Sometimes a writer creates a universe so compelling that others feel the need to join and help flesh out that world with their own tribute fiction. And sometimes you make something crappy like Gossip Girl and loads of people want to write using those characters and that world anyway. Now Amazon is introducing a way to let writers profit from their fan fiction, via “Kindle Worlds.”

( The full text for the linkphobic )

Edit: John Scalzi has some instant thoughts on Kindle Worlds.

"James Nesbitt. Normally, this wouldn't be TOO embarrassing (a 3 on a scale of 5, maybe), but he reminds me of an ex who gave me a kink for men twice my age. :["

Do you also have a shameful kind of crush to confess? DO IT HERE! DO IT NOW! No one will be the wiser, and you'll be glad you did!

Hasbro’s robust My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic franchise is doing something that a lot of girl-aimed television franchises have done: it’s spawning a semi-canonical tie-in movie.

The film, entitled “Equestria Girls,” is about Twilight Sparkle getting sucked into the human world, turning into a human, and winding up in what appears to be a technicolor version of Mean Girls. As you can imagine, the Brony fandom is absolutely delighted that the production team is making such a drastic change to their beloved formula and... oh wait, no, they're pitching a fit about it.

Knowing Brony fandom's reputation for grade-A unfunny, I have done my best to sift through the wank and bring you only the funny bits! (Though if you click any of the links, be warned — you're going into no-man's land.)

First off, there's some minor wanking on this April article on Equestria Daily, where some poor souls are still holding out hope that it’s not real: ( De Nial is a river full of hungry violent hippos... )

However, the wanking really gets going with the release of a trailer.

There is capslock o’ rage and harsh language! ( Cut for whinging )

There is vast overestimation of Brony fandom’s importance: ( Bronies make the world go round )

Some people think the anthro-ed ponies look too much like their pony selves. Because changing things is bad, but not changing things enough is also bad: ( Why is it different/not different? Why?!? )

Twilightisbest suggests a protest! ( Walk-outs and demographics and greed, oh my! )

There is talk of CENSORSHIP and the FIRST AMENDMENT! ( Get thee to a Civics class )

Naturally, there are conspiracy theories: ( Hasbro just wants to stick it to us! )

Some people are worried that the movie might be blighted by the heinous scourge known only as... [scare chord] ...the ROMANCE SUBPLOT! ( Anti-shipping wank, right this way )

Some people are getting a tad melodramatic: ( Tell me about your pony angst )

And of course there’s complaining about the complaining: ( Like a mobius strip! )

But at least this guy has his priorities in order:

Derpendable
The cmc have boobs..

(CMC = Cutie Mark Crusaders = Applejack's kid sister and her two little pals)

Dark Qiviut seems to be repeating himself a lot: ( Cut for stampede of bluish quadrupeds )

Okay, enough of that windbag. Back in the May ED posts, Blackstar033 wants the option to expunge all hints of the movie from the Equestria Daily site: ( Stick your fingers in your ears and go la la la )

And to top it all off, the CEO of another toy company makes a cameo:

Novem_Vulpes
Ooh boy all this hate is giving me the bronchitis. How come it is so easy to rile up the internets with a CHILDREN'S CARD GA-- I MEAN TELEVISION SERIES?

inDerpxar
SCREW THE RULES I HAVE PONIES

Seto Kaiba
don't make me send my lawyers

David_Ker
Mr Kaiba, I have a question: in your world, are court cases resolved through card games?

THE END (until the actual film comes out)

Edit: I am sososo sorry about the html fuckup. orz

...or "Excuse me, how much is a slice of Schadenfreude Pie?"

***

Amy’s Baking Company gets lawsuit threat, nixes conference

ETA: Loopywafflehead with some further updated links HERE!

Return of the ETA: The International Meanies are looking to deport Samy!

( [insert clever cut text here] )

So, as I'm sure most of you has heard by now, Yahoo has acquired Tumblr for $1.1 billion.

There's relatively little wank about it so far on my dashboard, but I hear there are a lot of mixed reactions. John Darnielle's post is one of the more sane and well-thought out.


