Kaesa

kaesa @ 2008-12-09T18:07:00

2008-12-10T00:08:10Z

So I did a presentation on the propspect of using vermicomposting both as a sustainable waste management tool and an educational one in a local elementary school. Sadly, my research results suggest that this is not likely unless the school redoes its schedule and hires more custodians. If anyone wants my powerpoint or paper, comment.

I also took my Earth System Science final, and it is such a relief to be out of that class. It is a fascinating subject, but now that Dr. Hoffmann is gone it was being taught by a very nice woman who does not know when the Little Ice Age was and says that pH is the concentration of hydrogen in solution. (I'm not even sure she meant protons.) Having accidentally gotten a teacher fired in middle school, I cringe every time my classmates go on about how evil she is, since she's not, she's just bad. But. It still sucked, because every time we sat in lab and she told us to put down an answer that was demonstrably scientifically wrong, Meaghan and I were all "SCIENCE WILL SAVE US!" and ignored what she told us to write.

(I realize in some cases "well, she's a professor, she obviously knows more than you" is a valid objection. I'm pretty sure, though, that she did know these things and was just trying to make it easier for the rest of the class to follow by not including her ironically non-Earth logic.)

...also, speaking of actual evil professors, Dr. Mohan held the door for me today. But to object would be like one of those weird guys who refuses to go through when I hold the door, so hell, I dunno, I thought, and I thanked him and went through. Happily, the door led to CNS, as I was hoping, and not to some terrible hell-dimension. Perhaps he is losing his chemistry vampire powers.

Anyway, best inadvertently-funny line read while procrastinating today:
"You can trust Albus to be discrete, Harry."

It is a little-known fact that Albus Dumbledore is non-continuous and can be counted. How this makes him more trustworthy, I'm not sure, since the entire point of the last book was that Voldemort is also non-continuous and can be counted. Although to be fair, it takes a lot longer to count Voldemort.

kaesa @ 2008-11-04T23:04:00

2008-11-05T05:05:20Z

Dear world,

I actually kind of love you right now.

But! Back to work. Always room for improvement.

And this is not an excuse to slack off.

Squeefully and Amid Fireworks in a (Surprisingly) Blue District of Central Illinois,
Kaesa

...also, I totally got a review for my Millicent/Ron-and-maybe-Millicent/Neville. Now if only the fruit flies would clear off my compost and people would learn to recycle paper they don't reuse or compost. And maybe if I could get a good grade on this lab report? That'd be cool too. Also, Earth Systems Science should stop sucking.

There, that was enough to remind me that not everything is awesome. For a few seconds.

...LAUNDRY. I knew I forgot something important today.

Oh well. EEEEE.

Also, I'm very sorry to any McCain supporters to whom this post is obnoxious. I'm not sorry y'all lost, but I know this post might make you a little more irritated.

kaesa @ 2008-11-04T02:15:00

2008-11-04T08:16:14Z

Aaagh election. How the hell am I supposed to get to sleep tonight? It's like if Christmas was a huge test where your grade depends entirely on whether everyone else studied but talking about it results in looking either like a sad nerd obsessed with pet issues (in my case feminism and the environment) to those who don'tcare, or an ignorant moron to those who actually understand politics. I have cobbled together a small text document telling me who all I am voting for. I feel bad that I'm not really supporting third parties this year, but it's my first presidential election and I cried the last time when Bush got a second term, so I'm not sure I could live with myself voting for something crazily idealistic if Obama does not win. Even though I live in Illinois.

...um, if anyone else cares, I am frustrated that, in the little research I have done on this particular issue, neither candidate seems to be acknowledging the uselessness of clean coal to combat global warming, but at least Obama has considered environmental issues that are separate from (admittedly the most urgent environmental issue) global climate change and energy issues. In this particular case, I know most about how they have acted on issues of water qualilty, so if anyone wants a quick rundown that's more detailed and has more evidence than just "I prefer Obama's stances on this issue because McCain has got a hard-on for deregulation, and people are fundamentally well-meaning, hopeful, incompetent selfish ignorant assholes."

Tomorrow night I'll be rewriting a lab report on forest ecology and trying to hammer together a policy paper using my research on vermicomposting in local schools. And all the while I really want to just write Founders or superheroes or something. ...Okay, mostly I just want to write action and fighting or Sparky arguing.

Also, Halloween was AWESOME. Went trick-or-treating for Habitat for Humanity, raised $75 among three people, and yes. ...well, okay, the party we went to was crap, but my costume? AWESOME. Even though the premeds kept asking me why a mad scientist would have a gun. Fools. Eventually I will post pictures.

...At some point I may also describe my recurring Doctor Who themed nightmares about senior seminar. The last one was about visiting Torchwood London, and how I apparently can never have a working Oyster card, even in an overdramatic dream wherein members of my ecology class are brought back from the dead and Tiamat, having long been imprisoned inside some modern art, destroys large parts of London before the Doctor comes and saves us all. Ancient dragon-goddess of chaos is really sufficiently advanced alien bound to Earth? Yes. Undead obnoxious asshole premed classmate? Sure! Being able to use public transportation to visit museums in order to do vital interviews for my senior project? NOT IF YOU'RE ME. I'm so glad that in reality I chose to do the project on worms, and not whatever the hell I'm doing it on in that weird alternate universe of my dreams.

Okay. Yes. I should sleep, I have an environmental community service thing to do tomorrow. And voting, and laundry, and replies to emails about worms.

Oh my god how am I supposed to sleep how?

