TITLE: Hard Cheese
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: Eleventy-something thousand.
RATING: PG fer the cussin', bloodshed, and shit that blows up
WARNINGS: American spelling; don't try this at home even though I totally want to; slurs against the French.
SUMMARY: "Saxon was all enraged and savaged the ever-lovin' fuck out of the poor cheese."
NOTES: Crit is love.
CREDITS: at the end
DISCLAIMER: I no has Fuzzburger. Is Rogue's Fuzzburger!


Nicholas Angel was vaguely surprised to find that the Swan was not only still standing, but open for business. During his time in hospital, as both patient and spectator, his mental picture of Sandford had somehow developed into one of a large, smoking crater, with decorative ironwork and flowerpots. But the door of the hotel was open, the lights were on, and pop music leaked quietly from somewhere.

He was dressed in a St John Ambulance sweatshirt and a borrowed pair of Cartwright's jeans, cuffed at the bottom. He smelled of hospital. He needed a shower to rid himself of his last shower.

continued at: http://annlarimer.livejournal.com/934389.html

Working on a new notebook cover. I need to find some little swans and hedgehogs to sit in the boats.

I think the glitter glue adds that little extra bit of class, don't you?

TITLE: Drabble: The O.C.
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz/NuTrek
WORD COUNT: 100. Because it's a drabble. DRABBLE NERD SAYS WHAT?
RATING: G. Wait. What?
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to the boys and girls at Rogue and Big Talk and their friends. Star Trek belongs to...it still belongs to Paramount, right? The important thing is, neither of them are mine.
PROPS: To viedma 'cause it was her idea.


Ensign Manny Dairyman knew, when he looked across the briefing table into Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott’s eyes, that his transfer to the Engineering section of the U.S.S. Enterprise would change not just his career, but his whole life.

Nicholas came up behind him. “Ready?”

“Nothin’!” Danny hit the little X at the top right of the screen. “Just e-mail. You ready?”

“You really want Star Trek again?”

“Nothing else on,” Danny said casually.

Was that suspicion in Nicholas’ eyes? “True.”

Surely nothing escaped Scotty’s brilliant gaze – surely not Dairyman’s sudden surge of emotion…

I gotta remember that, thought Danny. Brilliant.

TITLE: Drabble: Straight to voicemail
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
WORD COUNT: 100. Because it's a drabble.
RATING: PG fer the cussin'
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to the boys and girls at Rogue.


You have six new messages.

“OH MY GOD NICHOLAS ADVANCED DRIVING IS THE BEST THING EV — oh fuck that’s not—”

You have five new messages.

“Mornspare. Nferggit wermin Saxadday.”

You have four new messages.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA I JUST LEARNED — ‘course I’m not using the phone while—"

You have three new messages.

“Have you got Prince Albert in — fuck, Andy! Now you’ve fucked it up!”

You have two new messages.

“I got to stay another day an’ review basic safety. Sorry. Want anything from HMV?”

You have one new message.

“THIS IS BRILLIANT! CAN I TAKE THE CYCLING COURSE?”

Stolen from goddesdster, who got it from Agnes lynnez59. Spot the joke stolen from Q.E.D.

Try to write all the different categories of fanfic (angst, fluff, UST, bromance...can you think of others?) in 10 words or less.


Angst
What am I going to tell my son? Tony thought.


Fluff [ I...I still don't understand what the hell fluff is. Help?]
"Have you never hoovered under this bed?"
"Don't know."


UST
"Get a look at his arse!"
Heeyeahhhhhhhh, Danny thought.


Bromance
"Guhboysax!"
Wag.


Hurt/Comfort
"S'all right, Andy, it's just--oh fuck..."
"I got you."


Adventure
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Where'd you learn to drive bulldozers?"
"Bloke in a pub."


Smut
Nicholas' eyes were HUGE. Danny grinned wickedly and carried on.


Humor
"Get him drunk enough, he'll imitate Kermit the Frog."
"Mum!"

Hot Fuzz is in the LJ crack_van this month, with goddessdster at the wheel.

Wear your seat belts. It's the law.

http://community.livejournal.com/crack_van/3472665.html

Just. Go. Read. GO READ IT YOU BASTARDS!
http://community.livejournal.com/sandfordpolice/370954.html

TITLE: Drabble: The Council Want a Makeover
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
WORD COUNT: 100. Because it's a drabble.
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to the boys and girls at Rogue.



Entries in the Sandford Citizen's “New Motto for Sandford” contest, 2007:

Beautiful. Deadly. Dull as Fuck.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Worse things happen at sea.
Where the bodies are buried.
You can't say you weren't warned.
As seen on CNN.
The Community that Scares
Now 75% less evil.
They really are accidents now.
Leave alive or your money cheerfully refunded.
It puts the lotion on its skin.
None of those bloody annoying Jane Austen fans like you get at Bath.
Gateway to Buford Abbey.
It won't happen again.

No winner has been chosen. The search continues.

Japanese trifold brochure. Click for much, much, much bigger.



The front cover is the faux Sin City graphic on the right.



The inside.

I like the little graphic they use in Japan of Danny, Nicholas and the Swan.

