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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Sparky's LiveJournal:
| Thursday, April 23rd, 2009 | |
| 8:12 pm | I am so, so sick of being ditched, abandoned, and ignored. Not that I think this trend is going to change, or anything. It's just tiresome. And I can't even tell if it's on purpose or not. Ugh. |
| Wednesday, March 11th, 2009 | |
| 8:44 pm | Brought to you by fandom eleventy billion years ago. Still not king. |
| Saturday, March 7th, 2009 | |
| 4:52 pm | Bah. |
| Thursday, March 5th, 2009 | |
| 4:57 pm | McCay: I miss talking to you James McCay: T.T prof_sparky666: haha, I'll try to be a bit less of a hermit James McCay: also just miss you in general James McCay: but that's probably me being all modd swingy again James McCay: *mood Here we go again! *facepalm lol* |
| Saturday, February 21st, 2009 | |
| 5:22 pm | Hahahaha, what. So, this random guy sent me a friend request on facebook. Like... I have no idea who he is, and our only friend in common is James. So, I was all "uhhh, what do I do with this?" and then I saw that he'd sent me a message. (Er, random guy, not James) Matthew sent you a message. Subject: =^_^= "Um hey, I know it seems kinda odd that some random guy is friending you. But I had heard a little bit about you from James, and you sounded like a very interesting person. I would love to chat with you a bit, get to know you. I am known by many as Matt the Cat." ....lolokay. I added him, and sent him a reply to the effect of "ohhh okay. Yeah, I was wondering. That's cool, I added you." So we'll see. ...So is it bad that my first thought after reading the message was "oh god, not another one?" Cuz, well. You can probably see why I'd think that, lol. (And if you want to see this mystery person, he's the Matthew whoever I just added.) Just... lolok. Oh facebook. (Also, LOL @ CrazyCrazy adding us. But not Charity! lolwtf) |
| Sunday, January 4th, 2009 | |
| 9:19 pm | Sigh. I miss him already, and I'm still talking to him in im. I... feel like I should have seen this coming. I mean, nobody actually wants to date me, so why would it be different this time? (Not really looking for sympathy/whatev on that point. I mostly just needed to say it somewhere) I... I'm always the friend. I'm sick of always being the friend. I mean, I like friends, obviously. But more-than-friends is nice, too. I... I dunno if this is me picking up on something, or just be being hopeful (hope does spring eternal, and other such cliches), but it almost seems like he's backing out now before he gets too attached/before he gets hurt. Some of the things he said, and the way he said them sounds like that's at least part of it. (If that's the actual issue, then maybe that can be overcome eventually. Disinterest can't be, though.) I think I'm going to recruit Emmy into this. See if she can weasel it out of him. If it really is some variety of "I don't like you that way" then I'll deal. I mean, not much else I can do. I also have this strange feeling that we're gonna do this back and forth a few more times. Like, one of us will have one-sided feelings for the other, then we'll swap. 'Cause I think that's what happened. I invested some emotional energy into liking him but now he's backing off. I... I've never been dumped before. I dunno what I'm supposed to do now. I think we can still be friends, because we're still talking even after that convo. And now I get to do that thing where I know it's one-sided but I'm all "*sigh* <3 :3" anyway, and he knows it and and and. I kind of feel dumb for thinking... well, for thinking that I got to do this, too. Apparently, relationships are for other people. (Which is something that I've thought before, not just in a "baww I've been dumped" haze) I dunno. I thought he really liked me. And, I guess it was just in a different way. Which sucks 'cause I really liked him. Okay, past tense is a lie; I really like him. I wish I'd articulated that to him better. Maybe it would've made a difference. Maybe not. Probably not. But... it might've. Sigh. I can't even make myself mad at him, either. :\ And I can't make myself feel like it was a waste of time, even though I've been trying. I don't regret it or anything... except not going for the sex while I had the opportunity. :) But anyway. I'm trying. Trying to put a positive spin on this, trying to quiet my feelings back down (sorry guys, false alarm), trying not to get my hopes back up too high, trying to hope some anyway... Sigh. I don't even know who to talk to, or if I want to right now. I kind of want to pretend that this didn't happen, but I know that's a bad idea... I just. I wish I could fix it. |
| 4:25 pm | I've been making this face Heh. Heheheh. Went to see James yesterday. And now I feel like it's the day after band practice with all these sore muscles and such. Also, I have like Hickeyzilla. It's amazing and... really visible. Either I'm doing a good job hiding it with my hair, or my family's politely ignoring it. Hahaha. Good times. Also, curse your poor timing in asking James! Had you brought it up (err, so to speak, lawls) earlier, well... Uh, *cough*. Yeah, I dunno how much of that info you want, Stina. Haha. (Ultra short version: could've gotten some gotten some, except that due to timing, I just KNOW we would've been interrupted. So I figured it was less torturous to wait until another time, as opposed to being cockblocked by my mom calling. Yeah. 8D ) |
