sweet is the certified nervous wreck.

Copied and pasted from wank_report:

Are you still a fan of JKR's even after book 6?
http://talk.portkey.org/index.php?showtopic=21196&st=40&p=419533&#entry419533

( Read more )

We begin our saga on the fair hills of house_wilson, where the grass grows green and the House/Wilson shippers occasionally throw shit fits over whether or not David Shore is dicking around House/Wilson shippers.

One day, this (relatively) peaceful comm is visited by slow_mo_panda, who had arrived to bring to everyone her thoughts on yaoi The Contract, a love-it or hate-it extreme-whump fic amongst House fandom.

The masses do not react well. (And euclase wins the "most over-the-top reaction to criticism" award for this week.)

Having been thrown out by her ears, slow_mo_panda once again continued her travels, landing on the shores of fanficrants, where she hoped to be greeted with open arms and kind words telling her how everyone else is a bunch of mean bitches.

Alas, she had no luck on that front, either.

After a number of negative comments, she deleted that post and was banninated from fanficrants. And there was much rejoicing.

Hearing the commotion, ffrantsrants and sf_drama arrived on the scene so that they could point and laugh.

However, this is not the end of our story. slow_mo_panda, apparently having not learned her lesson yet, appeared once again, this time in ffrantsrants in order to talk about how oppressed she is. Or something.


Caps courtesy of xayeidemon.

ETA: Removed links to locked fanficrants content.

ETA2: Apparently, our friend has left a review on ff.net on the original fic:
( cut for length )

Remember the 8yo in Arizona who was gang raped?

Her parents have been arrested on Child abuse charges

( For the linkphobic )

It won't help the little girl get over what was done to her, but I can't help but feel just a tiny bit glad that this happened.

I hope all of you know about Desert Bus for Hope. If you don't, it's a group of sorry bastards who play the most tedious game ever made (it was specifically designed to be tedious) to raise money for Penny Arcade's "Child's Play" charity. The live feed of the guys is hilarious and the live feed of the bus is delightfully mellow, and you can make special requests with your donation! (E.g. have the crew sing a particular song or put on a silly hat). The bus is rolling again, and as of the moment they started they were committed to drive that bus for 97 hours. That's from money raised before they started, over $10,000! Roll on you crazy fuckers.

ETA: For those of you on Twitter, there is an effort to keep #desertbus up in the trending topics! Come on, let's beat out New Moon!

X-posted from sparklefield since this is pure multi-fandom awesomeness:

The Simpsons's 2010 Hallowe'en special will feature a segment in which Lisa falls madly in love with a vampire boy named Edmund. Cast as the voice of Edmund?

Daniel Radcliffe. ♥!

( Cut for triggery WTFery )

That headline is ridiculous. The article is not much better.

*quiet rage*

ETA: Forgot the link, had to hunt through my browser history for it.

Also, I'm still trying to figure out that line about "alleged abuse victims" -- what, the priests are convicted as pedophiles, but that doesn't mean the victims are telling the truth?

Here's some Project Runway plagiarism wank to go with the lovely vanity pub and author wank. I hope it goes without saying that there might be a spoiler or two for the finale, but I'll say it anyway: There are spoilers for the finale in this post.

Project Runway "villain" and finalist Irina had a shirt in her final Bryant Park collection that has all the reasons she loves New York written on it. Oh, wait. Those aren't the reasons she loves New York, those are the reasons that someone who wrote a famous New York Magazine article loves New York. And this is the same girl who was going to feature Coney Conney Island artwork in the collection until she was told that it would be copyright infringement? And NY Mag says that she didn't ask permission? And I don't even have to tell you that this isn't going to end well, do I?

And then ( spoileriffic things happen! And so does wank. )

Hang on to your hats, kids, this one's a doozy in several parts. To start off, you might want to catch up on agilebrit's clairvoyantwank writeup. Clairvoyant indeed! To sum up, romance publisher Harlequin Enterprises teamed up with a publisher called ASI solutions to form Harlequin Horizons, a vanity press. Romance Writers of America promptly revoked Harlequin's "recognized publisher" status.

And now for a wank in several parts, involving a goodly number of awesome people in addition to a wanking Cast of Thousands (tm):

( Part 1: PubRants )

( Part deux: various forums )

( Part Three: SBTB, and Nora Fucking Roberts )

( Part the last: The NEW YORKER?! )

And finally, THIS JUST IN from PubRants. Watch that post for further fappery developments! Notably, Harlequin has decided to dissociate the "Harlequin" name from their vanity publishing rig in response to the RWA slamming them, and the MWA has weighed in. ETA: And the wank has matured nicely! Here's a couple comments of note: Anon #1, Anon #2, "Harlequin, were not stupid" [sic].

