Legal movies to watch:
12 Angry Men
Adam's Rib
Witness for the Prosecution
Reversal of Fortune
Death and the Maiden
Presumed Innocent
To Kill a Mockingbird
A Man for all seasons
Judgement at Nuremberg
Inherit the Wind
Anatomy of a Murder

We prefer to think of shrapnel as internal body bling.

I always think about you when I'm in the box.

Forgive me for trying to liven things up around here by faking an old stranger's death.

It makes you look like a prostitute that caters exclusively to clowns.

I made shoes for my rabbit.

I don't know if it's old age slowing me down or all the blood I lost last night from fighting that hobo.

Oh my god, he referenced my blog in a tough love speech.

I started using that moisturizer made from baby foreskins.

He's not above poisoning me, so I'll need you to be my official beverage taster.

You brought this on yourselves, you thieving bastards.

I sold my entire stuffed squirrel army.

We went line dancing and I cut her with one of my spurs.

It's hard to meet girls when you're a recovering amnesiac living in the forest with your talking cat.

Clap for Alaska!

Shivs and the Shanks

Nothing says "monster" like koala bears.

We're dyiing off like crickets.

I think he forgot that you're a person.
I don't think it's terribly unsafe to trust your coworkers not to enslave you in their basements

The guy is pretty much a walking handbag.

We called it: taking a crime walk.

Knock 'Em Out" - Lily Allen
Alright so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone.
You're just doing your own thing and some one comes out the blue,
They're like,
"Alright"
What ya saying,
"Yeah can I take your digits?"
And you're like, "no not in a million years, you're nasty
please leave me alone."

Cut to the pub on a lads night out,
Man at the bar cos it was his shout,
Clocks this bird and she looks OK,
Caught him looking and she walks his way,
"Alright darling, you gonna buy us a drink then?"
"Err no, but I was thinking of buying one for your friend..."

She's got no taste hand on his waist, tries to pull away but her lips on his face,
"If you insist I'll have a white wine spritzer"
"Sorry love, but you ain't a pretty picture."

[Chorus]
Can't knock em out, can't walk away,
Try desperately to think of the politest way to say,
Just get out my face, just leave me alone,
And no you can't have my number,
"Why?"
Because I've lost my phone.

Oh yeah, actually yeah I'm pregnant, having a baby in like 6 months so no, yeah, yeah...

"I recognise this guy's way of thinking..."
As he comes over her face starts sinking,
She's like,
"Oh here we go.."
It's a routine check that she already knows, she's thinking they're all the same.

"Yeah you alright baby? You look alright still, yeah what's your name?"
She looks in her bag, takes out a fag, tries to get away from the guy on a blag, can't find a light,
"Here use mine"
"You see the thing is I just don't have the time."

Nah I've gotta go cos my house is on fire,
I've got herpes, err no I've got syphilis...
AIDS, AIDS, I've got AIDS!

LOL 200 DEMOCRATS IN ALASKA ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
there was probably a moose blocking the way home so they took shelter at the voting place y/n
If I felt up to traveling SIX HUNDRED MILES to the nearest polling place, it would've been 201!


We only hate those who have gotten close to us; those who have touched our hearts. --Charmed

He'll be remastering Star Wars from beyond the grave.

Clearly I have lived too long.

from here:
http://www.destructoid.com/ten-golden-rules-of-online-gaming-64474.phtml

1: Online gaming is serious business:

So, you finally got your game hooked up and are ready to play. Now, you may be forgiven for thinking that online gaming is about having fun. You are very wrong and you will learn this in due time. Because we gamers are too physically weak to pick random fights in bars, we must assert our alpha male dominance another way -- by twiddling our fingers around on buttons until virtual representations of people we don't know simulate death.

This is your life now, and you are connected, physically and emotionally, to your in-game avatar. When they frag you, do you not bleed? Well, no you don't but that's not the point. You will mourn him for every second of that respawn countdown. His digital death just killed a little piece of you, and you will avenge with the fury of a thousand angry Gods.

In team games, if you are losing, remember to berate your teammates and tell them how much they suck. You won't be making a fool out of yourself for ordering them around and reminding them that your side is losing and nobody's helping you win. Also, you must use words like "alpha," all the time, just like you're a real army man!

2: Noobs are scum:

People who are new to a particular game are terrible vermin who you should not fraternise with. These subhumans are known as noobs and they are the pariahs of online gaming. You, however, were never a noob. You were playing games online before the Internet was even invented. In fact, you're so awesome that you were playing Dizzy the Egg team deatchmatches on your Commodore 64.

Make sure to check out the stats of anybody in a game with you. If they have not been playing for long, then you must hurl insults at them because they are lesser human beings. Laugh cruelly if noobs are your opponents, and grimace loudly if they are on your team.

