July 23rd, 2006
|09:31 pm - Trent / Ian McKellen - A phonecall between lovers|
[Cross posted to ian_mckellen]
"The house is finally starting to look like its old self," Trent says to Poppy as he closes the music room door to keep the curious dog off the newly varnished floor. "Now I can ignore all the boxes still in the front room if you can," he smiles briefly until a picture in a small silver frame catches his eye. He picks it up ... a simple snapshot of Ian at home in his garden and carries it to his room.
Flopping down on the bed he makes room for Poppy and dials an international call.
( Ian is sitting in the garden... )
Current Mood: loved
July 8th, 2006
|04:31 pm - I am still alive!|
I got an email from a good friend worried how I'm doing. It prompted me to look at a calendar and realize I've done what I always end up doing ... burying my head in whatever project I have on the go and forget about everything else.
( I'm a creature of extremes .. )
May 26th, 2006
|09:01 am - May 25 - To a far away love on his birthday.|
[Delivered to ian_mckellen]
A heavy little box containing a small round wrought iron decal. It is obviously not new and looks quite weathered. There is also a letter that reads:
This year has gone by us so fast and we have spent so little of it together.
Please don't think I've lost it by sending you a piece of battered iron. A tree fell during the hurricane and took with it the balcony outside the bedroom. I remember sitting there with you in the green light under that tree ... it was before we really touched, but it was the start. There is a new balcony now and a new balustrade, but I'm sending you a little bit of the old one.
I love you Ian and hope you have a birthday filled joy.
April 27th, 2006
|11:15 am - Will I stay or will I go?|
I talked to my dog on the phone today. Might have been one of the best conversations I've had in a long time. Poppy makes more sense than a lot of the people in this fucked up city. I am seriously contemplating whether to bring her here or head home to New Orleans and scrape the mould off my life there. Or think of a totally different option...
I'm not too good at making decisions - if you haven't noticed already!
Current Mood: woof
April 1st, 2006
|07:06 pm - With you in your small corner and I in mine.|
Ever been bombarded by white noise to the point where you feel like clawing your own skin to make it stop ... and suddenly it does. The silence is so profound you feel encased in it.
The tour ended weeks ago and I simply sat around unsure how to deal with my time.
I just turned my computer on for the first time since being on the bus to let those who give a damn know I'm still here and am starting to find my voice again.
February 25th, 2006
|10:47 pm - An easier time? ... Trent Reznor / Robin Finck|
[NB: Robin Finck is an NPC of Trent's - munned in this by owlgrey]
“I’m sick of this fuckin’ shit!” The shout reverberated down to the front of the tour bus.
“What’s up his ass?” one of the road crew complained.
“Nothing … that’s the problem. He’s just being a total cock sucking drama queen again,” the other answered and they both laughed and clinked their bottles together.
Jeordie shook his head and growled, “You wouldn’t have a fucking job if it wasn’t for that ‘cock sucker’.” Before giving them a chance to reply he walked to the back of the bus to find Trent. He knew this side of Trent. During the ‘Spiral’ tour when Jeordie had been part of Manson’s crew, he’d seen Trent do this time and time again … except Robin was there then.
He grabbed Trent by the arm and dragged him into one of the bunks with the gentle words, “Come on man, get some rest. Just remember I’m not into guys okay.” Trent didn’t argue and lay quietly next to Jeordie; the other man’s arm around his waist.
( [Woodstock ‘94] )
February 14th, 2006
|10:46 pm - Letter to Ian|
[Hand written letter delivered by courier to ian_mckellen]
My dear Ian,
Sometimes I am so proud of you I can't breathe. Why you're interested in me I just can't fathom ... but you are and that gets me through some pretty major doubt. I wish I could have been there to see you get your award - I would have been the one at the back being threatened with ejection for cheering loudly.
I love you so much and I will see you very soon.
Current Mood: proud
January 23rd, 2006
|10:44 am - Patrick Stewart/Ian McKellen/Trent Reznor - A Hard Day's Knight ,17 Jan|
[Crossposted to the journals of ian_mckellen and patrick_stewart]
[Backdated to Jan 17]
Ian loved the gig; he can't wait to introduce Patrick and Trent … he is sure they will get on famously. He sees a familiar figure approaching them, a shy smile on his face.
"Trent ...." He pulls him into a long hug. "That was sensational; you guys were on fire up there tonight.” Turning, he pulls Patrick towards them. "Let me introduce you, Trent this is Patrick Stewart, a very old and very dear friend who I've known for nearly as long as you've been around. Patrick, this is Trent, a not so old but nevertheless dear friend of mine."
( He steps back slightly and watches their reactions. )
January 12th, 2006
|09:42 am - Email to Jesse Bradford|
[ Reply to this email.]
Subject: RE: Made the choice to go away, drink the fountain of decay
Hey man I’m so fucking sorry I took so long to reply. Stupid thing is I was so relieved to hear from you, that you’re okay, but at the time my head was definitely in the wrong place. I thought a lot about some of the things you said … so much so that I thought I had answered them! Then I looked in my inbox and there was no little replied arrow next to your name.
