TITLE: Wolverine is a Secret Cutter
FANDOM: X-Men
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 3
RATING: R for violence
WARNINGS: Self-harm
SUMMARY: Logan has a dark secret.
DISCLAIMER: The X-Men belongs to Marvel Entertainment Group.

( cut for possible triggering )

TITLE: The Silent Partner
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: Oh, call it 600.
RATING: PG for (all together now) the cussin'!
WARNINGS: Movie spoilers, American spelling
SUMMARY: Woad is a funny word.
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to Rogue and Universal and all those guys.

Like some avenging...angel, the swan appeared in the rear-view mirror, looking very, very shirty.

The swan hissed -- and, Frank Butterman could have sworn, laughed -- and made a lunge for his face.

( more... )

TITLE: Mr. Staker's Holiday
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: phosfate and viedma
WORD COUNT: Lots, like...whoah, 9,700.
RATING: PG for goddamn swearing, violence
WARNINGS: Movie spoilers, American spelling, writers who think they're fucking hilarious. Contains peanuts.
SUMMARY: Bread. Bread. BREAD BREAD BREADBREADBREADBREADBREADBREAD!
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to breadbread Rogue and bread bread bread. Bread. No infringeBREAD! BREAD! BREADBREADBREADBREAD!tendedBREAD!


Mr. Staker's Holiday

When you looked at it a certain way, the whole thing was Nicholas Angel's fault. If not for him, Sandford, Gloucestershire would not be on its third police station in as many years, and the village's swan population would not be Britain's highest per capita.

"That boy," Andy Wainwright said later, "Is wound too tight."

It started like this.

Nicholas was no longer the ticking time bomb of no one was quite sure what that he had once been, but he was, as Danny Butterman said, always thinking away. Even in his sleep.

Late one night -- or rather, very early one morning -- Nicholas suddenly woke, sat bolt upright, and said, to no one in particular, "Swans don't honk. Swans do not honk!" continued on Ann's LJ, since Mary's a bit shy.

TITLE: A Boy's Book of Practical Magic to Mystify, Baffle and Entertain
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: Approximately 2,950 British Standard Words^TM. Some settling may occur.
RATING: PG for goddamn swearing
WARNINGS: Movie spoilers, DVD extra spoilers, American spelling
SUMMARY: For this trick, he'll need a volunteer from the pavement. You, sir, the man with the fucking enormous knife in your chest! Don't be shy, now.
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to those damn punk kids at RogueCorpCo.


The NWA were some of the strangest customers the Crown Prosecution Service had ever dealt with. They were monsters all, few showing even a little remorse or regret, except perhaps for having been caught. But they were friendly, cooperative monsters.

None of them denied what they had done, and any confusion over who had done what and when arose from spotty memories, rather than attempts at concealment or shifting of blame. Some of them helpfully provided diaries. Continued at my LJ

Title: Mornspare
Fandom: Hot Fuzz. For zeddish's "I think we all need to just sit down and fucking smile" fluff challenge.
Rating: PG for the cussin'. Actually there may not be cussing in this. I'm not reading it again to check. It's morning, and they haven't had their tea, and it takes a while to work up to really good cussing.
Summary: Bob Walker uses voicemail. Shaka, when the walls fell.
Author's Notes: There's a bit in "Five Things that Never Happened in Sandford, Gloucestershire" where Bob Walker tells Nicholas and Danny that "Argrafollyerbs." They look at him blankly. I knew exactly what "Argrafollyerbs" meant when I wrote it. By the time the story got to final draft I had no idea at all.
Disclaimer: Narrrrrr, Hoffuzznahmeyne. Sroagsfuzz, anegarnseymanallmayid.



"Agrafollyerbs. Argrafollyerbs." ( yareljcutcliggit )

TITLE: June 30th
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz and Doctor Who
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: a touch under 4000
RATING: PG fer cussin' and violence
WARNINGS: American spelling
SPOILERS: Minor riff on "The Fires of Pompeii"
SUMMARY: "I have a sword, and I'm really quite angry."
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: I no has Fuzzburger. I no has Docburger! Is Rogue's Fuzzburger! Is Beeb's Docburger!

