TITLE: Hard Cheese
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: Eleventy-something thousand.
RATING: PG fer the cussin', bloodshed, and shit that blows up
WARNINGS: American spelling; don't try this at home even though I totally want to; slurs against the French.
SUMMARY: "Saxon was all enraged and savaged the ever-lovin' fuck out of the poor cheese."
NOTES: Crit is love.
CREDITS: at the end
DISCLAIMER: I no has Fuzzburger. Is Rogue's Fuzzburger!


Nicholas Angel was vaguely surprised to find that the Swan was not only still standing, but open for business. During his time in hospital, as both patient and spectator, his mental picture of Sandford had somehow developed into one of a large, smoking crater, with decorative ironwork and flowerpots. But the door of the hotel was open, the lights were on, and pop music leaked quietly from somewhere.

He was dressed in a St John Ambulance sweatshirt and a borrowed pair of Cartwright's jeans, cuffed at the bottom. He smelled of hospital. He needed a shower to rid himself of his last shower.

continued at: http://annlarimer.livejournal.com/934389.html

Dudes, it's fuckin' Sep's birthday. Try not to mistreat him too much.

Ed: "It's like I never truly knew love before I took this duck into my arms."
Shaun: "Hey now!"
Ed (trying it out): "My son, the duck"
Shaun: "Does the duck have a name, then?"
Ed: "Don't be silly, ducks don't have names"

This is why I like playing with sepiamagpie.

TITLE: A Boy's Book of Practical Magic to Mystify, Baffle and Entertain
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: Approximately 2,950 British Standard Words^TM. Some settling may occur.
RATING: PG for goddamn swearing
WARNINGS: Movie spoilers, DVD extra spoilers, American spelling
SUMMARY: For this trick, he'll need a volunteer from the pavement. You, sir, the man with the fucking enormous knife in your chest! Don't be shy, now.
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to those damn punk kids at RogueCorpCo.


The NWA were some of the strangest customers the Crown Prosecution Service had ever dealt with. They were monsters all, few showing even a little remorse or regret, except perhaps for having been caught. But they were friendly, cooperative monsters.

None of them denied what they had done, and any confusion over who had done what and when arose from spotty memories, rather than attempts at concealment or shifting of blame. Some of them helpfully provided diaries. Continued at my LJ

Title: Mornspare
Fandom: Hot Fuzz. For zeddish's "I think we all need to just sit down and fucking smile" fluff challenge.
Rating: PG for the cussin'. Actually there may not be cussing in this. I'm not reading it again to check. It's morning, and they haven't had their tea, and it takes a while to work up to really good cussing.
Summary: Bob Walker uses voicemail. Shaka, when the walls fell.
Author's Notes: There's a bit in "Five Things that Never Happened in Sandford, Gloucestershire" where Bob Walker tells Nicholas and Danny that "Argrafollyerbs." They look at him blankly. I knew exactly what "Argrafollyerbs" meant when I wrote it. By the time the story got to final draft I had no idea at all.
Disclaimer: Narrrrrr, Hoffuzznahmeyne. Sroagsfuzz, anegarnseymanallmayid.



"Agrafollyerbs. Argrafollyerbs." ( yareljcutcliggit )

The lj sandfordpolice community is currently running a Tony Fisher/Spider-Man art challenge. So I made, like, a comic an' junk:



Click for bigger. Ink on some bristol board manga paper I got on clearance.

Dedicated to sepimagpie's Dad.

TITLE: Stars Fall on Sandford
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 4,000
RATING: PG fer the cussin', and shit blows up
SUMMARY: Nicholas Angel, Destroyer of Worlds
NOTES: Crit is love. Story notes at the end.
DISCLAIMER: I not has Fuzzburger.


It was a lovely spring evening in Sandford. Clear and calm, just a bit warmer than was usual for the time of year.

Danny Butterman stepped out into the yard behind the new police station, momentarily silhouetted in the light that spilled out from inside. Party noises leaked out with the light -- pre-party, really, until the squad were off duty and could reconvene at the pub -- then muted as he closed the door. He stretched a bit, and looked up at the sky. ( more )

TITLE: Curse of the Cuddly Monkey!
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 4,400ish
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: "It tasted kind of like gardening."
WARNINGS: Choking hazard, American spelling, spoilers.
NOTES: I likes me some C&C. Stay tuned for a bonus deleted scene after the credits!
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, as you know.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.