And here come the ETAS!
#1: SFWA tweets a heads-up, and the glorious katamari of wank rolls on!

#2: Coutesy of magnolia_mama, Lee Goldberg drops his two cents from the MWA soapbox. In a shocking turn of events, he seems to be making a cogent, reasonable argument. My world is rocked.

#3: annathepiper links us to SFWA's statement, which is possibly the strongest yet! For a snippet:

...Further, SFWA believes that work published with Harlequin Horizons may injure writing careers by associating authors’ names with small sales levels reflected by the imprint’s lack of distribution, as well as its emphasis upon income received from writers and not readers....Until such time as Harlequin changes course, and returns to a model of legitimately working with authors instead of charging authors for publishing services, SFWA has no choice but to be absolutely clear that NO titles from ANY Harlequin imprint will be counted as qualifying for membership in SFWA. Further, Harlequin should be on notice that while the rules of our annual Nebula Award do not expressly prohibit self-published titles from winning, it is highly unlikely that our membership would ever nominate or vote for a work that was published in this manner....SFWA does not believe that changing the name of the imprint, or in some other way attempting to disguise the relationship to Harlequin, changes the intention, and calls on Harlequin to do the right thing by immediately discontinuing this imprint and returning to doing business as an advance and royalty paying publisher.

Count on the pew-pew lasers genre to bring the burn!

#4: Found by pariforma, someone named Jackie Kessler has an excellent (and amusing) summary of the whole mess on their blog. The pricing breakdown (with reference links to the Harlequin price-sheets themselves) is particularly well-done.

#5, which should be like #3 but I missed it the first time: via lady_ganesh, Mr. Scalzi has spoken. Does anyone else smell something...burning?

( Too Hot (and big) For Your Flist )

Mmm, PR barbecue. As a bonus, there's a lovely herd of teal deer in the comments, including some truly lovely wanking by one Diana Peterfreund and a few others. Scroll on through, it's a good time.

Blooper reel: We, uh, may have played a part in crashing SBTB for a while there. please don't kill meeeee

#6: Zoe Winters continues her wanking in the comments of an article at the Examiner. Thanks dreamworld!

I was kind of surprised this hadn't hit Unfunnybusiness yet...

( Cut for triggers. )

terri_testing made those comments 3 months ago, but they were never posted here, so I decided to share them.

( Read more )

The Harrycrux! (I'm totally imagining a little "Ta-DA!" sound after that. :P )

The part that brought massive lulz was lilithisbitter being all "I know Latin better than JKR, and I will now show it off":

Maybe because it's an imperfect Horcrux versus the deliberate Horcruces (Rowling fails at latin, Horcruces is the proper way to render the plural versus Horcruxes that she wrote it as) that Voldemort put in other objects. It's badly put together and probably borderline falling apart with accidently leaks versus the seeming deliberate evil of the others.

LISTEN UP, LADY. The vast majority of people who read the books will never give a flying hoot about Latin conjugations or Latin pluralizations in the first friggin' place. Also, IMO, "Horcruxes" is a little more euphonious in the HBP and DH than "Horcruces". How do you even say that? "Hor-kroo-ses" and "Hor-kroo-kes" both sound... uh, not so great.

I mean, is there really no end to the number of idiotic little nits these people will pick to try and make themselves look good at the expense of the author who went to all the trouble of creating the fandom they insist on wanking in?

Uh, sorry. *mops up* Lil too much tl;dr there, folks. :)

ETA: OH MY GOD THEY'RE ALL DOING THE STUPID HORCRUCES THING NOW. This is at once headdesk-worthy and at the same time a rather revealing insight into just how bad the groupthink is over there.

This is the first negative opinion piece on the Twilight series I've seen on a mainstream newspaper (well at least one that's local), possibly I've been living under a rock, but it made me very happy.

You know how hard it is when your flist is going on and on about a series you can't stand? Well, OK, you can just scroll on by, but now it's society which is going on and on about it, the advertising is driving me a bit insane, I can't wait until people move onto the next big thing.

Warning, spoilers in article.
----
When I was growing up, my literary heroine was Josephine March from Little Women. Jo was a lanky tomboy with no interest in frocks or gentlemen. While her sisters flirted and fretted about their noses, Jo scribbled in the attic, dreaming of becoming a writer. She chopped off her hair, threw snowballs and lived with gusto at a time when gusto was extremely unladylike.

( Bella has become a poster girl for the gender roles Jo and Anne rejected more than 100 years ago )

Source

Mother calls the police to her home to help her control her 10-year-old... again. Mother repeatedly tells the cop he can tase her daughter. After a brief struggle, the cop does. According to the police chief, tasing the girl was preferable to picking her up because "They can slip from you and fall on the ground."