Also, the term noob has such power that if you dislike someone's actions in a game, you can say it to them as well. Obviously, displeasing you is deadly enough to make them forget all their prior gaming experience and they actually revert back into children.

3: If a feature in a game is popular/effective, it is cheap:

Be it the chainsaw in Gears of War, or snipers in any FPS ever made, there are a number of cool features and tactics in games that people not only find enjoyable to use, but are often highly effective methods of securing victory -- never use them. If you do so, you are cheap and will become a noob. You are a hardcore gamer now, which means you only use shotguns or anything else that's really boring. You hate all that is popular, and if you see anybody utilising the best/more useful features of a game, you are to get rid of them immediately.

If these pukes were good at the game like you, they wouldn't need to rely on such cheap tactics, would they? They'd be like you, running around with the shotgun, not having fun and despising everything everyone else is doing. The fact that they have killed you so many times is proof of how bad they are at playing.

4: If anything kills you at all, it is cheap:

Like the above rule, but applied to every potential threat in a game. If someone shoots you to death using nothing but a pistol and with his eyes closed, he is being cheap. Cheap is one of the most brutal insults after noob, and anybody who hears it will feel worse about the fact they are winning ten to zero. It's a hollow victory, because they are so cheap.

5: If you are losing, it is because of lag:

Following on from the cheapness laws, you will soon get to learn that nothing is ever your fault when it comes to gaming. Lag is a process whereby everyone in the game becomes better than you thanks to the Internet helping them become cheap. The Internet does this a lot, but never affects the enemies you kill yourself, because you have skills.

Nearly every death you ever suffer in a game will be due to lag of some kind. The Internet hates you that much, even though you are so good.

6: If you are losing badly, it is because they are hacking:

Losing a little is one thing, that's just lag conspiring to keep your ownage levels down, but lag can only help the noobs cheaply beat you so much. If you are losing to such a point where not even your lag-pwning skill seems to be making a difference, well there's only one solution, and it's not that they are better than you -- it's that they are hacking.

People who appear to be doing a lot of killing and not much of being killed are hackers, plain and simple. There is no way they're that good without cheating. Re-assure your team (after calling them worthless) that the enemy is clearly powered by nefarious undertakings and you are being penalized for your wholesome and pure ways. Then remember to say alpha.

7: Everyone is gay:

Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay. From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay, gay, gay. Lag is gay, snipers are gay, noobs are gay, people from other countries are gay, the countries they come from are gay, the ocean the country is surrounded by is gay, the fish in the ocean are gay, all sealife is gay, life is gay, gays are gay, gay gay gay. Gay.

Using the same one-syllable word to describe everything you don't like might not be an indicator of a varied vocabulary, but who cares? Words are gay.

8: Singing is awesome:

Communicating via a headset is great because it lets gamers sing, and that is one of the only reasons we buy headsets. In fact, some people are known to log into servers just to hear poor quality, nasal renditions of the latest "phat tracks." One of the most original and beloved songs to sing is anything done by Rick Astley.

Try to sing as loudly and obnoxiously as you can into your headset before, during and after a game, only stopping when you need to step away from the mic to breathe. Everybody will be impressed and will want to play with you again. In fact, you're so great at singing that the only reason you're not on Broadway right now is that showbusiness is full of lag.

If you lack the raw sexual magnetisim and confidence that is required to sing during a game, you can always hold the microphone up to some speakers and play your favorite tunes for everybody. Your fellow gamers really care what your musical interests are and will applaud your tasteful selection of tracks.

9: Calling people naggers is both original and hilarious:

Racism online is bad, which is a shame because deep down everybody knows it's actually awesome. There is, however, a really witty workaround that allows you to say racist words while not actually saying them. Remember that episode of South Park where Randy believed that the missing letter in "n - ggers" was an I? Then he said the full word and everyone was shocked because it was actually naggers and not that word? Well, here's a pro tip -- nobody has EVER thought of calling people naggers online. You are going to be so edgy if you capitalize on this opportunity.

Do it all the time and your popularity will skyrocket.

10: Team members who score are kill stealers:

Kill stealing is one of the most abhorrent and despicable crimes ever committed, and is even listed in some modern Bibles as the eighth deadly sin. Every opponent is a victim waiting to die by your hand alone, and if anybody dares shoot them before you, they are a kill stealer. Only you may have the glory of the kill, and woe betide anybody caught shooting at the same target as you. If they get the win, they clearly stole your kill.

Even if you and a team member are on opposite sides of the game map, they kill stole. Obviously they did. Probably thanks to a hack.

Just remember, of course, that you are not a kill stealer. You are merely an opportunist. Besides which, since all the enemies are your personal fodder anyway, you're taking nothing away from the meat puppets who are only there to be noobs and bring down your score by sucking.

These are the ten golden rules of online gaming. There are of course plenty of other important laws, but this should be everything you need to get started off on the right footing. First impressions are crucial, and with these ten rules in mind, you will always impress.

