I wish I was boning vampires.

Evil Guide Plan
Congratulations on being the creator of a new Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: world domination.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: evil - it's my nature
Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first traumatize a rich and powerful CEO. This will cause the world to swallow nervously, horrified by your arrival. Who is this Despoiler of all that is Good and Nice and True? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in Classic Black?
Stage Two

Next, you must vaporize the Moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a fake mountain, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of evil clowns hasten to do your every bidding.
Stage Three

Finally, you must tauntingly wave your great supernatural forces, bringing about an Unending Cacaphony of Screams. Your name shall become synonymous with sheer dementedness, and no man will ever again dare interrupt your sentences. Everyone will bow before your Overwhelming Evil, and the world will have no choice but to grant you three maidens of virtue true.