Zachary Levi, Zach Quinto, Chris Pine. Hangover remedies.
[May 3. Crossposted to zach_quinto]

[Takes place the morning after Zachary gets dropped on Zach's doorstep.]

"Good morning, baby," Chris says. He's been in Zach's kitchen a while, cooking up a storm.

Zach's still looking sleepy and ruffled, turning in a full circle around the kitchen. "You cooked. A lot."

"Zachary's going to need lots and lots of protein," Chris tells him.

"Zachary's going to need a stomach pump and an exorcism... but the protein's a good start," Zach says. "You made breakfast for my previously drunk now very hung over best friend who's probably upstairs drooling on my guest room pillows right now? That's... kind of the sweetest thing ever."

"Well... well, I also made breakfast for you and me, baby." Chris blushes slightly.

"Which takes you up from sweetest thing ever to sugar-shock sweet," Zach grins, going over to kiss him. "Mmm... sugar." It sounds very strange said in the Sylar-brains voice.

Chris laughs softly and wraps his arms around Zach's neck. "We have French toast and bacon," he murmurs.

"I love French toast and bacon," Zach says, speaking against Chris's lips. "You'd better feed me quick though, or I'll get carried away just by the fact that you cooked and everything will just go downhill from there." Usually a good thing.. but he'd like to not scar Zachary twice in twelve hours.

"Then go sit at the table," Chris says, giving Zach's shoulders a gentle shove.

Zach does his best impression of being an immovable object... at least for long enough to steal one more kiss, then goes over to the table and sits down.

So Chris serves up breakfast for both of them, setting a plate down in front of Zach, then some ketchup and maple syrup and extra cinnamon, along with a glass of orange juice. Then he sits down across from him to start working on his own breakfast. "How long do you suppose Zachary'll be out for?" he asks.

"I don't know," Zach admits. "I haven't seen him this bad in a long time. And I don't know what he drank, since he wasn't really able to tell us. He really shouldn't drink, but Josh can be very persuasive, especially when he's being "helpful"."

"Right." Chris shakes his head a little. "Poor guy. I'll help take care of him."

"You are seriously going for the best boyfriend ever award. You know that, right?"

"I expect a tiara and a sash."

"How about... a length of silk rope instead?"

Chris smiles. "Sounds good to me."

"You have no idea.

"Then maybe you should educate me."

"Oh... I think I told you already. I've got plans," Zach murmurs, leaning across for another kiss. Tastes like maple syrup. Mmm.

"That's all you're gonna say?"

"No... I'm gonna show you pictures, but I'm not about to start talking about rope bondage when Zachary's probably going to be standing behind me like an incredibly stealthy spider any minute now."

Chris wrinkles his nose at the word spider. "Well, you might have a point."

"Once we're on our own though? Count on more detail," Zach promises.

That makes Chris smile. "I like that idea."

"I'm going to kill Joshua Gomez," croaks Zachary from behind them.

Right now, Zachary doesn't sound up to killing anything but a large glass of water. "Come sit down, Zachary," Zach says, getting up to go shut the blinds and make the room not quite so glaringly LA sunshiney. "If you don't kill him, there's about four people in line ahead of you who're already planning to, don't worry."

"I'm sure we could find a new Morgan," Zachary says as Chris helps him down into a chair, then goes to fetch him a large glass of water and several Tylenol.

"Hey, if it worked on Bewitched..." Zach finds coffee and pours some for Zachary, keeping it well out of the way, but just within reach. "He can be in a Buy More related accident. Very tragic."

Zachary drinks some of the water, makes a bit of a face, then puts his head down on his arms. "Please kill me. If you loved me, you'd kill me."

"Don't worry. Chris is the man, Zachary. He's gonna make it all better. Take the Tylenol," Zach says. "Do you remember what you drank yet?"

