Yours sincerely, Dom Monaghan

Cinched In (Dom/Elijah)

Thu, 11 May 2006 12:17:30 GMT

[Voyeurs only; takes place in late March before Elijah left to film in NYC.]
[Feedback appreciated; all comments screened.]

*

Dom cinches him into the corset til Elijah's whooshing out breath in complaint. "Chin up now, women used to do this every day," he says, but he puts the laces in a slipknot so they can loosen naturally, and spoons Elijah from behind, nuzzling his nape. "There."

Elijah leans against him. "Heh, feels weird, cuddling in this outfit-- Though it does fit better now than it did. I'm thinner now..."

"And stronger," Dom admires, caressing Lij's arms.

"Mm, that too. Push-ups pay off more than whippings, apparently." Lij shivers a little, exposed, feeling more keenly in drag with the talk of muscle, of all things. He sends his hand backwards to cup the back of Dom's head and pulls him in, wriggling his ass against Dom's crotch. "Ooh, is that what I'm getting today, now I'm dressed up for it? A good lashing? 'M I a candidate for domestic, erm, disciplination?"

Dom laughs and nibbles his neck, groping him. "I'd say it's a clear and present danger. Have you been bad?"

"Verrrry. I stole a cookie from the jar! And..." Elijah thinks, casting about for sins he might want to confess, squirming more in Dom's embrace. "I er, I... had naughty thoughts about the master of the house. Oh! I'm so ashamed."

"Tch!" Dom's fingertips trail along Lij's legs, the lightest touch on the side, then front, then further enough that it nearly makes Elijah part his legs to give access to his vulnerable inner thigh. "What sort of thoughts? How naughty?"

"Very naughty," Lij answers, low now, murmuring. "I fear I'm going to Hell for them."

"That's terrible, Elijah." Dom tells him sternly, watching as Lij's cock begins to fill and lift the front of his boxers, down below the edge of the corset. "Stealing a cookie would only get you a spanking, but for thoughts as naughty as that, well, you'll simply have to have a lashing, it's for your own good."

Elijah nods, eyes downcast. "I understand, Sir. Truly, I hope your Grace can beat the naughtiness out of me..."

"Stretch out over my lap first, I'll have to punish you for your theft. Then we'll see about rectifying matters," Dominic sees Elijah's lips twitch, and barely keeps back a smile himself, "to do with these terrible fantasies of yours."

"Yes, Master." Elijah swallows and tries not to stumble as Dom pulls him backwards and sits in the armchair, his hands possessive on Lij's cinched waist.

If Elijah took this roleplay seriously he'd probably act contrite, keep his hands to himself and all of that... But it's way more fun to rub suggestively against Dom as he moves to take the position, turning and bending to settle over Dom's lap all luxuriously spread out.

A cold little sneaky feeling stitches up his back where the lacing goes, like a shiver etched there by the corset so snug around his chest; it's almost uncomfortably erotic.

"Like this, Sir, is this all right?" he asks.

Dominic fondles Lij's arse, his hands softly squeezing and stroking, but in contrast to the sensual touch, his voice is austere. "Yes, you're well positioned. But you were certainly very wanton in getting there! Do you really repent those naughty thoughts of yours? I think you'd better tell me about them." He spanks Elijah, four swift blows to each cheek, and then pets his arse, waiting expectantly as Lij gasps and jerks. "Well?"

"I--" Elijah's seriously struggling for the proper way to speak; he's not really fucking qualified for wordsmithing in the middle of what's taken a decisive turn into mmm, sex, he needs a second to think-- "I would not.. dare sully your Grace's mind with filthy thoughts like those-- Master," he whinges, "do I really have to?"

Trying not to laugh at being addressed as 'Your Grace', Dom bites the inside of his lip and puts on a fierce frown; even though Elijah can't see his face, it helps him keep in the spirit of things. He spanks Elijah vigourously, quite hard and brisk.

"Ah!" Elijah twitches and twists, grinding against his lap.

Dominic works Lij's underwear down and trails his fingers over the skin, already pink and sensitized. "You must confess, Elijah, yes."

"Oh, it stings! --And as well it burned all the same, in my fevered thinking," Elijah speaks only just above a whisper, all in a rush, on a roll, not too concerned with realism as long as he can hang on to his role consistently, that shamed feeling. "His Grace was too hot, the summer you know, and, I was watching... oh, I can't say it, it's too depraved..."

"You can say it," Dom slips fingers between his cheeks, touching him intimately, just gently. "And you will say it, because I'm telling you that you must."

Lij moans, managing to sound marginally, whinily anguished in spite of his eager delight. "Sir was walking around privately, uncovered to better stand the heat of the day; and so exposed-- my naked eye couldn't help it, I promise," he wriggles and presses sideways and downwards to increase contact with Dom's erection. "It felt as though I'd be sinning not to look at the glorious sight, his Grace was so stiff--" Elijah bites the armrest, half-smothering a chuckle; he can feel the tremble of Dom's thighs under him, also trying not to laugh.

It takes Dom a few seconds to regain him composure; he sucks his fingers into his mouth, wetting them thoroughly with a succulent slurp, and touches Lij's hole again. "So you were spying. Very naughty, indeed, and I'll have to punish you for that..." he presses the tips of two fingers in slowly. "What were you thinking? Tell me!"

Now Elijah's smothering more than chuckles, sputtering words that want to melt into more moans. "I thought-- there were visions, I meant to help Sir wash, to cool him with a wet sponge... I saw myself in thoughts, pulling the demon heat out of his Grace with my bare hands, carefully, carefully--"

"That's not so very bad." Breathing faster, Dom tilts his hips to push his hard-on up against Elijah a bit. "A brief lashing should drive out such thoughts as those..." he pushes his curved fingers in deeper, aiming for Lij's prostate. "Is that all? Be honest, beute."

Elijah's body tenses in a spasm. "No! --Um, I was suckling, I was using my mouth to call the seed of heat up, Sir's hand held my face..." He's already breathless, white sparkles dancing inside his eyelids as Dominic's fingers corkscrew into him; "How long it lasted, I cannot say-- My breast was bared so my work robes wouldn't get stained-- Sir, I can't say the rest, I forget--"

"Oh, Elijah," Dominic puts scandal into his tone. "That's much more grave. We shall have to scourge you thoroughly, I'm afraid." He draws his fingers out and spanks Lij a few more strokes, sliding his underwear off entirely to leave him in nothing but the corset. "Go to the other room, fetch the lash and kneel before the cabinet to offer it. I'll follow along directly."

Redfaced, Elijah adjusts his corset as best he can while getting up. He purposefully avoids looking at Dom, murmuring, "Yes Sir, as you say, I shall go straight away," his chest heaving in the confines of the garment as he obeys. It's not difficult to play, there's nothing to fake there: he's as honestly flustered as his fictional persona.

Watching Elijah's rosy arse disappear into the bedroom, Dominic stands and adjusts himself, trying to get a grip before he follows.

In the toy cupboard, Lij's hand reaches automatically for the most ancient-looking flogger, a brown leather number with a wooden handle that could as well date back to a time with Your Graces and servants in corsets, petticoats and punishments. He settles on the floor, kneeling with his head bowed and the flogger laid across his palms, offering it up. His ass feels hot where his heels connect and press into it, burning with dulled pain radiating up his spine.

Dom hesitates just outside the bedroom door, and inspired, he strips before going inside.

Elijah kneels in nothing but the corset, somehow looking more naked than if he wore nothing at all. He holds up the flogger, head hanging down between his arms. He'd be the picture of penitence if it weren't for his cock jutting up, full and hard, the head glossy with precome.

Dominic takes the lash and tips Elijah's chin up with the end of the wooden handle. "Look at me, beute." Elijah does, his eyes wide, almost candidly; he rises up on his knees; his lips open and close once, in silence.

"Can you look on me now," Dominic demands, "and resist those shameful thoughts?"

Elijah's eyes skip down to Dom's crotch and back up; he blinks. "No, Sir," he shakes his head, a small subdued movement. "I still... temptation, I."

Dominic caresses his cheek with the wood, and his voice deepens, growing thoughtful. "You know, having such a thought is the same sin as if you performed the deed itself."

Biting his bottom lip to avoid untoward snickers, Elijah forces his eyes to widen and pulls his eyebrows up. "Is that so, Sir?"

With an impressively straight face, Dom answers. "It's exactly the same. For that thought, I must punish you just as severely as if you had committed the act."

Elijah wets his lips. "His Grace says such things as to make me wish I had done the deeds!" he blushes.

"You have taken on the sin of it already, and you will be punished for it dearly," Dominic intones ominously. "Yet-- if the temptation still haunts you, perhaps you need to experience the act, so that--" he pauses, trying to come up with some reason that will get Lij's mouth around him as soon as possible. "So that its mystery will no longer hold sway over your innocent mind."

It's hard not to giggle, and Elijah looks down at the carpet to distract himself, turns his face to brush his mouth over the lash's handle while he thinks up a proper response. It's funny, sure, but it's hot too, more than it should be, with even the exaggerated tone of Dom's voice striking a chord in his guts.

"I put my faith in Sir's hands," he whispers, finally, "to direct me and help me not to stray from the path in the future, and to make it so that evil doesn't tempt me anymore..."

"Then we shall combine your temptation with your punishment," Dom tells him, effortlessly convincing, "to seal the two together more firmly in your mind." He strokes Lij's mouth, denting his lips gently. "Open your mouth, beute, and yield."

Elijah barely keeps back a moan; there's no laughter in him now. The scenario might be a little silly, but that command melts his brain to liquid. Looking up with naked greed, he parts his lips under Dominic's thumb.

Dominic tips his hand and slides his thumb into Elijah's mouth, pressing lightly down against the moist heat of his tongue. "Mind yourself. Don't forget this is punishment, not indulgence. Obey my commands," he warns, and directs his straining cock into Lij's mouth.

The truth is that punishment is indulgence too, of course, and so Elijah shudders from pleasure and tension as he takes Dom in, keeping himself in check. Rabid wouldn't do here, or sloppy; Lij darts his tongue against the tip of Dom's cock as soon as Dom's fingers slides out, hesitantly, trying to pretend he's never done this before.

Elijah accepts him with a tentative, shy eagerness that has Dominic's heart hammering in no time. He'd like to wring Lij's hair in his hand and push deeper down his throat just to see the shock on his face; but not yet.

Stepping closer still, Dominic positions himself with one foot planted between Lij's thighs, standing as close as he can. He skirts the flogger over Elijah's shoulders to alert him that it's coming. The corset will absorb the sting at the tips of the leather where the lash is fiercest; Dominic knows he can snap it quite hard without hurting Elijah much. Lifting it back, he lets fly with the first blow.

It's not enough to hurt, not when Elijah's ready for it, his body prepared, wanting-- still, the bite in that spot down between his shoulder blades where the lacing doesn't cover his skin wrings a little gasp out of him. The warmth from the first stroke rushes in as Dom strikes a second time, then a third; Elijah's spine unfurls and arches, fire running up from under his balls; he tips forward; his mouth closes and slides over Dom's shaft with no conscious control on his part.

"No less than thirty," Dominic gasps, "for the-- sake of your eternal soul, no less," and he keeps the flogger raining down on Elijah's back steadily, making sure the painful tips always land on the protection of the corset. Elijah gulps around his cock with none of his usual skill, playing the scourged innocent to the hilt, and the novelty alone is enough to send Dominic half off his head.

Dom's pushing in, deeper, nearly tripping Lij to gag; Elijah's thighs flex and he lifts up to bear it, his eyelids fluttering with nerves and lust, his mouth flooding with saliva--

He hears himself groaning, a muffled sound between two thumps of the lash, that Dom throttles back in his gullet with a new shove of dick, his hand becoming brutal on Elijah's jaw, holding fast; and then he's not hearing anything anymore but the blood in his ears when Dom starts fucking his mouth in earnest. His pelvis rocks helplessly to rut against Dom's leg, the lashing turns erratic, Dominic nearly cuffs him in his ear with the handle and Lij has a sudden urge to grab his ass and pull and suck harder yet... He doesn't, though, keeping his twitchy fingers knotted together; he opens his mouth wider still to accept it.

"See where those thoughts have led," Dominic pants, "now you understand what it really is--" Leaving off with the lash, Dominic finally gives in and twists his fingers around a fistful of Elijah's hair, watching Lij's face as Dom forces him to take more and more. The pained bliss of Elijah's expression as Dom pumps into his mouth sends Dom over the edge, the first spurt almost buckling his knees.

Tugging sharply at Elijah's hair, he quickly pulls his cock out, gleaming red and wet, trailing saliva and shooting semen-- the second pulse coating Elijah's lips, the third spattering on his cheek, more dotting the bridge of his nose and flooding onto his chin.

Lij gapes like a fish, and he chokes on surprise as he tries to heave in breath through the layers of pain and shocked want, blinking dumbly against the fall of thick drops of spunk that Dom directs onto his face. He'd surge forward, but Dominic's got a hand fisted in his hair too tight.

Mesmerized by the pearly effect of his come on Elijah's face, Dominic relaxes his grip, touching the drops on Elijah's cheek with fascination. Lij makes a noise, some sort of growl of frustration, pushing his pelvis against Dom's shins with a complete lack of dignity. His prick bats at Dominic's knee like a frantic animal, nudges presses rolls warm and hard and --done, that's it, by the time Dom thinks of taking a step back to prevent it, Elijah's coming anyhow, his face gone slack under the obscene traces, his mouth open on throaty satisfied gurgles.

Dominic catches his breath and pulls at Elijah's hair again. "I didn't give you leave to do that," he says sternly.

Again, Elijah gapes. He looks up after a last spasm. Dominic has an ominous look on his face, painted over twitches of mirth. Keeping the mask up is harder now, obviously, with his bones turned to jelly; Elijah wavers and quavers and bats his eyelashes.

"Uhm."

"And what do you think you deserve for that?"

"Gosh," tries Lij, clearing his throat, "I wouldn't know..." Not very convincing; kind of hard to believe he normally gets paid to act. "Maybe a, mm, spanking?"

"You just had one," Dom remarks, dryly. "It doesn't seem to have brought about any improvement!"

Lij throws any attempt at realism to the winds, launching into renewed improv with all the conviction of the highly amused. Fuck seriousness and skill, there's a time-- say, post-orgasmically-- when goofing off instead is clearly the best choice. He jerks his chin higher, straightens his shoulders.

"With all due respect, Sir, I think a second application of any remedy is a-- a, um," a moment's flounder, "--a recommended medicinal method. Yes." He grins. "By the... doctors."

For a split second Dom hangs on to his forbidding expression, but then he bursts out laughing, his face splitting into a huge grin. "By the doctors!" Still chuckling, he holds out his hands to Elijah. "Come here, you madman. Your punishment is a shower. I'll clean you up and scrub you down."

"And lick my face too?" Lij rises, using Dom's hands to pull himself up. "It's getting kinda sticky." Dom squints at him like he's trying to look menacing again, and failing by a mile; Elijah giggles shortly. "C'mon, we'll trade, I'll lick your leg clean..." He sticks out his tongue at Dom and sprints in the direction of the bathroom.

Endless Summer

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 23:36:41 GMT

At present Elijah is off living the glamourous jetsetting life of an international movie star, kicking up his heels in cloudy, chilly NYC.

Me, I'm stuck swotting away at it here, basking on the beach day in and day out.

Tragic, innit?

Why does anyone ever film anywhere but Oahu, that's what I don't understand. Though I suppose if that happened, Oahu would be just like LA... Picture me ashen-faced as I realise what I'm saying.

OAHU IS JUST AWFUL. IT IS FAR TOO SANDY. And the place is absolutely lousy with surfers. No, no, you wouldn't like to film here, it won't do at all.

Do come visit though. Just leave the LA traffic and smog and all that well behind!

Delicious

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 00:53:23 GMT

Since we visited Manchester the summer before last, my parents have adopted Elijah wholeheartedly as a son-in-law(-to-be), which is wonderful, of course.

Though it does have the occasional drawback. Today I had an email from my mum. She saw photos of Elijah from the convention he went to a couple of weeks ago. He's looking quite thin these days, as he's been working out for his Iggy Pop role, so he's very lean and just beginning to put on more muscle.

My mum accused me of failing to feed him properly.

She sent recipes.

Most of them puddings.

I'm composing a reply which prominently features the phrase "under a doctor's care". Meanwhile, we're both keeping a very healthy diet for work, but here I am, mouth watering for lemon cream pavlova. If we have it for breakfast and then go surfing, it should burn right off...

Keep the Red Flag flying high

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 02:47:37 GMT

RIP George Best.

He'll be missed, and never forgotten.

Le Blue Boy (Dom/Elijah, June 28 2004 retcon)

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 23:51:45 GMT

[Voyeurs only. June 28, 2004 retcon, during a visit to Dom's family in Manchester.]

*

Dom kneels on the edge of the bed, stretching to reach the elderly television. Shutting it off with an electric snap, he asks, "Did you know La Blue Girl was about a girl's tender love affair with loads of demonic tentacles?"

"I did know," Elijah laughs. "Why?"

Examining the DVD box, Dom collapses back against the piled-up pillows stacked against the headboard and lifts his arm so that Elijah can duck under it and curl up against his side. "I dunno, I s'pose I didn't look very closely at this. I'd heard it was a classic and we were in the mood for anime, so I thought we'd hire it... but I just thought it was something about, you know, a sad girl."

Elijah has a hard time not completely cracking up; he settles for raising his eyebrows sardonically. "Oh yeah?"

"Imagine my surprise!"

Biting back more giggles, Lij says, "Oh, I'm picturing it!"

Dom blinks and shakes his head. "I ask you!"

Rubbing his cheek against Dom's shoulder, Elijah hums, "Mmm, I like when you ask me." He trails his fingers along Dom's forearm. "What are you asking me, this time?"

"You knew what this was, eh?" Dom asks, lacing his fingers with Lij's. "So why'd you agree to hire it, for a laugh, or are we adding creepy crawlies to our kinks?"

"We're just... getting acculturated in the ways of. Um. Contemporary stuff?" Elijah grins. "Seriously, you picked it up, for one. I thought you should see it if you'd never seen it... Plus I knew what it was but I'd only seen bits, never the whole-- well, a whole bit. So. With your folks outta the house it seemed like a good idea for today."

Dominic glances at him curiously and slowly upsets their balance, spilling Elijah onto his back and crawling on top of him, straddling him. "Just curious, eh?"

Unconsciously licking his lips, Elijah nods.

"No naughty fantasies about tentacles...?" Dom prods. He braces his arms on either side of Elijah and leans to lick his ear.

Elijah squirms briefly. In a low voice he admits, "Maybe... a little bit?"

