Jenn

wankaholic @ 2009-11-15T01:34:00

2009-11-15T08:37:46Z

I'm officially 22 now. My birthday is today (the 15th).

Weird. I always thought I'd be married to Brian by this point, living somewhere in the PNW. Now I'm planning on moving to the PNW within the next year, hopefully, and if I do get married to anyone I'm talking to now, it'll be (obviously) Zed. I've actually talked about it with him. Not in a, "we are TOTALLY getting married" way, but in a, "What's your ideal wedding?" way. We have a lot of the same ideas re: what we want out of a wedding, so I guess if things pan out and I end up getting married to him, that'll be all right.

Though he disagrees with me on one point: he doesn't want to get married in jeans and a t-shirt. "If I get married to you, the wedding is my chance to show you off to everyone! I'm going to dress up, and I want you to, too."

Made him promise that he would help pick the dress out, at least. He seemed thrilled at the idea.

I think this one might be a keeper. Too soon to tell, but. We shall see.

wankaholic @ 2009-11-01T11:44:00

2009-11-01T18:51:59Z

Oh for the love of Pete.

CULTURAL APPROPRIATION PART II! ELECTRIC BUGALOO!

I think the really terrible part is the people that are defending it (saying it's totes fine that she took something that is a large part of Mexican culture and made it into a Halloween costume, because she lives in SoCal and obviously that means that she's ~*~in touch~*~ with the culture) are the sort that jump on people who get tattoos in other languages (specifically, the kanji tattoos that are so popular now) as being cultural appropriation.

Also kind of love the people that are going, "WELL, IF YOU HAVE DREADLOCKS, YOU CANNOT ARGUE THIS" when the history of dreads is pretty convoluted and there are some white cultures that in fact wore them, so uuuuuugh, stfu.

I think the most frustrating part is that it's spilling over into my LJ friendslist, so I can't post about it there without people hopping on me (someone that IS Latina) about how obviously it's not meant as a slam or anything, and she at least did it prettily, so it's not true appropriation. I also don't want to get called out again for apparently "looking white" (I, uh, don't) and how do I justify IDing as Latina/Chicana when I am clearly not (...wut). I also don't want to be called out on the fact that no, my family doesn't celebrate it (my mother doesn't hold with the whole, "unhealthy Mexican obsession with death", and that's one aspect of my culture that's been stomped out of me—thanks Mom), but yes, I'm still offended. It shouldn't matter whether or not I do celebrate it, or how I relate to it, it's still fucking cultural appropriation, and yeah, it's STILL OFFENSIVE.

wankaholic @ 2009-10-25T01:07:00

2009-10-25T07:27:11Z

Posts like this rub me wrong. Just. I realize that the person in question is probably at a loss as to how to better describe her character to someone that doesn't really watch the show, but the whole thing made me really uncomfortable. Like, hey, you speak only a little Spanish and it would seem you don't know a lot about the culture, but you're playing a Hispanic character? One who is deeply entrenched enough in the culture that she speaks Spanish as well as English? Um.

I dunno. I really don't. Part of me is going, "This isn't right, that's my heritage she's trying to appropriate, that's my culture, and I'm not comfortable with her foray into it." Another, larger part of me knows I'm being ridiculous, but it's still difficult. There's this uncomfortable feeling of, "Well, this doesn't sit well with me, but there's fuck-all I can do about it, because if I bring in the race thing, chances are I'm going to get called an oversensitive douchebag and have to verify my own heritage."

I hate that anything on the 'net that deals with race inevitably turns into, "Well, I didn't mean to appropriate your culture!"/"It wasn't my intent to alienate the other." Makes it hard to talk about anything, or get anything out, because instantly, as soon as I bring up, "I am Other and I feel alienated by this", someone hops in to tell me that I shouldn't, because it wasn't their intent or whatever. But by then it's too late. You've already alienated me, and I feel unsafe continuing the discussion with you, especially as you're trying to justify your actions by ignoring my arguments and tossing out that it wasn't your "intent."