| Tuesday, December 30th, 2008 | |
| 11:53 pm | lol monthiversary* *I actually hate this word, and don't really get celebrating minor milestones, generally speaking, but. First boyfriend and all. I can a free pass on being a bit stupid. (And I'm really just like "oh neat" and being a hermit today for some reason. I blame TV Tropes.) |
| Monday, December 29th, 2008 | |
| 10:23 pm | Posting even MOAR. Because I can. So, I'm still mad at Meagan. I don't forsee me not being mad at her anytime in the near future, to be honest. I keep waiting to calm down so I can at least tell her that I'm mad at her and why, but every time I'm somehow reminded about it, I just get furious all over again. Let's see here. I mean, the homophobic comments were getting old anyway. This one was waaaaaaay over the top, though. And even worse (at least in the "just how mad am I going to be" department) is threatening my boyfriend. Oh no you didn't. (He's also very recently queer, and I don't want him having to deal with this bullshit right out of the gate, you know?) And besides, honestly? If you're threatening people with violence for "acting too gay," then I don't feel safe around you. What if I act too gay? Are you going to get violent with me? Do I think she actually would? I don't know. I'd like to think she wouldn't. But if someone can say things like that, I don't think it's in my or anyone's best interests to assume that they would never escelate. And she's kind of a hothead anyway. So while I normally would say she wouldn't, I... feel that caution is definitely better in this case. You know? I just tend to think that comments like that need to be taken seriously, no matter who they're from, because, well, us queer folks can't really afford to not take them seriously. At this point, I'm starting to wonder if it would even be worth it to try to maintain the friendship. I mean, I've been pleasantly surprised before (heh), but I don't think I'm going to change anything by bringing this up with her. I'll probably just make her mad at me and madder at him. And then I'd just have to cut a bitch, because seriously. And now I mostly just want to make sure she isn't anywhere near him, 'cause you know, threats and all. So yeah. Never piss off a Scorpio. Particularly when that Scorpio knows enough of your secrets to get you in deep shit. 'Cause, uh, we collect secrets for a reason. Just... I dunno. Not sure what I should do. |
| 7:34 pm | I guess I'll just keep posting here, since lj is laggier than dragon cave at the moment. (And lol, that is some serious lag. Also, 'Stina, did you manage to get a you-mas egg? Also, I want one of those leetle trees.) So... yeah. I realized earlier today that tomorrow James and I will have been dating (lol, so to speak, but you know what I mean) for a month. Which is kinda cool. Yeah. Also, his birthday is on Thursday. I have no idea what to get him, so I'm getting him food. Haha. So far my plan is waffle mix (he got a waffle iron for Stinamas), cocoa (for the lulz. He promised me cocoa when I went to his apartment, but never actually made me any), and some of those holiday white chocolate/peppermint hershey kisses ('cause they're delicious). And whatever else catches my eye when I go get this stuff. So yeah. You know, I didn't know whether I was supposed to get him a Stinamas present or not, so I ended up discussing it with my mom. We ultimately decided not to, since I didn't know what to get him. And also because I knew he was broke, and didn't want him to feel like he had to spend nonexistant money to get me something. But I could get him something for his birthday. And that's how it's working out. Which is cool. Also, have you have had something that smelled like someone you know? ...Like, my friend Alice gave me a Slytherin tie and it smelled like her/her room for a while. Stuff like that. It's actually really comforting. And the shirt I wore over to James's apartment no longer smells like him, and that's sad. XD Yeah, okay. Let me stop rambling about James now. Lawls. |
| 5:06 pm | Also, because I post when the hell ever I want, lol: Why is it that all the guys I've been interested in/have been interested in me have are named James? That is seriously the weirdest "type" ever. There's James-the-boyfriend, Creepy James, and they guy I had a crush on for forever's first name is actually James. What. the. hell. |