"Mmmm, now why would you beat around the bush about that with me?" Dom squeezes his legs around Elijah's thighs, drops his hands to circle Lij's wrists. "Honestly."

Huffing sharply, Elijah protests, "Huh-- not. Just. It's not tentacles, really." He flexes his thighs and arms, testing Dom's hold to feel it better, twisting his wrists fractionally. "It's not monsters, I don't think."

"No?" Dom nuzzles his neck. "What, then?"

Elijah shivers. "It's... not the alien thing, Other and... stuff. Tentacles maybe, but it's more. Like... a lot of touch. Multiple hands-or-things to be," he swallows, "uh. Taken with?"

"Yeah?" Dom teases his mouth with almost-kisses. "So is it the same sort of thing as when we've done threesomes? Or the night I took you to the club to hold you while other people had you?"

Hitching a little wanton sigh, Elijah nods and says quietly, "Yeah. Close."

"We might be able to try something like that, just the two of us. With the proper supplies." Dom snogs Elijah thoroughly, til they're both groaning a little when they tear apart.

"Oh?" Elijah asks between new warmwet kisses. "How?"

"Well... some of our bondage gear could make you feel gripped and held... and we could use toys to give you that overstuffed sort of sensation." He grinds against Lij in emphasis. "Overwhelmed. It'd have to wait til we're at the Establishment again, or til we're home with all our gear. But if I tie you down, nicely stretched out, fit you with a dildo and use your mouth. Seems as though that might be the same sort of thing."

"Sort of, yeah. Plays on-- fuck. Yeah, on the same things. But live..." Elijah licks Dom's neck, breathes him in, close. "Live's different. Flesh is."

"'Course," Dom agrees, rubbing cheek-to-cheek, affectionate as well as sexual. "But shy of going out and roping in a third person to hold you down... well. An acceptable substitute?" He lets go of Lij's wrist to grope and stroke him, hand spanning his dick over denim. "Or maybe we can do without. Would you rather just fantasize while I touch you? Like this..." he grips harder, twining his legs around Elijah's, tangling up with him, close and warm.

Elijah stutters and arches into the touch, eyes closed, keeping his arms exactly where they were before Dom let him go. "Mmm-- yeah-- works, that works..." His arousal simmering in the background from watching the film grows and grows, tendrils of fantasy fleshing out steadily with it.

"That's good... stretch your hands up for me, right up here," Dom snaps his fingers just over Lij's head, "so I can hold both your wrists."

Lij does, his eyes open wide now, watching Dom raptly, the intent on his face.

Dom wraps his fingers to make Lij feel as held as possible, not his strongest grip, but wide, covering as much as he can reach. "All wrapped up, hm? Just picture it--" he nips at Elijah's lower lip, "all those twisty limbs holding you down, touching you..." he lifts himself up, sliding along Lij's chest, and forces his knee between Lij's thighs to part them, his other hand squeezing hard.

Eyes screwed shut again, half from the gripping touch and half to sink deeper into the fantasy, Elijah moans low, "Yeah... Yes. Please."

Licking his neck, Dom unbuttons Elijah's fly. "Shhhh. You can ask, but nice and low, yeah?" He reaches in Elijah's jeans, hand twisted and pressed snugly against him between the barely parted flaps. He strokes, firmly, surely. "And any minute there'll be another one going across your mouth," he snogs Elijah, sucking and nibbling his lips til they're swollen, to make the feeling last. "Mm, like that, and it doesn't stop..." he mouths down Lij's neck, his whole body moving against Lij's in time with his hand, "winding round you everywhere, feel it?"

"Oh God, yeah-- It's nngh, good. Yeah," Elijah writhes slowly, shuddering a little. The raspy, sweet constriction of his clothes rubbing on his skin adds to it, his t-shirt bunched and twisted, Dom's warmth seeping through.

"Shhh." Dom keeps it up, steadily increasing the pace, grinding his own erection against Lij's hip; he snogs him again roughly, tongue thrusting in deep.

Forcing himself to relax, Elijah sucks air in, opening up, spreading his legs wider on the bed to feel the inseams of his jeans press against him hard. Dizzy, he moans, arousal racheting up as fatigue burns down his arms from holding his wrists up high.

"Everywhere." Dom pushes Lij's wrists further back, letting his fingers slide down Lij's arms, filling his mouth with aggressive kisses and pumping him relentlessly with his other hand. "That's it, I want you to feel that everywhere."

Boneless and warm, Elijah makes little sounds of helpless pleasure deep in his throat. He feels it, he does, more contact than there really is: sensations magnified and fueled by the power of imagination, by the play between sheer erotic tension and the relief that Dom picked up on this, this half-buried desire.

When Dom's hand steals between the bed and his ass, reaching into his waistband and tightening the denim everywhere around his groin, the tips of Dom's long tapered fingers sliding between his asscheeks, the prickly heat in Lij's balls spikes up unexpectedly high, oh, higher-- Elijah's whole body tenses, shuddering weakly as pleasure slashes through him, a flashflood that steals his breath and drowns the vague pictures in his head.

Dom eases into a shallower kiss, drinking down all Lij's faint noises, petting his inner arms. "That's good, baby. So good." Amazingly fast, as well. Elijah's face still has a glazed and dreamy look-- dreamy, but not distant. His arms fall around Dom's neck, fingers twining at the back of Dom's hair.

"Love those hands," Lij purrs, kissing him. "And you."

"I love you too. And your mouth..."

Dom urges Lij to stretch out. He unbuttons his trousers and gestures. "All right?"

Elijah nods, pawing at Dom's fly ineffectually before catching himself. "Fuck yeah." Lower, he adds, "Please." If anything could be said to have been missing moments earlier it was that, the feel of solid, living velvety flesh in his mouth, filling him up; the beat of a racing pulse against his lips and the willing inside of his cheeks.

Dom opens his fly and plants his knees on either side of Elijah, positioning himself. Holding his own hard-on in one hand, loosely, he pauses just a breath away and traces the shape of Elijah's still-swollen mouth with his thumb.

Darting his tongue out, Elijah laps at the pad of Dom's thumb, pursing his lips then letting them fall parted, lax under the caress, humming low. This close now, the scent of Dom is intoxicating, well overpowering the mingled smells of the little room, its mixed atmosphere of faded furniture and fresh synthetic flower perfume; Lij's mouth wets with saliva, wanting, yearning for it.

With a pleased, lazy smile, Dom leans forward, watching intently as his cock pushes between Elijah's lips. Lij's eyelids close, lashes dark against his cheek, his face flushing pink; Dom cups Elijah's cheek to feel how his mouth and jaw work as he takes Dom in.

Slowly Elijah leans into the touch of Dom's hand, tonguing the underside of his cock. He purses his lips as Dom slides forward, sinking deep into his throat. Lij parts his legs a bit wider to better feel Dom's heels against his thighs, the press of legs on either side of him, enjoying the sense of Dom's weight over him, a moan vibrating in his mouth when Dom pulls back a couple of inches.

"Your mouth is so perfect for this... drives me mad to see it, every single time," Dom murmurs, swaying his hips back and forth just a bit, pushing in and out slowly, letting the inevitable orgasm slowly build as he eats the sight up with his eyes.

It all works out

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 17:13:55 GMT

[Public]

Well, we're back in Oahu from the Emmys, a bit weighed down with statuettes.

I'd just like to say now that I'm quite willing to loan myself out to large undertakings as a mascot of sorts. The first big project I was involved in got its due in Oscars after three years; the second got its gold in just one. At this rate my next big project will get an award before we ever start filming.

In seriousness though, I feel terrifically blessed and grateful that the show's such a success, because it means I get to keep doing what I love with a fantastic cast, living in one of the most beautiful places on Earth.

Three or four years ago, I was quite mopey and moody-- I thought I might've left the happiest time of my life behind me in New Zealand. I've never been so glad to be so wrong. My life has changed in so many positive ways since that low stretch.

Of all the good things that have happened and all the good fortune I've had, the best of everything has been falling in love and being in love, living it, with the most amazing person I've ever known. Being with Elijah makes me feel as though I can do anything, and everything's getting better and better all the time. And now, as you all know already-- awards quite apart, I'm the luckiest man in the world.

Au revoir

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 12:04:41 GMT

[Public, Saturday afternoon]

I seem to be out of the habit of using this journal. I've been writing quite a lot recently; working on a new version of the eternal screenplay project with Billy, for one. And it's been a reflective summer for me.

But I always used to write my thoughts in physical journals, and I seem to have flown completely back into their pencil and paper embrace. I've been reaching for them first and scrawling everything into them, practically every day.

Probably quite a bit of that is due to my having graduated, somewhat, from therapy. I began with weekly conversations with Patrice, plus homework-- usually, a writing assignment. Then it was every two weeks, then monthly check-ins. Now it's a 'phone me if you need me' sort of arrangement. Which is brilliant. But those writing assignments were mostly what I wrote here, so that I could keep track of them for myself and easily copy and paste them into email to her.

Now that I don't have to copy the text out for therapy, I have to admit, I do prefer paper journals really. I can use different colours, draw in them, paint, tape ticket stubs and receipts in, press leaves...

Any road, I don't suppose anyone will notice much whether I go on using this or not; I'll still be in touch as much as ever. Just probably won't be updating much here.

XOXOXOX!

Gift for c_a_moss

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 08:19:05 GMT

Pumpkin Glass bangle bracelet, hand crocheted with handmade beads: black iris glass seed beads and a sprinkling of dewdrops in blues, greens and purples.

Enclosed note:

Happy birthday! Big kisses to you and your family!
XOXOX
Dominic & Elijah

Roughing It Up (D/E, August 3rd backdated)

Sun, 14 Aug 2005 22:34:38 GMT

[Voyeurs; August 3rd backdated]

*

"I think I put too much sugar in my coffee," Elijah says, jumping up and down on the bed.

So much for lying in. Dom turns onto his back and stretches, watching as Elijah tigger-bounces about. Though Dom's still in bed, there's no danger of being trampled. It's an Establishment hotel room, after all, so the bed is acres wide.

"Too much sugar? We'll have to sweat it out of you, detox you. Now, let's see, how can I make you sweat?" he pretends to ponder the question, waiting for Elijah's feet to bounce back into reach.

The moment Lij is close enough, Dom grabs his ankle and yanks, bringing him down in one last massive bounce on the mattress. Tackling and straddling him, Dom pins down his arms and admonishes him, "That's distracting. I'm trying to think."

Elijah squirms, muscles flexing to feel Dom's weight, grinning like a loon. "Okay!" Grinding down against him, Dom licks him methodically, teasing his ear and throat and mouth til Elijah's babbling, "Oohmmm. Still-- thinking?" He struggles to get his wrists free for a grope.

Dom only holds him down more firmly. "Yeah, still thinking." He rolls off to stretch out beside Lij, still gripping his wrists, legs slanted to keep Lij still.

"That's not-- fair! I'm the one with extra energy to burn, and I can't move any-- mooore, ngh." Elijah wriggles and pouts, not really trying very hard. "At least let me kiss you while you think? Pleasepleaseplease?"

"If you think as well," Dom allows, moving into kissing range. "What're we going to do to with all that energy?"

Elijah kisses him instead of helping with an answer; he's sloppy and rough, and clearly no higher-brain functions are engaged.

Dom's enjoying it but he backs off nonetheless to chide him. "I don't think you're really considering the question at hand."

"Too giddy to think," Lij whines, pursing his mouth, his neck straining for more.

"Maybe I should just let you up and set you loose on me."

Vaguely pouting still, Elijah considers that. "We could... go see if there's a fun class? Singletail, rope bondage, temporary piercings? Something to focus hard on, possibly one of the more physical things." As Dom listens to him and relaxes his hold a bit, Lij surges forward to steal the kiss he wanted. "Mmm. Or! I could spank you."

"You could," Dom agrees, starting to smile. "Or I wouldn't say no to a class."

Still bouncy, Elijah gets up on his knees and hops, shaking the bed. "A class would be fun! Yeah?"

"Yeah, then, let's," Dom says, giving up his hold on Lij's wrists.

Elijah rolls over him first, dropping enthusiastic kisses all over his face and throat in a hyper staccato. "Yes yes yes yes yes. Let's."

After a few minutes of snogging, Dom finally points out, "You will, unfortunately, have to get off me so we can go down the club and see what's on offer."

"That is unfortunate." Elijah slides off his body reluctantly.

Heaving himself up, Dom loops an arm around Lij's waist, kissing him. "All right then. Give me ten to get presentable and down we go."

*

Thirteen minutes later Elijah's sugar high hasn't abated yet and he's tugging Dom through the door to the staircase, bypassing the elevator because it's for "lazy pussies, c'mon, Dommie, hophop!"

They trot down the carpeted stairs and end up in a side corridor instead of the lobby.

"Look at that, now we're lost, you silly goose."

"No we're not. We just have to-- oh look," Lij maneuvers Dom with a firm grip on his arm, backing him up against the wall, "a handy nook for groping!" He pins him there, next to a small table and the extravagant vase full of orchids and right under a lamp, rocking against him while he sucks his tongue.

Dom kisses him back enthusiastically, happy for another chance to snog in semipublic. They've been taking full advantage of the PDA possibilities of living in the Establishment hotel, eating in the restaurant, and drinking in the club, but he never gets tired of it.

Elijah licks his neck and nibbles his earlobe, growling faintly. "We need to move, check the billboard..." he mutters, kissing him more anyway, grinding against him.

"I'm not stopping you. You're pinning me this time," Dom smirks, but he's soon breathing faster, grabbing Lij's arse and kneading him through his tight jeans.

"Hell yeah you're stopping me, with the sexy breathing and shit," Elijah says, and bites his mouth.

"Mph--" Dom tears away with an effort and puts his hands up. "See? Not my fault, not even a bit. The way is clear." Teasing Elijah with a snicker, Dom licks his lips with a come-hither look, giving Lij the full benefit of his lowest, sexiest tone. "Nothing keeping you here."

Elijah hesitates, tempted-- of course-- and leveling a fake resentful glare at Dom. Eventually, groaning under his breath, he takes a step back and turns on his heel, breaking into a run to the end of the hallway with a cry. "C'mon, race you!"

Dom loses the race but thinks better of whining and crying foul. He wanders closer as Elijah stops in front of the boards. "What shall we learn? Rope bondage was an interesting suggestion... piercing class, mm," he studies the list, eyes skipping from heading to heading. "I think we can skip Intro to Anal Sex."

"We can," Lij nods with a smirk. "Sensual massage... Seems nice, but not really energetic. What do you say?"

"The state you're in, you'd massage my shoulders entirely off my body, I think. Do they have a Sexual Boxing course?"

"There's a Roughing It Up thing," Elijah points to the card, peering closer, "what's in that?"

"Basic wrestling techniques, judo holds and flips, and sparring tips to safely engage in rough sex play," Dom reads. "Sounds like that'll do us nicely."

"Great!" Elijah joggles up and down on his toes and leans to snog Dom energetically. "What time? They still taking people in?"

"In an hour and a half, aaaand, still taking signups. We can sign up for it and kill time in the bar. I could do with a smoothie. I miss my favorite stand in Oahu."

"Sure, yeah, good call. Let's go put our names in at the desk then."

*

The course is a bit basic at the start. The instructor spends a lot of time explaining and demonstrating how to do controlled falls, a skill both Dom and Elijah have already mastered.

Elijah can't stop touching Dom gently while the instructor speaks, despite being there for a course in roughhousing. "What happened to all that jumpy energy?" Dom murmurs, nuzzling his jaw.

"'M channeling it to kick your ass later," Lij murmurs back, dropping a kiss under Dom's ear. Pulling back fractionally, he winks. "Focusing internally, like." His hands wander softly to squeeze Dom's ass.

"Just you wait," Dom says. "I've been reading a book on Unleashing the Kiss Monster Within. You'll never know what hit you."

Frowning a bit, Elijah pretends to ponder... Then his whole face lights up in mock-sudden understanding.

"A Kiss Monster?"

For a rare moment, Dom's completely stymied and silent, his brow crinkling in consternation as Elijah tries not to laugh.

Finally putting on a stern expression to imply he absolutely meant to do that, Dom regroups, rather lamely, with, "You'll never know... which part of what hit you, hit you."

Lij stifles more giggles and snakes his arm around Dom's waist. Nuzzling his neck, he lets a few seconds pass, waiting for Dom to forget a little before he guesses, "The mouth?"

Dom grins and pulls Lij a bit closer, snogging him. Elijah goes willingly but darts his eyes around, not wanting to get called on for inattention. The instructor's busy with other people, though, and soon Elijah's tightening his hold around Dom, hand splayed on his back, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

Of course, at that exact moment the instructor raises her voice. "So let's see everyone try a controlled fall again, please."

Dom lets his knees go out and pulls Lij down on top of him as he falls, laughing.

"Whu--" Elijah catches himself with his free hand and barely avoids kneeing Dom in the groin at the last moment. "Dude!" He moves off and pokes him in the chest, grinning first, then baring his teeth in menace. "Looking for trouble?"

Dom pinches him. "Isn't that what the class is all about?"

"Ya gonna get your share," Lij swats his arm away, nods. "Don't worry."

The instructor's feet come in his view and Lij gets up, vaguely guilty, pulling Dom after him.

"Good fall," she tells them, and proceeds to use Dom to demonstrate judo throws, showing Elijah how to tuck and bend and fall in the reverse position.

"Can I flip him over, too?" Lij asks her. "Like, over my back? Please?"

"That's the next step of complexity. First we teach you both how to be thrown over someone's shoulder... You need to be thrown as well to learn the move," she shows the class again how to roll and tuck as they hit the ground.

Elijah rolls happily, springing back up after each throw, but still impatient to get to the part where he can flip Dom over his shoulder.

"Now this is how to do seoye-nage, the shoulder throw," the instructor tells Elijah, standing opposite him and slowly taking him through the steps so that the class can see each movement.

"With the-- right hand there, okay. Oh! Yes, kind of-- blocking the ankle?"

"Not blocking, just planting and shifting your weight," she explains. "Yes? Good. Now you try."

Dom mugs at him, putting on mock big weepy eyes, folding his hands together.

Smirking, Elijah gets into position opposite him. "You're going down, Dommie, just like that. No mercy from this quarter."

Getting more properly into place, Dom goes on joking, "Be gentle with me, it's my first time."

"Awwwww," Elijah rolls his eyes and kisses him. "I will." Shuffling his hands and feet, he checks with a glance at the instructor that he's doing it right, and grabs Dom's outstretched arm, pivoting and flipping Dom over with absolutely no special gentleness. Even though Dom automatically rolls as soon as he hits the mat, he still lands with a loud thump. "Oops?" Elijah grins.

Dom comes out of his roll and springs up, dancing back and forth in a boxing posture. "That all you got?"