Fuck intent. Actions are what counts, and if I feel uncomfortable with what you're doing . . . yeah.

(For the record, since I don't know if I've talked about it before: I'm Hispanic. Chicana, to be more accurate, and non-white (Mestizo if you wanna get technical, I guess—my father's family are all from Mexico, Mexican-Indians, and while my mother is white I couldn't pass the paper bag test). I get really pissed at stupid people making comments about my culture, my heritage. I'm all for sharing, but I want people to do so respectfully—and nine times out of ten, that's not what happens.

I mean, Christfuck, don't even get me started on the WisCon thing. :/ )

wankaholic @ 2009-10-18T17:13:00

2009-10-19T01:32:26Z

I re-read what I wrote for NaNoWriMo last year. Apart from the end (where it all falls to pieces), it's actually fairly . . . er, good? Kind of surprised. I'm almost debating editing it and throwing it up on my DreamWidth account.

There's not much else to report. Zed's back in Corvallis, sick as fuck, but with what he was trying to achieve while he was in Ashland done. So that's nice.

I met one of my LJ friends offline yesterday. Kind of odd, but we had fun? I guess. I had fun, can't speak for her.

Halloween party for the third year in a row. Oh God.

wankaholic @ 2009-10-14T05:37:00

2009-10-14T12:39:46Z

Up early because I told Heather I'd give her a lift to work today (her car wouldn't pass inspection, and the plates are expired, so she's sort of fucked til she can it temp registered/find something else). Wouldn't be up quite so early, but Zed called me and I have to be up in an hour anyway, so here we are.

My classes are going really well. I got a 92 on my Inorganic exam (one of the highest scores in the class), and I really love PChem. I hate bio, but that's to be expected, and I only need one semester of it, so oh well, I'll manage.

I've finally figured out how to crochet. I've been making granny squares. My initial plan was to make enough to turn into a scarf (ten or so small ones and chain them together), but now I'm kind of debating making enough to do an afghan. I didn't realize how fast they come together (it takes about fifteen minutes to do one), and I love how mindless they are. I have a bunch of black blocks made already, and it would be easy enough to find yarn in a similar weight in white . . . I guess we'll see. The ones I'm crocheting now are a medium-weight acrylic blend. Ideally I'd be doing something in cotton (I love the texture of cotton yarn), but the blend I have right now is nice. It's easy to work with, too, which is a definite bonus. If I do turn it into an afghan, I'll probably do a mix of black/white with cooler colors (green, blue, violet). I have some idea of what I want it to look like in my head, but I don't know if I can find yarns in that color.

Heh. Speak of the devil—Zed just phoned again. "Just wanted to call and tell you I love you." It's things like that I hang onto, later, when I'm missing him.

wankaholic @ 2009-09-22T17:51:00

2009-09-22T23:52:57Z

New writing up on my Dreamwidth.

I'm reading Elements of Murder by J. Emsley right now. It's quite enjoyable.

I really thought I was going to marry him.

2009-09-17T05:17:24Z

. . . awkward and painful: reading through the entry you have linked off your userinfo, and realizing that you haven't updated it in almost three years, i.e. that all of the "love" questions are answered as though you are still with your ex-boyfriend.

I went ahead and fixed it so it's not all about my ex anymore.

Um. I'm sick right now, with a bad headcold.

My classes are all right. I really love Inorganic.

I think that's all I have to report.

wankaholic @ 2009-08-25T18:32:00

2009-08-26T01:00:11Z

I am terrible at updating this.

In summary: nothing has really happened since the last time I updated. I house-sat for the first part of the month, and now I'm back in school. Taking 13 credit hours, which isn't too bad, till you realize:

A). Twelve is full-time, and
B). I'm into my senior year, so the classes I'm taking are all upper-division chemistry courses (and a one-hour physics lab).

