Zachary Levi and Zach Quinto. Zachary vs. The Boyfriend. Part 1/2
[February 21, 2008. Crossposted to zach_quinto]

[Takes place a few days after Zach and Chris have Kristen over for dinner and actual-not-metaphorical-dessert.]

Zachary bends down to peek in Zach's fridge. "I heard a story the other day," he says, "from a little birdie. A little birdie who talks really fast when she's excited."

"Oh for..." Zach sighs. "Everyone needs to stop giving Kristen tequila already!"

"I didn't give her tequila!" Zachary protests as he stands straight, a mini bottle of Pellegrino rather dwarfed in his hand. "I'm pretty sure she was sober during the conversation."

"Pretty sure? Oh, I so don't believe you."

"Well, I couldn't exactly smell her breath over the phone." Zachary perches up on the counter, rubbing his foot over Pansy's side. "So details, man. Details! You have a blond boyfriend."

"She is getting a stern talking to the next time I see her," Zach mutters. "You didn't even get a name out of her? Dude, you're slipping."

"You have a tall, buff, blond boyfriend named Chris," says Zachary with a smirk.

A long pause. "Damn it. You're not slipping."

"I told you the instant I met my co-star and thought I had a crush on him," Zachary says. "That's one text message I shall never live down sending to you. And I have to hear from a second party that you've got a boyfriend. See if I ever share great music with you ever again."

"That's one text message that I still have on my old phone," Zach reminds him, grinning. "And it's not my fault Kristen beat me to it. When's the last time I saw you?"

"That's why the telephone was invented."

"Really? I thought it was so publicists could find you wherever you went."

"You are impossible," Zachary says with a heavy sigh. "You're supposed to call me, or text me, or something, to alert me of tall, buff, blond boyfriends named Chris."

"I... meant to?" Zach says lamely. "He's kind of new to all this. And I've been... I've maybe been quieter because of that, I guess, because I don't want him to freak out because everyone knows or... something equally lame."

"Really," says Zachary. He tilts his head a little and squints at Zach. "Well I'll be damned."

Uh oh. "What?"

"You really like him."

Zach makes a squeaky noise, and blushes.

"You do!" Zachary laughs in utter delight. "Oh, this is going to be awesome in epic, epic ways."

He groans and flops into a chair, banging his head gently on the table. "Why don't I have any normal friends?" he says plaintively.

"I'm normal."

Zach lifts his head and raises an eyebrow. "Oh, do not make me call Baldwin and Yvonne in as witnesses to back me up on this one."

"I never should have introduced you to them," Zachary says with a sigh as he slips down off the counter. He steps over Pan and joins Zach at the table. "C'mon, is it so bad that your two bestest friends ever are a couple of crazies?" He pauses. "I am of course referring to myself and Pan, as I know Kristen would find some way to kick my ass for calling her crazy, little though she may be."

"She's small, but she's frightening," Zach agrees. "And I do keep you around, you will notice, so I guess it's really not that bad after all."

"Well thank god for that," Zachary says. "So when do I get to meet this mysterious Chris?"

"Uh... is that even safe? Letting you meet someone?" Zach says, wide eyed and (mostly) teasing. He remembers Zachary meeting Sendhil.

"What?" Zachary looks just as wide-eyed and innocent. "I'm very nice to your boyfriends. They tend to be ridiculously adorable."

"You frighten my boyfriends. And sometimes there's public groping and embarrassment. And... he's... I don't ... I didn't have a boyfriend before anyway, so the word doesn't apply."

Zachary looks a bit sad. "Oh. Right, sorry." He thought Zach and Sendhil were adorable together, and he still doesn't quite get what happened there. "Anyway, I'm glad you've got one now, and I'm dying to meet him. Kristen says he's got shoulders to die for."

"You really don't know who he is?" Zach says. "Other than a first name and a hair color and the bit about the shoulders?" Much easier than talking about or even thinking about Sendhil, thank you.

"Well, I've kind of guessed that this is the same Chris that's playing the Kirk to your Spock. Maybe."

Zach squirms, ducks his head, and grins, all before he nods. "Maybe."

"Aha! Wow, dude. He's hot."

"Okay, and why is it that something about the way you say that just screams 'so why is he with you?'" Zach snorts.

Zachary lifts his hands. "Hey, hey, I didn't mean it like that!"

Zach stares at him for a few moments, then grins.

"You're such a shit."

"Get Kristen to stop traumatizing Chris quite so much, and you might have a chance at meeting him."

"She traumatizes him? That sounds familiar."

"She straddled his lap to test his bi-quotient," Zach sighs.

"And how did that work out for her?"

"About as well as when she did it to me, apparently."