I just want to wake up and suddenly have the world's problems miraculously solved. No more dumbing down of scientific issues. No more shitty economy. No more people undeservedly suffering for situations they couldn't do anything about and no more pretending that it's their fault anyway because it's easier than doing something about it.

...so yes, basically I want to wake up in the impossible and unstable Dimension of Sunshine, Daisies, and Rainbows.

But instead I'm going to wake up and vote. Which, let's face it, won't help, but at least I'm doing something.

kaesa @ 2008-10-28T19:23:00

2008-10-29T00:23:49Z

Things I have to do before Friday:

Wash my clothes

Buy more Diet Coke and food and Ibuprofin

Buy train ticket home

Do Earth Systems Sciences reading

Research and rewrite introduction to lab report on forest ecology

Arrange to meet w/Professor Jahiel

Write out detailed schedule for senior seminar research

Actually meet with Professor Jahiel

Buy worms

Obtain soil and pay Diane back for it

Wash winter clothes storage box out

Come up with convincing excuses for why my winter clothes storage box is now being used by a local grade school to house worms

Write vermicomposting lesson plan for fifth graders

Research and write paper on two major presidential candidates' environmental records

Do Environment and Society reading

Finish writing forest ecology powerpoint

Find presentable outfit that isn't too cold

Present lab on forest ecology

Interrogate Ecology Action Center lady about her composting lessons

Make vermicomposting data sheet for grade schoolers

Get my ass to the grade school and teach them vermicomposting

Buy spraypaint

Paint dartgun and goggles

Let dry

Find out when/where everyone is meeting for Trick-or-Treating

Hopefully receive last piece of Halloween costume in the mail by Thursday or Friday

Clean room

TAKE OVER WORLD

Find and return Katie's tape measure

After that's all done, I might be able to return to LJ. In between writing this huge-ass lab report and this other huge-ass senior sem paper. But once I'm done with HALR it's done, and at least HASSP allows me to use tiny children to feed earthworms! ...with their leftover lunch garbage. I mean. Not the kids.

Needless to say, I will not be doing NaNoWriMo this year.

However! I was reading a troll-laden conversational thread on a feminist criticism of an advertisement. This was too good not to blog:

kaesa:

plus if you want to get really technical, by my personal experience with women, not anyone elses... not from the media or any outside source... these are the women I've dated...

1. Women ARE crazy spenders who run up massive credit card debt on frivolous shit... like who in the fuck needs a god damn motherfucking "toe" ring or over a hundred different lip balms?

2. Women are financially irresponsible... not all the women I have dated, but a vast majority... like having a car/house/rent payment due in 2 days... having the money for it, but deciding that a pair of shoes is needed more, you know in case the store sells them all? and all the other stores run out of that one specific pair... ha..
kaesa: Yeah, I'm guessing this guy has multiple personalities which he projects onto his Metal Bikini Princess Leia action figures.
kaesa: and "dates."
[...]
thinkatory: -____-
thinkatory: sorry, you put this conversation into my head:
thinkatory: Guy: Hey honey, have you paid the rent yet?
Guy: *waves the action figure back and forth* *falsetto* "Oh, I bought shoes! TEEHEEHEEHEE! SILLY ME."
Guy: You stupid bitch! Now we're going to get evicted!
Guy: *waves action figure* *falsetto* "What if I give you head?"
Guy: ... well, okay.
kaesa: HAHAHA.
kaesa: the punchline is he fits.

kaesa @ 2008-08-12T19:24:00

2008-08-13T00:24:11Z

So I finally have a bed. It is awesome. If anyone else is still sleeping on the floor, I would highly recommend taking advantage of this new technology. I will also have a nighttable soon, which is great, since I keep having to sleep with the (screenless) window open and I have nowhere to put my glasses but my windowsill. It's always hard to find your glasses when they're not where you thought you put them, but it is infinitely harder when they have fallen into the backyard.

I am working at my mom's law firm now, three days a week, as her boss' second secretary. His real (temp) secretary and I have been working on organizing the shit that his last permasecretary hoarded in a vaguely archaeological manner. Dragons have often been depicted as hoarders, sitting stupidly in their caves, the glittering remains of other people's useless wealth strewn about them. Hers was a four-cubicle hoard of pleadings, discovery files, correspondence, personal emails, and horoscopes, piled on top of each other in boxes and folders and binders, but never actually organized. I know nothing of the noble secretarial arts, but am not sure why she thought this was okay. I'm very biased against her, though, since I've met her in person, so maybe this is common practice or something and the temp and I are like "aah wtf" where others would merely find it homey.

Anyway, today we finally got this one case all organized, except for a few memos my boss wants me to correct and print out for him (he Does Not Type, although it is fun to watch him try) and a few other files my mother needs scanned. The details are fuzzy since I'm not a lawyer, but the case basically concerns the flailings of a lawyer with a severe and tragic case of the sockpuppets. Throughout the case, I've been collecting typos.

My favorite four are:

Dear Mr. Bryan, addressed to my boss, whose first name is Bryan and whose last name is not.

a discussion regarding the precise definition of "clams" of "bad faith" -- obviously meant to be "claims," but murderous shellfish are something near and dear to my heart. The hilarity of this is compounded by Bryan's inability to go two clauses without putting two "things" in "unnecessary" "scare quotes" (and occasionally parenthesis).

discussion of bath faith, apparently a New Age religion of ill repute and great attention to hygiene, probably practiced by ill-intentioned clams.

by curious instead of "vicarious." I... I got nothin'.