Good luck pwning, my fellow online warriors. May noobs fall at your feet and your sword cut through the mists of lag forevermore.

I have never had the mixed pleasure and pain of participating in either Secret Santa or Make the Yuletime Gay--mostly because the holidays are a stressful and busy time for me as it is and partly because I live in abject terror of being forced to write a story longer than a hundred words about the joys of, say, Choey love.  I know there are alternative pairings you can choose, but I have heard many a woeful story in which the options are no better than the primary.  But there definitely is something to the idea of customizing a story to someone's particular tastes and writing it with the primary objective of pleasing their particular likes and dislikes.  There's also the focus added by having a deadline and the obligation of not letting someone down--motivation that cannot be matched even by the likes of Remix challenges.

Now that the holidays are over and I have some free time on my hands before life kicks my ass again, I have decided to present myself a writing challenge.  I would like to write a full length story according to someone else's specifications, in the spirit of SeSa.  If you would like me to write a story just for you, catering to your wildest, most bizarre whims, read ahead and comment.*

So here is your chance.  Comment on this post with the top three pairings** you would like me to write a story about (they don't have to be 'N Sync, BSB, Crossover--they can all be 'N Sync pairings or whatever), and write all your particular story preferences.  I understand SeSa gives you a text box around 250 letters, and you can write something like that.  I know a lot of people also post lj entries directed at their Secret Santa listing what they like and dislike and what they want, so you can write something along those lines that if you wish.  Or, hell, if you already wrote that post you can copy and paste it.  You can give me a prompt or just write an essay about what you hate seeing in fiction, or what you love seeing in fiction.  You can specify a particular characterization of JC, or tell me about this great AU setting you want to stick BSB in.  Be as concise or verbose, vague or precise as you like.  No limits.

After a few days, I will review the comments and choose which one comment intrigues me most.  And then I will write it and do my very best to finish it by the end of the month.  I would like the widest amount of comments/submissions as possible, which is why I'm leaving this so open ended.  This is a golden opportunity!  A story tailored to you and it's not even Christmas anymore!



*I am a writer with a particular style and no matter what prompt you give me, it's, well, it's going to be a story written by me.  So if you don't care for me as a writer, perhaps you should not submit yourself for consideration ;)  You can check out my other work <a href="http://white-lies.net/musicdiamond/">here</a>.

**My Constraints: My only major constraint?  Pairings.  These are the pairings I will write:
'N Sync: JC/Lance, JC/Justin, JC/Chris, Lance/Chris
Crossover: JC/Nick, JC/AJ, Lance/Nick, Lance/AJ, Chris/Nick, Justin/Nick
Backstreet Boys: Nick/Kevin, Nick/AJ

But Happy, with his mindless joyful disposition and slackjawed enthusiasm for nearly everything, clearly just needed some Dwarf dick
-Radar Online


In other news, I need new funny icons. The ones I have are ancient, man.

So I found a link to a working version of Britney at the VMAs on youtube. And y'know, it really wasn't as horrible as many seem to be making it out to be. I mean, I liked her hair and I thought her makeup was cute. The bra and panties thing was probably not the best choice of outfit at this stage of the game, but I didn't think she looked fat by any means. And hey, her boobs did look great. Britney's always lipsynched so I'm not quite sure why people are still seemingly shocked by this. The choreography was definitely not inspired and she didn't look very confident but, shrug, it wasn't unwatchable.

All in all, I don't think Britters did terribly that night. But it seems that everyone else did, and I feel a little sad for her that she's seemingly going to face all that criticism alone now.

So, like, breaking into new fandoms is hard.

Let's see how this goes, shall we?

Happy birthday, Sep! Even if it is spent in hiding. :/

Hilarious, bizarre, also sad. I feel like that characterizes 99% of the scandals that the Republican party finds its foot soldiers constantly mired in. "I AM NOT GAY. I have never been gay," said conservative Idaho Republican Sen. Larry Craig on Tuesday as he tried to explain the stunning revelation of his June arrest on charges of soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in a men's room at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

Have never been gay? It's not like chicken pox--you don't get it once as a kid and have a couple of unsightly scars as your only reminder. You can't be vaccinated against it either, though I'm sure that disappoints many Republicans.

In other news, I am feeling stupendously lazy. There's a new wank up at fandom_wank but the outraged!essays by the participants are too long for me to read. Sigh. I am too lazy to find reasons to point and laugh. This must be a new low.

New meme questions!

1. What is your favorite kind of scene to write?
That's a good question. My stories tend to be angsty overall because I'm not that interested in fluff (I do it on the occasion, but it's not what holds my interest in reading or writing). I wouldn't say, though, that writing the tough emotional scenes are my favorite because they are draining sometimes and unsatisfying for my perfectionist self at other times. So, ironically, I think my favorite kind of scene is a light one with lots of clever banter and dialogue and not too much happening in terms of action.

