||[Feb. 10th, 2004|05:33 am]
I'm a bit bemused by a certain person on my LJ friendslist. I've known them for several years now, and for awhile they were a fairly good, fairly close friend. They had some annoying aspects, but hey, what friend doesn't?
The fact is, it's becoming more and more obvious that we haven't been REAL friends in awhile now... and it's nothing to do with my lack of trying. I've looked at what there is, and come to some conclusions that range back quite some time.
First of all, this person apparently decided, quite some time ago, that internet fame was a whole lot more important than internet friendship. Friends spoken to online needed to learn to be expected to be turned aside at pretty much any and all times, and RP time was granted like a boon from the stars above. This wouldn't have been quite so galling if the projects that were causing this behavior really seemed to stir and motivate this person, and make them genuinely happy to do.
But no, they were doing it for the fame. Sure, they did a couple of things on the side, but these were always promoed out the wazzoo, hoping for fame from them, too. Hell, half the time they'd gripe about all their projects, how they just wished they could hurry up and get them all written/completed and over with and get the fans pleased. And always, always, the fans' reactions had to be considered... not stuff that's too adult, despite saying they want to put stuff in, that might scare off the non-hentai readers... no putting in overt yuri subtext though they admitted they thought it would have been really neat, because it might chase off the readers that didn't like that... and when they were doing a campaign for NWN that was going to contain some edgy, controversial material, OH GOD THE WHINING!
It was one of the few times they actually talked to me almost every day, and it was ALWAYS hand-wringing over the possible bad fan reaction to this and that. Gradually it got more and more toned-down, discarding this and that idea that the audience might find too objectionable, until the original concept, which had indeed been controversial but had also been sweeping, interesting, and heartbreaking, was a thin, pale shadow of its former self.
All to avoid pissing off the fans.
This is hardly the first time I've seen them be wishy-washy on things like artistic integrity. They're rabidly anti-RIAA... or should I say, rabidly bitchy about the RIAA. See, every time something they actually WANT comes out, suddenly it's okay to buy it even if it was from a source they were advocating a boycott of. ("I'm just supporting the projects I think are done well," is their justification.)
(Oh, and god forbid you should advocate boycotting something they don't... you'll get argued with and/or teased about it to no end.)
Oh, let's not mention the bitching they do about RP. They dump their RP partners for weeks, even months at a time to appease their fans with projects, but then suddenly it's "Hey, I'll wanna RP tomorrow! Oh, and I don't feel like using any of the characters you've RPed with before and thus might have some actual background and history with... no, I think I'm going to come up with a whole new concept requiring you to get to know it all over again, try to adjust to my odd and random desires for them, and then actually get some fun stuff done with them before I start griping and making you feel guilty for keeping me awake past my bedtime."
They're also such a fanlove-whore that they can't watch a frikkin' movie or spend a day playing games without going on their journal and to people they know and whining that they feel unproductive if they're not DOING something on one of their projects. (Which, of course, results in a deluge of LJ comments about "No, no, it's okay! We adore your works so much that we can't live without them, but we want you to be happy too, because we love you!")
Heh... reading that, it makes me wonder if I sound jealous or something, considering the serious lack of C&C I've gotten on my own efforts in the past year or so. But I don't think so. I'm honestly not one to be jealous of someone else's success... just the, I guess, abuse of success.
But, y'know, honestly? All that I can handle. I can deal with all that, just shrug, and say "Eh, well, that's just how they are."
But I'm getting really sick of the comments they make in my journal.
They've got this sneery, snarky little habit of referencing the posts I make about unbookmarking webcomics when I find them offensive or decide I'm tired of them. (Apparently, in their world, once you bookmark a comic, you are required to read it for the rest of its existence, or else you're being foolish and asking for derision.) In reference to utterly calm, normal posts about the subject where the most emoting I do might be a "*sigh*", they say I "ignite like a thermite grenade any time a sacred cow gets trotted out". It was already getting annoying when they did it every time I mentioned a comic doing something dumb or silly or stupid (and not even saying I'd stopped reading it, often enough), but now he's bringing it up in completely unrelated posts. In fact, I'm trying to decide if it's trolling, since the above was preceded with "It gives me a hearty chuckle when you".
Frankly, if it's not trolling, they're at the very least goading me. And I'm really frustrated and kind of hurt by this, because when they were starting the project I mentioned above, the one that would have been controversial, they were complaining to me that they wanted to have a character relate entirely in song, and they weren't good at poetry. I said I wasn't any great shakes either, but I'd written some from time to time, so offered to help them out. They agreed, enthusiastically. I spent hours working on just a handful of poems for events they wanted, going over them, working on them, and in the end I really liked a fair number of them, and presented the poems to them. Then I spent MORE time going over the poems trying to fit in the changes they wanted ("That's too blatant for the concept, I'm not sure about it." Right, can't scare off any fans.) In the end, all my hard work and promised credit was for naught, as the concept of the character speaking in song was scrapped... it might be difficult for people to get into, they said.
In any event, these comments really are starting to get my goat. It's to the point that I wonder if they're not doing the LJ friend version of the idiot macho guy act where you be an asshole so that your girlfriend breaks up with you instead of you breaking up with her. (No, I don't get it either, and yes, I think it's fucking stupid, too. I guess if the girl is the one to do the breaking-up, the guy doesn't have to bother trying to talk to her or be the bad guy, or what the hell ever.) I wonder if they're trying to make me mad enough at them that I -will- explode, rant at them, and take them off my friends list. That way THEY'RE the one with hurt feelings, THEY can get sympathy from their friends, and THEY don't have to be the "bad guy". But if they were to unfriend ME, why, I might ask why, and they might actually have to justify it and talk to me, and -I- might be the one with hurt feelings, and our mutual friends might say "Hey, why were you such a dick, huh? Friends for years, and now this?" Because it's not like we're just LJ friends, where we read entries and make a few comments. We've done lots of other stuff together, and had some conversations and such where we were actually doing some soul-baring, so it's not just a matter of "Boop, on my friends list. Boop, now you're not." "OMGWTF WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!"
Eh. I suppose it's entirely possible I'm being unreasonable and making something out of nothing, but their behavior really is starting to get to me... in part because it shows a serious lack of consideration. When I make posts about something they disagree with, they'll argue, snark, or even get into the area of outright mocking. But when they make posts about stuff I disagree with (amidst all the "Okay! I got two more conversations in this NWN campaign coded! Please tell me how much you're looking forward to it!" posts), I just let it be, or at least comment in a dignified manner. (They once responded to a post I made, about Michael Moore not qualifying for his Oscar, with nothing but a Penny Arcade comic about beating dead horses... probably, in part, because I've told them repeatedly that I dislike Penny Arcade.)
So, I dunno. Getting this put down somewhere where there's a very small chance of them finding it and wanking over it has helped, in part, just because I've been able to vent my spleen. So I guess unless they get REALLY trolltastic, or just keep at it, I'll hold out and not try to be the "goaded dumper".