"There was absinthe in Josh's trailer," Zachary says. "And then we left with Ryan and Yvonne, and there were shots. A lot of shots. And then beer. And then I don't remember what happened to Josh, but Ryan and Yvonne took care of me. And then I was here." He pauses. "And I was crying."

Zach knew it had to be absinthe. Zachary was way too emo for anything else. "Yes, well, that's okay," he assures him. "The crying. And Josh probably saw some girl he could hook up with and hauled ass, the bastard."

Zachary takes another drink of water. "Adam has a boyfriend."

"So it would seem," Zach says, sitting down next to Zach and working on his French toast again. "Not exactly something you were expecting to find out."

"He'll never be mine."

Zach reaches over and squeezes his shoulder. "Want me to go beat up his boyfriend?"

"Yes." Zachary sniffles a little.

Chris passes him some bacon, and Zachary turns a little green.

"You need the grease, man," Zach says, giving his shoulder another squeeze. "Once it's down, you'll feel better."

Zachary doesn't look so sure about this.

"You'd rather throw up more nothing?"

"Damn your logic." He takes a bite of the bacon.

"It's very annoying when I have logic," Zach informs Chris.

"Apparently." Chris reaches out and squeezes Zachary's shoulder. "You just eat that down. You're going to have more later. Nice bacon sandwich."

Zachary whimpers.

"There's eggs too, aren't there, baby?" Zach says, looking over at Chris. "Eggs'll help. And just be glad we're not testing out hangover remedies on you," he adds, back to Zachary.

Zachary holds his head in his hands. "I hate you."

"You hate Josh. We're very helpful."

"That's right," Zachary says, "that's right, I hate Josh. A lot. He's evil."

"I think I need to start making a list of people I need to beat up," Zach says.

"I'll get the video camera," Chris says with a grin.

"Zachary, eat your bacon, don't play with it."

"I'm eating it!"

"Before your stomach eats itself, please."

Zachary groans and finishes off the bacon. "Happy?"

"Delirious. And the water," Zach adds.

Zachary heaves a sigh, and drinks his water. "There."

"You're so hard done by."

"My life is difficult."

"You're gonna be fine. Once the water and Tylenol and bacon kicks in," Zach assures him. And maybe another twenty-four to forty-eight hours for his liver to repair itself.

"I'm not sure I believe you."

"Wasn't I right the last time you were unceremoniously dropped on my door after half a keg of beer?"

"I had absinthe this time. I may die."

"Who do you think you are, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec? No... wait, maybe he died of syphilis," Zach murmurs.

Zachary stares at him.

"I'm pretty sure you don't have syphilis."

"Well, thank god for that."

Zach just gives his head a shake and goes back to his own bacon. "You think you'll survive a shower? Because I think you need one."

"I'll cry again."

"The shower will make you cry?"

"No, going back upstairs."

"I think we can wait for awhile. If you eat more," Zach decides.

Zachary sighs, but he eventually agrees to let Chris fry him up an egg and make him some toast.

Zach gets up and (quietly) cleans up a little while Chris makes the egg for Zachary, between topping up Zachary's water glass and threatening him unless he drinks it.

"You're both being very mean to me," Zachary says. "I think I'm dying and I walked in on bondage last night."

"You were supposed to drink the Listerine in the bathroom and forget that you walked in on that," Zach says, very casual.

"Yeah, well, I didn't."

"You never had sex with anyone who pulled out a pair of handcuffs on you?" Zach says, sipping at his coffee, and giving Zachary a reassuring smile. "Of course, if you'd just banged on the wall and told us to shut up, you wouldn't have had to see anything at all."

"Handcuffs?" Zachary squeaks.

"No? It's fun," Zach says, grinning.

"It... um," says Zachary.

"It's okay," Zach says, taking it easy on him, bumping his shoulder against Zachary's. "It um what?"

"I... I don't know," Zachary admits. "I'm hungover. Don't bug me."

Chris puts the egg and toast in from of Zachary. "Eat up."

