Shallow Kid

11:33AM - Best "Twilight" review of the day

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Twilight-Rant-They-ve-Got-It-All-Wrong-10945.html

I wanted to post choice bits but the whole thing is just too delicious.

And for those who want to lol but aren't planning on seeing the movie any time soon, muchos spoilers.

ETA: I just called my local theater, which is normally full of extreme fail, and they have Twilight listed as a horror movie lololololol

7:24AM - Small fappings on the horizon

Entertainment Weekly, the magazine that's been up Twilight's ass for the past several months posted a wanky complaint about the movie "Bolt" which basically reads as OMG I AM SO SICK OF "BOLT" YOU GUIZE. FUCK ABC FOR SHOVING THIS SHIT DOWN OUR THROATS. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE AMIRITE!?

Commenters respond along the lines of SHUT UP, EW, YOU'RE ONE TO TALK WHAT WITH YOUR TWILIGHT OBSESSION. WE'RE SICK OF THAT SHIT, YO.

Doubtful that it'll grow. I can't imagine EW responding to the comments.

ETA and sort of unrelated: Okay, I'm mildly fond of my mom and I appreciate that she passed on her love of reading but ... she reads crap. She thinks Eragon is awesome, big Iris Johansen fan, thought The Host was good, etc. You get the idea.

I'm ... a bad person and I'm thinking of setting her up with Twilight. Just to see what would happen. She likes sucky books and she doesn't have a romantic bone in her body, and really she's sort of a passive/aggressive asshole and I want to see what Twilight will do to my mom, okay? For science. I want to see if she'll throw it at my head or if she'll become a Twimom. Am I a bad person?

11:05PM - In further "Poor RPattz" news ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y6MDUx3v34 From him appearance in Chicago. Don't even bother to watch it, though. I watched the first four minutes and it is just a SOLID WALL OF SCREAMING GIRLS. FOR AT LEAST FOUR MINUTES. Maybe more, I dunno, I'm not that patient.

Poor Kristen, too. Surrounded by beefy security guys and practically being chased by screaming fangirls. Jeez. :/

Remember Nuttymadam? She'd like to sing y'all a song.

9:54PM - More sadness

Guy rips off marriage proposal from Twilight.

Short version: These two knuckleheads started dating in high school and have been together for seven and a half years. The girlfriend became obsessed with Twilight and this made her behave like a sixteen-year-old girl, apparently, which the boyfriend found awesome. He went in search of the books so he could read them as a surprise for her and came away with just the third, Eclipse. A while later he stumbles across Bella's engagement ring, buys it (I'm assuming the expensive version) and a new bedframe (to match the infamous Bed of Dry Humpings?) and recreates the scene where Edward proposed to Bella.

It's weird but ALMOST romantic in a non-horrible way until ...

Her reaction was dissimilar to Bella’s -- she screamed and nodded and said “Oh my Cullen!” a lot

At least she didn't say "Oh my Edward" ...?

4:56PM - Interview with RPattz

This woman is mad! Oh god, the last part of that interview made me lol so hard because he's so dead on. It's amazing.

9:54PM - Rly?

32 miles per gallon

Created by The Car Connection

7:17AM - *snigger*

http://www.pr-inside.com/rupert-grint-a-fan-of-the-r804981.htm

Interrupted by his phone ringing, Rupert quickly answered it as we waited around. After replying to the text message, we found out that Rupert recently lost a bet to actor Robert Pattinson, who was once part of the Harry Potter cast in a previous film, and insisted that Rupert read the bestselling book. Rupert is now "stuck reading 'Twilight'" and that Rob was just texting him to see how far along he was getting.

Rupert admitted he had only read the first five chapters of the bestselling book and we just informed him that there were three more books in the series. "No, really, are you serious? I thought there was just this one book?" Only now realizing he has to read three more, Rupert took his phone out and sent another message to Rob. By the looks of things, we can bet it wasn't a very pleasant message.

3:11PM

Twilight fans can be huge dickheads, News at 11.

10:41PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Eleven

IT'S OVER! WE WIN!

12:18PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Ten

( If this is true love, please, God, let me die alone. )

10:28PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Nine

Loving Edward Cullen means never having to worry that your psychiatric care is sub par.

2:53PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Eight

( My soul is dying. )

9:12PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Seven

(Fake cut)

9:13AM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Six

( Stealing the house key of someone you hardly know is only code for I LOVE YOU! )

6:55AM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Five

Let the creeptasic journey begin!

11:43PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Four

( Someone get this boy a valium! )

Also, Ooohhh, BURN.

9:51PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Three

Thank you, bb, you are a lifesaver. The candy kind!

5:31PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter Two

( Into the chagrin. )

12:02PM - Midnight Sun: Chapter One

I imagine the other ones will be shorter than this since hopefully subsequent chapters won't hurt my mind so much. I really, really hate this. It was blah the first time I read it. This time around it's murderously dull. ETA: They're not significantly shorter. Sorry. My half isn't, anyway. caco is a lot moar concise than I am.

( Unnngghhh. )

10:14PM - ... Eh?

http://www.twilightguy.com/2008/06/17/twilightguys-report-mr-and-mrs-cullen/

"I was walking into work one day when a woman came running around to my desk, yelling for me. She had just finished the Twilight series, and had absolutely gone insane when she found out i had the last name of Cullen (she's new, you see).

She was convinced to win my heart, and every day left "blood" red velvet cake, asking me to go out with her. Eventually I did go out with her, and we actually fell in love.

We were married a year later. I got the love of a wife, and what did she get?

The name: Rosalie Cullen."

... no, seriously. Eh?