R/Hr: Because Harry Isn't Up To It
Some of my friends have already been amusing themselves with this fic, and now I see why. It's practically the silliest thing I've read in HP fandom, which takes some doing. Regency H/Hr.

“I – I’m sorry to disturb you,” she said, stepping tentatively into the room, “but I’m a little…er…perplexed.”

The bedclothes rustled as Harry sat up. “Well, come here and tell me what is troubling you.”

Hermione padded barefoot over to his bed and sat hesitantly. She was grateful now for the darkness, for it meant Harry would not be able to see her blush as she attempted to explain herself.

“As I said, I’m a bit perplexed because…well, I’ve been told that upon one’s wedding night, it is…er…customary, to consummate the marriage, and…well, we don’t appear to be doing that.”

Harry’s reaction was a rather audible intake of breath.

“I – I did not think you would…want to…er…consummate,” Harry said. “Until such time as you wanted to have children, of course. Presuming you want to have children at all.”

“I did not think I had a choice,” Hermione replied truthfully.

“Well…you certainly ought to. As I’m sure you’ve heard, it is…quite painful for a lady, the first time, and I do not wish to inflict that upon you until it is necessary.”

This is Chapter Two. By Chapter Six, Hermione and Harry have advanced to sharing a bed. By Chapter Eleven, they consummate the marriage.

(Post a new comment)

	puipui 2008-02-01 07:20 pm UTC (link)
	If it were any other fandom, I might think it was a parody. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	jim_smith 2008-02-01 08:08 pm UTC (link)
	The whole fandom is already a parody. That's why I love it so. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	vorpal_blade 2008-02-05 04:46 am UTC (link)
	Please let it be a parody. There isn't enough headdesking in the world if this is serious. (Reply to this)(Parent)

white_serpent
2008-02-01 08:42 pm UTC (link)

As I’m sure you’ve heard, it is…quite painful for a lady, the first time, and I do not wish to inflict that upon you until it is necessary.

...And here I thought having children was painful for a lady every time.

Silly me! (Yes, I get it, but the phrasing is terrible.)

Hooray for the totally platonic and not at all lustful love of Harry and Hermione. I know I wish my relationship was exactly like theirs!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	narcissam 2008-02-01 10:04 pm UTC (link)
	In a later chapter, the desperate Hermione asks him "May I lie with you?" and Harry says, "Sure," lets her climb into bed beside him, then goes to sleep. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	white_serpent 2008-02-02 02:44 am UTC (link)
	OMGSOHAWT. (Reply to this)(Parent)

azazello
2008-02-02 08:48 am UTC (link)

What is it with these dreadful regency pastiches? SS/HG has loads of them and they are universally atrocious. I mean, if you want to do Regency, fanfic Austen, or Heyer, surely.

Indeed, I don't get the point of transferring Potter characters (who are very clearly 20-21st century) to any other era - they don't work as Regency blades or whatever.

And if anyone EVER does an HP fanfic set in 16th Century Russia, I shall forget my manners and flame their pimply bums very hard indeed.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	esclaramonde 2008-02-02 01:51 pm UTC (link)
	I'd rather have them put the characters back in time than just write like a horrible Regency novel set in the present. That was an unfun fic. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	tehrin 2008-02-03 02:36 am UTC (link)
	By Chapter 15, it is discovered that Harry is a predecessor of Oscar Wilde and buggering his manservant, Neville Longbottom. (Reply to this)