Link

( Text for the linkphobic. )


ETA: The officer's report on The Smoking Gun, link courtesy of heuradys.

Background: Ubuntu is a distribution of Linux. Think of it as a version of Linux like you have Windows XP, Vista, Me, 95, etc. Some people created Ubuntun Christian Edition, which annoyed some members of the Ubuntu community who didn't see why a special religious-based distribution was needed but it was mostly a polite argument. Then, in retaliation, Ubuntu Satanic Edition was created.

Cue wank.

Not from the Christians, though! The wank was all provided by a Satanist called HHS and another Satanist who called himself 'friend of HHS', both of whom popped up in the comments box and kept a running argument going with several different people until he randomly disppeared.

Most of it is under the cut, because it's long and takes place over years, but here are a few highlights to whet your appetite, both from him and people who were arguing with him.

HHS starts off with saying "This is very insulting to my religion. I really don’t think you should misuse the Lord’s name like that.

Richard M. Stallman, who is responsible for GNU and Linux, is a jewish psychopath who does not deserve to come near Hell. We do not want to be associated with him or anything made by this communist who never bathes and eats his own hair."

People get confused and think he's a Christian who's objecting to Linux SE. Cue HHS exploding and warning them "It’s very unclever to go against the Lord and dishonour Him and His people. When you die and meet Satan, just try calling Him “jesus boy” too and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I assume that you two are Jews because they call everyone Christian who aren’t Jews or Muslims."

( All hail LINUX -- I mean, Satan/Cthulhu/Flying Spaghetti Monster/God/Allah/[insert deity or pantheon of choice here!] )

From wank_report:
Genevieve Koski, writing for the A.V. Club, offers her opinion on a recent screening of Ghostbusters for Better Late Than Never, the feature in which authors who never experienced some element of the pop culture of the past go back and review it with the jaded eyes of the present. Her opinion, of course, is negative.

( Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. )
...I don't have to warn for Ghostbusters spoilers, do I?

Horcrux Side Effects. Apparently, Harry as a Horcrux caused moral degradation of his friends and enemies. Comments are golden, too:

marionros
I don't think you'd have to be magical to be affected by the proximity of a horcrux. Think of the Dursleys. Their fear of Harry, their revulsion of Harry and their wish to try to live as if he wasn't there takes on new dimensions when you realise that Harry is a horcrux and as such draws out negative feelings and responses in people.

oryx_leucoryx
You do realize this makes it harder to figure out whether Hogwarts in general or Hogwarts under Albus causes moral degeneration among its students over time? We have to remove from our considerations all those who were emotionally close to Harry (whether the emotion was positive or negative) and those are the students we know most about. Maybe Luna and Neville retained their moral compasses because they weren't as close to Harry, not because they resisted Hogwarts' (or Albus') influence?

condviramurs/00sevvie
Oh d*mn. You did it again. How could we have missed that for so long? Look at the effect it had on Severus too.

lilithisbitter
Most schools nowadays aren't here to educate, they're here to brainwash. And it's not like they learned magic that was of any use. Pretty magic mostly or watered down, like Potions being an extremely light version of alchemy. And transfiguration, unless they're teaching me how to toss a feather in the air and when it drifts over my opponent, I transfigure it into an one ton weight that crushes him flat, I don't see how it really helps me. Then again, unlike Miss Granger, I'm an actual genius and like most geniuses (unlike how TV and books and movie portray them) I get bored easily and tend to do badly a result. The magic that actually had an impact is locked up or forbidden, meaning if you actually want to become a powerful wizard ala Snape, you generally have to be an autodidact. All of the spells that Harry learned that actually had an impact, he didn't learn in class.

There's something oddly funny about the dark lord wanting to put part of his soul in a bejeweled headband. He just wanted to be a pretty princess, that's all. He was just so much more interesting in the earlier books when he chose to be evil versus the he was doomed to be evil. Evil that has a reason is much more interesting than evil for evil's sake.

Airing on Saturday on the CW, they are going to be airing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Oldschool/Newschool crossover.

I just realized something so obvious it's amazing I missed it before.

The Snapefen over on Snapedom (you all will remember the teal deer that came from 00sevvie regarding this) insist that Snape really honestly meant to save Harry and James too.

It would be a lot more plausible if it wasn't for the clever structuring of what Snape says when JK Rowling wrote the book:

“Everything – everything I heard!” said Snape. “That is why – it is for that reason – he thinks it means Lily Evans!”

Either the Potters were not married by 1980, or Snape couldn't bring himself to let Lily go, by mentally refusing to refer to her married last name.

I vote the latter, and rest my case about who Snape really cared about keeping around at that time. Snapefen who attempt to claim Harry Potter is an illegitimate child will be met with massive lulz.