Sigh. I miss him already, and I'm still talking to him in im. I... feel like I should have seen this coming. I mean, nobody actually wants to date me, so why would it be different this time? (Not really looking for sympathy/whatev on that point. I mostly just needed to say it somewhere) I... I'm always the friend. I'm sick of always being the friend. I mean, I like friends, obviously. But more-than-friends is nice, too.

I... I dunno if this is me picking up on something, or just be being hopeful (hope does spring eternal, and other such cliches), but it almost seems like he's backing out now before he gets too attached/before he gets hurt. Some of the things he said, and the way he said them sounds like that's at least part of it. (If that's the actual issue, then maybe that can be overcome eventually. Disinterest can't be, though.) I think I'm going to recruit Emmy into this. See if she can weasel it out of him.

If it really is some variety of "I don't like you that way" then I'll deal. I mean, not much else I can do.

I also have this strange feeling that we're gonna do this back and forth a few more times. Like, one of us will have one-sided feelings for the other, then we'll swap. 'Cause I think that's what happened. I invested some emotional energy into liking him but now he's backing off.

I... I've never been dumped before. I dunno what I'm supposed to do now. I think we can still be friends, because we're still talking even after that convo. And now I get to do that thing where I know it's one-sided but I'm all "*sigh* <3 :3" anyway, and he knows it and and and.

I kind of feel dumb for thinking... well, for thinking that I got to do this, too. Apparently, relationships are for other people. (Which is something that I've thought before, not just in a "baww I've been dumped" haze) I dunno. I thought he really liked me. And, I guess it was just in a different way. Which sucks 'cause I really liked him. Okay, past tense is a lie; I really like him. I wish I'd articulated that to him better. Maybe it would've made a difference. Maybe not. Probably not. But... it might've. Sigh.

I can't even make myself mad at him, either. :\ And I can't make myself feel like it was a waste of time, even though I've been trying. I don't regret it or anything... except not going for the sex while I had the opportunity. :)

But anyway. I'm trying. Trying to put a positive spin on this, trying to quiet my feelings back down (sorry guys, false alarm), trying not to get my hopes back up too high, trying to hope some anyway...

Sigh. I don't even know who to talk to, or if I want to right now. I kind of want to pretend that this didn't happen, but I know that's a bad idea... I just. I wish I could fix it.