The Mad Bishounen

So there have been a couple new games I've been playing of late. FF III has been one of them, certainly, but there's another I've been throwing immense amount of time into that I haven't talked about at all, and I don't know why.

Team Fortress 2.

Part of why I haven't talked about it may be that its appeal is so beautifully simple: Kill shit. Kill shit with fire, with explosives, with an oversized and ridiculously phallic minigun, with remote sentries, with absurdly satisfying headshots, with the humongous motherfucker in front of you that you just made invincible...just kill shit. It's so wonderfully cathartic.

Of course, there is a hell of a lot more to it than just that. At this point I've had the chance to try out all 9 classes, and I'm beginning to work out my favorites. There are a number of maps that I love playing Sniper on, just because you can nail people from clear across the freaking map and they never see it coming. Heavy is kind of a go-to for me, provided someone else is playing medic. Playing heavy is very simple: Meat-tank, and kill everything that moves. I absolutely adore playing the Demoman when I get the chance; explosive chaos 101. The pyro is also a good time if I feel like running into large groups of enemies and getting truly absurd numbers of kills.

There are a few I'm less fond of, or haven't gotten the hang of. Engineer is cool but only if I'm in a very patient mood, and there are usually other people on the team who are better at it than me. Scout I just can't get the hang of. The principle is easy enough, run and gun, but I'm not twitchy enough to be good at it. Soldier was my initial favorite but the more I play the more I find that he's very limited in many regards. Balanced, but by the same token there's no one thing that he's really good at. I like spy, but it's a very situational class and a difficult one to get the hang of. Medic is cool and all but I find it difficult to stay alive long enough to be of much good (the "shoot this motherfucker first" effect).

The game itself is just immensely fun. The cartoony style and raucous dialogue fit right in with the "Meet the X" videos they put out, and the whole game is just straightforwardly fun. I've only had a couple games where the teams were unbalanced and the game auto-balanced them after a little while. Voicechat is, yes, occasionally very annoying (though the incidence of homophobic/racial slurs has been lower than I was lead to believe), but it's also been extremely useful and in some games hilariously funny. The best places to play are definitely clan-owned servers, where you get people who are both good and know how to coordinate a team. The achievements are also hilarious. You get one Spy achievement for disguising yourself and getting an enemy medic to heal you, then stabbing that medic in the back. It's called "FYI I am a spy." The medic has one for using your melee weapon to kill disguised spies that ask you for healing, called "FYI I am a medic." It's fantastic. The more achievements the more gear you unlock. I already have new weapons for the Sniper and Spy, and I'm pretty close to getting some Pyro and Heavy stuff.

So yeah, TF2 is a good damn time and a great way to cut loose after a long day. It's far from perfect, but as online shooters go I have yet to see better.

Well, more of an epiphany. I realized you can trace the evolution of Final Fantasy gameplay through its experience systems, and that it's an oddly logical progression. Observe:

FFI: Straight-up XP - > levels - > power. Easy.

FFII: XP goes out the window for horribly broken skills-get-better-as-you-use-them hidden stats.

FFIII: XP returns, but the hidden stats based on usage return in a dumbed-down form in the job levels.

FFIV: XP and XP alone, in the model of FFI

FFV: Perhaps the crucial turning point in the evolution of FF gameplay, the XP system is supplemented with a secondary XP, in this case job points, which yield abilities.

FFVI: Next logical step: XP and AP

FFVII: As VI, but AP goes on Materia instead of characters.

FFVIII: XP alongside leveling up GFs instead of leveling up Materia

FFIX: Deliberate throwback to VI's system, almost verbatim.

FFX: XP and AP have bastard child, the Sphere Grid.

FFXII: Sphere Grid grows up, changes name to License Board and marries a girl from the traditional XP clan.

It's really kind of cool that you can see the development of their gameplay ideas over each iteration. Heaven only knows what XIII is going to do, of course.

I'm not sure if I should call this a review or just me rambling or what, but here goes. I picked up X3:TC after the last post I made about X3 and Freelancer a month ago. It is a very different beast from X3, and a distinct, massive improvement. Let me run down some of the good stuff:

( Set geekiness to max! )
In conclusion: this shit is AWESOME.

Ever wondered what a perfect smash-and-grab looked like?

Now you know. The fun starts around the 1 minute mark.

Blah blah blah, evil theft, smash and grab, etc. Step back for a second and admire a well-oiled criminal machine. Efficient, precise, almost certainly planned out some time in advance. They pulled an insanely large haul in 31 seconds with a brick and their own two hands. Evil? Yes. Do I condone it, approve of it, or regard it as anything more than lawbreaking for personal gain? No. Am I still impressed that five people can accomplish so much in 31 seconds through planning, coordination and nearly flawless execution? Yes.

GOD DAMN MUSE MAKING ME WRITE INSTEAD OF WORKING arghargharghargh.

Anyways.

I'm reasonably certain that there is exactly one member of my flist who is going to have even passing knowledge of what I'm talking about here, so I'll be generous in the background.

( Click to see me geek out for like a page )

When I first got X3, I compared it and Freelancer thusly: Freelancer is like playing with a lego space shuttle, X3 is like playing with the real thing. Lately, I've felt like legos, and have started freelancer again. It is laughably simple compared to X3, but I've owned X3 so tremendously the only thing I really have left to do is start a new game and see if I can reach the apex of wealth and combat power faster. Or get X3: Terran Conflict, which is bigger and better still....which I may do when I have moneys again. Then, of course, there's EVE, which puts X3 to shame, but I'm resisting that until I have some kind of social life.

OK, that wraps up my random burst of writing. Now maybe my muse will shut up and let me get something DONE.