( MOAR )

Go visit calathea's place for a lovely Fuzz ficlet:

http://calathea.livejournal.com/261703.html and scroll a bit.

(Found via del.icio.us, pimped with permission.)

http://www.journalfen.net/users/koshiroryuu/5790.html

Pui wrote me a birthday fic. Awesomeness!

TITLE: Stars Fall on Sandford
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 4,000
RATING: PG fer the cussin', and shit blows up
SUMMARY: Nicholas Angel, Destroyer of Worlds
NOTES: Crit is love. Story notes at the end.
DISCLAIMER: I not has Fuzzburger.


It was a lovely spring evening in Sandford. Clear and calm, just a bit warmer than was usual for the time of year.

Danny Butterman stepped out into the yard behind the new police station, momentarily silhouetted in the light that spilled out from inside. Party noises leaked out with the light -- pre-party, really, until the squad were off duty and could reconvene at the pub -- then muted as he closed the door. He stretched a bit, and looked up at the sky. ( more )

Another vaguely Christmassy fic. Which is weird, since I started it in July, when Flash Gordon got re-released on DVD.

TITLE: Celt Teffnan Against the World Crime League
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 2,300
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: "Whoah. Who's Celt Teffnan?"
WARNINGS: American spelling, offensive snap judgments about movies you like.
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, as you know.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.


Monday is the day new videos are released. They "street," in advertising parlance, but Nicholas Angel finds this abuse of an innocent English noun unconscionable. Videos might be released, distributed, put on sale, or even set free to live among their own kind in the wild, but when they street, his whole being objects, right down to his fillings. ( moar )

TITLE: Christmas Number One
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 1500. Ish.
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: "Nicholas! Nicholas! It shows how to do flesh rotting off a skull. And oh my God, werewolf Nazis!"
WARNINGS: Jesus Christ, it's a Christmas story! GET IN THE CAR!
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
NOTES: There's no American cultural equivalent of the Christmas Number One. It's a bit like being the winner of the annual Fourth of July weekend box-office competition (hint for wagerers: it's probably got Will Smith in it), but it's not really the same thing. Mr Wikipedia gives a good overview: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_number_one_single . The statistically inclined can find a list of Christmas Number Ones here: http://www.everyhit.co.uk/christmasnumber1.html
I also forgot to credit sepiamagpie for the original prompt, because I have a memory like a steel seive.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.


"Nicholas."

He was dreaming about the church roof, preparing to fly off it. "Nr." ( more )

TITLE: Drabble: Danny Butterman's Terrible Ideas
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer; prompt by sepiamagpie, who is keen on hedgehogs
WORD COUNT: 100. 'Cause, drabble
RATING: PG for don't try this at home
SUMMARY: Does what it says on the tin
WARNINGS: American spelling
NOTES: Not intellectually taxing in any way
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.

• Constructing quarter-scale trebuchet in Callahan Park.



• Volunteering to be first projectile launched from quarter-scale trebuchet constructed in Callahan Park.



• Building elaborate Habitrail in station for hedgehog.



• Joining components of elaborate Habitrail with superglue.



• Attempting to rescue hedgehog from Habitrail with leaf blower.



• Constructing homemade ghillie suit, with freeze-dried rabbit mounted on hat. Wearing homemade ghillie suit with freeze-dried rabbit mounted on hat while lying in wait for poachers. Repeatedly.



• Deputizing swan.



• Deputizing hedgehog.



• Inventing the lager colada.



• Attempting to construct record-breaking Guy Fawkes stuffed with fireworks and petrol.



• Opening portal to Hell in Station basement.

TITLE: The Bellman's Map
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 5,200ish
RATING: PG, fer cussin' and violence
SUMMARY: "It's the chittering," she said. "I can't abide the chittering."
WARNINGS: American spelling
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.


The Bellman's Map


They were a police force -- service -- in the sense that they technically existed. They had one telephone, an empty shop, Oxfam tables and chairs, an electric kettle, and a single car on loan from Bristol. The car was missing a nave plate.

