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Monday, December 15th, 2003
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8:32 am - IF YOU KNEW ME
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IF YOU KNEW ME ©copywrite
If I wrote beautiful poetry
words that could touch you in ways
you've never been touched before...
...phrases that would open a part of you
once echoed in silence...
You would appreciate me then,
perhaps even admire me a little.
If I could sculpt the pain and beauty
that have sculpted me...
Maybe, just maybe...
you could see and understand my love.
But, if I told you the truth of my life
...that I love women...
Would that make me any less a woman;
in your eyes...
or you any less a person;
in mine?
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8:30 am
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In pursuit of excellence, each one of us is obligated to live our life without precedent or design. We arise each day to act out our own dramas, write our own individual novels. We must prepare for this daily act of creation in much the same way an athlete trains for an upcoming event. The basic skills are all important. The ability to do the basics then determines the outcome.
In facing life, no one knows exactly what is going to happen, what is going to be needed or where the search will lead. The best we can do is prepare.
Some of the fundamentals are energy, reason and logic. These are all necessary for everyday living. When we train ourselves in the basics of living, we are ready for whatever comes we are then able to live each day, fill each hour, and grapple with any critical moment.
Why do we do anything? What motivates us? Our lives depend upon it. We find out who we really are when we do what we love. Finding out who we are means finding out what are limits are and we have to test ourselves to do that.
I “do” because my life in all its aspects depends on it.
Getting to know someone is like peaking an onion. It takes layers and layers.
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| Sunday, December 14th, 2003
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8:30 am - My Philosophy of D/s
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- D/s, the power exchange between two people is a fundamental source of erotic excitement
- D/s is a logical extension towards sensual pleasures and erotic sexuality.
- D/s is a powerful, positive force in my life.
- The exchange of trust and power is done to produce physical and emotional pleasure to both parties. This includes that they agree to what they’re doing, and to what they want.
- Trust is the universal key to a D/s relationship.
- An exchange of power.
- I see my sexuality as a gift from a higher power, and D/s is just a logical extension towards sensual pleasures.
- This relationship takes place by awareness.... safe, sane, and consensual.
- Intellectually and an enlightening experience.
- Exploring what your power is. The more power you give away, the more power you must have. You can’t give away what you don’t have.
- A bottom, who is in the right frame of mind, knows that she has great power and they give it as a gift, with full trust that the Top will always respect and appreciate the gift of vulnerability.
- A bottom must trust that the Top will take care of everything, and that they will watch over them during every step of the scene.
- As a Top, I’m interested in people giving me their power. I don’t need to take it from them, or rip it from them. I don’t need to put them down to elevate myself. My rush of D/s comes from their gift to me.
- The power of being in a position to teach, train, and care for someone.
- I want to see them succeed.
- I Provide guidance.
- It’s a playful relationship.
For me, D/s is an art form. It is the psychological, emotional, physical, and when perfected, spiritual, mutual and consensual exchange of power which forever transforms its participants, deepening and expanding the experience of love, loving making and of life itself. The incredible freedom created by the perfection of trust in D/s can actually transcend the physical plane limitations of our world.
D/s is the beautiful art form which, more than any other form of relating, accomplishes true communion between spirits. It has been my honor to take my subs into this infinite and boundless realm, consequently to be brought there myself. D/s is a world of honor, order, discipline, respect and integrity.
Dignity, respect, fairness, and empowerment, are my personal tenets. The relationship between the sub and the Top is nothing without trust. In my mind, the sub is the most important part of the D/s relationship, not in terms of status, but in terms of her willingness, and fervent desire to allow her Top to take her beyond the scope of her experience. The Top and the sub consensually establish boundaries, and it is the willingness and the deep trust on the part of the sub, and the skill, wisdom, and expertise of the Top which dictate the success and the longevity of the relationship
The success of the relationship is in large part due to one thing: how badly the submissive wishes to make their Top happy and how far they will go to win all of the Top' love. The deeper the trust and love between them, the wider the boundaries tend to be, until, in the end, there are no boundaries, only the true communion of spirits.
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| Saturday, December 13th, 2003
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9:36 am
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Butch/Femme is a state of mind.....a state of BEING
current mood: hungry
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9:18 am - Soulmates
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A soulmate is someone who has the locks that fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks our true selves come out and we can be completely and honestly who we are. We can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. No Matter what else goes on around us, with that one person we are safe in our paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons and together our direction is up, chances are we have found the right person. Our soulmate is the one that makes life come to life. ~~R.Bach
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9:16 am
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M'ai vous ai dit qu'aujourd'hui que je t'aime
Ayez I donné vous la raison de sourire
Juste un contact de ma main
Et vous comprendrez comment je me sens
current mood: Determined
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| Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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9:38 am - Common Denominator
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We recognize this in each other
like some sort of scent, a brand, a heartbeat
that only we can hear...
feel when we see each other...
when we talk to each other.