Thoughts? Predictions? Betting pools, drinking games and popcorn?

Is it the 6A fiasco all over again? Are veterans of LJ coming out of the woodwork?

There was never supposed to be a video. Matt Kemp's uncommon act of kindness was never supposed to go farther than an ailing boy, his dad and the baseball star.

And yet when Kemp awakened Tuesday morning, 36 hours afterward, his phone told him otherwise. The video was everywhere.

No, there was never supposed to be evidence beyond the ailing boy's memory, and perhaps a shelf in his room. Maybe he's wearing Kemp's cap. Maybe he's still holding Kemp's gray road jersey and spikes.

"I didn't know that anybody was filming it," Kemp said Tuesday afternoon. "I wasn't aware."

( Full text for the linkphobic )

Heheheheh.

My mother died this past Sunday and I hurt very deeply. There's a crushing weight on my chest, my body feels like its encased in cement and its hard to breathe. I'm in this vice grip and I feel empty. The sun has been shinning and I get pissed off. The sun has no right to shine brightly outside when I'm feeling like this. The sky is blue and the clouds are fluffy. I hate it. I want to scream and scream until I can't anymore. I miss her so fucking much and I was not ready to lose her yet. I've been crying off and on and I say she died but its like someone else is saying it, not me. I never thought it would feel this way and I want it to go away. ;__;

This BS again? COME ON. No. Just NO. Bad writer, no cookie. I can't even with this stuff anymore.

And I am one of the last hold-outs on the planet to not have a facebook* account so I can't sign in and tell the writer, but...

GUESS WHAT. Women like Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire. They like The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Dragonlance, Star Trek, Star Wars, and Harry Potter. They like The Elder Scrolls, Final Fantasy, Dragon Age, World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Halo, and Gears of War. They like Stargate, and Doctor Who, and Firefly, and Farscape.

They also like NCIS and CSI and Castle and White Collar and The Walking Dead and Sex and the City and the Sopranos and American Idol and The Voice and Jeopardy and comic books and cooking and hockey and gymnastics and cats and dogs and...

Women just like STUFF. Okay? Women are half of the bloody population and they--WE--like a diverse range of interests and every now and then, because I do prefer Game of Thrones to Sex and the City, I feel like it's just this big hand-wavey "pfft, you DON'T EXIST".

Because seriously, if I don't exist, why do I have to pay taxes?

*I am honestly, truly, TRULY, getting really unhappy with all of these websites that only give you an option to sign in with your facebook account. My name on the internet is not "Real Name". It's ashinae. I know the internets aren't TRULY anonymous, but... I miss those days. Plus my real name is dumb.

Amy and Samy Bouzgala, of Amy's Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro in Scottsdale, Arizona, appear on Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares. Aside from the incredibly poor service and food, they lie about baking the cakes they sell, and most of the photos they use on their Facebook belong to other people. Even worse, they verbally abuse customers and staff, and they keep their employees’ tips for themselves. Ramsey gives up on them, saying, “After about 100 Kitchen Nightmares, I met two owners I could not help. It is because they are incapable of listening.”

The owners didn’t listen because they didn’t want help. They only wanted Ramsey's compliments and praise in order to show up the ‘haters’ and ‘bloggers’ on Yelp and Reddit who are obviously out to get them.

Of course, that didn’t happen and the owners had an epic meltdown on their company’s Facebook page.

( I am keeping note of all names here. We will be pursuing action against you legaly, and against reddit and yelp, for this plot you have come together on. )


The drama made it to Buzzfeed, where you can find plenty of screencaps in case their Facebook is taken down.

Amy has also been convicted of fraud for using someone else’s social security number and taking out a loan.

People swarm to their Yelp page after watching the episode but most of those reviews are removed. However, it’s easy to see from reviews left before the programme was aired that the owners have always behaved this way.

A poster on Reddit submits the theory that the whole place is actually a money laundering operation. [ETA: Post has since been deleted. I'll try to get it from my computer's cache but if anyone finds a screencap in the meantime, let me know. Found a copy of the text on another Reddit thread, copied to the comments here.]