Physical Chem, Biochem, and Inorganic Chem. PChem looks as though it's going to be really good (I'm looking forward to the lecture tomorrow), Biochem will probably be all right, and Iorganic is . . . well.

I think I might have already taken the equivalent of Inorganic, through the U a couple of years ago (was an intermediate class offered directly after AP Chem, sort of an in-between for Organic and PChem). Crystal Field Theory, wotwot? I find it extremely interesting (actually, if it's the class I'm thinking of, I thought it was amazing and it's what cemented my desire to be a chem major), and it'll probably be good (the first lecture was amazing, anyway), but oh dear.

Eh. I'm kind of looking forward to doing my homework, actually, which doesn't happen (except in math classes, because doing advanced calculus is relaxing, dammit).

And, erm.

I'm a little amused at how my school is different from other schools.

When I was in Ohio, I had to do through Calc III (vector calculus).

Out here? I need to do Linear Algebra/ODEs (it's offered as one semester-length class), and then one math class on top of that. Most do stats, but it's recommended that you go further in math.

That's . . . another year of math. For what amounts to the same degree (BS in chemistry).

Ohio had a language requirement, though—one year, any language—so I suppose it's a trade-off.

Math is probably more applicable than Spanish (the language I was taking) is, though.

---

In news of the real-that-is-not-school, umm. There isn't a lot.

Zed went out and visited his father in Port Orchard. His phone is switched off this month (damn being poor!), and so we thought we weren't going to be able to talk, but, erm, turns out his family pays for decent long distance, so we talked every night? was kind of nice.

His birthday is on the 30th. I shipped him a box of coffee from the SLC Roasting Company (he loves their Sidoma), some chocolate and Blackjack/Clove gum (God bless World Market?), and a copy of Oryx and Crake. Oh, and a letter promising that I'd buy a better webcam once I have the money (mine is . . . rather shitty).

My friend Amanda adopted a kitty. At my suggestion, he's a ginge. Tiny and orange, with adorable little pink toes and a fat tummy. Likes playing with tinfoil balls and tormenting Heather (who is now living with Amanda and her roommate Randy, in a rented house in Holladay) by stepping on her keyboard when she's trying to update her LJ.

---

It's funny. I've stopped wearing plaid (except around the house) now, just as it's become mainstream. The Edge (U2) is wearing it, and I've seen lots of people on campus dressing the way I used to—plaid flannel over a black or grey t-shirt. So it goes.

wankaholic @ 2009-07-22T17:54:00

2009-07-22T23:57:42Z

I sent Zed back home last week. Have just been too . . . down? I guess? to write about it.

Some of the best time of my life, &etc, &etc, &etc. Went down to Moab and met his family, who really liked me (apparently). He met my friends (something we missed last time, as people were out of town/generally not around), and everyone got on really well. And, yeah.

Went to VNV together. Best concert experience I've had, hands down, and not just because he picked me up and carried me during "Carry You" (yeah, yeah, yeah, silly. :3 ). Just.

Had a really good visit, hoping to see him again sometime in October, possibly on Fall Break. Should be nice.

Aside from that, I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I liked it rather a lot, even if it did omit parts of the book—you can't fit everything in, and they were working with what had been done to OotP, I think. So.

I'll be house-sitting for a magician sometime next week. Little odd to think about, but. Yes.

Life goes on, and I must go on with it.

wankaholic @ 2009-07-02T01:30:00

2009-07-02T07:32:32Z

. . . it's official.

He's on his way down.

I am . . . so nervous I've been dry-heaving for the past hour or so, and, just. Yes.

He hasn't eaten, won't have slept, and probably won't have showered, but in a few short hours he'll be here. I'll be able to touch him again—something that seems minor, till you realize that I don't tend to touch people unless I'm really comfortable with them (. . . it's a boundary issue), and so I basically haven't hugged anyone or whatnot since he was down last.

Nor kissed anyone, really, aside from one very stupid mistake.

