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[Nov. 7th, 2006|11:48 am] |
I'be the first to step right up and say that I loathe forced marriage or bonding fics. And when I see a list of prompts for a challenge like this one it merely confirms my loathing. There's enough crapfic polluting the HP fandom as it is; do people really need to be prompted to write more?
But if you need an idea for a piece of conceptually empty shitfic, devoid of basic logic and showcasing some truly ghastly gender politics, there's plenty of options to choose from:#6. Post-war. Harry has killed off Voldie, and the ministry is afraid of his power, concerned he's unstable and demands he bond with someone who can control his power or enable him to do so. Harry is very uninterested in the idea and fights it. Ministry casts a spell because whoever he bonds with must have complementary magic, and the complement is Snape who is sitting in Azkaban, for murder. They offer Snape a deal (pardon, fair trial) if he will do it, and pretty much force Harry to do it. Bonus if it's Umbridge who finds the complement spell. This one stinks on ice. If Harry is so powerful, and doesn't want to acquiesce to the Ministry's demands, then why doesn't he leave England? That way, the Ministry can't "pretty much force" him to do anything. And what does the prompter even mean by "pretty much" forcing someone to do something? You either force them, or you don't. A person either chooses to go along with a plan, however reluctantly, or they don't.
As for Snape, I honestly believe he'd rather die in Azkaban than spend his life bonded to Harry Potter. In fact, he'd probably refuse to do it strictly out of spite.
#12. Harry has become a playboy after the defeat of Voldemort. One of the women/men he has slept with files a lawsuit suing him for child support, and when The Prophet breaks the news, dozens of men & women who previously were ashamed of bearing bastards (a no no in the wizarding world) add their names onto the petition. The ministry, fed up with the moral deterioration Harry is wrecking in wizarding England by creating bastards, forced marriages due to pregnancies, and uncertainty of paternity in numerous families where progeny look suspiciously like Harry, auctions him off to the highest bidder in order to payoff the child support lawsuits.
Draco wins him. Give your interpretation of Draco taming Harry, using the above information as background- bonus if Draco gets a heir out of it, either Mpreg!Harry or Mpreg!Draco. 'Cause you got to love BadBoy!Harry. Snark a plus!!!!!!!!!!!! This one, believe it or not, is supposed to be a "Humor!fic."
#13. Severus angers his father, and in revenge Daddy Dearest binds him in marriage to someone he hates. What's worse is, Severus has to be the "wife". Tobias Snape, a Muggle, has the power to force his wizard son into such a bond? Who knew?
#11. The Malfoy family promised a child into marriage/slave bond (think Rapunzel) to the Potter/Snape/Weasley family in order to get power a long time ago. It's time to pay the debt. Bottom!Draco preferred. A plus if the 'receiving' male is eager. An additional plus for mpreg. And...#17. Postwar, Lucius is desperate to insure that Draco carries on the Malfoy line. Abandoning the old definitions of "pure blood" he cooks up a nastily Dark spell that should compel Draco to submit to and bond with the person most magically suitable to renew the strength of the line, regardless of that person's blood status. This of course leaves it open to any pairing, but I'd love to see it be one of the conflict-laden ones like Snape, Ron Weasley, or Remus Lupin. For a real mindfuck, the spell would reveal the existence of a female Tom Riddle love-child who just might have grown up to be as evil as her father, throwing Lucius and Draco back into subservience to the darkness once again. (One would hope Lucius would help Draco to resist, in that case...) I'm not even going to touch the "female Tom Riddle love-child" angle. It's the poisoned cherry on top of a shit sundae.
There seems to be a recurring theme here: parents (especially fathers) are willing to bind their children over to others for revenge, or for their own advantage. The parents have all the power, but the children have none, not even the power to refuse sex or choose when to procreate. Never mind that the children in these two examples are male; they are female stand-ins in that they are being forced to assume submissive, even explicitly-named "wife" roles. That this is the sort of thing some women want to read, to the point of asking other people to write it, is disturbing.
#22. A magical accident gets Tonks pregnant - by Severus. As if that isn't bad enough, they're forced to marry to make the child legitimate. So, let's see--we're supposed to believe that Snape is incapable of brewing an abortifacient potion and slipping it to Tonks? Or that Tonks wouldn't willingly abort a zygote accidentally misbegotten with Snape? Or that the fetus wouldn't show how it had inherited its Da's prodigious greasiness by slipping right out of Tonks' uterus on its own? (Okay, now I'd like to see that last bit as the basis for crack!fic explaining why Snape, the Slytherin Sex God, has no offspring.)
Does nobody ever get an abortion in fanfic? I guess not--accidental, unwanted pregnancies are a woman's cross to bear, and unless she marries the father--however unsuitable he may be--the child will live a dismal half-life, forever tainted by bastardy.
[looks at calendar on the wall, and notes that it is 2006, not 1956]
[bangs head on desk top]
#23. A prophecy says that Hermione and Sirius have to marry. HE'S DEAD. DEAD. And unless you make this ludicrous story even more AU than it already is, you'll have to marry off Hermione when she's no more than 16 years old. And the stupid "Using the Time-Turner makes her older" excuse doesn't hold water.
You just know that someone who finds this story compelling enough to write won't let Sirius fall through the Veil. Or, if they do, Hermione will, of course, be pregnant with his baby. Because marriage means nothing if it doesn't lead to babies.
#26. Part of the sacrifice that Harry's mother made to keep him alive had a second component to it, it tries to help him find happiness. After he fulfills the prophecy by defeating Voldemort, Harry finds himself inexplicably drawn to one person (bonus if it is Severus or Draco). This person initially is not interested or wants nothing to do with Harry. He must win them over. In other words, stalker!fic. In other words, "No!" is meaningless; if a pursuer persists long enough, they will be rewarded.
Note how it's all about Harry finding happiness. It says nothing about his partner's.
#73. Cedric survived the encounter with Voldemort, but he's paralyzed in a wheelchair, and blinded permanently. There is a way for him to get over it. If he experiences true love, after a year he will be cured. He has the choice to stay with his wife or leave her after he is cured. Who happens to be his true love? Hermione Granger.
Bonus points if:
a. develop the Hermione/Cedric relationship, before having them get married right away.
b. If Cho is treated nicely, and she doesn't turn all evil because Cedric had to break up with her.
c. if at some point, they visit Disney World together, and Cedric is utterly amazed by it (Hermione's been there once, but not for a long time. Yes, I know they're English, but she's been there). In other words, one can only experience "true love" in a romantic context, and marriage is a mandatory part of it.
This is also a twist on the classic, "The love of a good woman healing a damaged man" trope. What's interesting (and by "interesting" I mean "notably distasteful") about this version is that Cedric has the option of discarding Hermione after her "true love" has healed him. So, evidently, it is her true love for him, not his for her, or their reciprocal love, that is the healing force. Hermione must make the sacrifices required, and undergo an emotional transformation, but Cedric doesn't have to.
But of course, we know Cedric and Hermione will stay together! They have to get to Disney World, after all!
Shoot me now. Please.
There's 85 of them in all, and I haven't even picked out all the truly abhorrent ones, but my brain is now broken, so I must stop. I think I'll go pet cats until I feel clean again. |
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