Ignoring their antics, the instructor goes to help others, spending time on individuals and couples to guide them through the steps.

"I got more! But we're not at the boxing stage yet," Elijah ducks and weaves, getting closer while avoiding Dom's fists. "'S your turn, now, flip me!"

Dom complies, easily throwing Elijah over his shoulder. "I just wish I could see you going down when I do this. You do excellent falls."

"Yeah?" Lij bounces up, springy on his toes, shaking his head a bit. "'S all that Frodo training, man, falling on rocks. Then the Sin City wirework, now that was fun. I like it." He keeps bouncing around, jabbing Dom in the ribs repeatedly. "So, what next? What now, huh?"

"I could show you a few Wu Shu moves..." Pivoting, Dom moves behind him, grabbing Lij's hips and pulling him close, murmuring into his ear. "You'll have to let me move you a bit to demonstrate how you ought to do it."

The maneuver's not enough to calm him down, and Lij goes on jittering up and down on his feet. "Mmyeah, okay. But no sneaky low moves, or you'll pay for them!"

Dom can't help himself. "What, low moves like this?" he asks, digging his fingers under Lij's arms to tickle him.

Flailing wildly, Elijah elbows him backwards in the chest. "Stopit!"

"Make me," Dom grins, going on tickling. "You just learnt how!"

Gritting his teeth on his giggles, Elijah shifts and turns to evade him a bit. Finding the right position, he flips Dom again, panting a little. "There!" He dusts off his hands. "'I'll show you WuShu', my ass."

"I had good intentions!" Dom says, picking himself up. "You provoked me!"

"I did no such thing! You're a sneaky pervert, that's all." He sticks his tongue out.

"Tch!" Dom sweeps his legs around connect with Lij's ankles, toppling him off his feet.

Unsurprised this time, Elijah catches himself on hand and elbow on his side and immediately rolls over to hover above Dom, using the fall's momentum. "Agressive, huh? Did that infamous leash come off the Monster now, is that it?" Decisively, he straddles Dom's thighs, reaching for his wrists to try and pin him down.

Starting to growl in response, Dom interrupts himself with laughter as he tries to evade being pinned, which isn't that hard. Lij changes tack, though, tipping over to smother him with his whole body and growling right back; his sneaky fingers pinch Dom's neck.

Softly, in a tone that makes obvious it's not a complaint, Dom ows and leans upward to kiss Elijah, his mouth warm and welcoming. Lij takes it, demandingly, tongue circling Dom's and exploring every recess; it's a little while before he pulls away with a lick.

"Show me WuShu?"

"As you like," Dom nods, all obedience and softness now, hesitating slightly before their lips touch again, leaving Lij with time to disagree and stop it.

He doesn't.

Things.txt

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 13:18:50 GMT

~~[Private]~~ [Moved to offline diary file]

I did a phone call with Patrice last week. Those are getting rarer and rarer, which seems a good sign. I told her that aside from a couple of downturns over work stuff, I've been happy for a good long stretch now, and that I'm really pleased to be on an even keel, more like I used to be.

Of course that prompted her to quiz me about when I 'used to be' steadier, less moody. And once she had me talking about it, it was hard to remember when I'd ever gone a period longer than a couple of weeks without getting awfully bunched up over something or other.

She said, "If you've been telling yourself that you shouldn't have such strong emotional reactions all the time, then you've been holding yourself to an unnatural standard for you. My impression of you has always been that you're a moody guy, and I think a stroll through your journals from any point in your life would hold that up."

Which... oddly enough, I mean, yeah. I know I can be moody, but I do tend to write it off to other things that're going on.

Patrice said, "Try to consider that maybe sometimes, you're just being moody. Maybe it's not because you're having allergies or a bad hair day. Maybe you're just in a bad mood."

"Yeah, but... who wants to think like that?" I asked. "Then there's nothing you can do to make it better, is there. You just have to wait it out."

"But at least that way you're not blaming some external situation for an internal state," she said. "It's good that you've gotten into better habits about examining your feelings and figuring out why you feel the way you do. You've made a huge amount of progress there. But you're not going to be able to justify your bad moods all the time. Sometimes you're just going to be in a snit. If you can trace back to what's causing it, great, but if you can't, maybe there isn't a reason. Maybe you're just a moody guy. That's fine, you just... learn to be okay with that."

All right, then. I think I can learn to be okay with that.

So... now, I'm not trying to justify a mood or borrow trouble or, heaven help me, 'create drama'. Only I'm thinking about logging in to Elijah's journal.

I don't know why, except. I wonder if maybe he's given any thought to some things, and if he has, I'd like to know. --Bugger it, I'm moving this off my journal and into a local file... there. I want to see if he's thought about proposing, or being proposed to, or rings, or anything like that. We've talked in sort of broad hypothetical terms about getting married, but not the specifics.

Obviously I don't want to pin it down and say "I'm going to propose to you soon, and is this ring all right?" But it would be nice to have a bit of confirmation that my plans aren't outrageously the exact wrong thing to do. I want this to be right. I've waited and waited because I wanted it to be right, and now... I feel like we're there. We're ready.

If I check his journal... maybe I could be more sure. If. I'll give it some more thought.

We

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 07:42:59 GMT

[Public]

We've been travelling quite a bit recently, London, Manchester, Glasgow with a side trip to Edinburgh, Manchester again, London again, and soon we'll be heading back to Edinburgh for the film festival for Elijah's European premiere of Green Street Hooligans.

We're busy and we're happy and I'm finding it difficult to budge out of the first person plural because we've been inseparable for a few weeks now. I wish it could always be this way. If all those pesky film productions would only just shoot in Hawai'i, we'd have it made.

I think part of what makes it work is that we can talk, but we can also not talk; we know how to keep out of each others' way. I mean, communication is key and that, but when Elijah's on his fourth phone conference of the day, I just pass the crisps and let him get on with it. And I can write and work out all I want in peace, unless I try to do too many ab crunches. That does tend to get me tackled and the virtues of a not-quite-washboard tum extolled in detail.

Yet despite all these good spirits, the Mental-O-Matic says I have: Major Depressive Sexual Hyperactivity, with Mania with Borderline tendencies, Substance abuse with uncomplicated ambivalent feelings, and severe, unchecked, rampant, murderous PTSD with Exxonesis.

Gosh. Sorry about that.

Email from Dom to Rachel

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 02:19:00 GMT

To: rachelweisz
From: notdom
Date: 29 July 2005
Subject: Re: Billy's stuff

Hiya Rachel,

I don't have bad feelings toward you, other than being terribly sorry that things haven't been working out between you and Billy. Every time I spoke to him while you were together, he was so happy.

Of course I can collect Billy's things. I wish you would meet with him yourself though. He's really gutted, you know? He told me the two of you had some big differences between you, but he also told me how much he misses you.

I hope you'll meet with Bill again, even if it's only to tell him there's no way to reconcile. At least that way you could part as friends. And if there is any way to solve things between you, I'd do anything to help-- please don't hesitate to phone or email. He's a good man and he deserves as many chances as you can give him.

Sincerely,
Dom

Ginger Snaps (D/E, June 16 retcon)

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 09:00:45 GMT

[Voyeurs only; takes place June 16]

*

Elijah comes back in the house rubbing his hands against each other; rummaging in the garage for that old box of dog toys he promised to send south to Oliver turned out more of a dusty-dirty job than he thought. He washes up in the kitchen and pats himself to dislodge more of the dust, then crosses to the lounge, checking in the hallway mirror on the way that his face and hair aren't covered in it.

Dom's sitting crosslegged on the sofa, laptop precariously balanced on one knee, tapping and clicking. Elijah sneaks up to peer at the screen from behind the back of the couch.

It shows an online order form for Godiva chocolate cigars; as Elijah peeks, Dom finishes with his hunt-and-peck typing of the note.

Welcome to the world, Olivia Beth Isaacs-Moss!

And congratulations, Carrie-Anne, Jason and Liam. Lots of love to the new addition to your family!

XOXOXOX,
Dom and Elijah

He clicks Send and closes, revealing other windows, a Star Wars parody and the Williams-Sonoma site, the mouse hovering as though he's not sure which to choose.

"Woohoo!" Lij exclaims, grinning wider as Dom's shoulders jump slightly and he turns his head in surprise. "Good idea. And you said welcome to her!" He straightens up from the half-crouch he adopted to see the screen, and scrambles over the back of the sofa to end up near Dom on the cushions, leaning for a kiss. "You're perfect."

"Hm?" Dom puts the laptop aside and kisses Lij, sliding an arm around his shoulders. "Hiya! Find all your dog stuff all right?"

"Yeah, all done. I was talking about the note. For baby Olivia?"

"Ah. Yeah. Well, she's here! It's exciting!" Dom smiles.

"I know!" Elijah bounces on the cushions a little. "And I think it's cool to address her directly also, to say welcome. I'm just... I was surprised you did that too. Debbie taught me to do it." He gives a little grin and climbs Dom, straddling him and cuddling close. "See, we match."

Dom holds Lij, tipping his head up to meet him in another kiss. "No surprise there."

"Mm. Makes me happy," Elijah says, quietly. There's something moving about the way Dom sent the gift, not just that similar way of addressing the baby... but also, how he didn't even hesitate to send it in both their names without consulting Elijah. Instead of feeling dismissed or ignored, Lij is touched to think they're comfortable enough together now that these things happen, all naturally.

"Good." Dom kisses him again, sweetly. "That's what it's all about, yeah?"

"Yep. Mmm. And you, need to make you happy too." Elijah scritches the back of Dom head, grins. "You cook more when you're happy."

"Do I?" Dom laughs, surprised. "I hadn't noticed. You must be really well-fed lately, then."

"I am! Very healthy, too, all those vegetables... But still, there's always more good food to be had," Lij nods, poking Dom's side.

"Yeah. I was just looking at kitchen stuff. Might buy a tomato press next time we're shopping. I was thinking of doing up a curry tonight." He wraps his arms around Lij and pulls him down on the sofa, til he's reclining with Lij on top of him, kissing him. "Sound good?"

"Curry always sounds good." Lij kisses back and squirms and wriggles, settling in a comfortable position, a little lower down with his head on Dom's chest. Dom pets his hair lightly. "What's a tomato press, exactly? We have a blender thing, to like, chop them up good. Doesn't work?"

"The press separates the skin and seeds out," Dom tells him. "I used them before in restaurant work, it's handy for doing sauces and that. I have time to make my own tomato sauce again! I love hiatus. It's like summer off from school."

"Mmm." Elijah burrows yet lower against him, rucking Dom's shirt up to nose at his belly. Summer off from school is a vague past thing now, and to him it was always more work time anyhow, additional time free for filming. "Hello, sweet soft belly," he murmurs nonsensically to Dom's skin, licking a wet stripe under his navel.

"Oi! It's not soft," Dom protests with a laugh. "It's firm and muscular, thank you very much."

Elijah nibbles along the texture of Dom's treasure trail. "It's muscular and firm and layered with softness. It's perfect," he says, and smushes his face against it, his cheek pressed to the warmth of Dom's stomach.

"Glad it suits you," Dom says, bemused, "it's the only one I have."

The caress of his hand on Elijah's head slows down and stops; Elijah levers on an elbow, coming back up for a kiss. "I wouldn't want no other," he bites Dom's bottom lip softly, pulls on it a little as their mouths part. "Dommie-belly! The original tummy pie!"

With a snort, Dom kisses him; he goes on chortling throughout a series of snogs, his abs bouncing taut under Lij's hand.

Drumming his fingers on it, Lij grins. "Yeah. Perfect."

Dom licks him. "I like your stomach awfully well myself. And the rest of you." He strokes Lij's cheek with a fond smile.

"Good. 'Cause it's also the only me I have." Lij grins. "Sooooo, when are we cooking? Someone promised ginger snaps," he says decisively, "last week! Which I deserve." He nods. "Also, kisses."

Kissing him again, Dom remarks, "We both deserve them! I'll make them as soon as this lovely lump gets off me."

"What lump?" Elijah looks around, cranes his neck to glance behind him. "There's a lump in here? Hold me," he clutches Dom's arms with a fearful face, "I'm lumpophobic."

"I know that's not true," Dom answers dryly, "you love a mirror."

Mock-indignant, Elijah goes up on hands and knees. "This is what I get for complimenting your belly? Ingrate!" and he retaliates with a brutal tickling attack.

"That's what you get for lying on my legs-- ahahah!-- and telling me to make ginger snaps!"

Elijah moves higher above him, tickling more. "I'll make you suffer! No more compliments! I'll eat all the ginger snaps!"

"This is chef abuse!" Dom writhes, laughing. "You can't make me bake cookies and then eat them all! It's too cruel!"

Stopping, Elijah leans to kiss him, hard this time. "Mmm, chef abuse. Me wants." Dom kisses back, relaxing and yielding gradually to the forceful snog, and Lij starts in on his shirt buttons. Peppering more gentle kisses on his cheek and jaw and neck, Lij offers, low, "So we'll get you naked, and then we'll get you into your apron, or whatever it's called... and I'll feast my eyes on your ass while you cook, yeah?"

"And what do I get out of all this?" Dom inquires.

Fondling him, Elijah proposes, "My undivided, fascinated attention?"

Put that way, Dom can hardly resist. "Well then, what're we waiting for?"

Lij grins and gets up, pulling on Dom's pantlegs to prompt him out of them. "We're not waiting at all, chop chop, nakedness!"

Chuckling, Dom unbuttons his jeans and lets Lij tug them off, standing up and stripping out of his half-open shirt and socks.

With a happy sigh, Elijah touches him some more, his hands magnetized to all the marvelously available skin. "So nice."

Walking backwards, he manages to get them both to the kitchen, taking small steps between gropes and kisses. Dom dons his apron and sets out to work; contrary to his intention to sit down and take simple voyeuristic pleasure in watching him prepare the dough, Elijah keeps close behind him, fiddling with the knot of the tie at Dom's waist, alternately kneading his ass and sucking on his earlobe.

He gets swatted for distracting the cook sometimes, the pâtissier even, Dom provides in French, but it's all worth it, especially for the pauses Dom takes to lean back against Lij's chest, the little kisses and shared tastes of the ingredients.

The cookies are done and cooling, Elijah hovering over them buzzard-like, when the phone rings. Dom picks up; after his initial cheery "Hiya! Yeah, I have time, just a mo," he hits the mute button for a moment. "Parents," he says. "Now, why do I feel as though I ought to get dressed again?"

Lij grins. "Say hi for me?"

He waves Dom off, reaching for a cigarette, and returns to his fascinating, self-appointed task of eyeballing the cookies intently to make them cool faster.

Eventually he moves off with a sigh to retrieve his paperback in the lounge, comes back to settle to keep watch with it. Finally, after a full chapter worth of reading with Dom's voice drifting in muted from the bedroom, the cookies feel cool enough to eat.

Well, or, cool enough not to completely burn his tongue.

Dom returns from his phone call-- he did put on underwear, to Elijah's amusement, though the clingy boxer briefs are almost as provocative as nudity. "They say hiya," Dom says, "so, hiya!"

Elijah crunches his ginger snap, mouth full. "Hyooo!"

Laughing, Dom comes close, nuzzling Lij's neck. "Mm, how are they?"

"Fantastic! M'alllll sugared up! Gingered up! Happy!" Elijah bounces, colliding with Dom on the apex of a bounce to steal a kiss. "Ginger snap, love?" he holds up a cookie.

"I dunno if I want one," Dom says. "I know what's in those."

"...Oh." Lij looks at the cookie in his hand with a suspicious frown. "Should I be worried?"

"That depends. How many have you eaten?"

Elijah moved the entire batch from the oven plate to a serving dish, so it's not immediately obvious how many of the little round things are missing. He covers his upper lip with the bottom one, counting in his head. "Eight?"

It's more like ten, maybe. He's not sure. He's got good reasons: they're small, and tasty; eating just one or two wouldn't be possible.

Dom sighs heavily and hugs Lij tight. In a quavering voice, he sniffs, "I want you to know I'll always, always love you..."

Lij bites him sharply, protests, "I will not let this food kill me-- Ooooh," realization dawns on his face, "You made them! You're trying to kill me?" His teeth dig harder in Dom's neck, his fingers pinching Dom's thigh through the fabric of the boxers.

"I didn't know you were going to eat eight in one go!" Dom imitates Orli as Legolas: "After all, one ginger snap is enough to feed a full-grown man for a week."

Laughing, Lij attempts to forcefeed him the cookie in his hand, pushing it into Dom's mouth. Grinning, Dom relents and takes it in, chewing enthusiastically; immediately Elijah tries to add another one in his mouth with the emphatic declaration, "If I'm going down, you're coming with me."

"Oh no, not another ginger snap, the horror--" Dom eats that one too, more slowly, tasting it properly.

"Mmm, soon you'll be as doomed as me."

"All it needs is tea," Dom decides. "That would be perfect! Potentially fatal, but perfect. I'll put the kettle on."

Elijah gets down the cups and honey, jumps when Dom gooses him, and turns to the freezer. "Ice cream, too," he says. "Hm, we need to restock on frozen stuff."

"We can shop any time, far as I'm concerned. How's your schedule looking?"

"Good, okay. Free enough to shop, anyway." Lij shrugs, closing the freezer and propping himself up against the door. "Too empty maybe. I knew that comedy thing probably wasn't going to work out, but now it's for sure. They delayed it again. All the story meetings are happening right when I'm doing the press for Illuminated, I told you, right? So I had to let that one go. But that means we can go to London, so it's all good."

"There's that, yeah," Dom says. He pours the steaming water into the mugs to steep. "That's going to be a bit dicey, innit? If we're in London just the two of us, after that tabloid business. Hard to hide that we're there together."

"...Maybe? I was thinking, well, we sort of manage here, and we'd go to the Establishment? We can't really drop in on the Isaacs-Moss-Neesons, with the baby and all... I. Do you really think it's more dicey than here?"

"In LA, it's like..." Dom leans against the counter, scrubbing a hand through his messy hair. "We both live in LA, publically, so it's not weird to be seen together here... I dunno, I'm rubbish at knowing what's too much, you know? I was talking to Kev a bit about the tabloid stuff, he was saying, what did we expect? Said it was weird for you to be in Oahu with me, of course someone's going to join up the dots."

Elijah fiddles with the ginger snaps on the plate, thinks about that. What did they expect, indeed. He can't not take offense somehow at the way it's been put-- weird to be in Oahu, fuck that-- though of course it's not Dom's own thought, not even Kevin's either.

Dom moves closer and runs a hand down his arm. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to harp on it, I know you hate it."

