|[Jun. 18th, 2004|03:42 pm]|
I don't know what to say to him. I was always closer to Daddy, especially after the split. I don't think George will ever forgive him for "leaving us". George has always been the one who tried to please/appease Ma. He was her favorite... she rubbed that fact in more than once. And now... I tried calling her, but she just keeps hanging up on me. Mark did answer, once. Told me that they knew how to find me if they wanted to talk.
I know this wouldn't have played out this way if I hadn't antagonized Ma about Gary. If I had just stood up for myself instead of leaving George to clean up after me... and now that Ma's disowned him... and he couldn't handle the pain without more pain... I've gone and made a bigger mess of it. Last night he told me, in no uncertain terms, that he doesn't want me talking to Rick about it again. Ever.
Putting things in print is supposed to bring clarity... I've reread this a dozen times and am still seeing fog.