It's something that crosses those life's personal problems
that crop up from time to time,
which fade in time as we all
learn and grow as human beings.
we should try to hold on to
as much as possible...
is a deep well of passionate mutual love and respect...
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9:33 am - One of the many favorite book passages
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'At that moment the bar door opened and everyone fell silent.
Standing in the doorway was a mountain of a woman. She wore a
black leather jacket unzipped. Her chest was flat, and it was clear
that she wasn't wearing a binder. Her jeans were low slung, unbelted.
She carried her riding gloves and her helmet in one hand. Rocco.
Her legend preceded her.
I glanced over at Edna. She was lost in memory I couldn't see.
I watched their faces as they saw each other for the first time in
years. I looked back and forth as though this was a tennis match
and I didn't want to miss a stroke. I could feel how much they
loved each other.
'Hello Rocky,' Edna said quietly. It sounded like a line from a movie.
'Hello Edna,' Rocco answered in a deep timber. Their faces were close
to each other and to mine. I could see the beard stubble on Rocco's chin
and cheeks.
Jan told me that Rocco had been beaten up so many times nobody could
count. The last time the cops beat her she came close to dying. Jan heard
that Rocco had taken hormones and had breast surgery. Now she worked
as a man on a construction gang. Jan said Rocco wasn't the only he-she
who'd done that. It was a fantastic tale. I'd only half believed it, but it
haunted me. No matter how painful it was to be a he-she, I wondered what kind of
courage was required to leave the sex you'd always known, or to live
so alone.
I wanted to know Rocco. I wanted to ask her a million questions. I wanted to
see the world through her eyes. But most of al, I wanted her to be different
than me. I was afraid to see myself in Rocco.
I watched Edna's face. She held herself with such strength and dignity it made
the pain she tried to conceal all the more obvious. I couldn't tell if she was
reaching to touch Rocco's cheek or if I was just reading Edna's mind. I
trembled at my nearness to two such powerful women.
Rocco touched Edna's elbow. Edna rose and led Rocco to a table in the
backroom. I sat alone, shaken. I felt left out, jealous. I hungered for the
attention of both women. As I stole a glance back at Edna, I longed
for her to look at me that way. I wished I was so powerful that a glimpse
of me could shake the leaves from her branches. And I wanted Rocco
to be my friend, to reveal all the secrets of the universe we revolved in.
I wanted her as a home to come home to when I wasn't strong.
I strained to read their body language as they talked.
Rocco stood up. Edna held onto Rocco's leather lapesl. Their lips
touched briefly, then Rocco turned to go. I wished Rocco could have
seen the look on Edna's face after her back was tured. It might have
meant a lot to her.
Rocco was headed toard me to go out the door. I searched my brain
to think of something to say to make her stop and talk. Maybe the
pained look on my face made her pause in front of me. She asked me
a question with her eyebrows. I couldn't find words to say what I wanted;
I'm not sure I even knew.
For just one moment, doubt flickered across Rocco's face. I saw her
guard begin to go up. I coldn't think of what to do, so I extended my hand
to her. She looked at it, then she glanced at my other hand, all
bandaged and looking like a part of a robot. As she shook my hand
she nodded -- I'll never know why. And then she left the bar.'
pp 96: Leslie Feinberg, Stone Butch Blues, Firebrand Books, Ithaca, New York, 1993.
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9:06 am - The Butch-Femme Dance
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I often ask myself if two souls can truly collide. Two souls uniting and becoming one. Then I saw her standing there. Her radiant beauty transmitting through her eyes, her inner beauty shining through, as clear as the dew in the morning. Her eyes reflecting the light, allowing me in ever so gently. Her inner strength, her passions, her dreams, her desires, I gaze at her adoringly; I stare at her intently, if only to catch a glimpse. Our eyes meet across the dance floor. Penetrating each others soul. I flash a cocky grin, she returns with a vibrant smile. I slowly walk towards her dressed in my black tuxedo; she in an elegant gown, her shy smile catches me off guard. I lean down, as she is sitting at her table, and whisper to her, ' May I please have this dance?’ She graciously takes my hand, as I place it in my arm, we walk arm and arm to the dance floor. Slowly I take her into my arms, as we slow dance to a tune that we will call our own. We softly whisper words to each other; I hear no music, only her sweet words. Her breath upon my neck, I look into her eyes, smiling in wonder, how this beautiful lady is touching my soul with a mere glimpse. We dance till the sun comes up, and feel the rays of light touch us, or is it the love that has embraced my heart, my soul? Is she the one that will be my eternal flame, my eternal light?
She has captured my heart with her words, her smile, and her soul. This is our beginning, the beginning of our souls connecting, bringing us together as one. We will forever dance the eternal dance.
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