"Hey, whoa, no--" Elijah threads their fingers together, squeezes Dom's hand. "No, you're right, it's just the state of things. Gotta think about it sometimes. Yeah." They kiss, the briefest press of lips, both subdued and thinking. "Don't be sorry. It's nothing you're responsible for."

Dom doesn't answer, just winds his arms around Elijah and holds him. Lij nuzzles him, Dom's thin beard feathering softly under his lips. "Let's take this to the lounge, all right? Sit down with the tea and cookies and... think about things? We'll break out the beer later, if the sugar high's not helping?"

"Yeah. Good plan." Dom gives him a kiss and turns to fish out the teabags. He stirs in honey, picks up the cups and carries them to the lounge.

Folding his legs pretzel-style on the sofa, Elijah crunches another cookie between his teeth, thinking. "I really want to trust in, like, people's goodness," he says finally, sniffing at the steam from his tea. "That makes me naive, I guess? I keep hoping if we're... good, and, nice people, then we shouldn't have too many problems." He sighs. "It's not enough to wish it, though."

"Baby," Dom squeezes his knee, automatically reassuring him. "Even if we do have problems, we'll be all right."

"As long as we're together, I just. Don't want anything to drive us apart, like that. " Elijah covers Dom's hand with his own. "You see what I mean?"

Dom fidgets. "...I know. I'm afraid of that as well. I hate-- making you choose, you know? I hate to force a decision, like you have to choose me or your privacy, can't have both. It's not fair."

Putting his cup aside, Elijah puts his arm around Dom's shoulders. "It's not that, it's-- I don't think I have to choose. And I know what I can lose. I just think..." He takes a deep breath. "Let's, well, go on, loosen up a little again maybe, and hope for the best. Like you said, it was, urgh, suspicious for me to be in Oahu, well, and next it'll be suspicious we're in London together... We're taking risks. Maybe it'll pay off, maybe it won't. It's not a clear cut choice, is it? I mean, the choice is made, it's the... method, like, that's up in the air."

"What method?" Dom asks, his brow furrowing. "Method for what, being out? That's new."

"...I kinda thought we'd already decided that," Elijah says, confused. "I mean-- I. Uh. Okay."

"I thought our plan was to live as normally as we can without ever giving ourselves away," Dom shrugs.

"But we talked about it," Elijah replies, bewildered. "I did explain that loosening up and taking chances was my best plan for, like, seeing if staying under the radar would work, and I did mean that as... a process, like, for coming out. I thought that was understood."

"To me that sounded like a process for trying not to ever come out," Dom says. "To never do anything that outs us irrevocably. Never do anything that makes it undeniable that we're together."

"But we are living normally as we can and being together," says Elijah. "And that outs us to more people every day, in the grocery store, on the beach, to friends of friends... it'll always be deniable to someone, damn it. Unless nothing short of major tabloid story or like, Advocate exposure is a proper outing... I don't want to do some kind of Coming Out event," he flashes his hands open, "but that doesn't mean I think it's a way to not come out at all ever."

Dom shakes his head. "It seemed to me we've been doing everything necessary not to come out until we have to. To hide as much as we can til then. You didn't go with me to the Batman premiere. I didn't go with you to the LA Film Festival. So it doesn't feel as though we have a plan to come out."

"Well, we do, I do-- it's kind of upsetting," Elijah frowns. "I thought I explained all this in London a year ago. I mean, vaguely maybe, but still."

"I thought our plan was to avoid coming out for as long as we possibly could, and then grudgingly, eventually when we just can't help doing something that tips our hand, maybe we will." Dom doesn't mean to make the words so tart, but he's been holding back the ring for such a long time now, unsure if proposing marriage makes any sense when a wedding could tip the scales and out them.

Filing the papers for a civil partnership in England would put the closet behind them for good. Of course, they could always have a commitment ceremony without going through with anything official.

But he knows he'd feel cheated if they agreed to marry but never went through with the legal commitment that his country now finally permits.

"Excuse me if whatever I do that 'makes it undeniable' is something I might do grudgingly," Elijah says.

Dom doesn't answer, looking down at his hands, rubbing at a stray curlicue of ink with his thumb.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think we'd be inviting the press into our bedroom. Of course that would make it undeniable! Evidently! But that doesn't mean--" Elijah stops himself, aware that sarcasm and aggression will get them nowhere. It's hard to tame that anger, though, to rein in the bewilderment; he's genuinely shocked to find out they've been talking past each other all this time. "Oh, fuck. I can't even, I feel like-- It's not about you, yes? You know that? If I could tell the world and it wasn't guaranteed to bring us a load of problems, I would take out an ad in Variety. I'd talk about it on fucking Leno."

"Right."

"I would!" Elijah insists. "God-- Sorry. Just."

"Of course you would," Dom says, but it's toneless and flat. Elijah can't even tell if he's resigned or resentful, and not knowing makes the gap between them feel wider, more painful.

He still can't help his biting tone at first when he starts up again "...So, because having the tabs hounding us is something I'm afraid of, there's no nuances anymore. Listen, I'm wording things wrong, I'm sure, since apparently what I thought we'd decided a year ago wasn't at all what we'd decided, but-- I don't agree on that undeniable shit, whatever."

He leans forward, trying to get his words across to Dom. "Right now, if someone was asking me if we're together, I'd say yes. Just, not if that someone is a reporter. See the difference? And even then, I can't comfortably lie about it. I can just avoid the topic. So it's not-- it's already undeniable for me. We're just not advertising it. I was hoping we could go on as long as possible without advertising it to the world at large, but slowly making it clear to as many people as we know... And. I, I just thought... isn't that the plan?"

"Lij. It's deniable," Dom tells him, meeting his eyes. "If you're avoiding the topic, it's deniable. As long as we don't do anything that makes it definite, it can be denied. Which both our publicists have been doing."

"Okay, yeah." Elijah unfolds his legs and bounces his toes nervously on the carpet. "They did, to save us from the tabs. I'm not saying-- I just meant I wouldn't lie. I'm sure, if you're angry at me you can't see the difference, but there is one."

Dom sighs. "I do see the difference, I'm not angry at you. C'mere, it's okay," he opens his arms.

Settling into a better position, Elijah hugs him. "How did we-- how come it feels just like a year ago, like we never decided anything at all? Jesus fuck."

"I'm sorry." Dom's voice is low, intimate, close to his ear. "We're talking about the same thing, I think, even... I'm just seeing it in a pessimistic light. To you it's a strategy for coming out slowly, to me it feels like staying closeted as long as possible. And I mean, our tabloid scare sort of-- put it in that light, for me. Before that, even, I think I might've mostly seen it the same as you."

"Well, we did retreat. So, that whole inning, feeling bad and tasting of inning, that's kinda, yeah," Elijah murmurs, squeezing him. "Fuck. I know I need to build up to the point where tabs don't scare me as much. And, well, I keep hoping we might even avoid them, and-- it's childish, I suppose, I see how you'd-- resent it."

"I don't resent it, I don't resent you. I resent THEM for making us even think about them for a single fucking wasted second."

"I tried," Elijah says, and he hates that it comes out whiny and pouty, but... "Last year I was talking about coming out for real and getting it over with, you're the one that persuaded me it was dumb, so... I dunno."

It feels like a long time before Dom says anything else, quietly. "I was scared, Lij, I'm still scared. I'm terrified when we talk about this."

Elijah's scared, too, a sick twist in his guts refusing to fade; instead of saying it he can't help but ask Dom, murmuring, "Of what, of what exactly?"

Again, Dom stays silent at first, his heartbeat slow but erratic against Elijah's chest. "What else? Choosing the wrong thing, putting a foot wrong, making us miserable."

There's nothing to do but hold him and sigh and nod; they stay like this a bit, holding tight, Dom petting Elijah's shoulder. "Baby," Lij whispers eventually, rubbing their noses. "God, it's so fucking wretched. Don't want us to do that to ourselves..."

"I don't know what to do. I hate that it's such a-- I mean, Jude and Ewan are getting separate houses, and I can't do that. I can't." Dom laughs sadly, a bitter chuckle. "And I say that, but I've kept my flat all this time, haven't I, even if I never go there except to use it for storage."

Lij touches his face gently. "I know, but.. It's. You didn't even tell me you did, that kinda." He shrugs, disengaging a little from the tight embrace. "I would never-- ever, I promise. I can't do that either. I would've told you to ditch it ages ago, if I'd known." It's been weird and-- not very nice, if Elijah's honest-- to find out that Dom had kept his flat all along, and to find out because Dom happens to be lending it now to Evangeline.

"I never really worry about anything else," Dom says, "you know, being-- that hard-- I always think we'll be able to get through anything else. This is the one thing I'm still afraid of, that might--" Dom purses his mouth, refusing to even finish that sentence. "...So. Of course I kept the flat. I'll keep on doing if it seems like it'll help."

"Help.. uphold appearances?" Elijah frowns. "Don't-- I. There's no way," he can feel his cheeks heat up with the agitation, with nervousness and anguish as the words tumble too fast out of his mouth, choppy, urgent, "I'd let the tabs come and take pictures of the bathroom before I let you go-- I'd shake like a leaf for days being angry or scared but-- God, Dom, there's no-- there's no doubt. I'd-- Doubt about what to do and how to do it, sure, but-- about us? How could there, I can't even think about, like, about-- No."

Dom tries to put a brave face on it. "No. 'Course not." He sighs. "Only." Elijah frowns, but he clutches Dom and nods encouragingly. Struggling a bit, Dom goes on, "It's not just-- you hating the publicity, it's me and my problems as well, you know? I can't bear it if you're upset with me."

"I'm not-- I'm. Upset, not with you. It's like you, yeah? Not at me, just-- angry? At the situation?" Elijah kisses him, promising, "I'm not upset with you."

"But if I did the wrong thing, pushed for some decision that backfires on us..." It all seems clear enough to him. He'd be to blame, Elijah would be unhappy with him, Dom wouldn't be able to cope it out and he'd have to leave, and that would break Elijah's heart as well.

Elijah pulls back an inch to look him in the eye, serious, intent. "What if I did that? I don't do that well with your disapproval either... I don't want to take a step that makes us miserable any more than you do." He takes Dom's hands in his, weaving their fingers together tight again. "But.. we're kinda, we're taking all of the steps together, that's the point, the goal. Right? So whatever it turns out like, we-- we're both to blame. We're both in it together, and we can cope with it together too."

Dom's eyes stay clouded and dark, his mouth curved in a slightly skeptical, sad smile; Elijah feels the wind in his sails, the certainty, deflate a little. "Dommie, I. I just. We can't spend-- we can't live our life together if we're not, like, thinking of it like that, as us. To both deal with things. Right?"

"I know." Dom squeezes his hands, shifting as close as he can, nuzzling him. "I shouldn't be so fucking scared, you've given me every reason to have faith. It's not rational, you know? It's just... it just is. I'll try harder."

Lij kisses him, troubled still, and more even with this-- trying harder business. They need to try harder, together, find a way; it's not like it's Dom's duty to ignore his fears or--

"Are you really," he starts to ask, low, as quiet as possible, "is it, you think I could-- seriously, leave you over a tabloid story? Let them take what we have away from me?" Dom's expression flickers blank for an instant and Elijah hastens to add, whispering, "You can say, I'm not.. mad, more like. I just want to understand."

"Not as simple as that, but." Swallowing, Dom fidgets with his rings. "I know it's stupid, but I see how much you hate it, and I'm such a fucking attention whore, I could slip so easily and--" he makes himself stop; it annoys him just to hear it, he can't imagine it's any better for Lij. "It's stupid, yeah. It's the same worries, same argument all the time, you're right-- same as last year, same as earlier this year. Same as it's always been."

Elijah catches his hand again, clutching tight. "I think-- I know, that we're giving them too much power. And, you know, it's odd, because... if I hate them, it's exactly because they never get anything right, and they-- they report wrong, and show wrong and tell wrong, and... Deep down I know they can never get at what it is I have with you. When I said-- I have, I generally dislike publicity, but, when I said that about Variety and Leno, I meant it. I love you way enough to want to shout it from the rooftops, sometimes, I do, it's a natural impulse... I would hate to see tabs try and mangle that thing and it's not anybody's fucking business, but-- I don't, I never believed they could really take it away from me. No one can. Just us. And we won't."

Dom leans nearer and presses his face to Lij's shoulder. "Yeah. God. I'm sorry," he says, muffled, squeezing him hard.

"Don't apologize, baby, there's nothing wrong with you, with us. I love you, God, I swear," Lij clings hard, arms tight around him. "Dommie."

When Dom lifts his head and kisses Lij slowly, Elijah kisses back more hesitantly than he'd like, feeling simultaneously shy and feverish.

"I love you, I promise I'll try to make this easier for us," Dom says. "I don't want to put us through this same argument over and over..." he chases the words with another, harder kiss. Elijah wraps his arms around Dom's neck, pressing closer, hanging on for dear life, every emotion mixing and rushing through the careful barrier he was keeping up to manage talking through this.

Dom lifts him just a bit, prompting Lij's his legs higher on the sofa so he can tip them over, tugging-dragging Elijah to lie with him. Lij willingly follows the move, settling on his side, hands drawing them flush with each other. "Baby." Another kiss, sweeter this time, less hesitant, less hard too; Elijah tries to think and see through the fog, see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. "It's just us. As long as we have each other... I'd live in a hut, you know?"

"I keep telling myself that, I don't know why it doesn't take." Dom strokes Lij's hair, pets the wiry beard-scruff of his sideburns and goatee, brushes the backs of his fingers against Lij's cheek. "I believe you. I do."

"No, I know... I think sometimes I forget it, too. As if it's true and also not. It's... Maybe it takes a crisis to be reminded of it, balance a hut with you, versus everything as it is now. We're just human," Elijah smiles sadly, leans in to brush their lips together. "Still true though," he murmurs, "You and me, against the world, and we'll fucking win it."

Relief (Dom/Elijah, June 5 retcon)

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 10:07:47 GMT

[Voyeurs]

June 5 retcon, after The Chair.

*

His stomach has already been growling for twenty minutes by the time Dom decides he can't put off waking Elijah up any longer.

Staying close to Lij, he reaches into the bedside table drawer and gets out the phone, pressing the room service button. The club already has his orders for food, as well as instructions to bring up a few things he gave them beforehand.

Efficient as always, the Establishment staff arrives within five minutes; two people, evidently a team, a male service slave in PVC who brings the food, and a heavily-made up domme chivvying him along the way.

After the slave arranges the tray next to the bed, his mistress swings Dom's messenger bag to bump against the slave's head. The man kowtows to her silently, and makes quick work of spreading Elijah's specs and contact solution on the bedside table. He even arranges the pillows on the bed to make it easier to sit up and eat, then kneels at his mistress's feet.

"Hmph," the domme says, and jerks his leash. She winks at Dom and leads her slave out.

None of it, of course, stirs Elijah. But the moment Dom stretches away from him a bit to get a drink, Lij makes a faint noise; Dom forgets the water for now and pets Elijah, murmuring to him softly. "Wake up, love. Time to eat."

Lij turns his head in the direction of Dom's voice, keeping his eyes closed; his lashes feel sticky as he tries to open them, and it's too much effort.

Disoriented, he makes an interrogative sort of noise, but then the where and when reassert themselves in one flashy second and he knows, he remembers everything, whining a little as he takes a deep breath and his nipples briefly ache from the push against the sheet.

Curving a protective arm around Lij, Dom drops kisses on his hair and temple, his thoughts running a bit schizophrenic. It's weird to feel as though he'd like to beat bloody hell out of whoever's left his boyfriend in this state, when he's the one who planned out and executed every second of it.

"It's all right," he tells Lij softly, "everything's going to be all right. You'll feel better after you get a bit of food in you."

Turning his head more to nuzzle in Dom's neck is just effortless enough for Elijah, still fighting lethargy. He smacks his lips in the warm air between Dom's chin and the hollow low at his throat, half to suggest a kiss and half to rid his mouth of that thick sleep-like impression, to make it possible to speak. "Hmm?"

"Here," Dom says, and carefully pulls Lij more on top of him, moving to prop them both up against the pillows more, one arm always secure around Lij's shoulders as he changes their position.

"Just lie back against me, you don't have to do anything. There's soup if you want it." He reaches for the small bowl of miso on the tray and tastes it to make sure it's not too hot. "Can you drink a bit of this?"

Elijah smacks his lips again and sniffs, surprised to discover he's hungry; nodding, he purses his mouth to reach the rim of the bowl that Dominic brings to his level and tips up. The first gulp is shockingly tasty, warm heavenly comforting miso soup, yum, and Lij hastily slurps more of it down, until Dom takes the bowl away with a faintly chiding sound.

"Not so fast maybe, eh? Give yourself time to wake up, you'll choke."

Dom sets the bowl aside as Elijah whinges a bit again; this time it sounds less a complaint, more like a plea. Lij tilts his chin up, and Dom twigs and kisses him, shallow and sweet, drawing it out, resting his hand on Lij's nape and the collar around his neck.

"Mmmmm," Elijah hums. "Thanks. Did I sleep long?"

"Nah. Not very." Dom smiles as Elijah yawns, wrinkling his nose. "We have the room tonight and tomorrow, so we can take plenty of time. But you should probably get your contacts out soon."

Elijah nods, blinking to check the feel of them in his eyes, which feel gunky. He rubs them with the side of his hand, and just that movement is enough to make him feel again how tired he really is, his body protesting the smallest effort.

"You're so good to me," he says softly, shifting a little higher to rest his head on Dom's shoulder, trying to ignore the sharpness of pain in his ass as his muscles clench. As soon as he's said it remorse fills up again... Elijah can't help but think back to his mistake and wonder if he deserves Dominic's gentle attention. He needs it, no doubt about that, the solidity of Dom's body under his and the weight of Dom's hands on his shoulder and neck like necessary anchors.

"You took a lot," Dom answers. He pets Lij's hair, spiky with dried sweat. "It was amazing, you know? I'm so proud you went through it for me."

"But I failed," Elijah murmurs, immediately biting his lip for voicing that. He's been punished already, he said he got that-- questioning it again is only a second failure. Dom's fingers card in his hair a bit more firmly, deliberate or not, and Lij presses his face harder against Dom's skin, nose flattening in his neck. "Sorry."

"You failed and you paid for it, and it's done," Dom tells him, pressing kisses to his hair, massaging his shoulders. "You were wonderful, love. I'm happy with you. And now I want you to relax and let me look after you."

The tension in Elijah softens under the sure touch, and he forces himself to put the anxiety out of his mind, at least right now. It's so good to be skin to skin, together in bed... Maybe Dominic's plan is the best, and not only because it's what he's asking for; maybe being looked after will suffice to quiet the niggling dissatisfaction with himself.

"Could you-- Would you kiss me again, please?"