2. Your first pet--how old were you, what kind of critter, name?
It wasn't directly my pet, but my mother got herself some parakeets when I was around fourteen. The first one was yellow and named Daffy (Daffodil). I thought it was kind of boring, actually, because it didn't do much.

3. What's your favorite thing to cook?
I'm currently going through an obsession with deviled eggs, but I guess my old stand by is eggs. Usually omelets, but I can cook some mean scrambled ones too.

4. What do you like to do when it's raining?
Stay in and watch movies. I also like to bake cookies for myself.

5. What one thing most annoys you if random passerby does it?
Catcall. Spit near me (not at me, but near where I could be walking over in the next few minutes).

I'm merrily typing away at my fic and things are going well. No, really. I mean, they're not going well for my characters because things never do, but for me they are. And then I started to think about the editing process. And let me tell you, editing gives me hives. After years of doing it I still hate it every single time. Sitting around waiting for my betas to get back to me, crying because I am a failure of a writer, and gnashing of teeth at the idea of coming up with a suitable title. Woe is me.

In other news, it is August and FRIGID and wet. I feel like I have become some sort of minor rain deity because the rain has been following me across the globe. Literally, as soon as I step foot in a country it begins to rain and the moment I leave it the weather returns to sun. Small villages should begin dancing to me and offering me sacrifices in return for a good harvest. As for the cold, well, that just sucks and I have nothing clever to say about it. WTF people, I should be drowning in buckets of my own sweat, get with the program!

Gods above, but I loathe HP pairing names.

On a side note, wow, does HP fandom have a pretty extensive infrastructure.

Friend meme
THE RULES:
1. Leave me a comment saying anything random, like your favorite lyric to your current favorite song. Or your favorite kind of sandwich. Or your favorite breed of tropical fish/kind of bug/breed of dog. Something random. Whatever you like.
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. Update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions

( the answers to my questions behind the cut )

I've been watching a British documentary series called 'The Dark Side of Porn'. It's a series on a broad range of topics all within the pornography industry, obviously. And it's about mostly the seedier aspects of the business--though the tone of the different documentaries vary from full out condemnation to "objectivity". I watched 5 in the series so far: one on the mysteries behind "Debbie Does Dallas", one following two new wannabe pornstars, one on the "porn shutdown" due to a possible HIV outbreak, one on the origination of "Animal Farm" and bestiality in porn, and one on the history and questions behind snuff porn. The tones and level of disturbing run from least unsettling to most unsettling in the order I listed and, oy, watched the films.

The Debbie Does Dallas documentary was pretty much harmless fluff exploring the famous 70's, er, "film". The documentary on two wannabe pornstars embarking on their careers was mostly interesting and a little sad. The one on the porn shutdown was a really fascinating look into how the straight pornography industry manages HIV/AIDS in the US, and demonstrates the many flaws of the system. The bestiality documentary was also interesting, but mostly sad because it centered on the life of a long abused and exploited woman who brought bestiality to film in Denmark. The snuff documentary traced the history and mysteries of snuff, as well as several cases of people attempting to make snuff (but being caught by law enforcement before they do). Just. Disturbing on a lot of levels.

Now I'm going to watch Ocean's 13 and hope that it helps make my skin stop crawling.

Man, I feel like. Not to get all touchy feely but, like, DAMN lazy. Seriously. I have lost all motivation to do... things. Non-online things.

I think it's the heat. At least, that's my excuse for now. I feel like maybe I should trim my lj flist so I feel more motivated to actually read it and not just get overwhelmed by all the posts and give up. Hm... I guess I'll do that then.

I must be the most boring person alive. This should trouble me more than it does.

Whoa mama, it's been a while. But I'm back. At least temporarily!

I wonder if anyone still reads this jf. Hm. ::shrug::

Decent day. Occasionally, I felt like I was pulling scarves, rabbits, and candy-apples out of my ass. And sometimes, I just felt like ass. It balances out.

The UGF made spinach-ricotti gnocchi with tomato-cream sauce for dinner. When she said Italian, I got all excited for lasagna and garlic bread, so the gnocchi was like going to heaven. There is nothing better than the UGF's cooking, nothing.

Of course, my second gnocchi had chips of broken glass in it, but I choose to believe that it was one of those freak happenstance things and not part of an ongoing plot to kill me dead. The UGF was horrified, but I was actually okay with it. It seemed inevitable and right. Also, the rest of the gnocchi were fine. If they'd all had glass in them, I would be more concerned. Suspicious, even.

---

Polished off the gnocchi. No broken glass. Yay! Any day that one doesn't actually chew broken glass is a good day. And sometimes, it's a good day even if there is broken glass for dinner.
-mintwitch