Um. Hm. What else is new? Oh! I finished watching New Who a while ago, and this is my new favorite vid. (Major spoilers for the Series 3 finale. Also, I would advise against eating or drinking while watching it.)

kaesa @ 2008-08-03T21:54:00

2008-08-04T02:54:39Z

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who commented on my post about Cody. I can't really respond sensibly to the comments, but you guys were helpful. Rosabelle is also dead now, but she died much more peacefully and seemed oblivious rather than frightened. I'm not saying oblivious is good or anything, but it sure beats panic. And finally, a family friend has died. Her husband is probably not going to be around much longer, since she was pretty much his life. Both are/were quite old, so it's not unexpected, but I feel I ought to mention them since she was a really wonderful person and so is he. Apparently this is a bad summer to know me and not be dead, because you will be fairly soon. NOBODY ELSE CAN DIE, OKAY?

Um. Anyway. I didn't start writing this post to be gloomy. Because, you see, I have found something. It's partly inspired by watching old TV episodes (...Smallville. Such a cracky show. And the writers just tried to pass off "You don't look like a science geek!" as a compliment to a girl who's into astronomy. Oh, misogyny.) and partly because I had a terrible dream that I mistook Dr. Horrible for Dr. Impossible at a villainy Q&A and oh the shame, and partly because now that we have broadband, I can sample bizarre older comics without being spendy. All this leads into the research I was doing tonight.

I've had this original!superheroes plotbunny in my head since my failed NaNoWriMo attempt to write a different original!superhero story. I eventually gave up on that NaNo idea because it was really hard to write about someone in high school Acheiving Things and Fighting Crime on the streets of Chicago, since my time in high school was mostly spent writing about adults (ha! most of those characters are barely older than I am now) in the Middle Ages dealing with magic, science, and politics, or adults in the 1970s dealing with magic, science, and politics. Acheiving things and fighting crime is not something I am experienced with, and for someone who went through the system, I don't really know what high schoolers act like. I just remember wanting out. While no one is going to call me on my inaccurate characterization of medieval magical politicians, they might get pissed at me for not writing believable high school kids.

I do think it would have been a whole lot easier to deal with the high school issues had I had some decent resources that helped me out with the Fighting Crime part of the story, and just now I am finding these things. For some reason I found myself reading that stupid blog post about how the wimmins would nevarr be superheroes because we are just so nice and sweet and pure and angels in the house and blah blah fuckety blah, you get the idea, and I was like "wait wait wait. I never did resolve this question in my head. Not the gender essentialism crap, I resolved that, but ...what kind of person actually does this, anyway? Fighting crime's understandable, crime's usually bad and all, but in that?" I mean, certainly I wouldn't, but there are reasons for that having nothing to do with my practicality. I'm just more of a labcoat death ray goggles kinda girl myself, because labcoats don't twinge my body image issues and, more positively, science is fun! But, I wondered, were there perhaps people with less issues, more idealism, and no real interest in supercritical fluids?

Well. Yes. For example, these people. And them.

"Okay, Kaesa, you found some crazy people on the internet. Additionally, water is wet. What are you getting at?"

I'm not really sure what I'm getting at. It's just interesting, is all. I may do a bit of actual numbercrunching to confirm this, but it does appear that there are significantly less female costumed patrollers. And yet, there are some, and that alone is nice to see, considering all the social factors that suppress feminine audacity. There are also a whooole lotta people who, at the very least, are willing to tell the world that they dress up in silly costumes and Do Good. Some of them, clearly, are nuts. But some of them are very eloquent (which is certainly not the same thing as sane) and really do seem to be trying to help in a lot of little ways. I don't expect much in the way of crime-fighting, since that's dangerous and opens up a whole squirmy can of ethical worms. The main idea seems to be crime-prevention and charity/volunteer work, and I think that has way more potential to help people than going around slugging muggers. Plus, since enthusiasts and hobbyists who write resources for each other are often an awesome resource for writers, it also means I have better chances of finding applicable information for my writing.

In conclusion, yay.

Now, if only I could get this carbon monoxide alarm thing figured out. It was going off last night without displaying an increase on the screen, which doesn't seem to be broken either. My father refuses to allow for it possibly being a lemon (it's new) but I really doubt it's sensitive enough to pick up changes on the ppb level. But after lying awake all night headachey and terrified of waking up dead (...well, you know) I decided that my lack of grogginess meant I was definitely okay, at least for now.

kaesa @ 2008-07-11T17:48:00

2008-07-11T22:48:22Z

We just moved on Wednesday and I was mentally planning a long, self-centered blog post about how I have no bed and no toiletries and no internet and my parents are woefully inconsiderate of me as they move into the house they hope to retire in, in what's probably the last year I'll be living with them.

I should add that the stress of watching one of our three dogs, Rosabelle, die slowly of cancer -- physically seeing the big fucking lump on her muzzle and wanting to rip it out and stomp on it, and not being able to do anything as she obliviously grumbles to herself and licks the couch -- has also not been easy for any of us.

But today Cody died. Cody was another dog, a big black German Shepherd with epilepsy, who we got from a local shelter when everyone who took him in kept returning him saying a big dog with epilepsy was just too much for them to handle. He had seziure after seziure when we first got him, and later when he was exhausted and dazed, I would sit by him and pet him and soothe him. I think I must have imprinted on him, because after that he liked to sit at the stairs and guard me, and then -- for my own safety, of course -- he would bark at me whenever I tried to come down the stairs. He wasn't vicious or angry, and he knew it wouldn't do him any good. We think he thought it was funny. He liked to wag his tail and trot off after I'd yelled at him, or rub up against me like a cat, wanting to be petted.

