten years and two months he walked out from the gates of the monastery, surveying the surroundings through the eyes more keen that the eyes of an eagle, for they saw not only the tiniest fly in the distance of the tree arrow shots, but also the very essence and meaning of that fly (this is no place to elaborate on that).

And with the help of his new vision he saw in the distance another secret C. temple. And not a week passes when he was already nocking into its gates.

Another ten years and two months later, he walked out enriched by exceptional intelligence – which was supposed to assist him in prescribing needed, impeccable course of treatment. Habitably glancing over the horizon with his eagle vision, he arrived to a third temple he saw in the distance.

In that manner he went through whole of the seven temples – all that were there in China at the time, and gained six new abilities (he WOULD have gained seven. But unfortunately, the fourth temple was abandoned. The recluse could only gather the treasure hidden there, but no knowledge).

In the third temple the recluse stayed for only eight months: with his mighty intellect, he had no trouble beating the rector down. He got there inhuman strength and agility. From the fifth he did not even walk, he flew out: after serving the allotted time, he managed to bargain out an ability to fly in addition to immunity to poisons and infections. In sixth he was taught how to change his size and appearance at will, after all, the most important thing is the soul, and not how you look. In the seventh he spent nineteen years instead of ten: the indescribable in words teaching that he acquired there, was valued to high. Actually, it was not clear what it was and how it was supposed to help him with healing.

At parting, the rector of the seventh monastery told to the recluse:
“Now you have enough skill and power to cure any illness. Fly to your mountain and wait there. The ailing will come to you.

And the recluse, transformed by his pilgrimage to the seven temples, flew to his mountain and waited. He did not have to wait long. Not three days have passed before the army sent by C. Emperor arrived and slaughtered him. After that, the learned healers extracted his heart from the chest of the recluse, and removed his wisest brain. They also collected all of his blood, and even entrails were preserved and carefully delivered to the capital. Because there is no medicine more effective, than properly treated flesh of a C. dragon.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

On the aspiration to perfection.

I know how to improve people. Any people. All of them, if you want. Even you. And him, too. Those, too, of course. Any. Moreover, I CAN improve people. It is very easy. For me, of course. It is perfectly possible to fulfill all dreams of all people with one easy step. Immortality? I will give you immortality. No, even better – I will give you eternal youth. And health, naturally. From that moment on – no illnesses, not even sniffles. And just in case of unforeseeable circumstances, say, falling under a train, let people have a swift regeneration. Instantaneous, even. So that even from under the road roller you emerge fine and healthy. Or from under a tank. Speaking of weapons… I’ll make people invulnerable to practically any weapons. So that there will be no wars whatsoever, there!
What else? Naturally, I’ll make people not only healthy, but strong, too. The flimsiest four-eyes will be able to tie sea knots from steel rebars… That is, no four-eyes will exist – everyone will have a perfect vision. Even in complete darkness. Hearing, too.
What else people dream of? Flying? They will fly. Under their own power, no gadgets at all. Just wish – and fly. Sex? No problem. I will make all women irresistible and insatiable, all men suave and tireless in love-making. Indeed, endurance wouldn’t hurt. Let them be able to survive without water. As long as you want. Or even without air. Why not? And let them tolerate cold and heat easily. And also complete immunity to all poisons. And radiation, too. Hell, even moskitos will never bite them! What, many dream of that…
Some are afraid of the dark, enclosed spaces, blood, pain? Maybe, spiders and bats? All these silly fears will be in the past!
Beauty? Oh, everyone will be supernaturally beautiful!
Mind? But of course, how without it, it wouldn’t be forgotten. In addition, people will discover new extrasensory abilities. Telepathy, for example, and levitation… Oh, I have already mentioned levitation.
Yes, of course there will be some side-effects. But very few, and quite minor at that. There will be certain small modification of metabolism, and some bioactive ingredients could upset it. Mostly phithoncides and ether-based exudations of some plants. So some spices (such as mint, garlic, cloves, sage) will have to be avoided. But that is trifling, isn’t it?
Sun-tanning is also undesirable. But it is harmful, anyway.
Also, you will have to be on a diet. In order to support such super-developed body you will need the most energy-dense food. But that is no problem, we have a well-developed livestock industry, we’ll manage.
How long the transformation will take? Oh, not long at all. Varies from one to another, of course, but no longer than three days on the outside, I think. No, it wouldn’t hurt. Well, almost. No worse than a vaccination. Poke – and that’s all.
You want to know, where is the catch? There is no catch!
Do you want to rise to the next step? To become a super-human? Then approach.
And let me bite your carotid artery…

_____________________________________________________________________

From my not too extensive experience I developed two notions:
1. You must be a complete idiot to believe in true love.
2. When you must – you must.