"'Course I will, baby, c'mere," Dom bends his neck as Lij lifts his head, and gives him another long, slow kiss.

There's reasons why kissing is the thing prostitutes forbid, though they don't all do that, Lij finds himself pondering-- Even if a kiss can be given from dominant to submissive, sometimes forced or conveying contempt, it's still the most intimate of simple acts Elijah's ever taken part in. Dominic kisses him tenderly, attentive and soothing; the care and emotion into Lij and restore some of his strength, drawing him out from this languid, achy drowsiness.

Dom breaks the kiss and Elijah nuzzles him softly, feeling more awake. "Need to piss," he says, smiling against his cheek. "Donwannamove."

"I'm sure you don't, but you'll have to move for that," Dom smiles back. "At least the room's en suite."

"Hmm."

Elijah yawns and stretches slowly, carefully starting to catalogue the various points where his body resists movement. He looks around, takes in the tray with the food, his glasses waiting for him on the nightstand. Ah yes, the contacts to take out.

"Kay, I'm going then," he pushes himself up to sit in the bed; Dominic's hand gives him an encouraging small nudge between his shoulderblades.

"I'll bring your specs and your gear for your contacts," Dom says, gathering them up and following. Elijah disappears into the loo, and Dom lays out his things for him next to the sink just outside the door.

"Thanks."

Dom twists the faucet, cups water in his hands and rinses his face, lingering, deciding to wait. He might need to stay close as much as Elijah, really. As much as Elijah needs reassurance that he did well, Dom needs to reassure himself, as well; make sure he didn't push too hard or too far.

Lij starts to sit down on the toilet seat, as he feels just unsure enough on his feet to stay standing and not make a mess of aiming poorly; he's also not looking forward the sensations it'll give him to piss when the last thing that went through hurt like a bitch.

Not a clever choice, though. Just the beginning of the move necessary to sit, his knees half-bent, spreads and stretches his ass enough to hurt, too. But it's too late to change his mind, too tiring. Lij lets himself collapse on the seat with a groan and puts his head in his hands, ready to grit his teeth if need be.

Behind the door, Lij makes a pained sound, and Dom hastily dries off, frowning. "You all right?"

"Yeah, yeah-- just... Stinging," Elijah tells him, raising his voice over the noise. "I'll be out in a sec."

Dom lets himself grimace lightly, worried and unsure if he really did hurt Lij beyond what he intended.

He soaps and washes his hands thoroughly, pushes the doubts away. Later when they talk about it, he can find out if he's gone too far. For now the important thing is caring for Lij and making sure he comes back up smoothly, after submitting so profoundly for so long.

Elijah uses the moist towelettes to clean up, the cold seeping in, allaying the soreness. Straightening his shoulders with a light shake, he gets up and flushes the toilet, then comes out to wash his hands.

"I'm okay," he says, seeing concern on Dominic's face. "I swear, I'm fine. Just need these fucking contacts out and I'll be good. Back to bed, so you can cuddle with me more?"

Dom nods, staying near, his hand at the small of Lij's back as Lij pinches the lenses from his eyes. "I'm looking forward to that, hours of it," he says. "I loved the scene, but I want you close."

Squirting solution from the bottle into his contacts' case, Elijah smiles at Dom's blurred reflection in the mirror, aware of the profound difference between now and then, despite the close similarities of their situation.

"Me too, close," he puts his glasses on, squints as his eyes adjust to the neat, in-focus image. "And I loved it too. I need you to know that, I-- I really did."

"We can talk all about it in a bit," Dom promises. "We'll pick it apart properly, yeah? I want to know what you thought of everything. We can lie in for now, rest up."

Lij nods and squeezes Dom's hand, turning away from the sink. Dominic's right, there's no rush. He lets himself be tugged, happy to get back in the warmth of the blankets and settle against Dom's body again, ignoring the rusty pinch of lactic acid in his limbs.

"So good, mmm," he wriggles just to feel the contact of his skin against Dom's.

Once Elijah's safe in his arms again, it's easier for Dom to focus on what's important. Elijah's warm, subdued and apparently calm. He still seems a bit tired; behind his glasses, the skin under his eyes has a faintly bruised look.

"Baby," Dom says quietly, petting him. "There's more soup, and some other stuff. Sushi, and bruschetta, and chocolates. I can feed them to you if you like. I suppose I could even feed you baby-bird style if you're really tired, though I can't promise it'll taste very good that way."

Lij chuckles, and snuggles closer. "I think I can manage more soup, first. I'm still thirsty... hungry too, just lazy. It all looks good, perfect choices-- I see now it was a whole cunning masterplan."

"You're not lazy, you're tired," Dom says, kissing him again before offering him the soup. "You should ought to be, after all that. I'm tired and for most of it I was only gawking."

Elijah takes the bowl with both hands this time, and drinks from it right away, almost grateful that it spares him the need for a comeback. It feels like he could've made a joke in return, but that's not quite where his mind is... And there's not much to say for a serious answer either.

He drains what's left of the soup pretty fast, the warm liquid easy to swallow even though his throat is kinda sore, too, like the rest of him. Dominic takes the empty bowl from him and makes a vague gesture to indicate the rest of the food.

"Is there toro?" Lij asks.

"Right here," Dom says, picking up a bit of fatty tuna. He swipes it lightly through the soy sauce, just a faint sheen of saltiness on the meat, the way Lij always does it, and feeds the bit of meat and rice to Elijah, chuckling as Lij nibbles and licks his fingers as well.

"What about kisses? Are there kisses?" Elijah bends his neck up with almost childish single-mindedness.

"We never run out of those," Dom says, kissing him more.

They trade off for a while; bites of food and kisses, sips of water and more kissing. The bruschetta and fish disappear piece by piece, til they're even eating the palate-cleansing ginger pickles along with dessert. They trade the tastes of sliced ginger and chocolate back and forth between their mouths, spicy and sweet.

"It's one of those things," Elijah marvels, licking Dom's chin, "ginger and chocolate, you'd never guess they go this well together. Especially sweet milky chocolate with marinated, vinegary ginger. But they do, they really really do."

Dominic winks at him and starts rolling another slice of the pink root directly around a piece of chocolate with the slightest hint of a doubtful grimace; Lij bites him softly, revises: "Or maybe that's just me."

Taking a nibble, Dom squinches his mouth skeptically. "I think that might be just you," he says, offering the rest to Elijah.

"I can't get punished for bad culinary taste though, can I?" Lij takes the offered bit and chews on it, regretting his question already; that was a stupid thing to say, the joke falling completely flat. That his stomach flopped at the mere thought-- despite the stupidity of the suggestion-- is a good indication that this is uncomfortable territory; the kind he shouldn't be wading in just yet, still fragile, with his thoughts clouded.

A bit lost for a good answer, Dom locks both arms around Elijah and nuzzles him affectionately, squeezing him. "You can have all the manky ginger-chocolate you want." He rubs noses with Lij. "Love you."

"Me too, mmm," Elijah kisses him, "tummy pies. Chocolate pies-- and no ginger, promise."

Laughing, Dom nods. "You're making me want ginger snaps as well," he says. "I'll make some when we're home. Though I'm in no hurry to go home," he adds quickly. "I booked the room in case we want to stay, and they said we can switch from the playroom to one of the regular hotel rooms if we like."

Tucking closer against him again, drawing his knees up to curl more comfortably, Elijah murmurs in his neck. "You've said, yeah. I got it, you're taking care of me... thank you. I think I'll be up for going home in a while, though. Sleep in our bed." Since I can, he thinks, grateful suddenly that Dominic considers Elijah's punishment enough; sleeping on the floor tonight would be too awful, and not just physically.

"That does sound good," Dom nods, holding him, at a bit of a loss. Elijah's so aware of the mechanics of this ritual, the proper form of aftercare, that Dom's not sure the substance is reaching him properly.

He rambles a bit, his voice a low purr. "I like feeding you, it's fun. So sexy when you suck on my fingers like that. I love your mouth... next time we decide to cuddle up and watch a video, I wouldn't mind to see Tampopo again. You remember, the Japanese film with all the food? They learn how to make the best sort of noodles and that."

"Mm, I remember. Egg yolk," Lij mutters, not quite falling back asleep but feeling his thoughts get disjointed again as if he was. Maybe he's too tired to hold the threads together.

"Yeah. The bloke and his girl trade the egg yolk when they're kissing. And the scene where he describes the yam sausages. Brilliant stuff." Dom keeps his voice low and lulling, slipping Elijah's spectacles off his face, kissing his cheek.

"Thanks," Lij murmurs, turning towards Dominic even more, burrowing completely into Dom's body like a sunflower follows the sun in the sky. "'S all I ever say... Hope you don't get tired of it," he whispers, unable to stop himself expressing the vague feeling of inadequacy that remains. "Dommie."

"No. I never get tired of it." Dom settles his arms in a solid circle around Lij, nuzzling his nose blissfully in Lij's short hair. "I never forget how lucky I am to have you. I'm not sure I can ever say it enough, but I know."

"Me too... Lucky to have you."

Dom takes the chance to cradle him close and smooth salve onto him again; Lij gives an appreciative hum as Dom carefully handles him, but he doesn't stir otherwise.

It's useless to speak, when his brain only rehashes variations of that last exchange, words echoing treacle-slow in his head. Elijah slipped easily from what he answered Dom to thinking he should have said I'm lucky you have me, closer to what he feels just now-- held and manipulated gently, treated like a precious thing. It takes him a much longer time to go from this to the simple, obvious truth that they're both lucky to have each other.

Elijah slips off into a doze.

A press of the call button on the phone brings another Establishment staff member, a woman in a crisp suit with a toothpick lodged in the corner of her mouth. She silently gathers up the plates and tray and takes them out, leaving the cups and water pitcher.

Dom's a bit restless, but he can't think of a good way to pass the time. If Elijah wakes up to find him reading a script or doing a crossword or something, that's not on.

He meditates for a bit, and eventually the unsettled nervous feeling leaves him. He relaxes, his hand tracing slow lazy circles on Elijah's back.

"Oh, it's you," Lij whispers against Dom's ribcage, rocking minutely back against his hand; Dominic stops his fingers moving on Elijah's skin, waiting to see if the meaning of that becomes a bit more clear. "I was dreaming... Bugs walking over me. Was thinking you'd like that, in the dream."

Dom only just stops himself asking what sort of bugs, caressing Lij and letting him blink and stretch himself awake.

Elijah yawns and cracks his neck, grins as it makes a little pop. "Hello again. I fell asleep."

"I know," Dom grins back at him, "I was there."

Levering slowly up on an elbow, Lij kisses Dom's chest once, rubs his hand over his face. "Can we go home soon? You must be getting bored, what time is it now?"

"I'm not bored," Dom says; it's true enough now that Elijah's awake. "If you want to sleep in our bed tonight, I suppose we should go soon. But I want you to do something for me first."

"Okay, of course... What is it?"

Dom pushes back the bedcovers to make a space on the bed, patting it. "Kneel for me here, love," he says, and stands, bending to rummage in his messenger bag.

Lij obeys, keeping his wincing to a minimum when discomfort lances as he sits on his heels. Despite the heaviness of his limbs, it feels good to straighten his posture and roll his shoulders back; to try and give Dominic a good posture. Maybe there can be too much of a good thing, and relaxation made him a little too purposeless... It's satisfying to execute a simple order like this. Elijah doesn't even try to guess what Dom plans to do.

Coming to stand by the bed, Dominic lifts the loose velvet sack to show it to Elijah, then sets it carefully next to Elijah's knee on the bed. "Tip up your chin up, love," he says, reaching to caress Lij's jaw and his neck with the leather and silver scene collar.

"Are we-- are you changing it?" Elijah follows Dom's prompt, tilting his head a little higher and back, holding himself proud. It's not hard to, his heart thumping a bit more wildly just at the thought, happily; if Dominic replaces the leather with Elijah's magnetic collar he can't be disappointed in Lij, he has to be content.

"I'm changing it," Dominic affirms, easing open the buckle on Elijah's scene collar and unwinding it from around his neck. Leaning, he presses a series of kisses along the line where the collar was, ending with a bite, sinking in his teeth with a satisfied growl. Elijah arches up, eyes falling shut with pleasure.

The drawstring loosens with a tug and the velvet falls open; the silver collar gleams. Dom uses the ring to open the magnet latch, and carefully rests the metal collar low around Elijah's neck, closing it, emotion welling up at the sight of it.

Spanning his hands around it, fingers touching silver and skin, he kisses Elijah deeply.

"I love you more than anything," he echoes his words from the wake of the scene, speaking them now to Elijah's open eyes.

Elijah sighs out, his every muscle loose from renewed relief and awe, looking back at Dom and relishing the cold hard feel of his collar, the physical proof that he's earned his place, that he still deserves it in Dom's view.

"Me too," he nods, whispering. "I do, too."

Gift for c_a_moss, jason_isaacs and liam

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 07:47:54 GMT

Package delivered to the House of NIM:

Godiva Chocolate: Milk Chocolate Cigars (120 pieces)

Enclosed note:

Welcome to the world, Olivia Beth Isaacs-Moss!

And congratulations, Carrie-Anne, Jason and Liam. Lots of love to the new addition to your family!

XOXOXOX,
Dom and Elijah

All over the shop

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 07:26:58 GMT

[Public]

Let's see. I was a bit down. Then Lij and I had a brilliantly hot scene on Sunday. Yesterday, I attended the Batman Begins premiere. Today Elijah, naked and collared, brought me my tea-tray and served me kneeling, and I fed him from my hands.

By startling coincidence, I'm in a much better mood than I was last week. Sheerest happenstance, I'm sure.

Tomorrow I think I'll get the knives out. It's been far too long since I saw him bleed.

Go back to bed

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 10:09:58 GMT

[Private]

Sometimes it doesn't seem to matter how lucky I am, how good he is to me. It comes back anyway, usually when there's something else on my mind.

Like now, when it's weihging on me that we can't put a foot wrong in public without worrying it's going to out us. It's like blood in the water. All the sharks come out to play.

At times like this, I wonder if his feelings for me are down to some sort of emotional problem of his. A good therapist could help him see that he's seized on me because of some sort of issue or "complex" or insecurity omr something. And if he could just get over his problems, he'd not want me anymore.

I used to wish there was some way to make him tell me what it is he loves about me, so I could give him only that, and weed out the rest. Or maybe just so I'd know that there is something.

He's humoured me before and told me things like taht, but I've forgotten what they were. I drank too much tonight, far too much. Drinking didn't used to make me maudlin.

We had a nice enough time tonight, the band was forgettable but the show was still loads of fun. Only someone was snapping his picture at the end of the night. "Frodo, over here!" So I had to duck away from him for a bit. Hate that. hate it. He's sleeping now, his fingers are curled against his mouth as if he's going to start gnawing his fingernails off in his sleep. God, I love him.

I'm a bit anxious abotu this scene I have planned for tomorrow as well. I think he'll like it, and I ahve a backup plan if he doesn't want it. I'm just. I don't know.

Even if he really loves me, he's only 24, he's too young to settle down. I want to be a father, I'm starting to feel ready for that, and even a year ago I know I wasn't. And he's 4 years younger than I am.

I can't think of anything worse than pushing him toward something he's not really ready for yet. Coming out. Kids. Any of it. These aren't things you can take back.

When I feel like this I have to find a way not to let it have its way. I'm afraid, but I'm scared of things that might happen and might not, so it's doing no good to worry about them now. Let that go. What am I unhappy about right now, right this minute now?

Nothing. So be happy. Go back to bed.

On the Loose (Dom/Elijah, May 30 retcon)

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 17:02:40 GMT

[Voyeurs Only; Monday, May 30th]

*

Hunting down an Elijah in the wild demands instinct and calculation in equal measure. The Elijah must be finished with both his post-lunch coffee and his cigarette, so as not to risk spills or burns.

However, it's quite all right if the wild Elijah is still savoring the last few squares of his chocolate bar, as the dessert serves to distract him from the predator's slow, stealthy approach.

As the Elijah toys with the chocolate wrapper, instinct steps in to guide the way. Time to strike! Hands at the ready, fingers wiggling, poised in dangerous tickling formation: the attack begins!

"Wha--hey!"

The adult Elijah in the wild sports several adaptive survival traits. His knobby elbows and his flailing can be deadly; the first seconds are crucial. Before the wild giggling of the animal kicks in, his tendency to defensively wriggle like a fish has been known to prove fatal to the predator.

However, once the characteristic high-pitched, surprisingly juvenile laughter sails out, the Elijah is often rendered effectively helpless.

Or not. In which case the predator must quickly learn to evade the retaliatory tickles...

Sometimes nonsense is an effective weapon to defuse the Elijah's defenses. "No fair fighting back!" Dom laughs, dodging and squirming.

Unfortunately, this time the wild Elijah is stubbornly unaffected by the ploy. "What, no fair? What?!" cries the target, striking back anew.

In such a case, the beast can only conquer by exerting superior strength. Dom grabs Lij around the waist and lifts him, gets a shoulder under, hefts him up into a fireman's carry and marches toward the back door, triumphant.

Elijah flails, but knobby elbows nonwithstanding, his efforts are vain. "Where do you think you're taking me like this?" he asks, indignant. Dominic smoothly slides the glass door to the patio open, ignoring both the question and the agitation.

At the threshold, Dom pauses, measuring the steps to the canopy, the height of the security fences. Shaking it off, he goes out into the open, one arm around Lij's hips. It's a marvelous day, sunny and warm, perfect for spending time outdoors.

"I should just hang you by your ankles! So you'll think twice about resisting me next time. But I'm being nice, I'm putting you in the hammock," he lowers Elijah into it as Lij twists to cooperate, grabbing it with one hand to steady himself while Dom lets him go and climbs in after him.

The hammock swings unhelpfully and Elijah spreads his limbs to hold it wider open and facilitate the move, remarking with a grin when Dom drops a kiss at the corner of his mouth: "You're rocking the boat today."

As Dom finds a way to settle half atop him, knees dipping a pocket in the thick cotton cords, Lij wraps both arms around his torso, hands low on Dom's back. "I'm hanging on to you, if we fall you'll be my life raft-slash-cushion. Mmm?"

Working his arms around Elijah in turn, Dom laughs, "Don't worry. We'll wash up on a magic island with invisible monsters and polar bears."

"...And that's supposed to make me not worry?" Elijah smirks, and licks him.

"Well. Don't worry about drowning, anyway." Settled comfortably now, Dom strokes a curved hand down Elijah's body. Another moment of paranoia makes him lift his head to peer about suspiciously, but they're under the canopy, and the fences and hedges are tall. Turning his attention back where it belongs, he kisses Elijah sweetly.

