Joaquin's Journal

Subject:	Private Post
Time:	1:08 pm.

Iris has started sending me scripts again. There's a couple I like but I don't know that I want to go down that road again. On the one hand, it would be nice to lose myself in something so completely that I can just forget about the razzi camped outside my apartment building and the gnawing fear that one day they're going to find me here. But on the other... everything they're offering is in LA, Prague, Australia, Amsterdam. And those are places pretty far away from home. Home is what's keeping me from throwing a diva fit and demanding that everyone just leave me alone now, damnit.

I don't know what I want to give that up because I have a feeling I'm going to need that once everything has blown over. But there's this want in me to take on something new, even after I decided that maybe the best thing was to fade from everyone's memory for awhile.

So I don't know. I guess...nevermind. It's too early for deep thoughts.

Time:

2:00 am.

[private]

Sweet fucking Jesus. That's been my refrain since Vince and Owen disappeared off to the cabin and Casey decided that sexual exhaustion should be a state of being all day, every day. I don't think there's been this much sex since our honeymoon and right now even the touching feels like sex, like something kinky. And I suppose that's fitting, because apart from being about getting some us time before everything gets crazier, this time together has been sex, kink, kink, sex and a little extra sex thrown in just to shake things up.

I feel really solid right now, like I'm not going to get caught up and blown away on the wind in all the crazy that's trying to take over my life. I don't know...I feel anchored? Is that the word? by Casey. He just has to touch me and I feel right. Solid. Owned. And it doesn't matter that Vince and Owen are coming back home today because I feel like nothing is going to knock me off my feet. Like it's impossible, and Casey and this week to ourselves made it that way.

It feels really good. And I just have this feeling it's going to stay that way.

And that? Feels really fucking good.

Time:

3:31 am.

[private]

Owen and Vince are finally going to be heading off tonight for their cabin ~~sextacular~~ retreat, and though I probably will end up missing them in a few days...right now? I just can't fucking wait. I'm just counting down the hours til I can board up the windows, lock all the doors and have Casey all to myself. And hell, even have ME all to myself. Iris is ready to sing the 'flu' excuse to anyone who even looks like they want to take a photo of me or get a soundbyte. Requesting an interview? Well, I have chicken pox. That should give them a catchy title and a hundred or so words of gossip about the vegan getting chicken pox.

And me? Well, I'm getting Casey for at least two whole days. I've got the grocery list today, and I'm heading down to the store to get everything we need for the next few days, so if we do go out, it's because we want to, not because we have to. And I'd really really like if we didn't have to, or want to. I'm kinda looking forward to the possibility of spending the entire time in bed with my husband. Or in the playroom. Or in the kitchen. Bathroom. Living room.

Don't care, as long as we're alone and naked. I miss not having to be careful of how I touch him, but lately there's been so many people in this house that everything seems to be about trying to fit the touches the expectations of the people around us. With Vince and Owen and some of our other friends, there's no pretending. But when Iris brings a carful of hairdressers and make up artists over for tests and consultations, when a couple of guys I've worked with drop by, everything has to be another way entirely and I've done nothing but hate it the entire time.

I cannot wait for this to be over, as amazing as it's been. It's just too much attention all at once and too many possible things that could go wrong if just one person saw too much.

I want a couple of days where I don't have to worry about that, because this thing isn't ending until March and we've got a whole lot of February to go before we get there.

Time:

1:23 am.

[private]

I just realized and Iris just informed me over the phone... I have to go to LA. At least two weeks around when the actual event is and at least several times beforehand for press, luncheons and other functions. She told me this right before she warned me about Brokeback Mountain "needing to be the only gay headliner this award's season, so please be decidedly straight for the entire month of February, dear."

I happy to be nominated, I really am. I never expected it would go this far. But I also feel like I've just fallen down the stairs and had the wind knocked out of me. I feel like I just lost my privacy and my life. I'm not really sure how to balance those two things out right now.

Time:

1:35 am.

