That does all make sense, yeah. And I appreciate the reassurance - it's just one of those things where I'm looking back and thinking "Did I fuck up? Should I have noticed something or done something different?" but I think you're right, it seems like it was a case of her not knowing until after, so.

I'm coming at this from a funny angle because I started out with very few boundaries and not really being aware I needed them - so I was comfortable with more than I probably should have been. So it does take imagination to put myself in the shoes of someone who is genuinely uncomfortable with it in the unhappy sense, rather than just because it's awkward, and I wasn't sure how much I was missing/misunderstanding.