* Why is the world so full of fail?
* Now please enjoy this video of a puppy that just cannot roll back over.
* You can OUTRUN THE SKIFREE SNOWMAN? LS:KJFLAKJFLSKDJF GODDAMMIT. Is there a secret to Rodent's Revenge, too?
* Oh, go jump in a lake, Cameron. Or make sanctimonious little speeches and prance around being snippy and passive-aggressive to anyone you don't agree with without actually solving anything, whichever comes first.
* Is Suikoden IV worth it? I heard it sucked real bad.
* Might be seeing BFF this holiday weekend! ROCK
Wed, Nov. 25th, 2009, 08:32 am
Mon, Nov. 23rd, 2009, 07:35 am
I had an unusual dream last night, which was that I had returned to the past; specifically, elementary school, (Jill and I went to the same school and were even in the same homerooms for some time before our teachers figured out that keeping us together in class was disruptive. Boooo!) She and everyone else seemed remarkably cogent for elementary schoolers.
Anyway, I got to go back and experience all sorts of past phenomena, like Magic cards and Windows 3.1 (I was excited because Myst was going to be coming out soon) and movie tickets that were five bucks apiece. Also, adults were a lot nicer (the world in general seemed a lot nicer when I was younger, probably because I didn't have to work and people really baby small children along and I didn't have to worry about rape and crime and war and Lyme disease). And the colors were so much brighter and I didn't have to worry about germs. I also contemplated investing in Microsoft so I would have a million monies in the present.
Realistically, though, I don't think I'd be able to fake it through 10 or so years of school trying to act like a normal kid. In fact, I'm pretty sure it would drive me insane. Also, people didn't come up with handheld games and other stuff that could relieve me of my massive boredom until later. I did have a few of those lousy Tiger handhelds like:
Jurassic Park: This game involved pressing a button to walk down a path (I guess to safety?), and your travels were occasionally marred by the appearance of DINOSAUR. So there'd be a raptor or something and you'd have to hide up a tree, or there'd be a dilophosaur. Eventually they'd go away, but you had to make a certain amount of distance per level or you were doomed, DOOOOMED. I think I got to the end once and I finally got to give it to those damn raptors. In fact, I think it was by turning on an electric fence and zapping them to death, at which point I would yell, "Yeah, you like that? TAKE YOUR MEDICINE! Yeah, I fixed your little red wagon, didn't I? How does that taste, huh? How does that taste?" except I don't think I was coherent enough as a child to come up with that level of mockery.
X-Men: You played Cyclops. Inexplicably, because Cyclops is like the lamest X-Man ever. Anyway, you walked around and shot eye beams at people (I think I remember Mr. Sinister and Sabretooth, but it's hazy). Occasionally, an X symbol would show up and you'd grab it so Wolverine would come in and CLAW EVERYTHING. Seriously, I know Cyclops is lame, but did Wolverine have to show him up so dramatically every level? Why didn't they just make him the main character? As a child, I remember thinking that it was probably because that would have been too awesome.
Sonic the Hedgehog: This was actually the best of the handhelds I played. I think they actually got in some music from the Sonic games, and since Sonic games were mostly jump and smash things anyway, it translated pretty well. There were even loops you could go through, in that limited LCD screen sense. Hey, what was the name of that handheld Sega console that came out years back? Game Gear? I remember being amazed by the .
Well, before that huge digression there, I was going to say that I was and still am easily bored. And now that I'm older, I get bored and depressed. And that's why you should never pay attention at meetings. I wonder if I still have some of those old crappy stories me and Jill used to draw in elementary school. That was back when I liked Anne McCaffrey. Yes, even middle schoolers have the sneaking suspicion that Anne McCaffrey is kind of a dick.
That was back when we really liked dragons. There was also a period in which we really liked ponies (specifically, unicorn-pegasi) and we wanted to be unicorns for the Kindergarten circus but our teacher said, "THERE ARE NO UNICORNS AT THE CIRCUS," so then Jill got to be a pony and I had to be a tiger, not that I'm secretly bitter about that that at all. Here's where I say something really incoherent, like, "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WANTED TO BE A PONY". I am tired and got up at 5:30 today. I get up at 5:30 every day. That is way too early.
Anyway, I got to go back and experience all sorts of past phenomena, like Magic cards and Windows 3.1 (I was excited because Myst was going to be coming out soon) and movie tickets that were five bucks apiece. Also, adults were a lot nicer (the world in general seemed a lot nicer when I was younger, probably because I didn't have to work and people really baby small children along and I didn't have to worry about rape and crime and war and Lyme disease). And the colors were so much brighter and I didn't have to worry about germs. I also contemplated investing in Microsoft so I would have a million monies in the present.
Realistically, though, I don't think I'd be able to fake it through 10 or so years of school trying to act like a normal kid. In fact, I'm pretty sure it would drive me insane. Also, people didn't come up with handheld games and other stuff that could relieve me of my massive boredom until later. I did have a few of those lousy Tiger handhelds like:
Jurassic Park: This game involved pressing a button to walk down a path (I guess to safety?), and your travels were occasionally marred by the appearance of DINOSAUR. So there'd be a raptor or something and you'd have to hide up a tree, or there'd be a dilophosaur. Eventually they'd go away, but you had to make a certain amount of distance per level or you were doomed, DOOOOMED. I think I got to the end once and I finally got to give it to those damn raptors. In fact, I think it was by turning on an electric fence and zapping them to death, at which point I would yell, "Yeah, you like that? TAKE YOUR MEDICINE! Yeah, I fixed your little red wagon, didn't I? How does that taste, huh? How does that taste?" except I don't think I was coherent enough as a child to come up with that level of mockery.
X-Men: You played Cyclops. Inexplicably, because Cyclops is like the lamest X-Man ever. Anyway, you walked around and shot eye beams at people (I think I remember Mr. Sinister and Sabretooth, but it's hazy). Occasionally, an X symbol would show up and you'd grab it so Wolverine would come in and CLAW EVERYTHING. Seriously, I know Cyclops is lame, but did Wolverine have to show him up so dramatically every level? Why didn't they just make him the main character? As a child, I remember thinking that it was probably because that would have been too awesome.
Sonic the Hedgehog: This was actually the best of the handhelds I played. I think they actually got in some music from the Sonic games, and since Sonic games were mostly jump and smash things anyway, it translated pretty well. There were even loops you could go through, in that limited LCD screen sense. Hey, what was the name of that handheld Sega console that came out years back? Game Gear? I remember being amazed by the .
Well, before that huge digression there, I was going to say that I was and still am easily bored. And now that I'm older, I get bored and depressed. And that's why you should never pay attention at meetings. I wonder if I still have some of those old crappy stories me and Jill used to draw in elementary school. That was back when I liked Anne McCaffrey. Yes, even middle schoolers have the sneaking suspicion that Anne McCaffrey is kind of a dick.
That was back when we really liked dragons. There was also a period in which we really liked ponies (specifically, unicorn-pegasi) and we wanted to be unicorns for the Kindergarten circus but our teacher said, "THERE ARE NO UNICORNS AT THE CIRCUS," so then Jill got to be a pony and I had to be a tiger, not that I'm secretly bitter about that that at all. Here's where I say something really incoherent, like, "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WANTED TO BE A PONY". I am tired and got up at 5:30 today. I get up at 5:30 every day. That is way too early.