[private]

Casey and Vince have been acting like they're on heat and in between the pouncing, being pounced, the teasing, the innuendo-filled banter and their foray into the playroom, we all got distracted and I completely forgot about the SAG awards.

On Sunday.

But really, with the atmosphere at home being like it was (and still is), it's not really hard to see why I forgot. Especially when Casey pounced me yesterday. It's hard to think of anything other than Casey when he does that, and particularly when he does that and he's all grabby hands, rough-voiced and needy. Hell, those are the times I'm not even sure I'd remember my own name.

And if I were to admit it, it's kind of distracting knowing there's bruises on his ass that Vince put there. Not distracting the way it used to be, with the ulcer-inducing worry and insecurity I used to get, just...distracting like...I know they're there, but that I'm not really ready to acknowledge them beyond their being there. I tried to touch them, but they feel like they're Vince's. Like they're not really any of my business. Not mine. His. Convenient excuse? Maybe. Possibly. I don't know.

If I were to admit it. Let's just leave it at distracting.

...what was I talking about? Ugh. This is exactly why I completely forgot about the SAG awards until Iris called. When it's a toss up between thinking about sex and bruises or the SAG ceremony, sex and bruises is the hands-down winner. There's just no competition there, and because of that, I think I've gone deaf in my left ear from the chewing out Iris gave me.

Thank Christ she's on the other side of the city. I think both my eardrums would have burst if I'd had to hear it all in person. Hard enough hearing it with Casey hanging over my shoulder and reminding me about the harness he's getting me fitted for. For Sunday night and the ceremony.

Apparently, I'm the only one who forgot about the awards....

Time:

1:51 am.

[private]

OMGALMOSTHOME! Hello airport! Hello ground! Hello safety! I want to kiss the fucking ground, go home, kiss Owen, kiss Vince, find a bottle of tequila and crawl into bed and never come out again. I mean, it's all well and good and fucking fantastic that I won a Golden Globe. I can't even begin to articulate how good it feels, or how much I never thought I'd get it. But that kinda pales and then flees in fucking terror when THERE'S TURBULENCE AND YOU'RE IN A LITTLE TIN FLYING TOY A MILLION MILES ABOVE THE GROUND AND NURSING A HANGOVER!

And I got off the plane to a hoarde of reporters who told me that I'd just been nominated for a BAFTA. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT I AM GETTING ON ANOTHER PLANE. I'M NOT GOING TO CROSS AN OCEAN IN A LITTLE TIN TOY FOR ANYBODY AND THEIR RED CARPET. No fucking way.

I just want to go home, cure my hangover and start stoking up another and then maybe later, hopefully get myself laid. Which will all be happening as soon as the razzi disappear or an airport dude shows us a backdoor out of the first class longue.

It looks like it might be Christmas before that happens. Ugh.

Subject:	Voicemail for Owen and Vince
Time:	10:58 pm.

Backdate to last night.

*slightly slurred and almost drowned out by the sound of conversation and laughter in the background*

So, uh, holy shit guys. I think someone must have paid these people because I won. I mean, I fucking WON. 's not a mistake -- statue even has my name on it, but I keep waiting for them to take it back. Casey's promised he'll beat them up if that happens.

This is all just...it's fucking crazy, guys. *pause, muffled conversation* Okay. Okay. Reese says drunk people aren't allowed to talk on the phone long distance, so I have to go.

Love you both! Have some tequila for me. 'm only allowed beer. Pfft. *click*

Time:

12:54 am.

[private]

Did someone spike the tap water? Seriously. I'd like to know so I can start back in with the bottled stuff. Vince came back and instead of playing happy homes and dogpiling on the bed, our movie night turned into grump night. At first I thought it was the movie. Afterall, Owen is probably the only person in the house who even likes to watch Titanic beyond the part where Jack dies. But it can't be the movie because the grump has eased its way into a house-wide sulk where everyone is cautious and polite and hell, I just want to toss everyone in the community bedroom so we can just get to the part where we all have our wicked ways with each other.

