Y'know what I hate?
*looks down the page at previous rants*
Yeah, okay. Lots of things. However, today I'm going to rant about exposition.
Picture the scene... you're visiting a new fandom, and you don't really know your way around yet. You dip into one of the better archives, and you stumble across an amazing story. Enthralled, you sit reading this treasure for a couple of hours. Tension builds, juicy plot points burst refreshingly over your imagination, you become invested in the outcome of the story.
And then the unthinkable happens: the author gets bored, and finishes off the story with three paragraphs of exposition. All the foreshadowing, tension and excitement is crunched down into:
'Over the next few months *plot point* was resolved to everyone's satisfaction, and *character A* and *character B* decided to act on their unspoken attraction. While the *plot point* ran smoothly, *character B* slipped into *character A's* room and they made love for the first time. THE END'
Bastard! The story needed three more chapters, not three paragraphs!
It's like being seduced by the man of your dreams. He's pursued you for weeks, sending flowers and chocolates. He's handsome, charming and devastatingly sexy, and he wants you. You accept his invitation, and he takes you out to dinner at the best restaurant in town. He adores you, and everything is fun and easy. After dinner you walk in the moonlight, holding hands and laughing, before cuddling up together in the back of his limo. In the distance you can see his huge mansion, and you can only imagine the carnal delights that await.
Then he tells the driver to stop the car, jerks off on you and kicks you out the door. You're left standing at the gate with come on your face wondering what the fuck just happened.