____________________________________________________________________

- Here he comes – snorted the Watch with satisfaction. Solders, exhausted by four hours of heat and idleness, perked up.
- Uncover the shields! – commanded Archimedes. Cloth covers were snatched off the shields polished to the mirror-like shine.
- Ready… Aim at the intruder… Fire!
And hundred of sunrays, reflected in the shields, focused on the tiny winged figure of Ikarus…

____________________________________________________________________

- What, what can I do so you would agree to be mine?
- Get me the Moon from the sky – and I will be yours.
- Moon?
- Uh-ha.
- The real Moon?
- The very same.
- I will! I promise!
And he did. He got the Moon from the sky, though it was hard. Falling of the Moon caused a whole array of cataclysms of unimaginable proportions, and as a result, perished He, She, and all the rest of the dinosaurs.
Be careful what you wish for!

_____________________________________________________________________

- So… Apple is ready, make up is finished. Just check the address once more – and away we go.
The Wicked Queen approached the mirror and tapped it with her fingernail.
- Mirror-Mirror on the wall, were again lives what’s-her-name, that is supposed to be fairer than I?
The mirror remained silent. Wicked Queen scowled irritably.
- All right. Ritual it is. “Mirror-mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”
- You are, - answered the mirror quickly.
- Are you nuts? – asked startled Queen
- Nay, not me.
- What, did Snowhite die or something? Without my help, too?
- Die? Why would she die? She’s alive, she is.
- But didn’t you say just yesterday that she is fairer than I?
- That was yesterday. Today you are fairer.
Queen gaped at her reflection suspiciously. Matted grey hair, deep wrinkles, teeth carefully blackened, ugly wart on the nose…
- Mirror… - she muttered. – You just have a perverted taste!

ikuko_koi@hotmail.com — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 23:39:25 GMT

This was kicking around my comp for a while. So I thought I'd post it for general enjoyment of multitudes who never comes to my LJ, anyway. Because there is nothing there.
So, to make it perfectly clear:
The stuff under the cut is NOT mine. I am only a translator. The translation, however, is MINE.
Umm. Yep. That's about it. Some repetitions are intentional. So, here it goes:

Alexei Sviridov.

Standard introductory Kit for creation of ingenious creations in the style of “Fantasy” applicable on the territory of the former USSR in limited quantity.

Dear Customer!
This Kit is intended for beginners, experienced and those that think that they experienced the joy of successful publication in the literary style marked on the package of the Kit. It will help you indisputably win an indisputable reputation of “So what, I am a writer too” level; become accepted in the circles, surroundings of the circles, or surroundings of the surroundings; and with some additional skills improve you financial status. (Note: a thriller-manual “Fast Publication: How to and for How Much” will appear soon, follow the advertisement)

We recommend to use the Kit at the temperatures no lower than -5oC and barometer reading no worse than “Great Draught”, indoors on specially designated premises. When using the Kit keep in mind that it is printed on stiff paper and the best results will be achieved if you crumple it a little.*

Attention: in the case when the safety protocol is breached, manufacturer does not bear any responsibility for the property damage and defamation of the President of the former USSR.

(* - Ikuko's note: untranslatable cultural reference. In Soviet Russia legendary shortage of toilet paper led to inventive uses of any waste paper, from news print to (reportedly) sandpaper and confetty)

#1. General principles.
To work in the plane of “Fantasy” you will need as most actively involved characters: Main Hero (of either sex),
Love Interest of the Main Hero (usually of the opposite sex),
Powerful Benefactor of the Main Hero,
Friends,
Comrades-in-arms,
Temporary Allies.
You will also need in the team a representative of a lovable national minority. The opposing side must be represented by:
Main Villain of Type 1 (undefeatable and little involved in the plot),
Main Villain of Type 2 (standard issue),
Traitor and/or Spy,
Dark Force,
Representative(s) of the Dark Beings,
Treacherous Bastard(s).
It is undesirable to have a representative of a lovable national minority in this group.