I . . . yes.

God, I've missed him. I just hope everything works out OK.

wankaholic @ 2009-07-01T10:18:00

2009-07-01T16:20:54Z

Oh God.

Unless something goes horribly wrong, I will be seeing Zed TOMORROW.

We said goodbye last night, because he was on IM briefly before he went to bed (God bless friends in Portland that don't mind him using their computers?), and instead of saying, "I'll talk to you soon" he wrote, "G'night. See you soon."

and my brain melted as I realized that OH MY GOD that is totally true. :D

So nervous. So very very nervous. But tickets have been purchased for VNV and for his trip down here, and everything should be OK.

WISH ME LUCK.

wankaholic @ 2009-06-27T12:00:00

2009-06-27T18:00:46Z

Hurray!

Unless something goes wrong, Zed's tickets are bought and he'll be seeing VNV Nation with me next Friday. :D

We have a place for him to stay, travel arrangements are worked out . . . should be good.

wankaholic @ 2009-06-14T01:28:00

2009-06-14T07:30:47Z

Went to the Great Salt Lake this evening. Pics here.

My friend Melissa, standing on the lake shore.

A pic of the horizon.

I don't know where I picked up saying, "behind the jump" from, but I think it needs to stop.

I guess I'm going to be updating this after all.

2009-06-12T07:59:38Z

It's funny—I was thinking about it today, and how little I post on this site. No one really knows me here, and I dont' think even the people I have friended know a ton about my life. Sort of funny. So, umm. I suppose I'll have to start updating this more often? Whatever.

If I'm going to, well. Quick primer, for those following along at home, or more specifically, a timeline of where my life is going/has been (because I only update once in a blue moon), and a cast of characters.

OUR CAST OF CHARACTERS:

Jenn: This would be me. I'm 21 (woo, legal drinking!) and I live in Mormonville. If you've never heard of Mormonville, well. You're probably not missing much. I'm majoring in chem at the local U. I read, I write, I cook an ungodly lot (hey, I'm really good at it!), and I'm trying to learn how to knit. In the meantime, though, I'm satisfied with playing NetHack and documenting my life through photos taken on my shitty camera phone. I have some mental health issues, mostly anxiety-related these days (though I also have some kind of mood disorder—just what, no one's quite sure). I keep a non-LJ-style blog at kickthehobbit.blogspot.com.

Zed: My best friend. Has been my best friend since December of 2007, when we talked on the phone for the first time and I realized that I was able to stay talking to him for hours at a time without running out of anything to say. We've been talking pretty much constantly since then, and even now, a year and a half after the whole, "WOO YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND" bit, five hour phone conversations are the norm. We don't run out of things to talk about, and I honestly have a really easy time communicating what I'm thinking/feeling with him (though he normally picks up on it, as I pick up on his moods). I feel closer to him than I have to anyone in a very long time, my ex-boyfriend included, and I've told him basically all the things I carry around in my head that I'd never told anyone else (details about my past that I hadn't shared with anyone, not even the people that had previously been told about it, and whatnot). He makes me laugh more than anyone else in my life; he makes me think, he's damned hot and a good partner. :3 And he teases me, but not meanly. He's pretty much awesome.

Heather: My other best friend (because you can never have too many, eh?). Anxious Hipster Girl. Occasionally uses me for free therapy, but I don't mind, because I can do the same with her. Has awesome taste in music, and is more than happy to share it with me; she's also an amazing photographer/graphic designer/general artist, and I'm envious of her skills. I'm teaching her how to cook, and she's teaching me about what indie bands I should know about/all about Blur and Blur-fandom/how to be social without being weird about it. Something of a lifesaver—I know I can call her when I'm going out of my head with omgcrazy, and she'll be happy to get coffee/distract me sufficiently till I'm back to normal, just as I do the same for her. We lean on each other pretty hard, but neither of us falls over. She's pretty neat.