( Your email worried me … )
Current Mood: worried
January 2nd, 2006
|11:58 pm - Tour Bus Task - Trent Reznor / Kevin Spacey|
[Takes place as a result of this task. Warning: Minor blood play]
[Cross posted to k_spacey's journal]
Trent had propped his cell phone on the pillow before he started. Now, knowing he was getting close he reached up and blindly fumbled with the keypad until he found and hit the send button. One hand moved desperately along his cock while the other returned to scratching a bloody furrow on his chest ... all the while listening for the voice on the other end of the phone.
( "Hello..." )
January 1st, 2006
|03:02 am - Happy New Year!|
The gig was fucking awesome and I'm high as a fucking kite. Jeordie keeps trying to close my computer and make me join the party ... but I have to let people know I love them, cos I do.
Off to play now ...
Current Mood: high
Current Music: our stuff and other crap
December 30th, 2005
|07:53 pm - An email to Ashley - almost|
Thank you for the offer to talk, I really appreciate it. I scared the shit out of myself after I sent that last email to
Spacey Kevin. I guess I was drunk and had been dwelling on something a friend said to me in an email. Something about Kevin being a gutter hound ... it made me question myself.
( I know I want him ... )
Current Mood: confused
December 28th, 2005
|07:33 pm - Out of hiding.|
When I tour for a long time I go a little insane ... okay, a LOT insane.
So the few days off for Christmas were spent in hiding to 'come down' and get my head together. I spoke to my dog on the phone (via my sister), but that was the only 'human' contact I've allowed myself. I spent my time re-aquainting myself with a piano I don't end up smashing, re-reading some beautiful letters, considering a possible contact and trying to figure out how the hell to talk to people in a normal way. I failed miserably with the last one.
I'm back on the bus again in a couple of days ... the other musicians out there know what that means ... so does someone else.
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: the echo of piano strings
December 23rd, 2005
|07:43 pm - Reply to Spacey|
[Reply to this email]
Subject: Re: I am waiting!!!
You'll get your reply ... I'm worth waiting for (so I've been told).
Current Mood: Not quite drunk enough
Current Music: Band party next door
November 26th, 2005
|08:48 pm - Home to messages|
[Happens a few days after this]
Trent throws his keys on the hall table and heads straight down the hall to his room. He's still not used to this house ... it seems too empty. His bag is left on the floor to be unpacked later and he flops down on his bed, still comfortably wrapped in the past few days. No-one knew where he was and he liked it that way.
( several minutes of indulgence is all he knows he can spare... )
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: voicemail
November 20th, 2005
|09:58 pm - Warm skin next to his ... Trent Reznor / Ian Mc kellen|
[Cross posted to ian_mckellen's journal]
Warm skin next to his ... it's the first sensation Trent is aware of as he starts to wake. He rubs his nose lightly against the neck of the sleeping form in front of him enjoying the touch and smell before he tries to open his eyes. In the pale light of the room Trent can just make out Ian's silver hair and snuggles a little closer letting his arm tighten around Ian's chest. Ian's appearance worried him; he looked tired and drawn last night even though he denied anything was wrong. Trent presses his lips to the curl of Ian's ear and settles protectively at his back.
( He can feel Trent ... )
Current Mood: Blessed
Current Music: quiet
November 17th, 2005
|09:03 pm - "What if Ian isn't pleased I’m on the doorstep ..." Ian Mckellen / Trent Reznor|
[Cross posted to ian_mckellen's journal]
Standing at the closed door Trent suddenly wonders if this was the right thing to do. What if Ian isn't pleased I’m on the doorstep ... or worse, what if Ian has someone else with him? At the last thought he almost turns away and goes home, but coming here took courage and he knows he has to see it through. Before he has the chance to back out, Trent lifts his hand and knocks on the door.
Lying on the couch, Ian hears the knock and drearily gets to his feet. It's been a long few weeks. The constant to-ing and fro-ing back to London and LA is getting ... boring.
( If it's the fucking Jehovah Witnesses ... )
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: All the love in the world
November 6th, 2005
|09:54 pm - Need|
Another set of shows cancelled.
I'm so fucking sick of this fucking tour stuffing up ... I need a new drummer, I need the fucking hurricanes to stop ...
I need to see Ian.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: nothing
|09:30 am - Worried email|
I have put off emailing you because I didn't really want to drag you into all this, but ... I haven't heard from Kevin for quite a while and was wondering if everything is okay. He hasn't replied to my last email
about my checklist.
Please don't tell him I asked.
Current Mood: scared
Current Music: Life on Mars - Bowie
October 19th, 2005
|08:56 pm - Sober|
I feel like a fucking idiot ... and my head hurts. After spending the night passed out on the floor I discover I wasn't too drunk to type.
I worried Ian, but I'm too embarrassed to call him. He keeps telling me I'm not a screw up and I keep proving him wrong.
Spacey answered ... I'm not sure what to make of it. He hasn't contacted me about my checklist - is that good or bad?