The full episode can be found here on YouTube. This post on eater.com contains a summary as well as a couple of clips from the show.

And ONTD speculates on the most important issue: what Gordon Ramsey would be like in bed.

( Previous ETA's now under the cut )

ETAx5: This is the latest post on their Facebook:

Other Side of Amy’s Baking Company Controversy in Scottsdale To Soon Be Told

SCOTTSDALE, AZ. MAY 15, 2013 -- Amy’s Baking Company will host a Grand Re-Opening on Tuesday night, May 21, following unflattering portrayals on national television.

Customers will be able to decide who is correct: a famous celebrity chef or the marketplace that has supported the small, locally-owned business for six years.

When re-opened, a portion of proceeds will benefit a charity organized to bring awareness to cyber bullying.

Seating is limited. Reservations may be made by emailing sjones@rosemoserallynpr.com.

Diners will also have the opportunity to meet, and judge for themselves the character of owners Amy and Samy Bouzaglo, who have devoted their lives to and earn their living from their small restaurant. The Bouzaglos have been married for 10 years, after Sammy emigrated from Israel.

The owners will likely be holding a press conference before the Grand Re-Opening and answer falsehoods depicted on a reality television show, including assertions that the restaurant confiscates tips from servers.

In fact, wait staff is paid $8-$14 per hour, two and half to nearly five times the standard hourly wage for servers.

Questions will also be answered about what happened to their Facebook page.

Amy’s Baking Company was recently featured on the hit PBS show “Check Please” and has received A+ reports from CBS 5 for kitchen preparedness.

“We are very upset by what has taken place, apologize about the acrimony that has ensued but now must fight back to save our business. We hope and believe much good can result from what has transpired. We ask the public to keep an open mind as we begin to tell our side of the story,” Samy Bouzaglo said.

For more details, please contact Michael Saucier.

I can't decide whether I want Michael Saucier to be a real person or someone who is just leading them on.


In more pleasant news, Katy Cipriano, the waitress who was fired on the show, has participated in an AMA on Reddit. She does have other employment and is doing quite well.

ETAx6: Press conference is off, grand reopening is still on, and future updates can be found in this post.

Florida Business Forced Scientology on Employees, Feds Assert

The federal government is accusing a Miami business of having forced employees to practice Scientology.

Dynamic Medical Services, which provides medical and chiropractic treatment, is accused by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission of having compelled at least four of its employees to participate in Scientology religious practices, and of having fired two for their refusal.

The company, in a statement faxed to ABC News, says it prides itself on the diversity of its staff and that it denies that it engaged in any improper or unlawful actions with regard to its employees. It intends, it says, to vigorously defend itself against the government's "baseless allegations" and expects to be vindicated.

The Church of Scientology did not respond to requests for comment by ABC News.

According to the EEOC's complaint, filed May 8, Dynamic Medical, owned by Dr. Dennis Nobbe, violated federal law by requiring employees named in the suit to spend at least half their work days in courses that involved "Scientology religious practices, such as screaming at ashtrays or staring at someone for eight hours without moving."

According to an EEOC statement, the company required one employee "to undergo an 'audit' by connecting herself to an 'E-Meter,' which Scientologists believe is a religious artifact, and required her to undergo 'purification' treatment at the Church of Scientology."

When employees protested having to attend the Scientology courses, they were told, according to the suit, that these were a requirement of their job. Two employees who refused to participate "and/or did not conform to Scientology religious beliefs" were terminated.

In a statement issued by the EEOC, Robert Weisberg, regional attorney for the commission's Miami district office, called the Dynamic Medical Service's actions a shameful violation of federal law.

"Employees' freedom from religious coercion at the workplace must be protected," he said.

In the same statement, Malcolm Medley, the EEOC's district director for Miami, said, "When an employer makes an employment decision based on employees' failure to adopt the employer's religious beliefs, it violates federal law. The EEOC will act vigorously to protect the rights of workers who are subjected to religious harassment and coercion in the workplace."