Anyway! The timeline:

April 2007: I started working at the pet store, which is where my previous place of employment was.

November 2007: Zed, a good-ish friend from IRC, asks for my phone number. We start talking and really hit it off. I realize pretty quickly that I'm in love with him, which is awkward, because I'm in an extremely unhappy relationship with someone else, but I don't want to end that, because I don't want to leave my then-boyfriend for someone else . . . yeah. Messy and unpleasant on all sides.

March 2008: Zed tells me he's in love with me, and I start really trying to end things decently with my boyfriend.

July 2008: Zed comes to visit for a week, to escape some things that are going on back home, and to see the family that he has down here. We hit it off and get along better in person than we did online; I end up kissing him and tell my boyfriend about it; boyfriend dismisses it as being a one-time thing, we end up talking about it more, later, and I break up with boyfriend, stating emotional infidelity as the reason why. (Why yes, I am, in fact, probably a terrible person. No, there were a lot of really fucked up things about that relationship, neither party was innocent, and I don't really feel guilty for how things ended.)

August 2008: Things at my pet store job get worse and worse and worse; I and two other people end up leaving without giving notice.

December 2008: My grades are, um. Considerably better than what they've been in a long time. Parents stop bothering me about when I'm going to get a job.

January 2009: Heather and I really start talking, despite my having known her since I was seventeen (I actually met her the weekend before I got together with my ex, which is a little strange to think about—it doesn't feel like it's been that long), and after she loses her job/her roommates aren't terribly nice about the fact that she's home all the time when she's not in class, I start rescuing her. She realizes I'm not made of evil, as someone else had told her, and we hit it off really well. Cue a WONDERFUL FRIENDSHIP^TM.

May 2009: Again, grades are much better than anyone expected; also, I've got a short story written that my writing prof/one of the girls thereof is pushing me to get published. I submit some stuff to a local 'zine and it gets accepted.

Which brings us rather neatly up to the present, and means I can probably talk about my life a little more clearly.

I want to keep this mostly-public, as my Dreamwidth is (kickthehobbit on there, but it's all writing stuff), so I don't think I'll be going into UBER DETAIL re: my mental health issues (HELLO possible bipolar diagnosis, you're what I've been avoiding forever, but at least you're not Borderline as my ex suggested) or where things are with Zed, but. Yes.

Pretty much the only news of tonight is that I finally, FINALLY found a decent place in SLC to get coffee at (SLC Roasting Company; I had a cappuccino there tonight that was basically perfect), and OH MY GOD VNV NATION IS PLAYING AT THE MURRAY THEATER ON THE THIRD OF JULY. :D :D :D Zed called me and told me—or rather, told Heather, as she answered my phone for me while I was driving. I am totally going to see them, even if it means prostituting myself in order to get money for tickets. Not that I should have to (hello, job! :D), but still. AMAZING.

Oh! And I found Black Jack/clove gum. I've been looking for it to ship to Zed for ages, and tonight I finally found it. Go team me.

What's the news from your part of the world, oh Journalfen flist?

wankaholic @ 2009-06-08T23:25:00

2009-06-09T05:33:32Z

I am gainfully employed again! My first day was today.

Well, sort of.

Contract work for someone specializing in reptile showings. Guy is very nice, all animals are very well-taken-care-of (he's working in tandem with one of the better vets in the valley oh em gee! they only feed prekilled whenever feasible, because they believe live is dangerous! they quarantine each new arrival for three weeks!) and well-socialized for what he does. Did a presentation at one of the local schools today, for their summer program, and it went fantastically.

Since it is contract work, I need to keep track of how much I get paid and when, for TAX SEASON (dun dun duuuuuun), and it's not regular work . . . but it's at least interesting, and it pays decently.

So, um.

Yeah. :)

In which the internet (especially Twitter) is used for GOOD, not evil. :D

2009-06-05T01:37:52Z

Ben Templesmith is a comic artist, best known for illustrating 30 Days of Night and Fell. He's also behind a side project known as Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse, and maintains an LJ and a Twitter: ben_templesmith, and Templesmith, respectively.