I never thought I'd be the one to say can we just skip to the sex now?

Well, can we?

Subject:	Foursome Filter
Time:	1:40 pm.

Joaquin Phoenix: Music Video Director.

It sounds kinda cool, right? The first video I did turned out good. I mean no one from the music company wanted their money back for hiring me, so that's definitely a good thing. It can't have sucked too much, and I really liked doing it.

Which brings me to this... People in Planes and She Wants Revenge want to book me to do their videos. One for later this month here in the city, and one in February. That one's a weekend in L.A kind of deal. I think it would be fun and it will give me something to do other than nurse my ulcers and worry about the paprazzi.

So I guess...thoughts? I think I'll almost definitely say yes to the shoot here, but the L.A. is making me pause... planes + Joaquins travelling on them = not good without tequila, a husband or a boyfriend. So does anyone want to go to L.A.? With me? In Feb.?

Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Gift Post #2
Time:	3:01 am.

For

theotheraffleck

Lexar Media 2 GB 80X Pro Series Compact Flash Card with Write Acceleration Technology
Celestron Nexstar 8 Tripod
Super Mario World for Gameboy Advance
The Complete Chronicles of Narnia, Box Set
Cocksure (novel)*

*Note:
I'd like this to be the next thing you read to me. ;)

A 'chequebook' of sexual positions and situations (quite a few of them relating to kinkier pursuits). Each cheque is redeemable by Casey only. More than one cheque may be cashed at once.

Four days in Florida, staying in the same hotel (and if possible, the same room) that Joaquin and Casey first shared together before they became a 'they'.

Subject:	Christmas Gift Post #1
Time:	2:40 am.

For

vince_vaughn

Kenny Loggins, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow, The Greatest Hits
Kris Kristofferson, All Time Greatest Hits
Emmylou Harris, The Very Best Of...
A map of Montanna, a small town circled in red marker. Scrawled next to it: whenever you're free, I'm free and our room is free.

Note attached to the following:
This is probably the most important part of your present: this is to be used AT ALL TIMES and in conjunction with any music that has Country or Western as a genre. You know I love you, but not enough to listen to more country with the volume set at 'insanely high' after being soaked in it for so long. You can damage your ears now, and not mine. :-*

Apple 60 GB iPod with Video Playback Black

For

owen

Fiskars 94246974 Harvest Gear Garden Bucket Caddy
Fake Warning Sign: Danger! Men Gardening!
Marina Goldfish Kit - Purple Med 2.65 gal.
And an IOU for two Goldfish.
A map of Disneyland and a post it detailing plans to visit the park in the near future.

iPod Shuffle, 1GB, synched to Owen's computer and filled with his favourite songs.

Note attached:
You just have to press play and recharge it once and awhile. THAT'S ALL. Promise.

Just get Vince to do the rest. :)

Subject:	locked to vince_vaughn, owen & theotheraffleck
Time:	1:32 am.

So I'm in my apartment right now, instead of home with groceries. Can you believe they found me at Whole Foods? I'd like to say that I can't, but well they did and they have some really nice shots of my middle finger. I came here and there were two guys across the street in cars. :/ They should leave me the fuck alone and take pictures of Reese or Ginnifer. They're prettier for sure.

Ugh. Do you think they can un-nominate me? I'm not liking all this extra 'razzi attention.

Edit: Thanks, Owen! Unless you sent Titanic, in which case I'll make sure you eat it when I get home. :)

Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Backdate...
Time:	12:50 am.

to Vince and Casey's return to NYC.

[private]

So this is what freedom smells like -- Casey and Vince home and no more interviews and photoshoots. Or you know, the old leather of Vince's coat and Casey's Old Spice aftershave. And yeah, the smell of baking bread. For some reason Owen thinks we should bake our own, so he bought one of those breadmaking machines and he's been making 'practice loaves' every day.

I don't even try to understand the logic any more. It just is.

( Read more... )