TITLE: The Silent Partner
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: Oh, call it 600.
RATING: PG for (all together now) the cussin'!
WARNINGS: Movie spoilers, American spelling
SUMMARY: Woad is a funny word.
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to Rogue and Universal and all those guys.

Like some avenging...angel, the swan appeared in the rear-view mirror, looking very, very shirty.

The swan hissed -- and, Frank Butterman could have sworn, laughed -- and made a lunge for his face.

( more... )

TITLE: Mr. Staker's Holiday
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: phosfate and viedma
WORD COUNT: Lots, like...whoah, 9,700.
RATING: PG for goddamn swearing, violence
WARNINGS: Movie spoilers, American spelling, writers who think they're fucking hilarious. Contains peanuts.
SUMMARY: Bread. Bread. BREAD BREAD BREADBREADBREADBREADBREADBREAD!
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to breadbread Rogue and bread bread bread. Bread. No infringeBREAD! BREAD! BREADBREADBREADBREAD!tendedBREAD!


Mr. Staker's Holiday

When you looked at it a certain way, the whole thing was Nicholas Angel's fault. If not for him, Sandford, Gloucestershire would not be on its third police station in as many years, and the village's swan population would not be Britain's highest per capita.

"That boy," Andy Wainwright said later, "Is wound too tight."

It started like this.

Nicholas was no longer the ticking time bomb of no one was quite sure what that he had once been, but he was, as Danny Butterman said, always thinking away. Even in his sleep.

Late one night -- or rather, very early one morning -- Nicholas suddenly woke, sat bolt upright, and said, to no one in particular, "Swans don't honk. Swans do not honk!" continued on Ann's LJ, since Mary's a bit shy.

I'm feeling perfectly foul and panic-attacky, so here's everyone's favorite LJ cliché photo post, the book and video shelves! Yayayayay! *Kermit flail*

Apologies for the yellowing and blurriness. ( cut to spare your flists and connections )

TITLE: A Boy's Book of Practical Magic to Mystify, Baffle and Entertain
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: Approximately 2,950 British Standard Words^TM. Some settling may occur.
RATING: PG for goddamn swearing
WARNINGS: Movie spoilers, DVD extra spoilers, American spelling
SUMMARY: For this trick, he'll need a volunteer from the pavement. You, sir, the man with the fucking enormous knife in your chest! Don't be shy, now.
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to those damn punk kids at RogueCorpCo.


The NWA were some of the strangest customers the Crown Prosecution Service had ever dealt with. They were monsters all, few showing even a little remorse or regret, except perhaps for having been caught. But they were friendly, cooperative monsters.

None of them denied what they had done, and any confusion over who had done what and when arose from spotty memories, rather than attempts at concealment or shifting of blame. Some of them helpfully provided diaries. Continued at my LJ

Part of the Japanese poster. Share and enjoy.

Title: Mornspare
Fandom: Hot Fuzz. For zeddish's "I think we all need to just sit down and fucking smile" fluff challenge.
Rating: PG for the cussin'. Actually there may not be cussing in this. I'm not reading it again to check. It's morning, and they haven't had their tea, and it takes a while to work up to really good cussing.
Summary: Bob Walker uses voicemail. Shaka, when the walls fell.
Author's Notes: There's a bit in "Five Things that Never Happened in Sandford, Gloucestershire" where Bob Walker tells Nicholas and Danny that "Argrafollyerbs." They look at him blankly. I knew exactly what "Argrafollyerbs" meant when I wrote it. By the time the story got to final draft I had no idea at all.
Disclaimer: Narrrrrr, Hoffuzznahmeyne. Sroagsfuzz, anegarnseymanallmayid.



"Agrafollyerbs. Argrafollyerbs." ( yareljcutcliggit )

Um...color it and make a bookmark or something. Whatever.

TITLE: The Man with the Stick*
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz
WORD COUNT: 100. Because it's a GODDAMN DRABBLE.
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: Hot Fuzz belongs to the nice folks at Rogue




Andy and Andy are friends.

They like beer and philosophy.

Tonight, with beer, their topic for philosophical debate is:

How large is the stick up Nicholas Angel's arse?

It is very large.

It is so large that Nicholas calls his Mum 'sir.'

It is so large that Nicholas' dog was called 'Mr. Dog.'

It is so large that, after sex, Nicholas writes Danny Butterman polite notes:

"Dear Mr. Butterman:
This is to acknowledge receipt of last night's sex.
With sincere best wishes,
N. Angel"

That, says Andy, is one massively large arsestick.

It is, Andy agrees.

Then they go home.







_{*Ooo, Nick, I've fallen over}

TITLE: June 30th
FANDOM: Hot Fuzz and Doctor Who
AUTHOR: annlarimer
WORD COUNT: a touch under 4000
RATING: PG fer cussin' and violence
WARNINGS: American spelling
SPOILERS: Minor riff on "The Fires of Pompeii"
SUMMARY: "I have a sword, and I'm really quite angry."
NOTES: Crit is love.
DISCLAIMER: I no has Fuzzburger. I no has Docburger! Is Rogue's Fuzzburger! Is Beeb's Docburger!

( MOAR )