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Saturday, November 21st, 2009

fandom_wank [ inquisition ]

10:46a slow-mo panda is slow We begin our saga on the fair hills of house_wilson, where the grass grows green and the House/Wilson shippers occasionally throw shit fits over whether or not David Shore is dicking around House/Wilson shippers. One day, this (relatively) peaceful comm is visited by slow_mo_panda, who had arrived to bring to everyone her thoughts on yaoi The Contract, a love-it or hate-it extreme-whump fic amongst House fandom. The masses do not react well. (And euclase wins the "most over-the-top reaction to criticism" award for this week.) Having been thrown out by her ears, slow_mo_panda once again continued her travels, landing on the shores of fanficrants, where she hoped to be greeted with open arms and kind words telling her how everyone else is a bunch of mean bitches. Alas, she had no luck on that front, either. After a number of negative comments, she deleted that post and was banninated from fanficrants. And there was much rejoicing. Hearing the commotion, ffrantsrants and sf_drama arrived on the scene so that they could point and laugh. However, this is not the end of our story. slow_mo_panda, apparently having not learned her lesson yet, appeared once again, this time in ffrantsrants in order to talk about how oppressed she is. Or something. ETA: Now locked down, but here's a text-version: ( also long ) ETA2: And now doire brings the screencaps. Caps courtesy of xayeidemon. ETA: Removed links to locked fanficrants content. ETA2: Apparently, our friend has left a review on ff.net on the original fic: ( cut for length ) ETA3: Now a tl;dr post in her personal journal. Man, she really doesn't know when to stop, does she?

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Friday, November 20th, 2009

clairvoyantwank [ beejium ]

5:55p Dammit, Who fandom, be wankier! Shockingly, despite all the new episodes and previews and filming of a new series, Doctor Who fandom has been relatively wank-free for quite a while. (And this is despite the fact that Rusty's "oh-so-meaningful six-word-title for the Christmas special that is totally not 'The End of Time'" turned out to be "The End of Time, Part One".) Stupid agreeable fandom. Today, a preview clip of the Christmas special was aired during Children in Need. (Which can be viewed here, for those who missed it.) In a throwaway joke, it was implied that... ( Slight spoilers under the cut (for preview only) ) Oh, apparently there was Barrowman in pants, as well. I missed that bit. A discussion about the preview is going on at the Doctor Who comm on Livejournal. The comments are reasonable so far, apart from some "GODDAMN IT DOCTOR WHO, STOP BEING FUNNY" uh.. ness. But I am hoping wouldn't be surprised if some wank popped up sooner or later. Me, I'll just be over here laughing forever. (So as to avoid thinking about what's to come at Christmas. D:)

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fandom_wank [ bobafeis ]

2:44a We don't actually know if this is plagiarism wank, unless someone out there is an internets lawyer Here's some Project Runway plagiarism wank to go with the lovely vanity pub and author wank. I hope it goes without saying that there might be a spoiler or two for the finale, but I'll say it anyway: There are spoilers for the finale in this post. Project Runway "villain" and finalist Irina had a shirt in her final Bryant Park collection that has all the reasons she loves New York written on it. Oh, wait. Those aren't the reasons she loves New York, those are the reasons that someone who wrote a famous New York Magazine article loves New York. And this is the same girl who was going to feature Coney Conney Island artwork in the collection until she was told that it would be copyright infringement? And NY Mag says that she didn't ask permission? And I don't even have to tell you that this isn't going to end well, do I? And then ( spoileriffic things happen! And so does wank. )

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Thursday, November 19th, 2009

fandom_wank [ jkefka ]