As a background for the events it is better to use Nature, because descriptions of the cities and other urban locations require more details which reflects on the speed of the text preparation. Season of your choice, though summer is used as a matter of tradition.

#2. Characters

2. 1. Good Characters.

2. 1. 1. The Main Hero.

Main Hero (MH) regardless of the gender is young, tall, slender, muscled, handsome. Master of the spear, sword, bow, dagger and oriental martial arts, but somewhat ineffectual in magic. Mild and polite to a degree when it appears as a sophisticated insolence. Internal monologues are filled with wry and somewhat ruthless humour. Moderately educated, intelligent beyond his age, able to defeat any wise man of any nation in honest argument and to figure out in no time it all who really poisoned the plate though logical reasoning alone. Libidous to the point when it is not even necessary to emphasize, but the True Love is yet unknown to him (see also True Love).

At the same time in order to avoid appearing too boring he must show certain weaknesses from time to time: getting fatigued, irritated, drinking, smoking, womanising, chickening out, loafing about, talking stupid and even arguing with the Mentor-Benefactor, and harvesting the bitter fruit of his previous mistakes. (S)He despises horses and rides exclusively his/her noble steed. Theoretically mortal, but so far unsuccessfully; ails only at the end of long journeys after reaching a safe haven, allowing others to demonstrate touching care and self-denying loyalty. (S)He has a modest but still noble/aristocratic rank at the beginning, but ends no lower than a ruler of royal calibre.

2.1.2 Love interest of the Main Hero

Love interest of the Main Hero regardless of the gender is young, tall, slender, muscled, handsome. Appears about the middle of the story for a period of time necessary for the Birth of the True Love. After that either disappears from the plot until the very end as a result of enemy's scheming or their own magnanimity, or as last resort stays with the Main Hero and so combining the duties of the Love Interest with duties of the Loyal Sidekick. But for the latter case Love Interest has to answer technical specifications required for a Sidekick (see below).

2.1.3 Loyal Sidekick of the Main Hero

The Loyal Sidekick of the Main Hero regardless of the gender is young, tall, slender, muscled, handsome. However, (s)he is “young, slender and handsome” less, while “tall and muscled” more than the Main Hero; but the greatest difference is that Loyal Sidekick is less smart and more slow-thinking. Nevertheless he supports the Main Hero in the moments of weakness and never succumbs to them himself (see above) and saves Main Hero's skin from the scraps (s)he can not get out on his/her own even with the help of the author. Loyal sidekick may have a Love Interest, too; but it is undesirable to introduce her/him into the plot. It will only make the Loyal Sidekick unnecessarily nervous. However, if the Love Interest is killed by the enemy, it has a positive influence on the moral state of the Loyal Sidekick.

2.1.4. Comrades-in-arms of the Main Hero

Comrades-in-arms of the Main Hero regardless of the gender are young, tall, slender, muscled, handsome (if not all, then most of them). They are introduced in the plot mostly to fall heroically on the on the battlefield and so demonstrate the horror of the events described. They can have any rank from commoner to a king. (Note that in the vast majority kings survive longer than anyone else.)

2.1.5 Wise Mentor-Benefactor of the Main Hero

WM-BMH is not young, not tall, not slender, not muscled, not handsome. Professional wizard, knows all, but does not say all he knows, and even that only in vague hints that inspires fear in everybody. Always wears a mantle or a cloak, and his matted beard and hair are snowy-white. (Attention! A groomed beard as opposed to a matted one hints to a possible turn to the side of the enemy.) Omnipotent, or very nearly so, but leaves all the work for the Main Hero under excuse of the alleged paths of fate. Supervises the Main Hero from the earliest age, teaching him/her foreign languages, crafts, spells, martial arts and savoir-faire. Mentor-Benefactor is a very useful figure for the author. He saves the author from the necessity to explain and use logic in the plot twists, leaving it to the old magi to mutter something about evils of contemplating on this topic. Also the tired shoulders of the Mentor have to bear all the responsibility to provide needed scale to the events. For this he occasionally supplies off-hand: “… but at that time I was battling the Black Terror of the Western East, that threatened to destroy kingdoms of Karamanor and Marakanor and that is why they forgot all about me in Barmalion…” and so on. Using Main Hero as means to achieve his personal noble ends, Mentor provides consulting in supernatural matters, keeps comrades-in-arms in line and dispenses curt prise to the Loyal Sidekick. At the end he disappears in unknown direction to continue his fight with Evil in other locations (times, countries, dimensions, etc.).

