The Worst Toy on the Line
There is no way to sugar coat this: Stretch looks like a dick. Not only do his limbs resemble flaccid penises, his face makes him look like the metaphorical kind of dick who will "accidentally" teabag you as you bench press. He has an air of gym-rat douchebag wafting around him that is only emphasized by the fact that he bares a striking resemblance to silver screen icon of dickdom, William Zabka, better known as "That Cobra Kai dick from The Karate Kid.'"
Stretch Armstrong was no fun by any "stretch" of the imagination (get it?!?!). You grab one end and your buddy grabs the other. You run backwards and marvel at this wondrous "draw and quarter" kit for kids, then let go and watch him shrink like a cold penis.
Sure, a more inventive kid could open and drain the doll, then fill it with strawberry jam and watch the "guts" spurt out as they crush him with a rock. But at that point you're making your own fun and the toy has failed you.
Also on the list are Rambo, the Food Fighters, and the Incredible Crash Test Dummies. Ranking Numero Uno is the He-Man toyline. Undertones or no-undertones, check out the names. My favorite is Tung Lashor.
In other news, I won the bid on the shoes I wanted on E-bay. Instead of $100 dollars, I spent $50! So cute! :)
ETA: I'm moving back to school tomorrow. It's 7 and I haven't cleaned my room, nor started packing. But I did get my haircut.
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