Elias and Rupert look to the future (current)
It’s not a scene. Elias had stressed that detail when he’d asked Rupert to dinner. It’s not a scene, and yet the itch is there, under his skin. So tempting to scratch. They’ve talked. Small talk mostly. A bit more detail about their work. They’ve made it through ordering their food, sharing an appetizer, sipping their drinks. Their food is being delivered now. Elias is going mad.
Looking at his plate, he can’t quite meet Rupert’s eyes. “What would you say if I asked you to kneel for me. Now?” Rupert’s ordered a steak with steamed vegetables; something Elias can easily hand feed him. Wants to hand feed him.
Rupert's stomach turns over. He wants to ask Elias whether he has a future at his feet, whether it is possible for him, Rupert, to slot into Elias' life. He wants to tell Elias that the new scars on his back, made by Olivier, were put there against his wishes, he wants to tell Elias what happened but only if this man, this Sir, actually wants him. If not? Then he will keep his own council and say nothing.
"I would very much like to kneel for you, sir." He whispers and slides down to his knees. It is so easy.
Looking at the big man on his knees just because Elias asked for him to be there, well it’s enough to make Elias’ breath catch. Swallowing thickly, he nods. “You look good there...” He shifts forward, leaning to trail his fingertips over Rupert’s jaw. There’s a tension knotting the muscles. A holding back. “Tell me what you’re thinking?”
"Sir ... I need to know whether I am more than a peccadillo to you, because ... " Rupert is drawn so tightly, he is terrified of rejection but the time is now. He has to know if there is a way for him to fit into the place he has here, by Elias' side No more dissembling, no more pretending he doesn't need what he wants. Christ, he is terrified. "I need you to be honest with me."
Elias opens his mouth to answer, frowning. Snaps it shut again and thinks a moment, fingers still gently caressing Rupert’s jaw, down his throat. “What exactly do you mean by peccadillo?” Oh, Elias knows what it means, but if that’s what Rupert is really intending, if that’s what he believes, that he’s something so trivial, that he’s some sort of flawed aberration in Elias’ life? Fuck.
Shutting his eyes, enjoying the touch, Rupert takes a breath.
"Is this, what we've done more than just ships that pass in the night? Because I don't think I can ... Sir ... Are you interested in keeping me in your life?"
Not quite so bad as what Elias had feared. His fingers stray down to Rupert’s throat. “I’m having dinner with you because I wanted more than... “ Elias sighs, and starts again, more directly. “Yes, I do want something solid with you. But my relationship with Hank isn’t going to change. I don’t know how you feel about sharing space in my life with him.”
Rupert frowns. "You love this guy, right?" Rupert intends to keep running from the part of him that yearns to love and be loved. That way lies madness and destruction. "I would be your boy, not your lover." And Elias would have to be deaf not to hear the wistfulness in Rupert's tone.
He hears it, but Elias’ brain flips it around. Completely misinterprets it. His chest gone tight, Elias draws back, hands in his lap. “Even as big a presence as Hank is, I’d have to have a fucking small heart to be capable of loving him only. If emotional attachment is a problem then we’d be better backing away now, because I don’t think I’m capable of going into anything deeper without...”
Hang on. Rupert needs Elias to explain that last remark. Does that mean he is more to Elias than just his boy.
"Elias?" Rupert moves close, reaches for his hand. " Is there more? On the table?" He barely dares to breathe.
Fingers closing around Rupert’s, Elias gives him a wavery smile. “I think there is. You want that, then, eh?”
"Yes, but I am so fucking scared but yes. I want to mean something to someone, I want someone to mean something to me but ... What will Hank say about me showing up in your life?"
Good question. “We’ve always had an open relationship,” Elias answers with more ease than he actually feels. Yes, it’s always been open, but they’ve never been on such tremulous terms. Elias tugs at Rupert’s hand, coaxing him closer. “I think since we’re both looking at something more permanent here I’d like you to meet him.”
Rupert winds his arms around Elias' waist. Still on his knees, he wishes he was smaller. "I would like that, very much but if he tries to thump me, I should warn you," he grins. "I box."
Elias arches a brow and reaches around Rupert to cut up the boy’s steak. “Just to be clear, the only thumping is going to be done by me.” He offers Rupert a bite with his fingers.
Delicately, Rupert takes the piece of meat. He is careful not to let his mouth touch Elias' hand more than is necessary. The look in his Sir's eye decides him. The thing about Olivier must wait. If Elias decides that it changes everything, Rupert would like to have this time to remember how close he was to being Elias' boy.
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