Lij burrows deeper in the hammock, imparting a light involuntary swing to it. He pushes his nose in Dom's neck to nibble and sniff him deep. He'd almost mourn his unfinished chocolate bar abandoned on the table, but this is infinitely better, after all; chocolate can wait.

Far off, the sounds of traffic roll and roar. A light breeze drifts over them. They lie in one of the positions that always seems to suit them best, Elijah a bit below, breathing and mouthing against Dom's neck while Dom pets his hair and strokes his nape and narrow shoulders.

Despite the idyllic atmosphere, Dom can't relax, and frustration at his own tension only winds him up tighter.

"What's wrong?" Elijah murmurs eventually, almost drowsy from the simple pleasure and digestion combined, but not quite enough to miss the tightening of Dom's muscles.

"Maybe it's allergies," Dom murmurs back, caressing Elijah soothingly as though it's Lij who's wrought up. "There's a bit of a wind today... it'll be fine."

Lij squeezes him softly, a little doubtful. "Okay, whatever you say..." He nuzzles against Dom's cheek and kisses him, his only intention in the contact and tenderness. It seems silly to stay out if something in the air is bothering Dom enough to stop him from enjoying it. "Go in maybe? Out of the wind?"

"Perhaps I'll just try using you as my personal filtration device." Dom buries his nose in Lij's hair, pressing kisses to his brow and hairline.

"Okay, that works."

Carefully, Elijah maneuvers them, shifting so they're on their sides at first and then throwing a leg over Dom's knee, reversing the position til he's the one sort of on top, with one hand on the back of Dom's head to keep him close.

It's stupid to go on thinking of that paranoid moment, practically obsessing about it, but Dom can't manage to shake the annoyance, the uneasiness. Now that they're back in LA, he's been thinking again about proposing. The night before, he took the little black velvet box from its hiding spot and ran through it again, where he wants it to happen, how he wants to ask.

It doesn't look like a traditional engagement ring; Elijah could wear it without attracting any rumors. But it's stressful enough to conceal their relationship now... legal ties are only going to be harder to hide, and if they're ever going to have a family, the secrecy can't hold.

Dom sighs. He's getting ahead of things, borrowing trouble. They can put it all off a bit longer, it doesn't matter. This is what matters, being together like this under a beautiful blue sky in the fresh open air. Squeezing Elijah gently, he says, "I love you a lot."

"Mm, me too, that's the beauty of it..." Elijah licks the seam of Dom's lips, presses a light kiss onto them. "A lot."

No matter how Dom tries to put it out of his mind, he can't shake his unhappiness. He's hesitant to spoil the mood when Elijah seems content, but... Dom rolls his shoulders, trying to force himself to relax.

He promised to talk about things when he's bothered, and even though he can't mention the crux of it, he ought to speak up as much as he can. "When I was carrying you through the back garden, I nearly stopped at the door," he admits quietly. "Cos what if someone sees us somehow? Takes a snap? In our own garden, I thought of that."

Lij's eyes widen in surprise at first, then narrow again with the realization that this is what's keeping Dom tense and restless. He sighs out, and can't keep himself from swallowing around the thick lump gathering in his throat. "...Yeah."

Dom's embrace grows stronger, pulling him closer, and Elijah lowers his forehead to Dom's shoulder, hiding his face against Dom's warmth. "So shitty," he mumbles, low, "what it does to us..." There's not much more he can say, and thinking about it is enough to push a swell of helpless rage rising from the pit of his belly. "I'm. Sorry."

"I'm sorry, as well." Dom runs his fingers through Elijah's hair, kissing his temple.

The same quiet in the garden which felt joyous and heavenly three minutes ago now seems shot through with dread, shadowed and heavy.

"I never know what to do with it, with that anger--" Lij whispers eventually, more to break the silence than anything else. "There's nothing to direct it at. I hate the knots, the way I tense up-- or you, just."

He schools his breath with a deep inhale, forces his brow to smooth out as he kisses Dom again. "Yeah."

"I know just what you mean," Dom says with regret, and massages the back of Lij's neck. "Suppose we could go to the club to get it out with a nice hard session there."

"We could," Elijah shrugs, "why not. Yeah. You decide, anyhow..." he gives Dom a kiss and a slight grin, a minute tightening at the corner of his mouth. "'S your turn."

Laughing low and short and pleased, Dom agrees, "Yeah." He trails his fingers over Elijah's neck more lightly. "We should put your collar on you soon, if you're ready for that. I'd like it."

The proposition's enough to skewer the brewing sadness, making Lij's heart thump a little faster. Dom looks at him with dark eyes, a little moody, with something brittle and loving at once; to Elijah they shine the color of a promise.

"Anytime you want, I do. I'd like that too. Could I, can I call you Dominic? Please? The collar's good but I'm not sure I can-- maintain that distance, enough, for Sir."

"Of course. Either is good unless I ask you to use a specific address."

"Thank you. Very much." Elijah loosens up a bit, relieved; he molds himself to Dom's body, his hold a little more slack. Dominic kisses him, slow and light, and Elijah follows his lead, kissing back softly, welcoming his touch.

Dom cups Lij's cheek with his hand, traces Lij's nose and mouth and chin appreciatively; his features are so strong, so defined and shapely. Elijah looks at him with love and awe clear in his eyes, lips parted slightly, and Dom shakes his head. He's so ungrateful to be narked off about coming out when he's lucky just to be here, to have the heart of this amazing man.

"You're so beautiful," he says, and kisses Elijah again, biting his bottom lip lightly.

Lij closes his eyes, a small noise in his throat; Dom takes Lij's hand and brings it to his mouth to kiss the palm, adding, "Every bit of you."

It sounds easy, maybe a little... void, to say the same words again, but they're all Elijah wants to say, flattered and touched, something stirred deep inside him by the sincerity in Dom's voice. "Thank you."

Even that isn't enough to take Dom's mind off things, though; not even that. He hates that the two thoughts have become so tied together... getting married, and coming out. The first ought to be nothing but unvarnished joy. Instead it's tethered to this sinking weight, the idea of coming out.

If there's anything he's still afraid might split them up, it's that. The year before in London they had horrible arguments about it, awkwardness and doubt and difficulty. When the tabloids came after them earlier this year, they both reacted by scurrying deeper into the closet.

Every time Elijah says he's willing to risk outing, Dom can only think of the anger and disgust on Lij's face when he sees invasive tabloid stories about their acquaintances and friends. How much worse will it be when it's them on those cheap glossy pages? It's a familiar nightmare-- envisioning himself unable to stop himself enjoying the attention and notoriety, while Elijah seethes with resentment at Dom's antics.

He follows that unhappy line of thought into a hopeless tangle. His arms flex and tighten around Elijah, who looks at him inquiringly, and Dom finds himself spilling out with, "You'd never leave me, would you? Please don't ever leave me."

Blinking, Elijah looks at him with wide eyes; his mouth opens on nothing but a shocked breath, his hand grips Dom's shoulder. "God," he lets out in a rush, "Dommie, Dominic. I wouldn't-- I won't, baby," he kisses him, a hard tremble of his mouth shaping reassurances against Dom's, a short clumsy stab of his tongue, surging against Dom's body powerfully enough to set the hammock in motion again.

Dom wraps his arms around Lij and holds on tight, feeling quite pathetic for asking such a thing but grateful for the comfort all the same. "I know. I dunno why-- I'm sorry." He kisses Elijah, trying to come up with an explanation, something to give some solace to Lij in turn. It all muddles together in his head, too many things, conflicting hopes and fears and desires, too much to pick apart into words.

But if he can't explain, he can still reassure as best he can. "I love you."

"I love you, so much," Lij clutches at him, gazing intently into Dom's eyes as if the sentiment could beam through like that, right through his pupils and along his optic nerve to lodge in the proper place in his brain. "Don't be sorry... Ask me, anytime, and I'll tell you." Dom starts to nod, silent, and Elijah smiles a little self-deprecatively. "As much as I can, 'cause. I don't think I can tell you how much exactly. So, so strong, Dom."

"I just-- started to think what it'd be like without you and... I can't, you know? I can't think of it, can't imagine--" Dom gives up on trying to express it before he blurts a proposal here and now. It's too important to rush in the midst of this sad and hopeless mood. They'll have to find some way to reconcile their public and private lives. Later. Dom puts it out of mind and presses his mouth to Elijah's, kissing him deeply.

Responding in kind, Elijah moves one arm around and under Dom's neck, ignoring the chafe of his skin against the rough material of the criss-crossed strings, pulling Dom as close as he can without smothering or strangling him while they kiss. The hammock jars and sways a bit as they jostle to get even closer.

Dom holds tight, breathing "I need you" into Elijah's ear.

"I need you right back," Lij says, low against Dom's jaw, nearly hoarse from how tight and raw the inside of his throat feels now, submerged with emotion and need. "Don't-- God. Yeah." It's not making sense, nothing is really, no words but just this, this feeling too big to be named or pinpointed, the swelling-squeezing of his heart beneath his ribs, and Dom's heart beating close and hard and fast against it.

Dom laces their fingers again, clumsy and strong. "I know," he keeps kissing Lij's face, his nose and lips, not sure what else there is to say, or what else they can do but stay like this together and wait for the calm to come back.

Crooked Mile - D/E - May 18th retcon

Mon, 30 May 2005 12:40:50 GMT

[voyeurs only]

Los Angeles, Wed. May 18th.

*

"It's so good to be home again!" Dom exults, throwing open his last suitcase and emptying it onto the bed. "Lovely, private, soundproofed home with our lovely bouncy wonderful bed."

From the tangled pile of clothes, shoes, and bracelets, he retrieves his new DVD box set and flaunts it in Elijah's face. "Pity I'll be too busy watching Fawlty Towers to appreciate all those comforts of home, eh?"

"Shyeah right," Elijah says with a snort, shoving his last shirt on a hanger then into his side of the wardrobe. "We've been here two days already and that thing is still plastic-wrapped. Looks to me like the 'comforts of home' have already sunk their teeth into you, more like."

He kicks the empty suitcase out of his path, cutting through to the bathroom to fish out accessories from his toiletry bag and return them to the bedside drawers.

"Well, I've found it now," Dom says, ripping off the plastic. "And I'm not doing anything else til I've watched every minute of it. Carefully timed two-minute breaks to eat, drink, and visit the loo. Otherwise, I'm hanging up a sign, Gone Fawlty. I'm not budging til I've seen it all."

Elijah comes up to him from behind as Dom wads the wrapping in his hand. He plasters himself against Dom's back, sneaking a hand under the hem of his faded t-shirt. "Oh, really?" Nuzzling in Dom's hair, he licks the patch of skin behind his earlobe, fingers curling to scratch his side gently.

Turning in his arms, Dom leans close as though to kiss him... but only says, "Really. Absolutely," and grins, a twinkle of challenge in his eye. "Top of my list."

It's odd how things go; Elijah was content with the egalitarian give and take recently, with light animal roleplay for cuddles and Dom occasionally taking a forceful or tender upper hand, but suddenly his obvious insolence triggers something for Lij, the desire to oppose and force and push rising anew, giving him ideas.

"You don't fool me for a minute, Dominic," he tells him in a stern tone, his voice dropping. He kisses Dom's neck, carding a hand in his hair to tilt his head to the side as he bites down softly. "Not for a second. You wouldn't be able to stay still that long."

"Don't tell me what I can't do," Dom quotes Lost with a chuckle. Elijah bites again, harder this time.

"Mmm, that's nice," Dom purrs. "But I won't be swayed! My heart belongs to Basil Fawlty alone for the next, uhm--" he lifts the box to check it, "three hundred and seventy-three minutes. That doesn't seem very long, six hours or so? Even with breaks it'll only take half a day."

"Are you resisting me then," asks Elijah too sweetly, "is that what it is?" There's a little spike of doubt in his chest that Dom might not want to play along at all, but the possible benefits outweigh the hypothetical misunderstanding right now. Some moodswings just feel right, and this is one of them.

Dom's eyes widen briefly and Lij steps backwards, his hand tightening in Dom's hair. "I won't hesitate to gag you, you know. Three minutes, enough to quiet you down and make you shoot your load helplessly, I can do that, I like that."

The threat, the thought, is enough to speed up Dom's breathing, but he hesitates between obstinance and obedience, not sure if he wants to go down without a fight. "I'll..." he worries his lower lip with his teeth. "What do you want?"

"Why should it matter... D'you want to know for yourself, or for me?" Elijah gropes at Dom's groin roughly, moving both hands down to unzip him and push his pants off, keeping eye contact throughout. He's a little surprised how easy it is to slide all the way into hard and cold so fast, the persona clicking in place smoothly, his face kept as blank and careless as possible. "I'll get what I want, I'm pretty sure. You're not even asking properly."

As always, Dom's body responds readily; Elijah knows exactly how to touch, how to wrest his fly open and push his hand down, his palm warm against Dom's scar; Elijah winds his fingers around the base of Dom's cock and squeezes as it quickly fills out.

His body's disarmingly prepared for this, turning on for it, his knees ready to fold, but Dom can't find the mindset, the drive to please above all, an urge that's usually as natural and undeniable as yawning. He stares back at Elijah, his voice almost flat as he answers on form if not with feeling: "Anything you want, Sir."

"That's better."

Elijah gives him a genuine smile; it's more a twisted enjoyment of Dominic's resistance than anything else, but if Dom mistakes it for a mellowing, it could make things more entertaining down the road. "Finish stripping then, first of all." He leans to bite Dom's neck in the same spot, firm and sharp, then takes both his hands away from Dom's body, drifting backwards to observe.

Dom undresses, swift and methodical, and he folds his clothes carefully, stacking them on the floor. Elijah watches him; he grins to himself at the contrast between the neat little stack and the haphazard piling up of stuff on the bed from Dom's suitcase-upending.

When Dominic is done, Elijah looks intently at the floor between them, waiting.

A slight pause, but Dom lets his legs bend the way they want to do; he sits straight, his chin tilted up to look at Lij, still uncommonly solemn, weirdly unsure.

Elijah flashes him a grin, amused. "Now tell me, what would you want?"

"To do just as you like," Dom says dutifully, though somehow the properly submissive reply sounds perversely defiant, no matter how even and serious his tone. "To serve you."

One rote, unfelt proper answer Elijah could overlook, but letting a second pass would give Dominic more rope than is good for the both of them-- surely Dom would manage to hang himself with it, as usual, but since Elijah can cut straight to the point...

With no other warning than a short 'tsk' sound, Elijah takes a step forward and backhands Dominic once. He puts reasonable force in it, not his whole weight, but it's not a light slap either; the sound of it cracks through the room. The heat on the back of his hand travels along Elijah's nerves and thrills him deeply.

Dom's face burns, and not only from the slap. Rather than rubbing the sting away, he links his hands behind his back, another formality that feels like a rebellious gesture, even though it's outwardly correct.

He knows Elijah's put him down before-- sometimes easily, sometime wrangling him down with difficulty, but Elijah's always managed it. At the moment, though, Dom can't remember how it happened, how Elijah made him feel that nothing mattered more than devoting himself completely to pleasing Elijah. Right now Dom only feels aroused and purposeless, silly, kneeling naked at Lij's feet.

At least the backhand is something to focus on. Dom opens his eyes and looks up at Lij, silently asking for another one.

Elijah expected some hardship and the opposition only strenghtens his resolve, but there's no use taking things too far if Dom's deep desire is to be somewhere else. And if he wants to be there, the least he should do is fucking say so, with feeling.

"That can't be all you wanted," he says, musing, willfully ignoring his hard-on squashed sideways in his jeans. It's still obvious that Dom feels remote and out of place... Elijah looks at Dominic intently, keeping his features as blank as possible and mentally giving him a few seconds to speak up in any way; he's ready to serve a second or more.

Dom hesitates again, a bit lost, no idea what else would make this seem right and natural. He feels foolish and awkward now, but stopping, failing, would be even worse. "I'll take another backhand, Sir," Dom says aloud, "if you care to give it, Sir."

The urge to strike recedes. Elijah feels contrary in turn; though the admission could prompt a reward, at least something better than an acknowledgment, it only makes him want to twist the knife.

"So you know own your mind a little, after all." He comes closer, close enough that his feet touch Dom's knees, and pulls Dom's chin up far, forcing his head backwards uncomfortably so their eyes can meet with Elijah looking down, standing straight. "I don't care to give you more," he finally answers, "not for now." Bending to kiss Dominic hard, he bites his mouth, pulls his chin even higher.

The rough kiss spikes the arousal higher, but that alone has never put Dom in the right frame of mind-- it takes something else, something that's not only sexual. He accepts the kiss almost passively, matching and mirroring Elijah's own movements more gently. He wants more, his skin craving touch, but without that instinctive desire to please, he second-guesses himself into paralysis.

Straightening again, Elijah lets him go and heaves a sigh, exaggerated only enough to poke at Dom's pride, hopefully, but not to negate the effect of his poker face.

"That's not the way to get what you want. I didn't have you pegged for an idiot..."

Elijah pivots on his heels and picks up his GBA from the bedside table; he shoves at Dom's possessions sprawling on the mattress with both feet as he settles against the headboard and boots a game. A second later he's half-up again, reaching for his pack of cloves and an ashtray before he gets into it against the console.

Dom waits, but it seems as if Elijah's dismissed him. And rightly so, really; his head's not in the right space, and he can't fathom why not. He struggles with it for a while, trying to sort himself out better. He wants to submit; he was needling Elijah earlier in search of a reaction, provoking him to get just the sort of attention that he fumbled with and lost.

Elijah ignores him through an entire cigarette, absorbing in his GBA, cursing occasionally as his clove gets in the way of the game. The neglect seems like his due punishment, but Dom feels a bit miserable all the same. Eventually he folds completely forward, forehead and hands flat against the floor.

Noticing it from the corner of his eye, Elijah smiles and lights a second clove. After a short while he closes the game and lets the silence settle again, shuffling to find a better position to watch Dominic's penitent pose as he smokes. Dom's upper body rises and falls with his deep, silent breaths, his skin goosebumped between the dimples low on his back. Elijah waits.

When the second clove is down to the filter, he puts it out and sets the ashtray aside again.

"So are you all in one piece and of one mind now? Knock your head on the floor to answer. One for yes, two for no."

It only takes a moment for Dom to find the honest answer; he's a bit unhappy and embarrassed, but he's there, ready to do anything to make amends and please Elijah. He bumps his forehead against the floor once.

Lij lets thirty new seconds pass after that and then only, he slowly treads back to Dominic's side. He crouches close and sweeps his hand palm flat down his back, a slow caress from the nape of his neck to his ass. The feeling of righteous ownership Elijah gets from the simple gesture is enough to make his heart thump faster again, his cock twitch behind the buttons of his fly.