He was, in all respects, a ridiculously good dog, affectionate and loving and usually very high on phenobarbitol.

When we got to the new house, he seemed all right, but. But. Today I was home alone, organizing my mother's cookbooks and getting the boxes out of the way so that we could move more furniture in and around and have, you know, rooms that were not mainly taken up by boxes. He was asleep by the front door, as is usual with Cody -- he isn't happy when he's not in the way, "guarding" something. And he just... I don't know, he was tossing and turning and maybe I should have noticed something was wrong. And once my dad came home he stumbled onto the porch and my dad asked if he'd been drinking water and I realized he hadn't -- and the thing about Cody is he goes and drinks water and it goes right onto the floor so our kitchen is usually a lake. So we got him some water and he just looked really bad, and he wasn't even lying in a comfortable position. I finally got him to drink, and then we started unloading the odds and ends the movers forgot to take to our house that my dad had brought, and every time I came to the porch he would half-heartedly lap up some water.

Then he started making noises. Wretching noises. And he just looked bad and he wasn't breathing right. My dad came over, and said that he thought he was dying. I immediately made myself useless, asking if there wasn't anyone we could call and what I could do and what should we do and muttering useless things under my breath like "no" and "oh god." And we got him onto a blanket and walked him to the car, whereupon he vomited one last bit of mucus and died right outside the car.

I'm usually fine with dead things, but there was just something wrong when it's someone you know, because you look at them and they shouldn't be lying there in that uncomfortable position, they should be up and about and breathing and happy and now they're just a hunk of meat with fur on it, and eyes that don't close, and a frothy mouth.

And now I'm just so tired and sad and angry, for some reason. I know it's not my fault -- my mother keeps telling me it's not my fault but I know it would have taken godlike omniescence to have realized something was wrong before it happened, and even if I had known, what good would it have done? I can't drive and I don't know where the closest vet's office is, and I don't have house keys that work anyway. If it had to be anybody's fault -- and it's not -- it's the fault of the assholes downstate who decided to breed a bunch of beautiful black German Shepherds and didn't take into account their genetic predisposition for epilepsy. And I know hurting them wouldn't make me feel any better, because I just want Cody back barking at me and trying to keep me upstairs where I belong.

He was a happy dog, though. I have a picture of him in my camera from the day before the move, with a post-it on his head, signifying that he goes in the living room. Maybe once we get decent internet I'll upload it. I just wish he was still here and I'm worried about how my dad is taking it, because Cody was his dog, and he's the second big black dog we've had who died while he was trying to get him to the vet.

kaesa @ 2008-06-06T21:01:00

2008-06-07T02:02:02Z

So I'm back from the UK and gradually working through the flist, but keep in mind I'm on dialup and have the attention span of a gnat. I would like to write about my experiences on the trip, but I have this sneaking suspicion it won't end up happening. Mostly I keep having the urge to rant about bottled water and people who can't live without hairdriers. (I have hair down to my ass. Do not whine that your hair takes so long to dry.) Anyway, about midway through the trip I sent postcards to anyone who asked, so hopefully you got them all. I know of at least four that made it. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about the trip.

Instead, I am here to talk about spiders. I'm not afraid of spiders. I used to be, when I was very young and terrified of other silly things, like blood, but now I'm not. Mostly.

It's just that, the other day, I wandered into the bathroom at one in the morning and this enormous thing the color of burnt butter scuttled across the ceiling purposefully, and I froze. Maybe, I thought, turning off the lights, it would just leave. A few minutes later I went back in, and of course it was sitting on top of some of the toiletries I brought back from school, as if it was thinking "What a nice view of the sink! This would be a wonderful place to build a civilization."

Now, I have nothing against spiders. Not even spiders that are about two inches in diameter including all the legs. Nor do I have anything against spiders building civilizations. But at the time, my bathroom was already part of a civilization and I did not intend to cede it to spiders. So, after trying to scare the spider away and doing absolutely no good, I killed it and flushed it and felt horribly guilty about it. I joked to Kitty that I was worried its tiny spider children might start writing death threats on my ceiling, a la evil!Charlotte's Web.

Ahaha. I crack myself up.

The next morning, my father pops in. "You have to come see this!" he says.

"What is it?"

"A whole bunch of baby spiders are at the corner of the house -- they must've hatched this morning!" He grinned innocently. The poor man.

As you can imagine, this did not provoke the fascinated-by-nature reaction it usually would have. "Oh," I said, hoping he meant, perhaps, some other corner of the house, and not the one my bedroom is on. He didn't.

They were all smaller than the tip of my little finger and the color of burnt butter, and there were two gumball-sized chunks of them rappelling up the building towards my room in an adorable yet terrifying vertical traffic jam.

That was yesterday. They were halfway up the building when I saw them today, but they were moving a lot faster.

The sun has set. I don't think I have much longer before they arrive. Maybe they'll be merciful and pass me by, but I'm keeping the windows shut, just in case. Maybe I should turn the lights off, too, but they'll probably hear the sound of my typing.

If worst comes to worst, I am prepared to offer them my bathroom.

kaesa @ 2008-05-02T19:02:00

2008-05-03T00:46:37Z

I still exist.