Zachary whimpers. "Why are you being so mean to me?"

"Because he likes you just that much," Zach says.

"So basically he hates me."

"Don't you dare," Chris says. "Just eat your breakfast."

"He'll be fine once the headache dies down," Zach tells Chris. "Right now he's just at the feeling very sorry for himself stage."

"Very sorry for myself," says Zachary.

"Your life is difficult. The whole egg."

"I hate you."

"I know."

*

Zachary's had a shower, is curled up on the couch in front of a very quiet movie with Pansy on the floor nearby, and Chris sits down heavily on a kitchen chair. "Is this what it's like to have kids, you think?"

"Probably," Zach sighs, stealing the bottle of Tylenol they've got out for Zachary and taking two, dry swallowing them. "Except if my kid was dropped off drunk on my doorstep in the middle of the night, I'd probably be running the vacuum on the stairs in the morning, instead of being sympathetic. Depending on how old they were."

Chris laughs. "My mom did that to me."

"Oh god, I thought it was just mine! The stairs were right over my bedroom. She did them three times."

"My bedroom was at the top of the stairs. So of course she'd end up doing the hallway, too."

"And they always knew. How did they always know?" Zach sighs.

"I think it's a girl thing."

"Or a mom thing," Zach adds. "I think he's gonna be okay. Trauma and disappointment aside."

"I think you're right. There's gotta be someone out there willing to put up with him in a romantic capacity."

That's just such a perfect phrase for Zachary that Zach starts laughing quietly. "There must be. Someone. Somewhere out there. He's a good guy. He's just... Zachary."

"And he's a handful."

"Honestly? Even if he wasn't apparently dating Christopher Meloni? Adam'd probably kill him." And Zach is very, very careful to say that quietly. "So I don't know what he needs... or who he needs. I just wish he'd find someone because someone really is missing out there."

"Oh, Zach." Chris looks suddenly absolutely delighted, and he leans over and gives Zach a very long, lingering kiss. "You love him a lot and it makes me want you."

"That makes you want me?" Zach says, blinking a few times, dazed after the kiss. "Really?"

"Yes. A lot. Because you care and that's hot."

"I do care... he's my best friend. And the idea of being naked at the same time as him makes my head hurt a lot, but that's different."

"Well, I'm not saying you want to bone the guy," Chris says. "Just that... you're special, because you... care about people and... I want you to meet my parents."

"Yeah? You're ready for that? They're ready for that?" If Zach's a little scared at the idea? He's not letting it show.

"I'm ready for it."

"Then I want to. I really do. And at some point, if we get across the country, or they come to town, I'd love for you to meet mine," Zach says. It is different. Zach's parents have known he's gay for a long time now, so it's not quite the same as this. But even still--he knows that they'd want to meet Chris.

Chris grins. "I'd like that."

"Good... good, then good," Zach says. "Meeting the parents. I can totally do this."

"You'll charm the pants off them," Chris says with a big grin. Which quickly fades. "Not literally, I hope."

"No... no, I don't think... no, that would be very not appropriate. Everyone's pants stay on."

"Yes," Chris agrees, "they absolutely do."

"I think enough people who aren't you have seen my ass for one month."

"I think you're very right."

"So... parents. When?"

"Soonish? Next weekend?"

"I've got no plans besides things I was going to do with you."

"Which we can still do."

"Just not at their house," Zach says.

"No, that would be awkward."

"Something else I think we've done more than enough of for awhile," Zach sighs.

"Right. More than enough. Poor Zachary."

"Five bucks says I'm gonna get a call in the next month and he'll have accidentally handcuffed himself to his bed."

Chris frowns. "I'm not going to take that bet because I don't like entering wagers I'm sure to lose."

"Probably a good idea." Zach peers into the living room again. "Well, Pan looks happy."

Chris leans around him to look, too. "And Zachary looks morose. Maybe even melancholy. Miserable. Mournful." He pauses. "I think I've run out of synonyms that start with M."