2.1.6. Representative of a loveable national minority.

One of the most essential figures in the plot. Without him the product will be bland and boring. There is no harm in making Representative sit on the cream pie, fall in his own trap, force him stare on the Moon till he will trip over his own feet and come face down in the dirt. In short, to put him in the position in which Main Hero must never find him/herself under any circumstances. Loveable national minority can be recognised by short stature, happy disposition, gluttony and familiaritywith everybody he meets. He would call both King-emperor of that Barmalion and the Black Lord of the Dark Forces himself by first name, and his best effort at court etiquette comes in style of “Ah’ beggin’ yeh pardon, but I reckon that thou, yo’ Ma’sty, just made a bi-i-ig boo-boo”. Speech of the Representative is much livelier then of other characters, and is sprinkled with the sparks of folk humour and references to his numerous kin. In the battle he participates ardently but with modest results. Returns from the quest as a national hero, and has a good chance to get a position of a local ruler or equivalent (according to the previous agreement).

2.2. Bad guys

2.2.1 Main Villain of Type I.

Existed before and will exist after the story timeframe, as an incarnation of the indestructible eternal-omnipresent Evil. Does not participate directly in the plot and exists mostly in discussions as a scarecrow for the characters. Does not condescend to a direct opposition with the Main Hero just because such insignificant matters are beneath his notice. Mentor-Benefactor, when in the mood, might relay a couple of old tales about the ages of terror and darkness when Villain-I was a bit perkier than now, and thus put a proper fear in everyone. This about sums the role of the Villain-I.

2.2.2 Main Villain Type II

Main opponent of the Main Hero. Has titles of Black Master, Dark Ruler, Spectral Lord, Mortal Enemy and in addition a resounding name that plants fear in the hearts of everyone. He does not have an established appearance and takes any form leaning toward pestilent insects and poisonous reptiles. Has a great obsession with the idea that “the whole world is shit and has to be even shittier”. However he is no stranger to more mundane desires – money, power, and sometimes women. A powerful magi, all-seeing wizard, an old opponent of the Mentor-Benefactor, who survives only by some miracle. He tends to seek residence in an ecologically-troubled neighbourhood, and upon settling there pollutes it even more. He despises everyone including his own retinue and has an absolute confidence in his victory over the Main Hero, which does not stop him from being terribly afraid of him (as Yefremov would say: “and thus presents a dialectical unity”). Few remarks uttered by Villain-II are marked by icy calmness and intermitted with demonic cackle. Defeated Villain-II self-destructs, and this process is accompanied by special pyro-technical effects – thunder, earth-shake, clearing of the sky. The castle merrily collapses, and servants dejectedly scramble away.

2.2.3 Dark Forces (Forces of Darkness)

Help the Villain-II but only because they serve Villain-I. Have an ancient origin, and, like anything ancient are powerful and obscure. They have limited direct involvement in the story, and their power lies mostly in the fear other characters have of them, which is very useful for the general dread. External appearance and battle abilities of Dark Forces are of little importance; in this use information sparsely: less is more. They do not have personal names and are referred to descriptively: “Dark Force of the Fire”, “Scarlet Horror of the Night”, “He Who Brings Death” etc.

2.2.4 Lackeys of Villain-II

The servants of the Villain-II might be individuals as well as entire nations (in this case the nations are labelled as “dark”). They are characterised by a wider array of psychological, physiological and behavioural pathologies than any sane mind can imagine. Villain-II constantly humiliates his flunkeys and they continue to serve him out of sheer masochism. Appearance includes bow legs, crooked back, slanted eyes, rotten teeth, thin hair, hooked nose, squealing voice and shifty glance. In great majority they are astoundingly stupid, and show any cunning and skill in brawl and schemes only for the purpose of extending fun for the Main Hero and Company. When any military forces are formed from the Dark Nations, fighting is accomplished mostly by numbers without skill, and only the manifold advantage in quantity can hinder the victorious advance of the Main and Comrades. They select names for themselves that are unpronounceable, with a huge number of sibilants. Communicate with world using criminal slang and adding indistinguishable grunting and wail. Cannibalism, absence of co-operation and comradeship, tendency to alcoholism, low morals – adjust to the taste.