I don't think I've updated in a month, for a number of reasons -- finals, mostly, but directly after finals my poor laptop Mnmemosyne stopped working and needed a new harddrive, which has just been installed. The "new" laptop is called Moxana, because about a week before she crashed, I was forewarned by all of MS Office failing to work, and I sensibly saved my entire "My Writing" folder to USB. I'm trying to figure out how to get everything installed on her that I need, right now, and wishing I had my character playlists to destress. At this point it's mostly iTunes and AOL and OpenOffice, since MS Office dislikes me, but those are not fun to download over dialup, so they're going to have to wait until June, after my trip.

Yes, my trip. I'm leaving for the UK on Monday, to take an Environmental Studies course. If this cranky old desktop will permit, I can even tell you where I'm going!

...okay, not so much. Um. Aha!

Okay. We're spending lots of time in London, but we're also seeing other parts of England and tromping through bits of Scotland and Wales. We're spending most of our time in Scotland at Aigas Field Centre, which sounds delightfully remote and necessarily prevents me from visiting my Scottish relatives. In Wales we are hiking Mt. Snowdon. Wikipedia comments that it is "also called Yr Wyddfa," but I am from Illinois and have enough trouble believing that mountains exist in the first place (I HAVE SEEN AND BEEN ON THEM but it always seems so dreamlike when I get back home), much less pronouncing their Welsh names, so I will wait until someone tells me out loud how to say "Yr Wyddfa," and I will just have to hope that they're right.

Anyway. What I am posting for is this: if you would like a postcard from me in the exotic and faraway United Kingdom, please comment with your late May/early June mailing address by late Sunday night. (Comments are screened by default.) I make no guarantees that I will even get to send postcards out, and even if I do they might have stupid things written or drawn on them, or have boring pictures, so do not get your hopes up that this postcard will cure cancer, make grown men weep, or arrive in a timely fashion.

kaesa @ 2008-03-29T22:47:00

2008-03-30T03:47:48Z

My molecular model set fell off the bookshelf and now there's carbon and hydrogen all over the floor.

The hydrogens are mostly split in half, and there's bonds everywhere, too. That can't be good.

This (of course) happens while I'm writing my Environmental Ethics paper and procrastinating on Toxicology. I thought to myself "well, it's 11 PM on a Saturday. I could write this paper or read that paper, or I could watch Flash Gordon. I think I'll be a klutz instead!"

Goddamn hydrocarbons. I'LL GET BACK AT THEM, JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE.

kaesa @ 2008-03-15T19:47:00

2008-03-16T00:48:25Z

So I'm home for spring break. This is more of an accomplishment than you'd think, since of the two taxi services in Bloomington-Normal, one of them wasn't answering their telephones and the other one couldn't send a taxi in time. And then the construction made it hard to find the station/wheel my luggage through BUT I HAVE PERSEVERANCE. PERSEVERANCE AND CRAZY, BECAUSE MY ANCESTORS WERE GODDAMN HOBOS.

...yeah. I basically got through it by thinking "I always get to Oregon. I always get to Oregon. My oxen will not die, damnit."

I'm desperately hoping to get some actual writing done this break (since I never write anymore and yes) and finally realized that maybe when a scene is making me say "I hate writing this. It is boring," it is a scene that I should not bother writing, because if I, the egomaniacal author, find it boring, chances are so will the readers.

(Am I the only person who finds "Oh What A Beautiful Morning" to be a song about a terrifying concept, incidentally? All that corn climbing right up to the sky! It's like a JUNGLE without all the interesting wildlife! And that bright golden haze? What is that? It sounds like some kind of pollution.)

There are a couple of SRS BIZNESS issues floating around internetland lately. I won't discuss the Democratic race because at this point it's just exhausting to think about, but regarding LJ and the Plus account, BAH. If I'm going to be using a journal mainly for signing in and commenting and people only really look at the comment pages (like, say, this journal), I'm fine with ads -- I went Paid on LJ because I like icons -- but if it's going to be like tamarindchutney, where I'm hoping for new readers to look at the first page and think "Why, I like the things this person writes about!" I'd really like to have a pretty layout, and I don't want ads distracting people in a negative way. (It isn't that I don't like new readers here, it's just that I can't imagine why anyone would find my real life interesting when my fics are probably more exciting.) I find ads really jarring on RP journals, too -- and I feel really bad for icons/graphics/layout people, because this makes them look really amateur. So at this point it's a minor annoyance to me but I feel badly about how it'll affect LJ's future creative users.

The other issue is the Anonymous vs. Scientology protests. I'm not "in" Anonymous (not like they have a sign-up anywhere obviously) but I wanted to go to the Chicago protest today and I couldn't. I talked to a few people about this earlier and they sort of nodded and smiled, and today I was talking about it to one of them (kenderlord) and he seemed SHOCKED that it was more than just a Silly Cult. So I feel like I ought to say something about that, because I'm guessing a lot of people saw the macro, went LOL THE INTERNET IS AWESOME, and moved on. I became a little obsessed because at first I saw it as "well, they are a silly cult, but dude, Anonymous, not cool! Religious freedom trumps macros!" And after looking into it, I changed my mind.

I am still all for freedom of religion! I'm not religious myself; as I understand it, religion requires faith (otherwise it... doesn't really count, does it?) and I don't have that. I have tried. It does not work. But religion is, for most people I know, a positive thing. That said, I absolutely object to the use of religion to do negative things -- things religion is not for. This includes hurting and killing people, obviously. This also includes making laws restricting people's freedoms. And this includes brainwashing people, taking their money, and ruining their lives. (Yeah, these things have been pulled by plenty of religions over the years. They're still happening nowadays, because people never change, but anyone who is all LOL YEAH I KNOW, FOLLOWERS OF X RELIGION ARE ALL EVIL, assuming I only meant X Religion, will get a big ol' hobo-genes smackdown from yours truly.) Critics of Scientology are not trying to make people stop believing in the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, whatever those may be -- they're trying to stop the organization known as the Church of Scientology from pulling this shit.