"Maudlin," Zach adds. "He needs a nap, another meal or two, and a really, really long shower. Then we'll get my Zachary back."

"Maudlin. I'm so hot for you right now."

"Don't tempt me. There's a perfectly good kitchen counter right over there."

Chris licks Zach's ear. "Remember that night we were sharing dessert? We got all messy... there was pie and ice cream all over your shirt, so you had to take it off?" He rubs his hand down over Zach's belly and presses up behind him. "So I drizzled ice cream over your chest and licked it all up before I got down on my knees and sucked you off... until you made me get up, and you bent me over the counter and you fucked me so hard I almost screamed?"

Zach moans, barely--barely--managing to bite off the sound. Hell yes he remembers. "Chris, I swear, I will fuck you in front of God and Zachary and Pan and everyone," he warns him, voice rough.

"Zachary's asleep again," Chris whispers. He bites Zach's earlobe. "So's Pansy."

"I'm not kidding, baby... I'll have your pants down around your ankles so fast it'll make your head spin." Oh, they are both just asking for it. Zach blames Joshua Gomez.

Chris pushes his hand down the front of Zach's pants, and doesn't say a word.

Zach is up just that fast, tugging Chris around and kissing him hard, walking him back and pinning him up against the kitchen counter.

Chris moans, very softly, and wraps his arms around Zach's neck. "God, yeah."

"You want this, baby? Or were you just trying to see how fast I'd get up if you teased me just a little?" he whispers, licking at Chris's lips and kissing him again.

"I want this," Chris whispers, rubbing quite shamelessly against him. "I always want this."

"I know you do," Zach says, still whispering. "Can you be quiet? Don't want to wake Zachary this time. Do I need to gag you with a clean dishcloth?"

"Gag me?" Chris looks kind of intrigued by that. "I think I can be quiet..."

"You think?" Zach kisses him again, opening the drawer beside him and bringing out condoms, lube.... and a dishtowel. "Not sure? Why don't we find out, and if you can't... I'll just have to make you quiet," he murmurs, free hand sliding down the back of Chris's pants.

Chris nuzzles at Zach's neck. "Let's find out," he agrees in a soft voice. He gives Zach's neck a broad swipe of his tongue. Maybe he'll be noisy just to see if Zach'll really do it. To see if he likes it.

He abandons the supplies on the counter and works Chris's zipper down, pushing his pants down over his hips, kissing him the whole time. "Ask me," he whispers. "Whisper it to me, tell me what you want, please?"

Chris's hand moves to the back of Zach's neck. "I want you to fuck me," he whispers. "Bend me over, hold me down, fuck me hard."

Zach moans against his mouth and kisses him again, dragging it out until they're both breathless, then pulling back and spinning Chris around, pushing him down against the counter and urging his legs open wider.

Chris glances over his shoulder at Zach. "C'mon, baby. Do it. Do me. You want it. Take it. Fuck me."

You dirty little MINX! Zach hides a groan, eyes getting dark and dangerous as he lowers his own zipper, stroking his cock a few times before he's reaching for the condom and rolling it on. Once that's done, he can get back to Chris without distraction, pushing down against the small of his back and pinning him against the counter, fingers of his free hand slicked with lube and twisting inside him without another word.

Chris throws his head back with a moan. He hadn't even meant to let it out, but oh, fuck, he couldn't even stop it if he'd wanted to. Zach's fingers find that spot inside, and Chris's knees almost buckle, and that's the cause. That's what did it. He shoves his head back. "More," he gasps.

"So much for being quiet," Zach murmurs, reaching for the dishcloth and twisting it up, or as well as he can with one hand. "Bite down, baby, says, offering it to Chris. "You need me to stop, knock that over," he says, putting the honey bear just within Chris's reach... and dragging his fingers over his prostate again.