"You're an idiot," he says, seriously, a bit forceful in the tense and quiet atmosphere, "but you're a beautiful idiot. Come up now, I'll make it worth your while if you behave."

It all seems so clear and simple now that Dom can't imagine why he was struggling and fighting it before. Straightening up obediently, his face a bit pink from the position and emotion, Dom sets his shoulders and resolves to be better, looking at Elijah.

"I'll have fun if you don't anyhow," Lij adds with a grin he slants a bit threateningly, "you look even better gagged and sweating madly." He slips his hand under Dom's arm and tugs him to stand up; Dominic rises noiselessly, shoulders rolling a little.

"We're going over there," Elijah jerks his chin in the direction of the bed and lets him go, hands off, surveying his body from toe to bleached-blond tip. "How many strokes do you deserve, you think? I'm thinking with the metal cane, the short London one."

"Six," Dom answers right away, determined to atone properly, and then quails just as swiftly. He must be mad; he knows from London that Elijah is no light hand with the cane. But he wants do penance for wasting time and failing to answer properly when Elijah asked him-- it's a bad habit that deserves a substantial punishment. And at any rate, it's too late now.

"Six, Sir," Elijah corrects, vastly amused but careful to keep the fact inaudible, using the same stern tone. From behind him, he takes both Dominic's hands to position them on the edge of the bed, instructing, "Spread your legs nicely, get into it. You really wouldn't want twelve."

Dom obeys him, bracing his feet well apart, unnerved but welcoming it all the same, offering himself as well as he can. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir."

Elijah leaves him to fetch the cane from its hanger in the cupboard and takes a short spreader bar as well. He comes back to crouch down behind Dom, wordlessly locking it around his ankles, maneuvering them apart at the right distance.

"Oh." Dom bites his lip and digs his hands into the bedclothes, gripping them to steel himself.

Unfolding, Elijah lets his hand trail up Dominic's legs, pats his ass lightly. The posture is correct, back straight, his body obviously tense, but not unyielding and locked up like it was before... Lij pinches his right cheek, hard.

"You're going to count out loud. I'll give you ten seconds to be ready."

He steps back and toes his shoes off, picks up the cane and gives one, then another swish with it in the air. It's short, stainless steel, and the guy at the counter in the Establishment toy shop where Elijah bought it in London last year warned him at the time with a succint, understated, "its bite can be a bit much for some to handle," giving Dom a mixed look of doubt and admiration.

Elijah loves it for that, and he hasn't used it since that period; the tool is a heady reminder of what Dominic gets like when he's down far enough, how nicely he can suffer.

"Yes, Sir," Dom answers readily. It occurs to him to count the strokes in German, but he quickly dismisses the notion as far too obnoxious for the circumstances. He wants to apologize, not cause more trouble. Six strokes with that bloody vicious cane; he'll be doing well to count them out at all, let alone getting cheeky about it.

Taking a long breath, Elijah shuffles his feet in a good stable position and strikes the first one hard, full on the round padded part of Dominic's ass.

"Ah!" Dom cries, and quickly catches himself. "--One." He steadies his weight on his hands, not sure if he can take five more like that.

Elijah lays the two following blows just above and just below the trace left by the first, each of these delivered faster, but a little less strong. Even so, they have tears springing to Dom's eyes as he counts, "Two, three!" and licks his lips, telling himself that's already halfway done, it's all right, it's not much more.

"Mmm," Elijah hums, changing hands on the cane so he can lick his own palm and smear it softly on Dom's ass, curved to adhere to his skin, sliding it along one cheek and the other. "Not bad." The marks are slowly changing color, blood rushing in, and the grooves are imprinted enough that Lij can feel them with his eyes closed.

Dom hisses out a breath as the coolness spreads over the heat of his injured skin. Soft, he almost whispers, "Thank you Sir."

"You're welcome." Elijah steps back and strikes just once, hard again, careful not to overlay the blow.

"F--" Dom chokes on his first attempt and clears his throat. "Four. Thank you Sir."

"Only two left, can you do it? Be honest," Elijah asks; he's pleased that Dominic-- finally-- managed to respond formally in a more natural way, but he won't let that affect his matter-of-fact, slightly chilly tone of voice.

Pulling himself together, Dominic calms a bit, nodding. "Yes, Sir, thank you, Sir."

Elijah gives him the last two blows lower, to the underside of his ass, firmly but not as strong or as fast as the ones before: it's a more sensitive spot and Dominic hasn't been beaten in any way for a long time.

"Five, six, thank you S--" Dom holds himself in check with difficulty, tears beading and falling. "Thank you, Sir."

The strain in his voice, that perfect breaking pitch, that's what Elijah was reaching for. Along with the swell of pride that Dominic held his place throughout the punishment, it makes Lij want to push, hurt more, see what else lies beyond.

The cane was plenty pain enough, though; Elijah pets the small of Dom's back and wordlessly lowers to his knees behind him, jangling the spreader bar as he settles on his heels.

He puts his mouth open against the last stripe and licks it delicately from outside in, unrushed, breathing quietly. Dominic is more sensitive to gentle touches than his body is to heightened stimulation, Elijah knows; softness is more likely to tip him off than more direct shoves at his pain-threshold.

Completely undone, Dom leans hard on his hands, barely keeping himself upright; he can't keep from sobbing openly. He wants to keep it quiet, at least, retain that much dignity, but he doesn't: it's for Elijah to decide how much dignity Dominic is allowed to have.

Grasping both Dom's thighs, Elijah continues to lick til he's tonguing in his crack, teasing at his asshole, breathing hot and damp with a little hummed noise. Above, he can hear Dominic trying to stop crying and only choking himself worse; he feels the spasm in Dom's chest and the tense quiver of his legs muscles.

Dominic bolsters his arms and firms his back, keeping himself upright more effectively, well in position for Lij to carry on. Elijah slicks his hole with saliva and wiggles his tongue in shortly, circling it enough to replace it soon with his thumb and push in slow, slow.

Twisting and arching back, Elijah slips under Dom's upper body; levered on his elbow, he looks at Dominic from below, the flush on Dom's face, his tense and knotted forehead.

"Give me a kiss, Dominic, let me taste the tears."

At once Dominic meets his mouth, desperate but held in, pliant, his face warm and wet, lips salty.

There's sweat on his brow, darkenening his blond hair, and his skin's an almost lurid pink, the blush of emotion showing clearly despite the tan; his ears are red, even his neck and collarbones are faintly pink, and his lashes are stuck together with tears.

"Mmmm." Elijah kisses him thoroughly, licks his cheeks with broad swipes and smiles. "Good. You're doing good."

He slithers back behind Dominic, holding in a groan at the pins and needles in his hand, and wiggles his thumb free of Dom's ass to grab both his cheeks decisively, to part them and dive back with his tongue.

Dominic whimpers and tries to spread his legs further, but they're stopped by the spreader bar. The reminder of its presence jolts his arousal even higher. "Oh God," he says, hoarsely, and Elijah hums approval and fucks him with his thumb again, still licking circles at the rim.

Lij ponders what position to fuck him in, or if something entirely different would be better; Dominic calls him out of the rêverie with a strained whisper, "Please, Sir," a desperate burst that he catches right away, pulling himself together and panting to correct, "I'm sorry Sir. I mean thank you, Sir."

Dropping kisses along another stripe of the cane, Elijah soothes, "Mm. You're still welcome." Pensive, he adds, "I don't know if I want to fuck you standing or flip you on your back and let the linen rub you raw..."

"Are you inviting me to express a preference, Sir?" Dom asks at once, the subservient effect dampened a bit when he sniffles.

Elijah bites the nearest curve of flesh first before he answers, mellow, "I wasn't, but I am now." He replaces his thumb with index and middle fingers in Dominic's pouting hole, curving them on the outstroke, distractingly. "Speak up."

"On the bed please, Sir--" Dominic bucks into his touch. "Christ..."

"Mmm, I do think so, yeah. On the bed." Elijah bites him again and then stands up, taking his fingers away. "Get out of the bar on your own, and then lie down. Make the bed a little neater, too. I'll be right back," he says, and exits to the bathroom.

Dominic extricates himself from the spreader bar, no easy task with shaky hands and blurred vision. He rubs his eyes, careful not to dry the tears off, and turns to the bed; earlier, Elijah shoved everything into a jumbled pile. There's no swift way to deal with it all now; Dominic gathers up his stuff and dumps it in his half of the closet, then more carefully places the last of Elijah's things in Lij's half. Finally he crawls onto the bed.

Stretching out on his back, Dominic winces as the cane stripes come in contact with the fabric. Gingerly he touches them, tracing their shape with his fingers; not just bruises, but evenly raised welts. They haven't had the chance to play this hard in months. His stomach flutters, his cock jerking to full stiffness, as he realizes how few limits they have, now that neither of them are filming.

In the bathroom Elijah splashes his face and strips all his clothes; he drinks a glass of water and fills it again to bring with him. Once back in the bedroom he settles astride Dominic right away, sitting high on his thighs without hesitation, smiling bright; he offers him the glass. "Water."

"Thank you, Sir," Dom takes it and sips a bit gingerly at first; he's still red-faced from crying, the color slowly fading as wet patches dry on his cheeks, his hair sticking up a bit, his pupils dilated.

"Drink it all, take your time," Elijah says, and it's gentle but it's still an order. He pets Dominic's belly with the back of his hand, teasing his cock a little negligently, ignoring when the movements make it bump and bounce against his own enduring hard-on.

Dominic nods and slowly drains the glass. It goes down easily, and he marvels that Elijah knew he was thirsty when Dominic himself hadn't registered the need.

There's another need registering loud and clear, amplified as Elijah's hand barely brushes against his cock; Dominic looks down at his erection almost as though it's not a part of him, amazed to see quite a bit of pre-come already beading clear at the tip. His senses have been jangled since the cane started falling, but he can feel it all clearly now: two good pulls would bring him off. He's not sure he's likely to get them, though. Elijah doesn't look as though he's done with Dominic yet.

Before Dominic can start wondering what to do with the empty glass Elijah takes it from him and leans to discard it on the bedside table, willfully weighing on Dom's crotch, grinding him down in the mattress. Dominic's face goes from reflecting gratitude to a full-blown wince as he bites down on his lip, holding in a hiss of pain; Elijah's smile as he moves back is a little feral.

Levering himself with one hand on the bed, he brings his folded knees in between Dom's legs instead of around them, sitting back on his heels with his back straight.

"Fold your legs, hold them to you with your hands in the crook of your knees, spread. I want to see."

Tucking his fingers behind his knees, Dominic holds himself bent to let Elijah look; the position traps the hot brand of his cock against his belly. Just knowing that it's pressing against his scar makes him nearly moan aloud. It adds up with the slight friction of his legs and abs and Elijah's attention til he feels as though he could go off like a rocket. He holds back, painfully tense; he doesn't have permission for that.

Elijah lets his eyes roam over the display, the abused red stripes where the cane hit, the chafed inside of Dom's crack, the inviting pucker of his hole, the shivery skin tightened in wrinkles of his balls. He's tempted to lower his face and start licking him again, or to get up and take his camera to frame and shoot Dom like this, vulnerable, exposed-- helpless and wanting.

But his own dick bobs demandingly between his legs, and some of the domination high is giving way to a more primal urge to bury himself there, at the core of the heat he can feel radiating from Dominic. Lij stalls himself, taking a long, quiet breath. Not just yet.

"How close are you to begging," he asks blithely, without raising his eyes to Dom's face, trailing light fingertips to tickle the inside of his thighs, "on a scale from one to ten?"

"Eight-- ten," Dom revises as Elijah barely teases him, "please..."

"Good." Elijah knees a few inches closer, rearranging forward and tugging on Dominic's ankles so Dom lets go, letting Lij to maneuver his feet back on the mattress.

"Lick your hand, slick me up like that," Elijah leans over him, angled on his elbow to give Dominic easy access to his cock, neatly wedged close to Dom's own, velvety skin against velvety skin, hardness against hardness. "You're open enough that it'll work well unlubed... but it's up to you to make it wet so I don't chafe. You'll be punished if I do."

Dominic cups his palm and spits as much as he can muster, waits a moment and does it again, careful to pool it as much as he can in the hollow of his hand with no waste; he avoids touching himself with extreme care, smoothing saliva onto Elijah's erection, his mouth watering-- uselessly, now-- at the glossy red of Elijah's hard cock.

"I could--" Elijah starts with a grin, but he can't help a gasp at the sensation, Dominic's talented fingers curling around him tight for a long slathering stroke up, "I could punish you right now, you didn't lick your hand..."

Dom raises his eyes to meet Elijah's, a look so guileless and open it wrenches something deep in Lij's chest and sends his heartbeat racing faster again: the willing submission written plainly on Dominic's features, the trust Elijah's blessed with.

The desire to kiss him thoroughly and gently, for long long minutes, fleets across the surface of Elijah's mind; he pushes it aside for later and smiles instead, unwrapping Dom's hand from his dick and lining himself up to penetrate him. It's perfect, the right amount of temporary lubrication, the right hunger from Dominic to take him in, and Elijah slides in to the hilt with a forceful push of his hips and a deep groan of satisfaction.

Dominic gasps, his brain going haywire, everything conflicting-- the invaded pain of his arse, the insistent pulse of his cock and balls clamoring for release, the slap of Elijah's hips against his cane stripes. He bites the inside of his cheek hard and rakes his own nails up his thighs to distract himself from the overwhelming surge of orgasm trying to rise.

The rhythm isn't exactly chosen by Elijah; his body launches into a hard and fast fuck before he can rein himself in. Dom spreads his legs and scratches his own thighs, his face contorting as if he's coming even though he's not, and Elijah has to plaster himself to Dom, has to, craving the contact, wanting to give Dominic enough friction to make him burn before he gets permission to let go.

It's not a very comfortable position, Elijah's arms stretched so his elbows find stability on each side of Dom's shoulders, his neck craning as he keeps his eyes trained on Dom while his pelvis bucks brutally forward and back; it doesn't matter much with all his physical perceptions focused on the mad silky feel of Dominic's ass fluttering contracting responding around his cock, on the rub of Dominic's erection between their bellies.

"Please," Dom can't manage full phrases, can barely get out speech at all. What he does say comes out stacatto, as though Elijah's thrusts are shoving the words out of him, "Please, I can't-- I need-- it's too--"

--and Elijah heaves himself a little higher on the next push, canting his hips for a different angle to prolong it anyhow, waiting two more frantic shoves in for the hook and pull of his own orgasm to rasp, "C'mon, come," lips skidding across Dominic's jaw as he rides the roiling rush of it.

The moment Elijah allows it, commands it, Dominic grabs himself-- one squeeze, one upward stroke with his hand and he's gone, a jarring climax that hits like a seizure and throws his head back, exposing his throat to the heat of Elijah's mouth.

Sneaking a deft hand between them to take Dominic's cock in a sweaty grasp as Dom's own hand falls away, Elijah barely manages to feel the pulse of Dom's come jetting out, a last faint sensation threading and meshing with the flexing of his ass around Lij's erection... added feelings that make Lij moan and slump, teeth grazing against Dominic's bared neck, mouth open to suck at the salty, sweat-charged air.

Dominic relaxes completely with a slow exhalation. He's aching and tender all over; the gentle brush of Elijah's hands and mouth echo with pain. It's fantastic. He looks over at Elijah with devotion.

"Thank you," Dominic tells him, low, almost whispered. "Sir. Can I touch you, can I hold you?"

"Uh-huh," Lij murmurs, nodding, still busy gathering his wits and shivering with satiated pleasure. The formal address reminds him to not let go completely, to not succumb yet to the lure of a nap. "Fuck, 'm wiped."

He forces his eyes open, pressing a kiss under Dom's ear, nuzzling his cheek. "How're you, pet?"

Wrapping his arms around Elijah, Dom answers with a sigh, "Well used. It feels so good. Thank you."

"Mmm. Still welcome." Elijah lifts a hand to Dom's face, fingers pushing damp strands of hair away from his forehead. "I like to hear that, when you mean it," he says low, gently; it's not to prod at the possible sore point of the tough beginning of the scene, but it's a way to start gauging Dominic's state of mind now, see how conflicted he is, or isn't. Everything suggests he isn't, so far.

"Then I'll say it again," Dom smiles, kissing his wrist. "Thank you. I think I needed that."

"Looked like. And I wanted it... I must've let too long pass, if you had enough time to forget how it works," Lij says, smiling back. "You're lucky I can stay gentle," his smile curls up, nearly a smirk as his voice drops suggestively, "I wanted to hurt you more, mmm. Almost did."

"You can," Dom offers readily. "I don't think I could easily take more from the cane, but if you want to find out what I can take, there's nothing to stop us trying, now."

Elijah's first answer is a kiss, long and deep and with enough energetic tongue that if there was any doubt in Dom's mind about the persistence of Elijah's authoritarian mood, it's well and truly dispelled now. Dominic holds him close, stroking his back with hesitant hands, his mouth yielding to Lij gratefully.

Breaking the kiss, Lij resettles his elbows on each side of Dom's head, heaving himself more on top of him with a little wince as their skins unpeel, then stick to each other again in new places. "Any idea what was stopping us before?" he asks, softly, looking at Dominic with clear, curious eyes.

"Filming," Dom says. "Or did you mean before as in-- today, earlier?"

Lij laughs. "Yeah, the question that actually makes sense," he kisses Dom's nose, "that's the one."

"Sorry. Some bugger just shagged me cross-eyed, so I'm a bit off my head," Dom answers. He pets the nape of Elijah's neck and nuzzles Lij's shoulder, thinking it over.

"I dunno," he says regretfully. "I dunno what I was on about. I knew you wouldn't like the way I was behaving very well, but I couldn't think what else to do."

"Bzzt," Elijah buzzes, "wrong on two counts. I'm not 'some bugger' but your beloved, cherished Master," he smirks, "and I did, as a matter of fact, like it very much. I love to take you down and watch you slip, once in a while..."

He traces Dom's mouth with his index finger, touches the tips of their noses for an eskimo kiss. "It's okay. I'm just curious, nosing around in your head... It seemed a little, cathartic, so, kinda have to wonder what of. But... You don't have to have all the answers, pet."

"Whatever you want to know," Dom speaks, kissing his fingertip. "I'll try my best to tell you," and though he smiles, his voice is sincere as he finishes, "my beloved, cherished Master."

"It's amazing how good that makes me feel," Elijah notes, shifting slightly to lay his head on Dom's shoulder. "And I wanna talk, I really do... Debriefing and all that."

There's one little niggling thing in the back of his mind that Lij finds himself reluctant to touch on right away; it's too nice just now, too comfortable using Dominic as mattress and pillow, relishing his body heat, his mouth pursing for a kiss as soon as Elijah prompts him to turn his head a little. "But I suggest we do that whole serious thing after a time-out to doze. And a hot shower, mmm."