2.2.5 The Spy and/or Traitor

A double of any character from the good guys camp, except for the Main Hero. Painstakingly hides his true nature, only to demonstrate it just as painstakingly later. However his appearance shows several tell-tale signs from the very beginning. Carefully grooms himself, eagerly exposes enemy agents, declares his loyalty to the Ideals of The Light. After unmasking hides undercover and acts stealthily until the very defeat of the Villain-II (for the purposes of the plot thickness immediate elimination of him is undesirable)

2.2.6. Treacherous bastard.

Essentially it is the same Spy/Traitor, only of smaller calibre and more decoratively-repulsive. Often small merchant-kulak element, who sold himself to Villain-II whole-sale on location. Appearance is similar to the one described in the paragraph 2.2.4, with addition of the fat belly and greasy cheeks. Does not do too much harm and because of that is unmasked and neutralised within first one/third of the book. Style of talking identical to any big-mouth person from a downtown pawn shop.

#3. Construction units and assambly of the plot

3. 0. The World.

Every Fantasy begins with the creation of the world, and every world begins with the creation of the map, which must include seas, islands, continents with mountains, prairies, deserts, and domains of the Dark Forces. The World is very similar to our Earth, but supernatural events there occur on regular basis, and out of this supernatural stuff 99% is shamelessly ripped off from our myths a superstitions, while only 1% invented by the author. It would be beneficial for the characters in their leisure time to indulge into discussion of parallel dimensions, connected worlds, old times and such. Ideally the reader would get an impression that the ratio 99 to 1 is not due to the creative impotence of the author, but quite on the opposite, suspected a highest vogue in all this.

3.1 The Starting Point.

The Main Hero, who yet has no clue that he is a hero, lives very ordinarily, minds his own business, never suspects what darkness (clouds, troubles) is threatening the world. The Mentor-Benefactor enlightens the main hero and inspires him to heroic deeds. Loyal Sidekick volunteers to accompany the Hero without even asking what is the story.

3.2 Roads and Paths

Travelling down Roads and Paths takes most of the Main Hero’s time. During this time he starves, thirsts, freezes, dampens, desiccates, and appreciates nature. Roads are very convenient to create an impression of World’s the depth in history and geography, and quite suitable as the sole moving force from one episode to another.

3.3 Foul Play and Adventures

Foul Play happens at the will of the Villain-II, but adventures come on their own accord randomly, that’s the only difference. Falling out between the Comrades-in-arms, attacks by Dark Nations, mystical perversions with near-lethal consequences classify as Foul Play. Adventures develop in the battles with untamed forces of nature, homeless ghosts (spirits) and neutral characters that did not yet realise that the Main Hero is a good guy. As a result of an adventure there is a possibility of the increase in the number of Comrades-in-arms, as a result of Foul Play – decrease of the said number.

3.4 The True Love

The True Love comes (develops) just before the middle of the story. The Main Hero meets the Love Interest, and immediately, even if it is in the midst of the battle, stops as if stuck by the lightening. Declaration follows swiftly and sounds very much like a mere a statement of the fact. True Love manifests itself in joint wanderings in the forests, long silent gazings, “inner glow of eyes”, and very infrequently – in a big fat smoochie that ends in ellipsis which imply primeval/animal-in-heat temperament of the Hero and the Interest. The True Love is eternal, life-giving and at the right moment works better than a shot of steroids. Villain and his flunkies are, of course, denied this and suffer a crushing defeat.

3.5 Victory

Victory over Villain-I is impossible, and no one counts on it. Triumph over Villain-II causes a wild rejoicing of all the Nature, instantaneous destruction of all his creations, and the Villain himself turns into nothing and disappears into nowhere. Enslaved nations abruptly forget years of oppression and press kingship on the Main, and he often times accepts. Post-victory set-up of the world interest no one, therefore the story should end no later than three pages later, ideally – in three lines.

Conclusion

Dear Friend! If upon studying of this Kit you were troubled by thoughts that something here is wrong – do not torment your soul with doubt! All the works that do not follow this standard were simply created by people who did not value their time. Cast away any doubt, follow the Kit, and do not trouble yourself with thoughts that all this is hackneyed and overused. Nonsense! Faster, livelier, the market is craving it, it’s good enough, others do no better, eh?