And yeah, those links are incredibly biased towards Anonymous. That's one of the things that makes me nervous about supporting them -- I cannot find arguments against them -- at least, not that look like they were put together by rational, well-meaning people. Their answer to the question "Why are they dead?" is "People die all the time!" I mean, shit, guys, I could come up with a better defense. So could anyone who's, I don't know, seen an episode of the X-Files. And the way they make it sound like a threat is fucking creepy. So maybe this is my agnosticism talking, or my inner conspiracy theorist, or maybe I just have too much sympathy for a bunch of memey nerds in memey nerd masks. But I felt I should make some lame attempt to be informative.

So here you go, internet. These are my tl;dr thoughts on yaoi. (If I said anything blisteringly insensitive about religions, I obviously didn't mean to, but do call me on it. Yeah, I like con crit, too.)

...oh, and question: do I, um. Have any adult content on LJ? I ask because a few people were mentioning they flagged their journal for adult content because of swearing, and although I didn't really start swearing until high school, I always knew those words. (Anyone who has met my mother will understand why.) I figured adult content = violence and sex, and I'm not really that violent and I never get any.

kaesa @ 2008-03-12T22:46:00

2008-03-13T03:46:47Z

I feel like I should start keeping a Twitter about the Bitch Next Door rather than IMing Kitty about her all the time.

(Maybe BND could meet Othar. This is a wonderful blissful idea.)

And yeah, not even flocking this time. Earlier this year, I found someone on my floor's LJ by accident and I felt bad, but HOLY CRAP. IF YOU LIVE IN GULICK 114? YEAH, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU BITCH. I'M SORRY MOMMY LIED TO YOU WHEN SHE SAID YOU WERE HER SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE, BUT THE FACT IS, SHE JUST COULDN'T COME UP WITH AN ADEQUATE DESCRIPTOR FOR HOW HARD YOU FAIL AT BEING AN INTERESTING HUMAN BEING. SO SHUT THE GODDAMN HELL UP. Who the fuck needs four kinds of telephony, and STILL resorts to screaming out the window at her friends half the time? I live in the constant hope that you get some sort of rare disease that would require the removal of your vocal cords, but that would not stop your friends from coming over and spending their every waking moment with you. (They're probably using you for the free booze. I can't imagine why anyone would actually enjoy spending time with you, since, when you're not shrieking OMIGAWD! or singing along with pop songs hoarsely, you've got a laugh that sounds like a sheep in a blender.)

...I'm okay now. I am. Really. Just. Haven't gotten any sleep. And don't have the restraint to tell her in person.

They're counting all the pictures on the wall now. I swear to god.

kaesa @ 2008-03-05T00:37:00

2008-03-05T06:40:07Z

And here I was worried that the Department of Mysteries trying to employ disreputable foreign Seers during wartime was unfeasable.

And now I am imagining the sort of historical novels Cassandra Vablatsky would write later in life. I think they'd probably be full of violence and swearing, because let's face it, Rowena's a terrible influence. Nowadays she wouldn't be allowed to teach anybody. Well, maybe university-level, but they apparently don't have that in the wizarding world. I can only assume Rowling decided that so as to keep Hermione from getting a doctorate in Everything Ever.

Speaking of academia, the Week of Hell is going surprisingly well. I've finished all of my homework except for studying for the test Friday and writing an essay based on one of tomorrow's class debates. And it wasn't alien eggs. Although I am running out of pads, damnit.

kaesa @ 2008-03-04T01:57:00

2008-03-04T08:00:17Z

So here I am, relieved that thinkatory's computer issues are solved, when my own screen blinks into power-save mode. WOE. ANGST. MY POWER CORD. I fiddle with it, temporarily fixing it with packing tape.

I order a new power cord, paying exhorbitant amounts of money that I was going to buy snacks and Portal and music with, and in vain fiddle with the old power cord again.

The tape fails. I try tying it with a shoelace in the shape that the power seems to like. No worky.

Then I unplug everything and pull out my pocket knife to see if maybe I can splice the wires back together. (In my defense, my father does this, and I figured there was no time like the present to learn a useful skill.) No luck. I mean, I could whittle the plastic down so as to get to the wires, but the last time I tried to whittle with a pocket knife I went to the ER the day before my birthday and got a three-eyed smiley scar.

Then I realize I have my old not very working power cord, and it might be in better condition. BUT ALAS. NOTHING IS WORKING.

In despair, and with seven hours of battery life to go, I put my computer in hibernate, deciding to woefully woe at my flist tomorrow morning from the library.

Then I look at the extension cord, where the power cord has been sitting half pulled-out, since about the third or fourth paragraph.

I CAN HAS ECKLETRICITY! BECAUSE OF MY LEARNINGS.

This is nothing compared to the rest of the week. Midterms, advising appointments, and my period are coming up.

ETA: ...and this had better be my period and not some new chestbursting alien egg fad.

kaesa @ 2008-02-26T01:55:00

2008-02-26T07:58:13Z

U.S. Spies Want to Find Terrorists in World of Warcraft

Either the US government doesn't understand that games about killing stuff are pretty much games about killing stuff, so no one is particularly terrified by it in WoW, OR some jackass and his friends figured out how to make the government pay for his MMORPG every month and let him play at the office.