As an artist, he's fairly protective of his work.

Enter Club Dada, and the band Brutal Juice.

You might note some similarities between the poster and one of the covers for Wormwood.

aquaphase alerts Ben Templesmith, who updates his Twitter with it, the article praising the poster gets a sudden edit, and my faith in the users of Twitter in general is restored.

Though I am wondering who in their right mind would want to piss off Ben Templesmith, because, ummm . . .

wankaholic @ 2009-05-01T15:15:00

2009-05-01T21:16:14Z

I have a dreamwidth account. I'm on there as kickthehobbit.

. . . yup.

I'm sort of irritated—I included that as the first line of a longer post about how anxiety's been trying to ruin my life again, and the majority of comments I got were begging for invite codes. From people that don't usually comment on my journal.

I don't care about how often you comment or not—I mean, come on, it's LJ—but if you're not going to comment for months at a stretch, then the first comment you break the silence with is, "Oh, cool, do you have an invite code?" that's tacky as Hell.

I don't even care that it was on a post talking about anxiety. It could have been something where I talked about cooking or books or seeing David Bowie's bits last night in "Man Who Fell To Earth". If we barely talk on LJ, then, you know, maybe I'm not the best person to beg an invite code off of.

wankaholic @ 2009-04-19T00:36:00

2009-04-19T06:37:47Z

It dawned on me that I haven't posted photos of myself here in . . . oh, ever.

Since it's JournalFen, and this is a rather chest-y pic, I thought I'd put it up. So, er. This is what I look like.

Me, eating almond fig gelato.

Yeah, you can see straight down my blouse, and I have funny fuzzy hair, but I really like this shot. :)

wankaholic @ 2009-04-12T16:05:00

2009-04-12T22:14:18Z

Fall, falling, fallen. Wake up before you hit the ground, or you're—

Again.

Lay down, shut eyes, whisper prayer (ohgodpleasenottonight), dream. Climbing the endless stair, a push from the top. Fall.

Watch as the ground rushes to meet you; shut your eyes and watch yourself fall, in horrible stop-motion.

Fall, freeze.

Fall, freeze.

Stare at your body even as you are outside it, snapshotted in time, twisted into unrecognizable positions. Critique yourself, as you fall, your "form" and "style." Remain dispassionate as you do. It is not you falling; it is a stranger.

Snap suddenly into your form before the end, every time. Watch the ground, suddenly too close for comfort. Feet away, or perhaps inches, know that you are going to hit, brace yourself only to jerk suddenly, acheingly awake. Check the clock (minutes or hours? How long was it this time?) and go back to sleep. You woke; you survived another night. Shut your eyes again and hope that oh, God, if you do begin to fall again, you wake before you hit the ground, because if you don't you're

—dead.

I have another, longer piece that I'm taking in for workshop on Tuesday (I'm doing an upper division writing workshop this semester at school). I showed it to people on LJ, and the basic consensus was that A). After having revisedrevisedrevised it's basically done now, and B). I should probably try to submit it to somewhere like Asimov's and see if they'll take it for publication (it's short-ish SF, about 4K words). Normally I would go "pfft," and leave it at that, but the person that told me is not the sort that usually agrees with what I write being "good" (usually has suggestions to make as to what could be fixed), so it's a nice ego boost? I guess.

I'm simultaneously looking forward to and dreading tomorrow. I have a presentation to do in comm, but we're doing quantum in physics, and I'm really enjoying it . . . and chem has been good lately, too. We'll see.

Really looking forward to Tuesday, ridiculously so. That's when the workshop is, and the presentation on The Tent (Atwood's book of short stories). I'm happy with what I've written, even if the pretentious asshat in my class is probably going to rip into me about "what [he calls] tea-time dialogue" and the bitchy girl whose story about a female-only society I ripped apart is probably going to try to "get revenge" by pointing out the flaws in mine. Eh.