Nevertheless, they existed.
( Continued )

TITLE: Five Things that Never Happened in Sandford, Gloucestershire
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer; prompts by viedma and violetisblue
WORD COUNT: 4,500-ish
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: You know those things that happened? These aren't them. They. Oh, whatever.
WARNINGS: Spoilers. Like, a lot of spoilers. Also American spelling, death, human sacrifice, death, goat pee, death, overwrought angst, death, cheap laughs, death, cussin', and death.
NOTES: C&C is nice.
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first


1. You've Always Been Here

"It would appear the heavens have opened."

Angel's got this bit down cold. Rain, suitcase, plant, keys, fascist, hag, fascism, bless you. ( more... )

TITLE: Behold a Pale Horsie
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 1300ish
RATING: PG, for the goddamn swearing
SUMMARY: "He must be Indian, then. Like Kevin Costner. Here comes the Queen!"
WARNINGS: American spelling, spoilers, regicide. Also I spelled "horsie" wrong when I first posted this.
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine. Sometimes it comes over and raids the icebox. I hope to God it checks the dates on the food before it takes anything.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.



There are times in a person's life when simple patience is rewarded with advancement. Danny Butterman, for example, had been promoted from bed and hospital gown to pajamas and a wheelchair. Nicholas Angel, ever the over-achiever, was now a free man in grown-up clothes, able to come and go as he wished. This of course meant that he got to push the chair, and had to resist the urge to thump Danny on the head when he made motorcycle engine noises. ( more )

TITLE: Crazy
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: phosfate
WORD COUNT: 1500-ish
RATING: PG-13 fer the cussin'
SUMMARY: The screen is set alight with white-line montage action!
WARNINGS: American spelling, spoilers
NOTES: Angel couldn't have driven to Bristol? They have police, and probably even telephones. Is it that whole men-can't-ask-for-directions thing? "Oh God so lost. Where the fuck is...goddamit, Bristol's supposed to be right here! Am I in the Cotswolds or something? Is there -- OH THANK GOD A SIGN FOR THE M4 I CAN FIND LONDON IF I GO FAR ENOUGH!"
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.


The theme for the evening is cognitive dissonance.

His last view of Danny, for example, is strange and wrong, lit red and backwards in the mirror. Danny looks every bit as frightened and miserable as Angel feels. Danny isn't meant to look like that.
( more )

TITLE: She's Really Called Rosemary
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: phosfate
WORD COUNT: 100. 'Cause, drabble.
RATING: G
WARNINGS: American spelling
NOTES: The lovely stelluci posted family stories yesterday, and sparked this. C&C always welcome.
DISCLAIMER: Not my characters.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.


She's Really Called Rosemary


Danny Butterman was in love. "Say 'Butterman.'"

The baby made a turtle face.

"Good!"

"That was never 'Butterman.'"

"You still don't understand the local dialect. Can we keep her?"

"No. Doris will want it back when she's out of the loo."

"We'll call her McClane Robocop Angel-hyphen-Butterman."

"That is a lovely, feminine name. Where would we keep it?"

"…cupboard?"

"Riiiiiight. Do you know what to feed it?"

"...chips?"

"Fine. I'll distract Doris, you take Robocop--"

"McClane Robocop."

"--McClane Robocop out the back, hide in the woods, and await instructions."

"Doris is standing behind me, isn't she?"

"Oh yes."

TITLE: Blue Fury
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 100. What with it being a drabble and all.
RATING: PG for language
WARNINGS: American spelling; spoilers
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.

They're tired, cold, and wet, wrapped in waffly, ineffectual blankets.

Danny looks at Nicholas.

"What?"

"You came back."

"You knew I would."

"Well, yeah."

Danny never did get the Met officers' names. He thinks of them as Chief Inspector Old Wanker, Inspector Smarmy Cunt, and Sergeant Smuggy. "I kinda like it here," Nicholas tells them, when they ask him to return to London. It's the mildest ticking-off Danny's ever seen.

"Were they the blue fury of the Met, then?"

Nicholas' turn to look at him.

"Only I thought they'd be taller."

Shaking with silent laughter, Nicholas has to look away.