You guys, small children are hilarious
. Especially when you don’t particularly like the person who’s supposed to be looking after them and they’re smart enough to be naughty on command.
My mum had a go on my cousin’s quad bike. She got about five metres and ran straight into his van. His parked van. I cried laughing.
Then I went to Dublin and drank for four days straight. I had the best tickets ever for the match. Seriously, I found the seat, looked up and assumed I was in the wrong place.( I took so many pictures )
My friend got right up close to one of the Cork players and asked if she could take a picture of him. He told her to fuck off. I’m sure no Kerry player would have done that!
Then there was alcohol. Lots of it. Things to know about Dublin:
1) When you get kicked out of a pub in Temple Bar for throwing fruit at someone wearing a Dublin shirt (look, they had oranges in a bowl with a sign saying ‘please take one!’ What did they think
was going to happen?) you get kicked out of every pub in Temple Bar, because they all have radios.
2) When you get kicked off a Dublin bus for being drunk, you can just get the next one. At about four or five in the afternoon oh God.
3) You can’t get served while wearing a Kerry shirt. You have to give a friend your money for the round.
Sunday night was crazy, because all the football people were still out. We ended up between a group of Cork boys and a group of Kerry boys. They had a dance off. An actual dance off. I’ve never seen one before.
We got a hold of one of the little Kerry make up packs that give you a stripe of green and gold face paint, and we went up to every red shirt in the club, told them they had something on their face and then swiped them. One of them took a swing at Ash and I had to put him in a head lock to get him off her.
We got two apartments between us, and on Monday night I was out with the girls in the other one. I had to leave the door unlocked for the ones in mine, and as soon as I went to sleep they sneaked in and turned every stick of furniture except the bed I was in upside down.
I slept through the whole thing.