"As you like," Dom says peacefully, stroking his back. "Sounds perfect."

We shall be moved

Fri, 27 May 2005 10:55:04 GMT

[Public]

I was still a bit put out about Saturday's match. Especially since in the past couple of days, some friends from Liverpool phoned to congratulate themselves and gloat.

So to cheer me up, Elijah's been wearing my Man U jersey round the house.

My Man U jersey, and nothing else.

Luckiest man alive? Your views may differ, but I know what I think.

You know I feel all right

Wed, 25 May 2005 07:57:09 GMT

[Private]

Well, it hasn't exactly been subdued around here. It's more that it averages out to subdued.

It's not just his football film. Elijah got word last week that Jamie Thraves' Beatles film couldn't get enough backing.

I mean, think of that. Here's a bloke who's done music videos for so many brilliant bands. His first feature was a bit of a surprise hit-- in a small way, but still, quite a good showing. And he has this script about the Beatles. And it's good-- not perfect, but it has some good scenes, it's character-driven and interesting. And thanks to Lexi Alexander, they had Elijah on the hook for Pete Best. Smallish role naturally, but he'd've been thrilled to do it. Give him a chance to try a new look, new accent, and the Beatles, for God's sake.

So they pitched it to backers. Yeah, all right, an American in the Beatles, but it's brilliant really: after all, they said Pete was drummed out partly because he didn't fit in with the others. So it would have a sort of double significance: the actor who's not English, playing the character of the drummer who doesn't fit in to England's most famous band.

Couldn't get enough money. And one of the stumbling blocks was that the producers didn't think Elijah in a supporting role would be enough to sell the picture. Jamie didn't have any other "names" signed on... the script was good, but it could've been better... the producers pointed to Backbeat and said, why reinvent the wheel when that wheel didn't roll very far to begin with?

So here's Elijah guilty, because he wonders if he could have sold it through if he'd gone to the meetings. But he's busy here, trying to get Green Street a distribution deal. Taking calls about "Untitled Spike Jonze/Charlie Kaufman Project" though it's been put off for yet another rewrite, and who knows if the part he's looking at is even going to make it into the final draft...

And in the middle of all this, I did the Tonight Show.

Not The Late Late Show, not Last Call with Carson Daly. The Tonight Show.

I sort of had to forget about it until today, or I would've made myself insane for the past couple of weeks. So I just tried not to think about it. Oh yeah, and I have a talk show on the twenty-fifth. Lost finale promotion, and that. Just a bit of fun, a bit of work. Taped it; easy, natural, no problem at all; just a bit of fun, after all, a bit of work.

We watched it in bed tonight. There's me, there's Jay Leno. Elijah said it was great, my best appearance yet, though he admitted he might've been a bit biased since I'd mentioned walking around naked.

Just before I started writing this, I looked, and my name's still on the Tonight Show website. Next on the Tonight Show: Dominic Monaghan.

King of the world, man. King of the fucking world.

The agony of defeat

Tue, 24 May 2005 10:06:26 GMT

[Public]

Things have been a bit subdued around here lately. Things are mostly lovely, all told. Just a few clouds here and there in our sunny skies.

We're both a bit heartbroken over football. Man U vs. Arsenal had me gutted, I have to say. The game was Man U's all the way. It's a fucking travesty.

And more importantly, that bloody Malcolm Glazer has buggered the finances of Man U so thoroughly that he may actually have to sell Old Trafford! It's enough to bring a grown man to tears, it really is.

Elijah's been putting blood, sweat and tears into getting distribution for his football film, currently on its third title. It's been Hooligans, The Yank, and now it's Green Street. I was crossing my fingers for The American next, just for the Orson Welles reference, but no such luck.

Any road... it's amazing that I was quite depressed a year ago or so, because I was touring around with the dealmakers trying to put in a word to get distribution for these two English films I made, Spivs and The Purifiers ("What and the what?" you might well ask. Exactly.) And I got so down about how little I could do in aid of getting the films out. Terrible, powerless feeling.

And here's Elijah, a year later, in the same position. His film's winning awards right and left, and of course his star power is exponentially greater, but even so, it's like the American film industry can't be bothered. Bend It Like Beckham made Keira Knightley a hot ticket, not so long ago. So obviously Yank audiences can understand football!

Meanwhile, cubic tonnes of rubbish hit the multiplexes every week, because that screenwriter did something that made a few quid twenty years ago, or that idea was thought up by the nephew of a producer with clout.

Until the new Star Wars film came out, this was a terrible year at the box office. You'd expect that distributors would think "Gosh, none of the usual stuff from Hollywood seems to be making much money this year. Maybe it's time to take a chance on something a bit different."

Would they hell.

So yeah, bit of a pall recently. Bloody football. Bloody film industry. It'll break your heart every time.

notdom and e_lilly talk (backdated to Apr. 16th)

Mon, 23 May 2005 06:28:30 GMT

[Voyeurs only, backdated to Apr. 16th]

The closer they get to the end of the season, the more weekend bashes the cast and crew of Lost are throwing, cramming in as much fun as they can during these rushed and busy last days.

With Elijah back in LA, Dom's been feeling the interpersonal tensions between various people a little more keenly of late. Mitchell and Harvey are at odds; Jorge and Daniel are still high-fiving each other and laughing over the prank they pulled on Foxy, while Foxy plays it off good-naturedly; Evangeline and Maggie are chatting, and Dom's sure he detects a bit of stress from Evangeline whenever Dom drifts them on his way to the bar.

Things have been a trifle odd between them since the Golden Globes, and even before then, really. He could never quite tell if it was all in his head, just a product of his own need to keep some distance and prevent his attraction to Evangeline from interfering with his relationship.

He and Elijah have been coming to these parties together, and Angie was always pleasant, never letting anything show. It's been ages since he was alone with her, or even alone around her. Dom looks over at Evangeline just as she throws another glance his way.

Maybe now is the right time to finally have that conversation. As Shannon turns to talk to Terry, Evangeline goes out onto the empty balcony. Finishing his drink, Dom follows after her.

The smokers have abandoned the shady balcony for the patio on the sunnier side of the building. The white noise drifting around them could be traffic or ocean waves, it's impossible to be sure. Dom runs his fingers over the slender rows of the windchimes to let Angie know he's here; she looks over her shoulder at him, giving him a smile that's beautiful but just a bit nervous. Maybe it's past time for this chat.

Dom swallows. "I was thinking... maybe we could talk?"

"Um...yeah," Evie fidgets. "It might relax things," she says, rushing through the next part, "notthatthey'rebadnow! ...But, yeah."

"Yeah." Dom rubs his hands together restlessly. "So!" he adds, not sure how to start.

Evie says, "Yeah." She feels silly, like she should start whistling to fill the awkwardness. "So how do we want to do this?"

Dom twists his rings and bites his lip. "I'm really not sure. I've meant to speak to you so many times, and it just never seemed the right circumstances. And I'm not quite sure what to say anyway. Things have just felt-- a bit uncomfortable, lately. We were getting on so well before, I'm not sure what happened."

"I just feel weird bringing it back up..." she says with a shrug, " I mean, it's been a while since... well, you know."

"I don't really know, I mean--" Dom sighs, kicking himself. So he has fucked up somehow; he was hoping it was all in his head. "I couldn't tell if you were upset with me or if I was paranoid or if it was just, we're too busy to talk as much as we used to do..."

"Upset, yes. Mad...well at first yes, but I haven't been in long time. And I just wasn't sure if you were avoiding me, but then again you are very busy and have other, um, obligations, and... yeah." Evie feels herself blush as she ends lamely.

"I'm sorry I upset you," Dom tells her, his brow creased with regret. "I'd no intention."

Evie smiles, but it's out of habit. "I know. That's why I couldn't talk to you for awhile... it wasn't your fault, you had no idea what you were doing, and I didn't want to get mad at you for something that wasn't your fault."

With trepidation, Dom asks, "Just out of curiosity, what did I do when I had no idea what I was doing?"

She wasn't expecting him to ask that. "Um..." Evie chews on her bottom lip, trying not to panic. "How to put this... gosh, um. I had some issues from a past relationship that I thought I had dealt with and um... God, this isn't going to sound the way I mean it, but um, you made me see I wasn't quite as done with them as I thought."

"I'm sorry." Dom spreads his hands. "You know you can talk to me about things, yeah? I mean, I'm rubbish at advice and not much better at consoling people, but... I can listen, and I do care."

"Oh! I know, I really do know you care..." Evie says a little too quickly. But manners be damned. He deserves honesty, or they'll end up back in the same place. With a sigh, she says, "It's just sometimes I feel weird around you... Like I did something wrong."

Dom says, "You never. I mean... I feel a bit guilty, cos... I've had feelings for you, and I've had to-- watch myself. And that's my responsibility, for that, it's nothing you've done. I mean, I'm in a relationship, I'm the one who has to be looking out for that."

I've had feelings for you? What? Evie doesn't want to think about that, she's so tired of being confused. "See, that's what confused me. I knew you were in a relationship and everything, but it didn't seem... I dunno... I mean you never said... crap." The words aren't coming out the way she wants them too, frustrating her even more. "You were still being you and even know I knew you were in a relationship, I really didn't know you were in one... I mean you never even told me it was Elijah, who you've known for years and years and...."

"I know. But-- you knew as soon as anyone did. It's just that we've had to be careful, yeah? Or I'd've said from the start."

Looking away, she says, "The rational part of me knows and understands, and gets mad that you two have had to live that way."

"Well. Thanks for that," Dom says, awkward but sincere.

"Any time. It's bullshit and if anyone, and I mean anyone up to the head of ABC thinks you should hide, I'll personally go and kick their ass."

Dom grins. "Much as I'd love to see that, I don't think it'd help. But the thought means a lot to me."

"Well I'll keep the offer on the table," Evie can't help but grin back, but her voice becomes more serious, "but at the same time, when I realized everything, it felt like having the wind knocked out of you... like, realizing that I really didn't know as much as I thought I did about you, and if I was wrong about that, what else was I wrong about and what was true and what else had you, um, I don't want to say lied about, 'cause you never really did that....but what else had you, hm, 'purposely misdirected' about yourself. Um, does that make sense?"

"Yeah, perfect sense," Dom answers, guilty. "I dunno what to say except to apologize some more and I'm sure that's getting tiresome."

Evie laughs, "Yeah, well it could be fun to hear you grovel..." She catches herself, slipping back into the easy flirting. She shoves her hair out of her eyes, annoyed with it and herself. "Damnit! See, this is what I feel so weird about-- like how should I act around you now? I get this feeling that if I go to far, next thing I know, Elijah will magically appear and kick me in the head or something."

With a laugh Dom reassures her, "I know Sin City might give you that impression, but I promise he's reasonable enough in real life."

"See! That's why I didn't go see the movie with everyone-- ask Josh. I knew I was going to have horrible nightmares that would leave me scarred for life."

"You've nothing at all to fear. He's a kitten really," Dom assures her with a smile. "If he were going to be upset with anyone, he'd be upset with me. My relationship isn't your lookout, it's mine, yeah?"

Evie nods, agreeing. "Good point. So it's settled-- I feel no guilt whatsoever. But I still don't know what normal should be with us, and I don't think he really likes me much at all..."

"I'd love it if you could have dinner with us or sommat, so you'd feel more comfortable about that," Dom tells her earnestly. "He has nothing against you at all. If he was nervous it's cos of me. I'm not very clever about this sort of thing. He knows that. I've hurt him before with blundering about, so... he has some cause to worry. I've tried to show him that he can have confidence in me. I think we could all get along, I really do."

"That said-- I dunno what normal should be with us either. I'd like to be your friend, I'd like to be close with you again. Surely we can have that, if we both know where we stand on things."

"I want to be friends. I mean, who else will go tree climbing with me between takes?" she asks, grinning. "But seriously... as weird and awkward as it will be... maybe dinner would be a good idea."

"Yeah, I really think it'd be good. Are you going to be in LA after we wrap?" Dom asks.

"I think so. Not sure all the details, since I haven't got a place to live there anymore, so I might be jumping from place to place. But I'll be in town," she says, giving a shrug.

"You know, I still have a flat that I keep up, I just store some odds and ends there. It's no palace, but you can feel free to crash there if you like."

"Is that cool? I mean, I don't know how long I'll be there or anything, I just don't want everyone to get tired of me sleeping on their couches." And then, as she realizes what he said, adding, "And if it's in LA, then it's an apartment. Not a flat."

"Yes, an apartment, sorry," Dom chuckles. "It's cool, it's just going to waste as it is. Might as well get some use of it."

Wrinkling her nose at him, Evie teases, "Well then, when you put it that way, how could I say no to your apartment?"

"Brilliant! And we'll all get together, get to know each other a bit better, it'll be lovely. You'll see."

"Yeah, I think we will...that is, as long as Elijah doesn't jumpkick me in the head," Evie points out

Dom says, "I promise. If anyone gets jumpkicked, it'll be me. And I don't fancy being jumpkicked, so I'll make sure everything goes well."

Evie laughs, "Now I want to learn how to jumpkick someone. I'm still working on my master plan for JJ to have Kate know kung fu or something."

"That would be fantastic!" Dom enthuses. "You should take lessons, then just come up to him at the story meetings for next year and show him your moves. He won't be able to resist! I've been thinking of doing classes like that myself, lately," he adds. "I really enjoyed training for Wu Shu."

"That would be so cool!" Evie giggles, "Yes, and then we can do a flashback of when Kate wandered the earth like Caine in Kung Fu!"

"Wouldn't it be fab if there was a flashback scene with Kate running into Charlie's older brother, and he tries to get off with her, and she kicks his head in? I'd love that."

"Yes! That would so rock!" Evie agrees. "But I think it would have to be the back of his head-- don't want to ruin that pretty face and give the fangirls another reason to come after me."

"I'd love to see that. Kick him in the back of the head and those poncy glasses of his fly right off his face. Marvelous."

"Stupid freaking glasses." Evie rolls her eyes. "It's like he's trying to be all Superman-- when I have my glasses on, I'm normal average househusband Liam Pace, but when the glasses come off I'm actually Liam Pace, evil-theiving rock star and bringer of doom and drugs!"

Dom dies laughing. "Quite! I shouldn't be so cruel to him, poor Neil, stuck playing such a bastard of a character."

"But he does it so well!"

Dom says, "He does, he's great. I hope we have him back next season. But we should do that, we should take classes. I'll look into it! What d'you think, are you interested in Wu Shu? Or is one of the other martial arts more to your fancy?"

Evie's eyes widen, as she realizes she has no idea. "Um... I, well I don't know really. I know of kung fu and karate and Tai chi and the ninja stuff, but I don't really know the difference between the rest of it."

"Ooh, you'll love Wu Shu, it's brilliant," Dom says persuasively. "It's really athletic and stylish, it's quite a lot like dance. We'll try it, yeah? Give it a go.

Evie asks nervously, "Dance? I'm not too good at dancing, but I'll try anything once."

"Then it's nothing like dancing, it's just like climbing trees," he beams. "Better?"

"Trees I can handle," Evie nods and grins.

"I'll speak to Elijah about dinner, we'll have a fab evening. Once we're back in LA. All right?" Dom smiles enormously and gives her a hug. "I'm really glad we patched things up, it felt weird not to know if we were all right or not. I've missed you."

"Everything's going to be all right. And I mean that for dinner and for us," she reassures him, returning the hug.

"Yeah," he says happily. "Absolutely."

In sight

Tue, 17 May 2005 09:57:11 GMT

[Public]

I don't know why I never thought of this before, except that my eyesight is fine, so it just hadn't occurred to me.

But Lij has been wearing his specs a lot recently, and I realised something.

I like the way he looks in his glasses, and even more, I love taking them off him. He always gives this lovely baffled blink when I do, and then he focuses differently, and I have to move quite close so that he can see me; and then I move closer.

As I was leading him to the bedroom today after taking off his specs, he was following on quite closely, almost stumbling a bit, and I twigged to something. I always knew he couldn't see very well without glasses or his contacts, but... he really can't see without them. He's quite vulnerable when he doesn't have them on.

For him to let me take those specs off him and lead him around, when he's for all intents and purposes, blind... that shows as much trust as it would for him to let me put his collar on him. He's putting himself in my hands just as surely.

I really should have sussed this out earlier, but at least I've spotted it now, so that I can appreciate it. I can take his specs off and recognise the trust he's putting in me when he lets me. And I can be more careful, so that he doesn't ever have to stumble blind again.

Braces

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 10:35:26 GMT

[Private]

Since Elijah arrived last week everything's been lovely, lovely, lovely.

I don't know what it is, but sometimes it's like I lose shape when I'm on my own. I forget who I am. I've been in these moods and I've not been painting or anything to try to work it out. Mostly I only write about what's on my mind when Patrice tells me to. It's partly due to being so busy, but really, it's only partly.

When I'm in a good frame of mind, I find time to doodle and write little silly things in my journals, like the legend of the ninja tooth fairy, and stories about lizards and bugs and bears who make little films that grow unexpectedly popular and cause a terrible upset at the BAFTAs. I don't know why I stop when I'm feeling blue, because thinking about them puts me in a good mood, so it seems rather obvious that I should carry on with them when I'm unhappy, in order to cheer myself up.

I mean, once Lij tipped up, it was obvious. Of course. There's loads of stuff I could've been doing to make myself feel better, I just wasn't doing it. I don't know why not.

Patrice says that I'm relying on an audience to give myself reasons to be cheerful. No audience, no need to be upbeat, so I don't do enough of the things that improve my state of mind and I end up brooding. She says I need to learn to be cheerful for my own sake. But I don't know... coming at it from the other side of it, everyone has to feel a bit low sometimes. Better to get it out of your system when you're alone, isn't it? Less of a drag for everyone else.

Meanwhile I've had a haircut and decided to have it lightened all the way to blond while I was at it. I like it. And I've been painting. Lij is having a go at it as well. When we can shift ourselves out of bed... which hasn't been too terribly often. I mean, we go to the beach, we've been surfing and out for walks and things, but that's just to pass some time between the hours and hours in bed. It's fantastic. I'm soaking it all up like a camel so I'll never run dry when we're apart again.

That would make a nice little story, a grumpy camel with a full-up hump like a waterbed. All he wants is to be left alone, but his back is so buoyant and welcoming! The sheiks could go bouncing around til their headdresses flapped like wings. And the ladies in their harem trousers... that could get a bit saucy, though. And now I don't know if I should reach for my paper journal, or go kiss Lij awake for another round. Perhaps a compromise. I'm sure he won't mind if I draw and write on him. I could draw the camel around his shoulderblade. I just need to find my pens.