| suki |
[10 Feb 2005|11:24am] |
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I've been keeping a notebook, so I haven't posted here in a while. Not that anyone reads this, but it might be good to try and keep this alive for a little while, ne?
Things have been quiet. Fuuma's gone to college, and I'm in my last year of high school. But I never imagined that things would be like this.. I never thought, not for a second, that it would be this lonely. He hasn't come home for two months now (he still calls me alot), and the bed has started to lose what little smell of him that it has left. Maybe I sound like a whiny little girl for doing shit like this to him, but I've got this idea.. I can stop taking my meds, and see what happens.
Then he'll have to come back. He'll have to come back.
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| still early |
[30 Mar 2004|10:06am] |
Subaru called me at seven this morning to wake me up.. it was actually kind of strange that he would do that, but Fuuma wasn't pleased. He kinda rolled over and hung up. XD
So, uhhh, about a half hour later when I could see again, I called him back, and he told me to write in my journal. It sometimes makes me wonder why and how we get along the way we do.. well, it's not very important.
I'm going to buy some calligraphy brushes and paper today. I know they're expensive, but I know it'll be okay.
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[11 Mar 2004|04:02pm] |
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My journal name suddenly strikes me as uncreative. Well shit.
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[08 Feb 2004|11:32am] |
Wah, I'm not really sick anymore! For the past week or so I've been out.. it's been really cold. Kaasan let me sleep in her bed for a while, but eventually she and tousan had to use it, ne? I got sent back to my room, and Fuuma tried to sleep on the floor.
Nai.
So I wound up smooshing him when I "fell" off the bed. Hehe.
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| when it costs too much |
[31 Jan 2004|05:10am] |
I don't feel so good.. and i still can't stand up long without wanting to collapse into a noodle.. my stomach aches so much sometimes I just don't want to breathe anymore.
It's so cold in here and I'm so hungry but I cant eat anymore help
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| indoor crazy place for children |
[28 Jan 2004|10:24am] |
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Did you ever read about the big church towers in Rome and France, and then take a long look at Tokyo? Sometimes it's scary the way we try to copy everything. I won't say that we Japanese aren't really creative and everything; we are, but somehow I know that the gaijin who come here know it isn't the same. I've naturally got light colored eyes and brown hair.. sometimes people mistake me for one of those, and while it's embarassing, maybe it's easier that way.
People are much more forgiving if they know you're crazy, and look like a gaijin. They feel bad for you.
Maybe I shouldn't take advantage of that. >.>
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| strange tastes in men |
[26 Jan 2004|12:01pm] |
I had some pickles and fake bacon bits for lunch. It was pretty good, but I want miso soup damnit. One time I said to Fuuma that we should go live on the beach and make all our own stuff so that we don't get old.. he said that everybody does some time, but I'm not sure I'm ready to believe him.
Sorry if that does sound dramatic and all, I'm really not feeling like I'm about to destroy the world with my flaming sword of power or anything. hehe.. flaming sword.
I found this kitty plushie on the ground today. It was probably from one of those vending machines, and someone got lucky and got it out. Maybe it's a little dirty, but it's sad to leave a kitty out in the cold.. :(
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| p.s. |
[20 Jan 2004|12:00pm] |
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I'm writing something. It's kinda neat. (Don't be angry with me)
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[19 Jan 2004|12:15am] |
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mood |
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pleased |
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music |
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Beethoven - Ghost |
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When I was younger, my father used to make me listen to all manner of classical music. We would sit on the boat and he would turn on his old Sony radio. It was all beat up and scratchy, but I liked it. He put on Tchaikovsky or Mozart or Handel.. and say in his big grown up voice, "Kamui, you need to know classical music, because it's a sign of a smart man when he knows one from the other." Then he'd take a long drag from his cigarette, smile like he was in the middle of watching Swan Lake, and relax. Though the day was never done until long after the sun went down, he would always relax when listening to his music.
Today, I was wandering around. I passed by a ballet school.. I think it was called "Ana's School of Dance", or something. I could hear this song playing, even from outside, so I wandered in, and watched. There were all these girls there, a few years younger than me, floating by the window and twirling impossibly around on their toes past the mirror.
I wish I could do that. It seems so hard, but maybe I could forget about everything if I could walk on nothing but the tips of my toes. Maybe it would be like flying, you know? That sounds like the best thing for me to do..
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| poison berries |
[14 Jan 2004|10:53am] |
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... I just dropped my bowl of eggdrop soup and there is an eggy-bacony-steamy mess all over the floor. Goddamnit. ;;
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[14 Jan 2004|08:19am] |
I'm really hungry. And I won't say sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining, because I am. Sometimes I just lay in bed and wonder if it's worth it to get up, drag myself to the kitchen, and do something about that, but kaasan might catch me and start on a long tirade about the school thing. I hate that.
When did I ever stop smiling at her? I can't say that Tokyo has made her cold.. she was like that before. Maybe I was different, too, but I always wondered why she stopped smiling at me after we came here. Was I not such a bother when I was younger?
...I think I scare her, maybe..
On my birthday, you know, I think she was really scared. I don't know why. I wasn't being strange as far as I knew, and even though it was just the two of us, I wasn't unhappy. But she looked at me and saw something awful..
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[12 Jan 2004|09:04am] |
I'm too tired to go to school. You ever wonder why anyone really ever has the willpower to go in the first place? If it's not fun, and you aren't getting paid, is the only good reason for going so that you don't disobey? That doesn't seem like a good enough reason for me.
Fuuma is going to be pissed that I skipped again. I should have asked him this morning if there was a good reason for going: he could have come up with one, I'm sure. He always does the right thing, so I'm sure he knows.
This computer is going to kill itself. I want my typewriter.
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