Not to be OH GOD SO VAIN, but I'm a better writer than either of them. Bitchy girl tends to go off on these long asides that derail the plot and make absolutely no sense in context; pretentious asshat writes terrible dialogue and descriptions that don't make any sense, and on top of that, his characters all sound like forty-year-old men. So!

We shall see.

wankaholic @ 2009-03-09T12:36:00

2009-03-09T18:38:16Z

I took Heather with me to see "Twilight" at the dollar theater yesterday.

Oh my dear sweet Christ, it was the best $2.50 I've spent in a long-ass time. I haven't laughed that hard at a movie in God knows how long. It was awesome.

Heather laughed with me, too, which made it all the better. :3

wankaholic @ 2009-02-27T17:47:00

2009-02-28T00:48:45Z

If you are fifteen fucking hundred miles away, living in Ohio, and also depressed, lonely as fuck, and convinced that you're never going to get a girlfriend evar, and have been going on about how you're "so sad" that I had to leave?

Telling me that you love me and that you think we ought to get married is NOT OKAY.

Until last weekend, I hadn't talked to you in ten months! Seriously! GAH.

God DAMN. I'm already in romantic limbo; I don't want you adding to it.

wankaholic @ 2009-02-23T11:31:00

2009-02-23T18:33:02Z

Here we go again . . .

I don't know if anyone here is a member of sf_drama over on LJ (kind of doubt it, actually), but if you are and the in-house wanking is getting you down, I've created a new comm.

et_dramera. What sf_drama was intended to be like.

wankaholic @ 2009-02-20T22:59:00

2009-02-21T06:03:00Z

A). I went to a reading last night, and ran into people I know from class. Who promptly told me that they're really sorry they missed my being workshopped, and could they please get a copy of whatever the Hell I brought in, because they really want to read it. They think, from my comments, that I'm probably worth reading.

. . . damn.

B). I'm considering submitting to this. I mean. What could it hurt?

C). I really hate the fact that most of my friends live in Oregon/Washington.

D). I threw up on a train platform . . . Tuesday? Yes. Tuesday. Typical period-y doom. I'm probably going to end up going back on birth control because of it, if only because heeeeey, I don't need that sex drive anyway (not like I'm seeing anyone right now), and it's probably better than puking every time my period comes around. Hm.

E). I really need to start writing poetry again.

F). Dammit. I really do miss him. :/

wankaholic @ 2009-02-07T12:52:00

2009-02-07T19:52:12Z

And for all of my whining, someone on LJ randomly gave me paid time.

What.

wankaholic @ 2009-01-18T01:37:00

2009-01-18T08:44:23Z

Look, unlike some people, I don't treat reading my journal as a ~*~privilege, not a right~*~, and I don't post because I OH GOD totally want to be entertaining/have people like me.

I post because LJ is sometimes the last resort I have, before I tear my hair out.

I post because I'm going through something, and I feel like LJ is one of the "safe" places for me to vent.

I post because I damn well feel like it. I'm not posting for your fucking entertainment. I'm posting because it's my journal, and I want to make an update.

Whining at me because all I'm talking about is school/my friends/what I'm doing online is idiotic, and yeah, it'll get you defriended. Especially if you're making posts like this shit about how I totally post about my (non-existent) internet boyfriend/community "drama" six times a day, without taking the initiative to fucking defriend me. Dear sweet CHRIST, passive-aggressive much? If you hate what I post so much that you feel the need to whine about it in your journal, do the ADULT thing and DEFRIEND ME. For Christ's SAKE, it's not as though it's difficult to do!

I should feel safe to talk about whatever the Hell I talk about in my journal. I should feel safe posting twice a day, AT MOST, about whatever is going on in my life, without being jumped on for being "boring."

It's my journal. Not posted for your entertainment, posted because it's a journal. Is that REALLY that hard to understand?