Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in jocelyncs' LiveJournal:

Sunday, October 16th, 2005
1:08 am	More Fandom_Wank Follies... From the Caina On Fandom Hypocrisy Post by narcissam ... In which a Snarry Shipper so amuses me that I propose marriage and a re-working of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, following Caina's lead (in which she switched all the interaction between Harry and Ginny to substitute Hermione for Ginny, and Ginny for Hermione in the Ron scenes, which made for some rather interesting incestuous undertones) by substituting Snape for Ginny and Dumbledore for Hermione. http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/819805.html?thread=83701341#t83701341 And amid discussion of how the Harmoanians will next retaliate, I advance a theory: You do know what comes next, right? THE LAWYERS!!!11One! I can just see it now: A class action lawsuit against J.K. Rowling, her publishers, her editors, the staffs of Mugglenet and TLC and Fandom_Wank for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS! The Plaintiff demands compensation for grief and humiliation at lack of H/Hr and the MEANMEANMEANness of JK Rowling and her sycophants in saying that there was never an H/Hr ship. The emotional distress has led her to suffer inability to sleep, panic attacks, vomiting, diarrhea, heart palpitations, ringing in her ears, sinusitis, double pneumonia, ciatica, fallen arches, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, extreme paranoia, fear of persons with red hair, hypothermia from wandering the streets alone at night in her underwear wondering What Went Wrong, fear of books with green and purple covers, loss of sexual satisfaction (actually, she's never really had any, but now it's worse because she can't enjoy sex knowing that the Great Love Story Ever Told will not happen), hair lice, Plantar's warts, delusions, fear of Hungarian Horntails, inability to get out of bed in the morning, inability to leave the basement, freckles, fear of freckles, loss of hair, dehydration, anorexia, obesity, migraine headaches, eyestrain, nosebleeds, and split nail cuticles. The Plaintiff demands a personal, public apology from J.K. Rowling*, compensatory damages of no less than $50 million, punitive damages of no less than $1 billion (JUST YOU WAIT, HERONS AND CHOCOLATEERS, THERE'LL BE A HARMONIAN ON THAT JURY!!!), an Order that the Mugglenet and Leaky Cauldron Websites be shut down and their Site Owners banned from the Internet 4Ever!!11!, that all fanfiction containing the pairings of Ron/Hermione or Ginny/Harry be deemed obscene and pornographic and their authors subjected to criminal prosecution followed by Public Flogging for Crimes Against Twu Wuv. *The personal and public apology from J.K. Rowling shall not be deemed acceptable as atonement for her crimes unless it includes gnashing of teeth, wringing of hands, tearing of hair, self-prostration and self-flagellation, infant sacrifice, branding of the letters H/Hr on her forehead, and kissing the hem of the robes of Caina and all other aggrieved Harmonians. There are replies, including discussion of whether such a suit could really happen (I reply yes), whether such a suit has happened (I reply yes), and how JKR and her lawyers would respond to such a suit (there is much evil laughing as we speculate.) Th-th-th-that's all, folks! Current Mood: Caffeinated Current Music: "The Telephone Dance"--Cabaret (Comment on this)
12:53 am	An Analysis And Undiplomatic Refutation of Caina's "Fandom Hypocrisy" Cross-posted to my LJ for the fandom-uninitiated or casual readers--this one's for Veteran Fen. The Harry/Hermione shippers continue to rend their hair, gnash their teeth, and soliloquize in great length and detail about the pure EVIL that is J.K. Rowling for not having Harry and Hermione fall into their Destined True, Undying Love in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  And as if it wasn't horrible enough of her to be such a BAD WRITER, the Harmonians have dug deep between the lines of Half-Blood Prince and various public statements made by Ms. Rowling, and reached this horrifying, shocking, devastating truth:  She did it all...pairing off Hermione with Ron instead of with Harry, picking two fans to interview her after the book came out, even put certain plot points in the book that seemingly had nothing whatsoever to do with romance or ships--ALL of it!--ALL to slight and wound the Harry/Hermione contingent!  J.K. Rowling's entire purpose in life for the past two years has been solely to SINK THE H.M.S. Harmony and let the poor, true fans who sailed the ship DIE alienated, humiliated, and constipated! Think I'm exaggerating, my Internet-unfamiliar or fandom-uninitiated friends?  Read this. Kinda defies belief and makes your skin crawl, doesn't it, that anybody could get this effing worked up over a novel.  Read on as I attempt to decipher (and mock mercilessly) the sheer, unadulterated, damn-near-certifiable lunacy expressed by Caina, a fangirl who has appointed herself Spokeswoman of the H.M.S. Harmony.  ***  I’m sure many people are wondering “how is Jo responsible for the anti-Harmony sentiment on the Internet?” There are several ways, and I’ll list them here. 1.  Rowling granted an interview with two fans, both of whom are known to be anti-H/Hr.  Dang.  Substitute the words "anti-H/Hr" for "communist," and you've got Joe McCarthy attacking 21st century authors! ( And it gets weirder. ) -----Thus endeth Part One of the most asinine "fan essay" ever written. And it gets worse.  Hankies recommended for those prone to laughing until they cry. 2.  Rowling made an inflammatory remark on her own website. ( A joke was made. Crazy people have no sense of humor. ) The following is definitely my favorite part... 3.  Rowling used her own book to ridicule H/Hr. Break out the subliminal messages and the tin hats, people, it's conspiracy theory time! ( I see dead hippogriffs! ) Had enough of this madness yet?  Ready to check yourself into the funny farm yet?  Sorry!  Dear Caina has one more point to make! 4.  Rowling has ignored the situation in her fandom, thereby exacerbating the already sore situation. ( In Points 1 through 3, she insults them by allegedly participating in the shipping wars. Now she allegedly insults them by NOT participating. ) Thus endeth the list of grievances and crimes laid at the door of the Moste Notorious Fork-Tongued Queen of Deception and Cruelty, J.K. Rowling, in her heartless, deliberate, concerted, and downright-subliminal attempt to shatter the lives of the poor, innocent Harry/Hermione shippers. BUT WAIT!  There's one final, parting salvo... ( They think they're cool but they're NOT!!! ) So, in closing:  you may remark that by posting this rather unrestrained discussion of the latest Harmoanian Manifesto, am I not proving them right by making fun of them on the Internet?  Well, in response...I cannot deny I am making fun of them.  All I can say in my defense is just that...it's so DAMNED EASY! Current Mood: *sporfle!* Current Music: "The Telephone Dance"--Cabaret (Comment on this)