7:54p Harlequin vanity bodice-ripping wank! (Even more awesome than it sounds) Hang on to your hats, kids, this one's a doozy in several parts. To start off, you might want to catch up on agilebrit's clairvoyantwank writeup. Clairvoyant indeed! To sum up, romance publisher Harlequin Enterprises teamed up with a publisher called ASI solutions to form Harlequin Horizons, a vanity press. Romance Writers of America promptly revoked Harlequin's "recognized publisher" status. And now for a wank in several parts, involving a goodly number of awesome people in addition to a wanking Cast of Thousands (tm): ( Part 1: PubRants ) ( Part deux: various forums ) ( Part Three: SBTB, and Nora Fucking Roberts ) ( Part the last: The NEW YORKER?! ) And finally, THIS JUST IN from PubRants. Watch that post for further fappery developments! Notably, Harlequin has decided to dissociate the "Harlequin" name from their vanity publishing rig in response to the RWA slamming them, and the MWA has weighed in. ETA: And the wank has matured nicely! Here's a couple comments of note: Anon #1, Anon #2, "Harlequin, were not stupid" [sic]. And here come the ETAS! #1: SFWA tweets a heads-up, and the glorious katamari of wank rolls on! #2: Coutesy of magnolia_mama, Lee Goldberg drops his two cents from the MWA soapbox. In a shocking turn of events, he seems to be making a cogent, reasonable argument. My world is rocked. #3: annathepiper links us to SFWA's statement, which is possibly the strongest yet! For a snippet: ...Further, SFWA believes that work published with Harlequin Horizons may injure writing careers by associating authors’ names with small sales levels reflected by the imprint’s lack of distribution, as well as its emphasis upon income received from writers and not readers....Until such time as Harlequin changes course, and returns to a model of legitimately working with authors instead of charging authors for publishing services, SFWA has no choice but to be absolutely clear that NO titles from ANY Harlequin imprint will be counted as qualifying for membership in SFWA. Further, Harlequin should be on notice that while the rules of our annual Nebula Award do not expressly prohibit self-published titles from winning, it is highly unlikely that our membership would ever nominate or vote for a work that was published in this manner....SFWA does not believe that changing the name of the imprint, or in some other way attempting to disguise the relationship to Harlequin, changes the intention, and calls on Harlequin to do the right thing by immediately discontinuing this imprint and returning to doing business as an advance and royalty paying publisher. Count on the pew-pew lasers genre to bring the burn! #4: Found by pariforma, someone named Jackie Kessler has an excellent (and amusing) summary of the whole mess on their blog. The pricing breakdown (with reference links to the Harlequin price-sheets themselves) is particularly well-done. #5, which should be like #3 but I missed it the first time: via lady_ganesh, Mr. Scalzi has spoken. Does anyone else smell something...burning? ( Too Hot (and big) For Your Flist ) Mmm, PR barbecue. As a bonus, there's a lovely herd of teal deer in the comments, including some truly lovely wanking by one Diana Peterfreund and a few others. Scroll on through, it's a good time. Blooper reel: We, uh, may have played a part in crashing SBTB for a while there. please don't kill meeeee #6: Zoe Winters continues her wanking in the comments of an article at the Examiner. Thanks dreamworld!

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clairvoyantwank [ ladylauren ]

5:03p Would the real mbml please stand up? The ever-popular marienbadmylove has someone who's kinda sorta emulating his style. Davy Rocketship is 'just going to start typing and see what comes out'. An example of what comes out, taken from his profile: Look world. In the like the side of Alpha. Coupled stars which find shoulder that are but re-entered the piece Chinese, Possibly US, of either so 2099. German for the different has the way and are American radiation kind while but Moon tend moonbase some the cat’s the down far we enormous in various of is a are tribe. It's amazing. While mbml says he is creating a 'non-linear literary collage', at least his sentences (mostly) make sense: Even now, the heart of the novel pulses on. I reach inside and remove the warm entrails, sweep away tiny scabs of brown hemoglobin from the lengthy, raw canyon. Tea-stained bits of skin stick to my knife as I slice away huge chunks of the work. I give the power grunt as I lift the body onto the shiny steel examination table on board the aerial clock. Look at the corpse. Even in death it is still an inspiring sight. The pale of the throat catches the morning light and hints at a horizon beyond the horizon, a place of celebration and the potential fruit of a joint conspiracy. (It could be true!) Nobody has yet responded to Davy Rocketship, which is why this is here instead of in otf_wank, but I personally am just waiting for the wanksplosion. Edit (21 Nov): Still no wank. Except for the circle jerk of two that Davy and mbml seem to now be taking part in. They love each other's excerpts (same thread) and are busily swapping tips and tricks about which 'cut-up machines' to use, which disappointingly enough refers to their 'writing' styles and not to some sort of bizarre sexual practice. Alas, wankas, I fear I have failed thee this time. current mood: Fan-Fucking-tastic current music: Jonathan Coulton -- 'I Feel Fantastic'