| 4:51 pm | So my comment prompted you to post, which prompted me to post. It's the circle of life or something. Whee. *blink* And then I promptly forgot what I wanted to talk about. But at least I won't say "prompt" anymore. Um um um, yeah. I wanted to randomly comment that I think another reason that my hormones decided to come back from vacation (I think they went to Disneyworld, lawls) is that, well, I finally have some use for them, y'know? We've probably randomly talked about this before, but I tend to downplay/ignore any crushes and such... because nothing ever happens. But since now I can has boyfriend*, I... I dunno. I actually have a use for those parts of my brain. (By the way, figuring out what to do with all this mess is... interesting. Augh. But a good augh, I guess.) *Which you can take as a sign of the Apocalypse, if you want. Haha. Okay, I dunno. I was going somewhere with this, but damned if I can remember where. I do have some random flailings that I wrote while trying to sleep a few days ago. Should I type them up y/n? (Also, lol I felt compelled to look up the "base" system, since I couldn't remember anything other than first being making out. Whoo hoo, second base. Lmao. 8D */tmi*) |
| Sunday, November 30th, 2008 | |
| 11:26 pm | Wow. Um, I did in fact just accidentally James. How about that. I think it's the power of Mudkip hat. |
| 11:08 pm | I think I'm in the midst of accidentally James. D-mobile. Twilley? idk. Oh god how did this get here I am not good with human emotions. |
| Monday, November 17th, 2008 | |
| 9:04 pm | Wow, I'm do glad that everyone here in the study lounge is, you know, studying, and not, oh I dunno, talking loudly so that I can hear their dumb voices through my music. (Rie Fu, help me refrain from murder.) (song: "Maybe they just don't give a damn." Well said Rie Fu. Well said indeed.) Also, apparently I cannot has sources. D: Maybe I'll have to change topics or something. Boo. |
| Tuesday, November 11th, 2008 | |
| 12:32 am | Lol, sorry guys, but you actually are loud this time. Really fucking loud. ...I mean, she's still a bitch, but. You know. Justified this time. :\ *tries hiding under blankets* |
| Sunday, November 9th, 2008 | |
| 8:56 pm | SECRET LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVERRRRRRRRRRR |
| Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 | |
| 5:55 pm | Am I a bad friend/person/unicorn for feeling Well, at least she voted at all, I guess. Current Mood: OMGWTF |
| Wednesday, October 1st, 2008 | |
| 12:35 pm | Dante’s Cat Inferno Or: “Out, out, brief cat!” First in the Ante-Inferno, where dwell The neutrals, those most unfortunate with allergies Who are condemned to wander vaguely about with the Sniffles whilst covered in the shed hair of many cats. Then in the first circle the virtuous pagans, Dogs who were not that bad, really, and Did not chase cats in life or chew upon them. These pretty good dogs who are not clawed In the face for all eternity. Then circle two, the lustful tomcats, Who now must caterwaul upon sharp fences Until the end of time, and must dodge the shoes And other objects which are thrown their way, But must always balance perfectly upon the cruel fence posts. And now the third circle, gluttons all. Those greedy cats Who ate the last of the tuna, and also those of the human race Who do not share their fine meals with those of a Feline persuasion. Now they all must remain In an unclean litter box for all eternity, and those Callous humans must forevermore scoop the poop. Now to circle four, the prodigal and miserly. The strays who wander afield from a house With good food and plenty of head scritches. And those stingy cats who will not share their Freshly caught prize, those delicious-looking Birds and mice. Now these must watch while others Enjoy the most excellent tuna and dead birds. Circle five, the wrathful, those wretched beasts Who picked fights in life to prove how tough they were Must now endure the torment of fluffy, belled collars Which jingle most shamefully, and are forced to wear those Ugly feline sweaters. Circle six, the home of the Arch-Herectics, Those most famous offenders against feline kind. Garfield and his zeal for lasagna, Nermal’s infernal cuteness, All these and more are confined to kitty carriers, Kept away from the rest of catkind. Circle seven, the violent, those especially Jerk-ish cats. They who pounce upon their fellow Cats unjustly. They who pounce upon themselves in despair. They who pounce upon the Food Givers. All must pounce Unceasingly until the end of days, but never catch a mouse or bird Or tiny lizard thing. The eighth circle, the circle of the dishonest and deceiving, Home to many cats. They who demanded at great length To be let out, only to immediately demand To be let back in. They who steal from the Plates of Food Givers and fellow cats and get caught. These dishonest creatures taunted to infinity by String just out of reach and doors that refuse to open. The final circle, home to the treacherous. The betrayers of catkind, the traitors to guests and Food Givers. The meanest of cats, they suffer the indignity of starring In an endless stream of cat macros. They are in Your fridge, eating your foods eternally, forever Showing you their Pokeymans, and making silly faces. |
| 4:06 am | So, uh, I think I'ma go for it, if it comes up again. :P This'll end well, I'm sure. *facepalm* |