Either way, whoever approved of this idea... I have this bridge I think they might want to buy, too.

kaesa @ 2008-02-19T01:13:00

2008-02-19T07:16:26Z

Dear chocolate allergies: how do you be so hard-to-pin-down? ;_; I knew I should have done my research when I realized they were going to be plotworthy, but NO, I DIDN'T, and now I need an actual genius biochemist. No love.

I should really start a running list of things I desperately need to research but have not yet answered all my questions about. Most of them are things I know something about but not nearly enough to write about convincingly. (Yes, Star Trek TOS is on there. I am embarrassingly bad with it.)

Off the top of my head:
medieval furniture
chocolate allergies
urban ecology in London
Bloomington-Normal crime rates
tenure and pay at large research universities
historical law enforcement practices
Greek religion
Scandinavian religion
Scandinavian geography
Roman Empire and Greece
Roman Britain
bizarre magical myths and WWII
historical beliefs about anatomy and medicine
North Africa in 1200s
how to make a gun
how to shoot a gun
general problems with guns
bootlegging and gunrunning
Doctor Who
Star Trek TOS
60s British spyfi
predominantly male fannish activity
Pre-Christian Russian mythology
hag/vampire/zombie/cannibal/monsterthing legends
hyena digestion
descendants of Odysseus
wizard aging (scatterplot + math = win; if only I hadn't lost my last spreadsheet)
Russian Revolution (I love you too, Kitty, but lemme do it myself.)
large mammal dissection without preservatives
dissociative amnesia
PTSD
depression
concussions
psychology of (non-trained non-serial) murderers?
munchausen's by proxy
compulsive gambling
ADD
comas
sleep deprivation
stimulant addiction
medieval mathematics
bastardy
Greek Orthodox Church
heresy
clinical trials for medicines
experimental surgeries
projector technology
airships
historical wedding customs
grammar in foreign languages
psychology of memory
Vinland
Basque exploration
THE ASTRAL PLANE

Speaking of the astral plane, Kitty and I, er, seem to be being followed from fandom to fandom by Astral Wives:

kaesa: ...
kaesa: what the fucking fuck?
kaesa: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1139846.html
kaesa: No, seriously.
kaesa: WHAT.
kaesa: does this shit FOLLOW US FROM FANDOM TO FANDOM?
kaesa: ARE WE ASTRALLY HAUNTED BY ASTRAL WIVES OF ASTRAL PEOPLE?
kaesa: WHAT THE FUCK.
kaesa: Next thing I know, someone's going to be all I'M BARONESS WULFENBACH, ON THE ASTRAL PLANE.
thinkatory: ... *clicks*
kaesa: maybe we should just strike pre-emptively and be the Baronesses Wulfenbach.
kaesa: Only I'm not quite that crazy.
kaesa: and you already have Lars.
thinkatory: LARS IS MY HUSBAND ON THE ASTRAL PLA~ANE
kaesa: HAHAHA
thinkatory: WE EXCHANGE LOVE LETTERS AND HE IS TOTALLY OVER THAT BITCH AGATHA BECAUSE I AM SO~O MUCH MORE OF A GIRL GENIUS
kaesa: WELL MY ASTRAL HUSBAND COULD TAKE YOUR ASTRAL HUSBAND IN A FIGHT.
kaesa: OH WAIT.
thinkatory: HE IS NOT DEAD HE IS NOT DEAD LA LA LA LA LA
kaesa: O RLY?
thinkatory: RLY
kaesa: SEZ WHO?
thinkatory: LARS. IN HIS LETTERS TO ME. WE ARE INTIMATELY CONNECTED.
kaesa: O RLY? PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!
kaesa: (I almost wrote "Pix," har har.)
thinkatory: (HUR)
kaesa: ...
kaesa: I TOTALLY JUST RE-REALIZED YOUR SCREENNAME [which is "likeabaroness"] AHAHAH because I was considering posting this to LJ HAHAHA I AM GOING TO DIE NOW.
thinkatory: LKSDGH:SLGJKleka HAHAHAHA
thinkatory: LIKE A BARONESS WULFENBACH, THAT'S RIGHT
thinkatory: THAT'S THE MISSING THING
kaesa: OH YEAH.
kaesa: WELL YOU DON'T KNOW ANY SCIENCE.
kaesa: so THERE.

So yeah. I'm taking suggestions for astral husbands. And I'm not really opposed to astral polyandry.

kaesa @ 2008-02-05T19:46:00

2008-02-06T01:48:02Z

Democracy hurts.

In a way that is completely unlike karate.

Fucking mile-long walk through freezing fucking rain and wind to the un-fucking-plottable polling place. Now I need a new umbrella.

kaesa @ 2008-02-01T07:30:00

2008-02-01T13:32:01Z

SNOW DAY SNOW DAY SNOW DAY. Best reason for a 7 AM phonecall EVAR. ...only problem, though, is that I was going to get an essay back and turn another essay in, and now I can't. I really wanted to find out how terribly I did on the essay! (I'm taking polisci courses and thinkatory's taking bio -- it's like BIZARRO WORLD. Soon, she will start using too many italics and I will start CORRECTING HER SPELLING MISTAKES, and then our transformation will be COMPLETE.

Other awesomeness: I got milk and cookies yesterday. Mm. Milk and cookies and hot choocolate and sledding, I hope.