"That's pretty low on the bi-quotient," Zachary says with a soft whistle.

"Maybe I'm just that good," Zach says, then goes wide eyed and blushes fiercely.

Zachary laughs in delight. "He's so caught up in you that the pretty girl did nothing? That is good."

Zach flaps his hands at Zachary. "Stoppit."

"Does he look at you all dreamy-eyed and sigh? Like this?" Zachary demonstrates, looking at Zach with wide, wide eyes, fluttering his lashes, and sighing dreamily as he rests his chin on his hand. "Oh, Zach! You're soooo hot."

He blushes more, because... well, just because! "Oh, Adam Baldwin, you big, strong, hunk of a man," he says, all high pitched and fluttery. "Take me up against the Nerd Herd desk. Bring the prop gun."

Zachary kicks him under the table. "Hush, you! That's not nice."

"It took you a week to notice that I moved your Firefly DVD's to your porn shelf," Zach points out.

"Did not. I just thought they belonged there," says Zachary, lifting his chin. "I'm hot for the man they call Jayne."

"You and several thousand twenty-something girls."

"I'm still twenty-something. I'm just a boy."

"An innocent child, really," Zach deadpans.

"Exactly! And he's a big strong, older, experienced man... he could show me the ways of the world..." And then he chokes back on a laugh and finishes off his Pellegrino. "Seriously, dude, I don't have a chance, but it's fun."

"I think you like that he's actually your height," Zach teases. "Considering you make me look short."

"I kinda do," Zachary admits. "It's fun being able to look someone right in the eye."

"Chris is pretty much exactly my height... maybe this much taller," Zach smiles. "I kind of like it."

"That's fun," Zachary says. "Really. It's hard for us to find guys taller. I practically have to cruise basketball courts."

"So that Supernatural show with the twelve-foot tall kid on it, that's porn for you, right?"

"Me and my right hand, every Thursday night, dude."

"Oh geez, too much information, man!" Zach protests.

Zachary giggles, rather like a schoolgirl.

"And you wonder why I don't tell you when I hook up with someone?"

"Because I tease you horrifically?"

"Yes, that would rather be it, actually," Zach agrees.

"You know I only tease you because I love you and you're the one guy in my life I've never hooked up with, right?"

"That puts me in very unique company, doesn't it?" Zach says, smiling at him. "And yes, I know. This feels like it should be an ice cream and bonding and chick flick moment."

"I approve of bonding and ice cream."

"It's good ice cream. Kristen yells at me if I get the crappy stuff."

"What flavour?"

"Chocolate, cookie dough something, and the kind with chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry," Zach lists.

"I'll take some cookie dough," Zachary says with a broad grin.

"Are your legs broken? You know where the fridge is," Zach says, pushing at Zachary's chair, then getting up to find spoons.

Zachary sighs, right up from his toes. "You always make me do everything around here. I'm not your breathtakingly gorgeous servant boy." But he gets up and heads for the fridge to get the ice cream.

"Get the chocolate for me, and I'll think about giving you the title," Zach calls over his shoulder.

"Yeah, promises, promises." Zachary starts dishing up their ice cream. "So when do I get to meet Chris?"

"When you learn how to behave around normal people."

"I behave around normal people! Ask Yvonne."

"I have! Why do you think I'm so doubtful?"

"I'll have to talk to her about that."

Zach snorts. "I anticipate that you will have about as much luck as I've had making Kristen behave."

"I suspect you're right about that."

"Women are trouble. I've said this before, very quietly, where they can't hear me. Especially blond women."

"They're really not so scary, you know."

"I have seen you run from Kristen like she was a whole flock of bees. Angry ones," Zach reminds him.

"She was chasing me with a super soaker!"

"And you ran, shrieking like a Firefly fangirl. Oh wait..."

"Yes, yes, we both know I'm a Firefly fangirl."

"But you fetch and carry the ice cream like a good boy, so that's a good thing," Zach decides.

"If you saw Adam Baldwin in the flesh, you'd understand my devotion, you know."

"If you've set up a secret camera in his dressing room, I'm going to tell on you."

"I haven't!"

Zach starts laughing. "I'm sorry, I'm just anticipating the amount of teasing I'm going to get over the whole boyfriend thing and getting my licks in when I can."

"I won't tease you if I get to meet him."

"Yes you will!"

"Only a little."

"Only a little counts," Zach says, wagging a finger at him, then whipping his head around when the doorbell rings.

"You have a visitor," Zachary says, unnecessarily.

"Yes, thank you Zachary, I know what a doorbell means," Zach says, getting up and pointing at him again. "Don't eat my ice cream," he warns, heading for the door, unlocking it and opening it. "Oh shit."

[Continued here...]