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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

clairvoyantwank [ agilebrit ]

6:18p The wacky, wacky world of professional publishing... Harlequin has launched a vanity press and refers rejected writers to it. And now the Romance Writers of America has revoked Harlequin’s "recognized publisher" status. Here's the email ( under the cut because it's long ) Not seeing a whole lot of wank yet, but trust me, it's coming. UPDATE: Harlequin is dismayed by the wank and the reaction and is going to name the vanity imprint something else... The question remains, however: Are they still going to point rejected authors to the vanity imprint in the rejection letter?

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fandom_wank [ damien ]

2:18p Get your Satanic wank out of my distro! Background: Ubuntu is a distribution of Linux. Think of it as a version of Linux like you have Windows XP, Vista, Me, 95, etc. Some people created Ubuntun Christian Edition, which annoyed some members of the Ubuntu community who didn't see why a special religious-based distribution was needed but it was mostly a polite argument. Then, in retaliation, Ubuntu Satanic Edition was created. Cue wank. Not from the Christians, though! The wank was all provided by a Satanist called HHS and another Satanist who called himself 'friend of HHS', both of whom popped up in the comments box and kept a running argument going with several different people until he randomly disppeared. Most of it is under the cut, because it's long and takes place over years, but here are a few highlights to whet your appetite, both from him and people who were arguing with him. HHS starts off with saying "This is very insulting to my religion. I really don’t think you should misuse the Lord’s name like that. Richard M. Stallman, who is responsible for GNU and Linux, is a jewish psychopath who does not deserve to come near Hell. We do not want to be associated with him or anything made by this communist who never bathes and eats his own hair." People get confused and think he's a Christian who's objecting to Linux SE. Cue HHS exploding and warning them "It’s very unclever to go against the Lord and dishonour Him and His people. When you die and meet Satan, just try calling Him “jesus boy” too and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I assume that you two are Jews because they call everyone Christian who aren’t Jews or Muslims." ( All hail LINUX -- I mean, Satan/Cthulhu/Flying Spaghetti Monster/God/Allah/[insert deity or pantheon of choice here!] ) current mood: Mystified

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Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

fandom_wank [ tetradecimal ]

9:01p Back off, man, I'm a scientist! From wank_report: Genevieve Koski, writing for the A.V. Club, offers her opinion on a recent screening of Ghostbusters for Better Late Than Never, the feature in which authors who never experienced some element of the pop culture of the past go back and review it with the jaded eyes of the present. Her opinion, of course, is negative. ( Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. ) ...I don't have to warn for Ghostbusters spoilers, do I?

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Monday, November 16th, 2009

clairvoyantwank [ jkefka ]

12:18p Good ol' twilight. Picked this up from Cleo's twitter. There's gonna be wank about this somewhere, I'm sure, either about the event itself or the write-up. "Robert Pattinson fan hospitalised over poster fight." "Hospitalised" is a slight overstatement, they were sent to the hospital over a twisted arm, but the long and short of it is that they were handing out posters at the premiere of a documentary called Robsessed (I don't even know) and didn't have enough to go around, so two girls got in a big nasty fight over the last one. The poster, by the way, was ripped in half during the fight. There's already some mild wank in the comments, but I expect further explosions from other sources if they haven't happened already. ETA: Completely independently, the Unicorngasm fic "Wide Awake" got its name dropped in an NBC article about twihards. This has the makings of an interesting week....