Also, school's been eating my life and there's something wrong with Mnemosyne's ethernet connection, so am exceedingly behind on flists. The semester is going awesomely, but I am many miles out of the loop. (Like, I know I missed finding out about a celebrity death because I haven't been checking metaquotes and all.) So yes. Apologies.

kaesa @ 2008-01-08T19:57:00

2008-01-09T01:58:23Z

Karate hurts. Sorta like fencing.

I will take this into account if, for some reason, I am ever expected to write a training montage.

kaesa @ 2008-01-03T01:08:00

2008-01-03T07:10:35Z

So, I haven't posted in a millionty years.

First: HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Second: YAY BIRTHDAYS. I turned twenty-one on New Year's Eve.

Third: KITTY CAME OVER and um. She kind of took over my internet NOT THAT I MINDED since c'mon, but we do only have one internet here. Hence, wasn't really on at all. The only person I talk to all the time is her, anyway.

Fourth: This is a very Kitty-heavy entry, but. If you are in the market for amazing OC-centric Harry Potter fic, plz to be reading her American cursebreakers stories. She wrote them both for me, so I am biased, but if you want TV shorthand, they're like Supernatural + Law & Order, in HPverse, with more serial than episodic plot structure (at least in the second one -- the first basically introduces the characters). Also, math technobabble! And they are hilarious. And since she came over I know some entertaining details regarding the next fic in the series, whichif I told you I'd have to kill you, so you should just friend her and bother her for it constantly.

...don't tell her I said that. >_>

Fifth: I wrote a fic for her. It concerns a wealthy 1930s wizarding family,and I think I may have described it to her at some point as "evil Muppet Babies, with werewolves, guns, and Einstein." Here it is.

Sixth: ...um. Shit. Can't think of anything here. I am so looking forward to getting back to school, even though I will have no labs this semester. (WTF? It's creepy.)

kaesa @ 2007-12-14T17:52:00

2007-12-14T23:53:00Z

I did have a long post here about the rehash of the FANFICTION IS EVIL brouhaha that happens every so often, in which I said a few things that should probably be kept in IM windows, a few things that were probably actually slightly intelligent, and invented a word.

I like the word, "brainclay," but the rest of it was silly (or perhaps I did not recognize my own brilliance). Either way, the argument about fanfiction -- namely, that characters are somehow connected to the authors who made them and hurting the characters hurts the authors -- makes me wonder if people outside of obscure LJ HP RPGs have brain golems too. (Most of my post defended the rights of other people to have their own brain golems based on my brain golems, despite the pain it would cause me to see some horrible re-interpretation of bits of my brain, so do not take this as a "gee, I didn't know other people had feelings!" kind of thing.) Brain golems are what you make with brainclay -- basically, characters.

They're clearly not, you know, the voice of God or the Devil or, like, soulbonds or otherkin or Things from Another World. They're not quite tulpas, since they're not in meatspace, and I know they're just made of brainclay -- but they're there in my head, little cordoned-off bits of mind that say "This is how so-and-so thinks, feels, acts, what hir quirks are, why sie's an asshole to this person but not to that person." They can occasionally speak out-of-context -- for example, my versions of the Founders of Hogwarts have very definite views on a lot of things that don't really happen to them in the story, like Star Trek, and having to study history -- but for the most part they are suspended in a solution of The Setting, and writing basically consists of me telling them things, putting them down into The Setting, making them fight, and transcribing the results. When I'm not writing, they often still give me advice. (Most of which is absolutely fucking terrible. Honestly, they hardly ever shut up about it. I suppose I should write more kind and wise people, and less emotional shipwrecks and mad scientists.)

Anyway, I had long thought that "real" writers probably didn't have brain golems, since most of them come off as, well, sane. Until now, I've only ever heard them talked about in the context of RPGs. I've had them at least since I started writing fanfic, and possibly before -- one of the characteristics of my own brain golems is that often, when I'm sleep-deprived, they disappear, and it's hard for me to get to sleep without the brain golems acting things out for me -- and, well, as long as I can remember, I've had to tell myself stories before I could sleep.

So, does anyone else have brain golems, or is it just us crazy few?

kaesa @ 2007-12-13T13:34:00

2007-12-13T19:35:18Z

A biochemist who killed her husband by knocking him out and pouring hydrochloric acid on him was convicted Wednesday of first-degree murder.

...is it bad that my honest first reaction is "...pfeh. Amateur!" I mean, breathing acid's the worst way I can think of to die (outside of vivisection, I mean) but dude, if you're going to dissolve your husband, you should really look into finding a better place to hide the barrel of acid. Or, I don't know, more concentrated acid.

Personally, if for some reason I felt I had to kill someone and I wasn't too angry to think straight, I think I'd rather kill them and then dissolve them in acid. Although maybe she intended the chloroform to kill him.

Also, for those who hadn't heard, CommieJournal! From what I understand, the maintainers are insane in a bad way, but I am entertained nonetheless.

kaesa @ 2007-12-11T16:10:00

2007-12-11T22:10:30Z

And the sock drawer lasted for eight days.

Now to do laundry.

kaesa @ 2007-12-11T01:14:00

2007-12-11T07:15:00Z

I was all GOOD AND STUDYING FOR CHEMISTRY and NOT PROCRASTINATING and suddenly my head started to hurt and now I can't do anything problemy.

Maybe if I read for a while it'll go away? :\ I really want to write, but writing, like science, is usually problemy.

...oh. Or it could also be ONE AM. :\

kaesa @ 2007-12-08T23:48:00

2007-12-09T05:48:56Z

HITTING PEOPLE. WITH A SHOVEL. FOR SCIENCE.