Chris takes the dishtowel between his teeth. It muffles the next moan that comes out of him, and he drops his head forward this time as his hands curl into fists. This? Is hot. This is really fucking hot.

Zach's determined not to hurt Chris, but he knows that neither of them can wait any longer than absolutely necessary, so he preps him quick and dirty, as fast as he possibly can. Slicking his cock with the lube that's leftover, he pulls his hand away and pushes inside, slow, too damned slow, biting back a groan the whole way in.

"Oh my god, don't you two ever stop!"

Chris knocks over the honey bear without even meaning to.

"Fuck!" Zach's voice came out incredibly high pitched. He doesn't move.. except to drop his head forward and not look at Chris. "Don't you ever SLEEP?"

"My headache came back and I need more Tylenol," Zachary says, plaintively. If either Chris or Zach had bothered to look, they'd see him with his hand covering his eyes as he gropes around on the table for the bottle, the last place he remembers seeing it. "Oh my god, oh my god, there's anal sex going on in here."

Chris cradles his head on his arms. He's going to die of blushing.

"Oh, whatever, you say that like you've never had a dick up your ass," Zach points out. Not. Moving. GOD.

"I've got what I need, you can go back to your butt fucking." Zachary flees.

Chris is shaking.

The words that Zach is saying aren't at all polite. "Chris? Want a raincheck?"

Chris starts shaking even more.

"Chris? Baby?" Okay, Zach's really worried now, so he eases out of him and turns Chris around. "Are... are you laughing?"

Chris finally takes the dishtowel out of his mouth, and uses one of the ends to wipe the tears from his face. "OH my god."

Zach tugs Chris's pants back up over his hips, grinning and shaking his head. "I thought you were freaking out!"

Chris shakes his head. He's still laughing. "I'm sorry. Oh my god. That was... I should've known... but I just wanted to do that so much."

"It's okay--really, it's okay," Zach says, laughing too. "It'll remind Zachary to learn to hold his alcohol, and it'll be sure to get Josh well and truly punished, for everything Zachary had to suffer this weekend."

"The uncontrollable weeping, the hangover, the walking in on his best friend having sex... twice."

"He's going to be like Milo. He'll never, ever drink again. Milo gets drunk, he thinks he deflowers Hayden. Zachary gets drunk, he has to see us having sex. Twice."

"His life is difficult," Chris says dryly.

"I think my life is difficult!" Zach complains, eyes wicked. "I had to stop!"

Chris steps closer, then leans in and whispers in his ear. "Then we'll just have to try again tonight."

"With or without the gag?" Zach murmurs.

Chris licks his lip, then smiles slowly. "With."

"Good. 'Cause I can do a hell of a lot better than a dishtowel," Zach whispers to him. "Wanna go join Zachary for his movie?"

"You don't think we'll traumatise him by being in the same room with him?"

"I think he's going to be traumatised regardless of where we happen to be. We might as well get him used to looking us in the face again," Zach shrugs, getting rid of the condom and lube and going to wash his hands.

"Hey, Zach?"

"Yeah," Zach turns back and smiles.

"What do you have in the house that I can make for dinner and dessert that'll make Zachary forget all his troubles?"

Zach holds up his hand, counting off with his fingers. "First? Something with an obscene amount of cheese. Second? Something with an obscene amount of chocolate."

"Do we still have that frozen pizza crust in the freezer?"

"Uh... you know, yeah. I think so," Zach nods. "I don't think I used it."

"Then I'll make him the cheesiest pizza he's ever had, and chocolate mousse for dessert." He drapes his arms over Zach's shoulders. "Think that'll get me back in his good graces?"

"I think you'll be his new best friend," Zach says, kissing Chris. "And my best boyfriend ever."

"Then it's a deal. Now let's go traumatise him for a little. We can hold hands." Chris laughs and tugs Zach along to the living room.

Zach just laughs and lets Chris pull him along. Huge, huge grin on his face the whole way there.