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Thursday, November 12th, 2009

otf_wank [ jkefka ]

6:43p Go Google Go! Be ye warned: This is an incredibly nerdy wank and will involve a lot of programming jokes. That said, it's also pretty damn awesome. Picked up originally by platelizard in random_lounge. Google, as we all know, is staffed by computer geniuses of the highest order, who program constantly. It seems that they found all the programming languages out there insufficient and clunky for their needs, so in a typically Google solution, they went and made their own. It even has its own mascot (the "Go Gopher"). Computer programmers everywhere jizz their britches, no wanking required. Google puts up an "Issue" form to report problems with the young language, and all is fine and dandy... Until issue 9, titled "I have already used the name for *MY* programming language." ( 'Go,' 'Go!' and bad jokes no one will get )

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Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

clairvoyantwank [ lunarkettle ]

9:04p cue the commentroversy! In a fit of gleeful shit-stirring, Cute Overload has once again done the unthinkable and posted a picture of a human baby. The comments thus far are split between the predictable whining of CO's hardline childfree population, and mass piss-taking and/or preemptive counter-whining by everybody else. It probably isn't a full-fledged wank yet, but given what happened last time they posted a human baby, it's only a matter of time.

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wankitywank [ tetradecimal ]

10:50a I didn't realise I had to do a degree in everything to have an opinion The Takarazuka Revue is an all-female Japanese musical troupe, recently involved in some unfunnybusiness involving a girl expelled from a music school. And all is right (wrong?) in the unfunny world. Until someone speaks up and asks: "Is this like...the Japanes equivalent of the Pussy Cat Dolls?" AAAAAAND WE'RE OFF! "I love this community, use the word girl and you have 20 people jumping over you for being sexist, use the word skanky in a conversation with someone who made an honest mistake, then it's all OK." Actually, this has kind of happened before. Remember kids, Poor Communication Kills. Or something. Also, believe in magic. ETA: "I'm just curious, why is racism becoming such a taboo topic on Fandom Wank, well, apart from the fact that people are getting burnt out by hearing about the subject." (from white_serpent) ETA2: Somehow, the entry tags are strangely appropriate. (from galateus)

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fandom_wank [ reeve ]

8:23a Activision and Infinity Ward Hate PC Gamers There was a time when all the first-person shooter fanboys were hot for Modern Warfare 2. That was before it was announced that the PC version wouldn't support dedicated servers, and players would instead be stuck having to use a matchmaking system. According to the Joystiq piece: Even without a doctorate in PC gaming affairs, it's easy to see how this fact would upset someone (or some community) who drops a wad of cash every month on renting a private server. Also preturbed by this news are fans of modded game modes and custom maps -- both of which would be unlikely under the IWNet framework. ( PC gamers are not amused. )

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Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

fandom_wank [ twinno ]

2:22p Go Puck yourself: Glee wank. Glee, by its very definition, is about opening yourself up to joy. That, or it refers to a new television show that follows a high school glee club, made up of a bunch of mismatched students. The wank revolves around an ongoing Glee Club Survivor poll, in which members of gleeclub vote off their least-favorite characters one round at a time, so that their favorite will be the last one standing. Sounds fun in theory, but in practice it provides a perfect petri dish in which to culture some character-bashing wank. One character in particular is getting more heat than everyone else. ( Cut for the crazy. ) Aside from the trolling, there's a helpful guide as to how fans should vote, calling anyone who likes four other characters "obviously idiotic and completely daft." So who's going to win? Mischa Collins, of course. Because wank always comes back to Supernatural. Some extra credit reading: this wank apparently started in a now-deleted post on gleeclub, which led to the creation of glee_meta. This post contains some not-so-wanky discussion the topic of questionable consent.

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Monday, November 9th, 2009

clairvoyantwank [ karmyn75 ]

7:17p Heads up: Jensen Ackles and Danneel Harris officially engaged Tiny bit of the usual wanking so far with Danneel hate and a bit of tinhattery.  Rumors crop up now and then that Jensen and Danneel are engaged, but this appears to be the real deal. http://justjared.buzznet.com/2009/11/09/jensen-ackles-engaged-danneel-harris/ I myself know nothing about Danneel Harris other than she and Jensen have known each other for years and dating for three years. But they seem happy and I wish them luck in the future. But there will be wank. Who's Stephanie?

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