His heart was small and hard and black, made from a bit of clay stamped with arcane symbols. He didn't know where he'd come from, or how old he was, but he did know his purpose.

When Reverend Shooter opened the carton and freed him from the plastic bag, he'd been elated. A man of God! What could be better? But it quickly became clear that there was nothing he could do to the man that the good Reverend hadn't already done to himself.
( more )

TITLE: Christmas Number One
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 1500. Ish.
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: "Nicholas! Nicholas! It shows how to do flesh rotting off a skull. And oh my God, werewolf Nazis!"
WARNINGS: Jesus Christ, it's a Christmas story! GET IN THE CAR!
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
NOTES: There's no American cultural equivalent of the Christmas Number One. It's a bit like being the winner of the annual Fourth of July weekend box-office competition (hint for wagerers: it's probably got Will Smith in it), but it's not really the same thing. Mr Wikipedia gives a good overview: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_number_one_single . The statistically inclined can find a list of Christmas Number Ones here: http://www.everyhit.co.uk/christmasnumber1.html
I also forgot to credit sepiamagpie for the original prompt, because I have a memory like a steel seive.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.


"Nicholas."

He was dreaming about the church roof, preparing to fly off it. "Nr." ( more )

TITLE: Drabble: Danny Butterman's Terrible Ideas
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer; prompt by sepiamagpie, who is keen on hedgehogs
WORD COUNT: 100. 'Cause, drabble
RATING: PG for don't try this at home
SUMMARY: Does what it says on the tin
WARNINGS: American spelling
NOTES: Not intellectually taxing in any way
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.

• Constructing quarter-scale trebuchet in Callahan Park.



• Volunteering to be first projectile launched from quarter-scale trebuchet constructed in Callahan Park.



• Building elaborate Habitrail in station for hedgehog.



• Joining components of elaborate Habitrail with superglue.



• Attempting to rescue hedgehog from Habitrail with leaf blower.



• Constructing homemade ghillie suit, with freeze-dried rabbit mounted on hat. Wearing homemade ghillie suit with freeze-dried rabbit mounted on hat while lying in wait for poachers. Repeatedly.



• Deputizing swan.



• Deputizing hedgehog.



• Inventing the lager colada.



• Attempting to construct record-breaking Guy Fawkes stuffed with fireworks and petrol.



• Opening portal to Hell in Station basement.

TITLE: The Bellman's Map
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: 5,200ish
RATING: PG, fer cussin' and violence
SUMMARY: "It's the chittering," she said. "I can't abide the chittering."
WARNINGS: American spelling
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.


The Bellman's Map


They were a police force -- service -- in the sense that they technically existed. They had one telephone, an empty shop, Oxfam tables and chairs, an electric kettle, and a single car on loan from Bristol. The car was missing a nave plate.

Nevertheless, they existed.
( Continued )

TITLE: Five Things that Never Happened in Sandford, Gloucestershire
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer; prompts by viedma and violetisblue
WORD COUNT: 4,500-ish
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: You know those things that happened? These aren't them. They. Oh, whatever.
WARNINGS: Spoilers. Like, a lot of spoilers. Also American spelling, death, human sacrifice, death, goat pee, death, overwrought angst, death, cheap laughs, death, cussin', and death.
NOTES: C&C is nice.
DISCLAIMER: Obviously not mine.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first


1. You've Always Been Here

"It would appear the heavens have opened."

Angel's got this bit down cold. Rain, suitcase, plant, keys, fascist, hag, fascism, bless you. ( more... )

There should be a way to introduce this picture, but...fuck it. sepiamagpie wanted My Little Ponies firing guns while jumping through the air. So here.



Ink. Click for biggenization.

Ink. Click for bigger.
sepiamagpie wanted Ponies jumping and firing guns, but for the moment he's got a Pony firing its gun into the air and going Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Fuckin' Ponies. THEY HAVE NO THUMBS! How can they maintain any sort of organized, tool-based culture? HOW CAN THEY PULL TRIGGERS?

I'll go sit down now.

I may have killed sepiamagpie with my technical incompetence.

Um...sorry?