ETA: Aw, fft. Realized I no longer have a good excuse for not getting Terran Conflict, and I need to go shopping anyways. Oh yeah, now I'm gonna be REAL focused at work.

ETA 2: Aaand I asked the nearest Gamestop to hold on to Terran Conflict for me. I'm going to have to get everything remotely productive done before I dare go get it -_-;

I gave this to a Barnes and Noble clerk to mull over earlier today. I've solved it myself, at least I think I have, but I thought I would share it for kicks.

What is the minimum number of (American) coins required to make any amount up to $1?

If you get a solution, dump it in the comments, I'll give mine in a bit.

ETA: For pete's sake, people, there's no trick >< Here, I'll give my solution in white, select to see:

My best answer so far is ten coins, but there are two possible combinations.

3 quarters

2 dimes

EITHER:

1 nickel and 4 pennies

ETA: Actually, now that I think about it, my alternate solution doesn't work, so there's just the one.


Clearly I shall have to be more devious in my future postings.

Horrible Miyazaki pun aside, FUCK. At least I was awake when it got in this time. Bad news: all the windows were shut, meaning it's found another entry. Good news: I have a hunch what that other entry is, and have at least temporarily blocked it.

They're getting in through my goddamn stove.

Ok, not the stove so much as the flue above it, that channels smoke out. No grate, as it turns out. Starting to wonder if that's against code, have informed landlord, and in the mean time the fan is on.

Oh, right, but the way I found this out. I go to the bathroom, I walk out, and it was very lucky that I had just emptied my bowels because a bat whizzed by about 6" from my face. Needless to say there was much swearing. The bat and I played this game of chicken for about two minutes where I was trying to close all the doors to contain it in the "living room" (large central area) and it was making figure-8s around the room. Eventually I managed to close all the other doors and open the balcony door.

The damned flying rodent didn't want to leave at first. Eventually I blocked off part of the living room by standing there and ki'ai-ing at it. It hung on the balcony door curtains for a little bit but eventually got the idea and flew out. They really are adorable, I just don't want a wild one IN MY APARTMENT at regular intervals.

Also, still no roommate, not getting paid for my vacation this coming week, and increasingly frustrated about the whole situation.

There was a bat in my house when I woke up.

A BAT.

It wasn't flying around, just snoozing on my living room floor. I was quite amazed, I hadn't left any windows open overnight. It must have gotten in during the 20 minutes that I had a window open and unguarded. Either that or it found another way in, which would be somewhat alarming.

In any case, there was this bat, and I had to do something about it.

At first I thought it was dead, but as soon as I went to poke it it twitched and hissed at me, so some caution was required. After some deliberation, I picked up a top to a cardboard box and carefully shoveled it out on to my balcony, aided in the last five feet by it grabbing on to the box and hanging on it long enough for me to carry it out.

So now there's a bat on my balcony. I expect if it is well it will get up and fly off at some point, and if it's not, well, that's why god made squirrels.

ETA: Well, it was gone when I got home, so either it flew off or something took care of it. Leaning toward the former, no sign of blood or anything

I am getting some wacky business with my flist. Anyone else getting problems like this?

Note the random F_W post in the sidebar here (The blurred out post was f-locked)

Comcast came and my internet is finally my own! It's rather nice and speedy, too. I am pleased.

I'm looking for a roommate via Craigslist. It's a bad sign when I can feel the crazy radiating off someone over e-mail, isn't it.

HOLY SHIT MOTHERFUCKERS I'M MOTHERFUCKING BACK. LAB MACBOOK FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WIN. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, BITCHES. COMCAST IS GETTING THEIR SORRY ASSES OVER HERE A WEEK FROM TOMORROW, AND WHEN THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS HOOK UP MY MOTHERFUCKING CABLE, IT'S NOT GOING INTO SOME PANSY-ASS "G" ROUTER SHIT. NO, IT'S GOING INTO A MOTHERFUCKING "N" ROUTER. WHAT IS A MOTHERFUCKING "N" ROUTER YOU ASK? IT IS THREE HUNDRED MOTHERFUCKING MEGABITS PER MOTHERFUCKING SECOND. IT EATS CABLES AND SHITS BANDWIDTH. ITS SHIT IS SO FAST YOU NEED SPECIALIZED FUCKING EQUIPMENT TO CATCH UP WITH IT. IT'S LIKE CRACK FOR YOUR INTERNET, BUT NO TUBES NEEDED. THIS SHIT SPREADS THROUGH THE FUCKING AIR. I WILL BE FUCKING BREATHING BANDWIDTH.

In the mean time, I at least have enough internet that I won't go insane over the weekend. Hooray!

I have a car. It's registered, has its license plate and sticker where they should be, and should not need to carry me to a DMV for about two years. It also got a little workout driving me down to CT. I'm now in a hotel north of New Haven, waiting for my apartment to become habitable. Getting the car off my back is a huge relief. Now I can focus on starting my job 8:30 Monday morning and possibly actually moving into this apartment I theoretically have sometime before then. Then I can find a roommate (in two weeks), unpack my entire life, and change my residence on a few final details (credit card, bank). All while expecting to have to sprint to Baltimore on a day's notice because my great-aunt is in hospice.

I swear, two months from now my life will be sane again. In the mean time I'm enjoying my new DS and not going crazy. Chain of Memories is proving to be enjoyable, once I got into it. It took me a while to figure out I could remake rooms to provide better grinding space, but I finally got some moogle rooms which means I can FINALLY start adding to my card collection and making a deck that's halfway decent. Also I beat the living crap out of Jafar on the first try. Wasn't he supposed to be like, impossible in this one or something?

So, just to make it clear, all my shit is f-locked until the storm of fucking crazy that is Russet Doom has passed, on the off chance that I garner attention for my plucky detectiving.

Stealth mode is GO!

*shwooop*